“Someone recently told me that I'm a good man.” His eyes rest on Mist and Hank's grateful smile is blown away by a deep sigh. He runs his hands through his hair and stares down wearily for a moment before looking up. “I appreciate the complement, and I'm glad for any small way that I might make this world a better place.” He offers a grim smile before continuing.
“You see I used to think I was a good man. Exceptional, talented, noble... It's easy to think you're good when your life is easy. Truth be told I was a vain and selfish youth and one night... I witnessed an act of brutality, and I did nothing. I only watched frozen in fear and dread, and I determined then and there that there was no god, no goodness, no justice...
There was only power. The strong and the weak, hunters and prey, abusers and abused. In fear, guilt, and rage I decided I would never let what happened to the poor soul I witnessed that night happen to me. I decided I would be the hunter, so I dedicated myself to the worship of power. I wandered the land - inventing a new identity in every town - living by my ability to manipulate others. I sought out elf masters and eastern mystics. I became the best... and I killed so many people – for money – for spite – for sport – just to prove that I was the best – to kill the guilt that kept eating at me – to justify my god of power.”
“My uncle Vari always said, 'You know you can run on for a long time, but sooner or later God will cut you down.' I went back to confront him to prove that he was wrong. I ranted and raved about how stupid his religion was and how powerful I had become. He just listened and looked at me with his hard wet golden eyes.
Then he said, “'Hank, my boy. Don't be a God ****** fool. Grow up! All I see is a child. Scared of pain. Scared of people. Scared of freedom. Sacred of love.'”
"It was like a sword went through my heart. I just looked at him dumbfounded."
“He motioned to the front of the family chapel. 'Look up there, son.'” Hank looks up at the crucified humanoid behind him. “He continued, 'That's love, my boy. To love is to suffer. To give oneself for others even when they hurt you -even when they hate you. You think you've suffered. No one suffers more than our God. No one loves more. He triumphs through his suffering. His weakness is stronger than the highest powers all of hell can devise, so spare me your candy*** conspiracy theories about vampire slavers and sophomoric lectures about the will to power. You don't have to be a genius to see that the path of lightning is ********. Look at what it does to the angels. You'll end up an implacable tyrant or a dissolute maniac or both if you keep going down that path.'”
“I remember saying, 'But God's abandoned us.'”
Hank smiles. “Vari answered, 'Pfft! Don't you have the blood of saints coursing through your veins, boy? Is the sunrise still beautiful? Do the flowers still bloom? Does breath give rise to speech? Who do you think keeps all of this running? He may be quiet, Hank, but He's not gone.'”
“'But he hates me,' I replied.”
“My Uncle answered, 'That's just your conscience trying to get revenge on you for the sins you've committed. You're just projecting you're self-hatred on Him. It's a devlish corruption of your moral nature that feeds that lie. He is love. He'll never not love you. He'll kill himself to forgive you if you ask. He'll take your sins, clean you up, and breathe His life into you.'”
“'But I hate him.' I confessed.”
“Uncle Vari knodded sagely, 'Well, what do you expect when you've been following the doctrines of devils, Hank, but to be honest I do too sometimes, my boy. He's not threatened by that. You just need to talk it out.'”
Hank looks back at the congregation. “And so we did. Me, my uncle, and the Almighty talked it out, and I found new life and new purpose in loving Him and loving others. That's why I'm here. That's why we face the suffering in the world. That's why we forgive each other. That's why we spend our life for justice and mercy for those who need it most. It's because of Him."
"And one life at a time we'll rescue those trapped by death and restore those broken by injustice. So if you ever feel lost or alone or you're too far gone. Remember, it's a lie. We're here for you, and He's here for you. We're all in this together. Don't be surprised if you face people like I was and still am sometimes - people full of fear and anger. It means you're making progress. Thank you for suffering their mockery and scorn, and thank you for suffering my faults. Let us remember as we go out today that God has not given us a spirit of fear. He's given us a spirit of love, of power, and of sound mind, and even if the powers of hell kill us, they can't stop us.”
Hank cues the music.
DiamondsTogetherNever Alone