Min/Max Boards

Meta Board => Off Topic Fun => Topic started by: sirpercival on February 24, 2012, 07:17:06 PM

Title: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: sirpercival on February 24, 2012, 07:17:06 PM
I think I might win the thread already:

"Let's all LARP with FATAL."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: X-Codes on February 24, 2012, 07:21:43 PM
Worse:

"Let's all LARP with sirpercival!"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on February 24, 2012, 07:30:26 PM
"My Mom just got naked."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Nicklance on February 24, 2012, 07:33:31 PM
"I am sleep deprived"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: sirpercival on February 24, 2012, 08:18:06 PM
Worse:

"Let's all LARP with sirpercival!"

Hey!  :P
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: littha on February 24, 2012, 08:24:50 PM
"Monks are too strong. Banned"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Prime32 on February 24, 2012, 09:25:55 PM
"Only I use these dice."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: sirpercival on February 24, 2012, 09:31:42 PM
"You're facing a Cheetos Elemental"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on February 24, 2012, 09:40:40 PM
"My Penis is named Hugo."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Prime32 on February 24, 2012, 09:55:31 PM
"We're testing my fumble rules."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Jackinthegreen on February 24, 2012, 09:58:49 PM
I think I might win the thread already:

"Let's all LARP with FATAL."

"Let's LARP with BOEF."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: ariasderros on February 24, 2012, 10:04:04 PM
Savage Species is not banned.

I've made some new monsters.

Meet my new favorite DMPC.

My SO will be joining.

Tonight: "Bunnies and burrows / Paranoia Crossover" (Okay, could be really cool.)

(not 5 words, but I've had this happen, it went as bad as you'd imagine)
"Hey, we're going to have these three guys join us I met at a LA Vampire game"
(*shudder*, the emo potheads.)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: xaotiq1 on February 24, 2012, 10:07:47 PM
"25 point buy, no casters"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on February 24, 2012, 10:07:59 PM
"My poop has gained sentience."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: ariasderros on February 24, 2012, 10:26:00 PM
(click to show/hide)

"Everyone must take the VoP"

"It's an all-monk campaign"

"Tonight: Spelljammer gets to Eberron"

"let's do a mixed OWoD"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: sirpercival on February 24, 2012, 10:29:31 PM
"Then Nerull starts the striptease..."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: ariasderros on February 24, 2012, 10:39:32 PM
"Then Nerull starts the striptease..."

"... and Vecna joins the dance..."

"... With Orcus as the DJ"

(note do Club Villain (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sB2BKdgSW4U) in game at some point)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on February 24, 2012, 11:22:16 PM
(click to show/hide)



Seriously?  :twitch


"Vow of Poverty is Mandatory."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: ariasderros on February 24, 2012, 11:59:35 PM
@ bhu
(click to show/hide)

"Everyone must take the VoP"
"Vow of Poverty is Mandatory."
First


"Because I am the DM"

"Rocks fall, you all die"

"It is called fiat guys"

Tonight: "Adventures designed by Ed Greenwood"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: muktidata on February 25, 2012, 12:00:02 AM
"Tome of Battle is banned."  :banghead
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: brujon on February 25, 2012, 09:59:39 AM
"This is the last session" not fun when it's over ;/
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: wotmaniac on February 25, 2012, 10:30:39 AM
"You meet in a tavern"   :blink

"I want to run 4e"

"I don't care about rules"

"I love critical fumble tables"

Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Halinn on February 25, 2012, 10:49:20 AM
"Skills can now critically fumble."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: ariasderros on February 25, 2012, 11:23:28 AM
"He casts Irresistible Mage's Disjunction"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Halinn on February 25, 2012, 11:36:34 AM
"How about we play FATAL?"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Libertad on February 25, 2012, 01:24:40 PM
"Supernatural fighters are too Anime!"
~DM after reading the Tome of Battle

"Min-maxing is a player problem."
~Guardians of Order's RPG Game Manifesto

"D&D is a roll-playing game!"
~Elitist Vampire fan's explanation for why he's not running a D&D game like he said he would.

"Pathfinder's promoting a far-left agenda!"
~Inexact quote from a gamer at Something Awful's grognards.txt, who objected to an Adventure Path on the basis that it included a homosexual Paladin.

"Homosexuals are usually Chaotic alignment."
~Another quote from the Pathfinder guy, explaining a restriction he utilizes in his home games.

"Female characters get -4 Strength."
~DM who wants "realistic female PCs."

"Min-maxers will be punished ruthlessly!"
~DM in an online game, who thinks that a high Str, low Int Barbarian counts as disruptive min-maxing.

"I model Orcs after [insert real-world ethnic group here]."
~DM who doesn't realize that he's making his players very uncomfortable.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: ariasderros on February 25, 2012, 02:41:28 PM
"The final boss is Pun-pun."

"The story is all Giovanni." (Toredor would be just as bad)

"new guys are Brazilian Cops" :)

Tonight: "Adventures designed by Gary Gygax" (I will so go Tomb of Horrors on my PC's someday)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: oslecamo on February 25, 2012, 02:59:39 PM
100% true ones:

"Rogues can only sneak attack with daggers."

"But not with off-hand daggers."

"And cannot flank creatures more than two size bigger than themselves."

"Meet my DMPC party"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: SleepyShadow on February 25, 2012, 05:22:35 PM
"I'm DMing, you buy pizza."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: JohnnyMayHymn on February 25, 2012, 07:27:54 PM
"No multiclassing, we'll get confused"

"My girlfriend wants to play"

"My little pony rule-34 campaign"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: RobbyPants on February 25, 2012, 07:30:18 PM
It's an all elves campaign.

"You meet in a tavern"   :blink

"I want to run 4e"

"I don't care about rules"

"I love critical fumble tables"
You win.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on February 25, 2012, 07:40:28 PM
"Where are my anti-depressant meds?"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: dipolartech on February 25, 2012, 08:12:22 PM
"Here, hold my beer...."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Halinn on February 25, 2012, 08:44:30 PM
Fighters and Monks are overpowered.

No Psionics. It confuses me.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Libertad on February 25, 2012, 10:30:18 PM
"You'll get to meet Elminster!"
~Worst thing to hear in an FR game for a female PC.

"I love killing your PCs!"

"We're doing no-magic, core only."

"Does a 35 seduce you?"

"The DM is God, agree/disagree?"

"The PCs should be bystanders."
~Defense of bad adventures where all the important stuff is done by NPCs.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on February 25, 2012, 11:54:12 PM
"You see 12 Ogres.  Naked."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Raven2049 on February 26, 2012, 05:29:05 AM
BoEF is only book allowed.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: JohnnyMayHymn on February 26, 2012, 11:28:29 AM
"BoEF, Rule-34, LARP, massage oil"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Halinn on February 26, 2012, 05:10:46 PM
"You'll get to meet Elminster!"
~Worst thing to hear in an FR game for a female PC.

"You'll meet rule 63 Elminster!"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Libertad on February 26, 2012, 05:51:02 PM
"You'll meet rule 63 Elminster!"

Actually, meeting Elminster in-game can be frightening regardless of PC gender; bad DMs the world over turn him into God Mode Sue. (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/GodModeSue)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: ariasderros on February 26, 2012, 07:00:33 PM
"Tonight: we plan Bella's wedding"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: SleepyShadow on February 26, 2012, 07:19:35 PM
"Who likes Tomb of Horrors?"

"Temple of Elemental Evil rocks!"

"Anyone here remember Candle Cove?"

"You're playing Commoners. Anyone complaining?"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: sirpercival on February 26, 2012, 07:27:41 PM
"Tonight: we plan Bella's wedding"

:lmao

"You get minimum hit points."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: RobbyPants on February 26, 2012, 08:46:34 PM
"I don't use social Skills."

"I'm more of a storyteller."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Tempest on February 27, 2012, 06:43:14 AM
"Better start rolling new characters."

"That's not a red mountain."

"The skull looks at you."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Prime32 on February 27, 2012, 07:14:44 AM
"It increases realism for fighters."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: zugschef on February 27, 2012, 07:24:07 AM
"You get minimum hit points."
LOL
my favorite so far xD
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Halinn on February 27, 2012, 10:30:24 AM
"Blasting spells are overpowered"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Prime32 on February 27, 2012, 10:58:37 AM
"Disobeying evil rules? Chaotic. Fall."
"Obeying evil rules? Evil. Fall."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on February 27, 2012, 11:51:08 AM
"We're calling Drow 'Darkie Elves'."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: sirpercival on February 27, 2012, 11:57:23 AM
"PC: the other white meat."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Libertad on February 27, 2012, 02:43:38 PM
"Elves are better than you."

"I want a realistic game."

"Alignment's determined by a d20."

"Roll to save versus orgasm."

"Women can Barbarian Rage 1/month."
~An actual rule in a 3rd-party supplement.  The Greenland Saga: The Lost Norse Colony.

Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on February 27, 2012, 07:52:51 PM
"I finally killed mom today."

or other optional inserted relative/peer
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: zugschef on February 27, 2012, 09:38:19 PM
"Roll to save versus orgasm."
LOOOL
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: veekie on February 29, 2012, 08:22:39 PM
"Don't worry I'll just improvise."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Prime32 on February 29, 2012, 08:28:40 PM
"No, that is too anime."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: ImperatorK on February 29, 2012, 08:32:46 PM
"I'm pregnant with Steve's your baby."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on February 29, 2012, 09:18:31 PM
"I was diagnosed bipolar today."

Alternate two word variant:

"FUCK medication!"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: sirpercival on February 29, 2012, 09:20:08 PM
"Porno in character, starring Evard"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: veekie on February 29, 2012, 10:39:03 PM
"Porno in character, starring Evard"
"Evard and Bigby did that"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on February 29, 2012, 10:53:20 PM
"What the Hell is MRSA?"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: SorO_Lost on March 02, 2012, 08:26:28 PM

"Meet Ichigo, he's a Shinigami."
When meeting a new NPC.

"Insert a quarter to continue."
After you die, horribly and unfairly.

"Familiars are very over powered."
DM on balance.

"This game needs more cowbell."
DM hooked on the wrong wiki.

"Barkeep has six Divine Ranks"
DM on NPC interaction in the local tavern.

"You see 0 invisible traps"
DM on Search results.

"Shut up, we're not friends."
DM on teamwork.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Libertad on March 02, 2012, 10:59:32 PM
"Religious people have Intelligence caps."
~Aggressively atheist DM I had the misfortune of hearing about.

"And the same for women."
At which point the game table devolved into a flame war.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: littha on March 02, 2012, 11:10:17 PM
"Stats are 3d6, in order"
-Something one of my DMs actually said, after you chose your class too... I ended up playing a Druid with 4 Wis. I was still better than most of the rest of the party even without the spellcasting.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on March 02, 2012, 11:45:45 PM
"Fighters Don't need magic items."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: JohnnyMayHymn on March 02, 2012, 11:48:11 PM
"Now, roll for anal circumference..."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: phaedrusxy on March 03, 2012, 12:02:30 AM
That's what your Mom said.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: ariasderros on March 04, 2012, 12:49:31 AM
"Now, roll for anal circumference..."

"Next Session: Meet the Arseplomancer"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Balmas on March 04, 2012, 10:30:18 AM
"Sorry.  You can't do that."

"The DM is your God."

"Guess what I just rolled."

Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on March 04, 2012, 02:27:15 PM
"Fuck gaming, lets talk politics."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Surreal on March 04, 2012, 05:46:56 PM
Actual lines from DMs...

"you critically fumble your loincloth"

"no dragonborn, they're too overpowered"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: RobbyPants on March 04, 2012, 07:52:35 PM
"Core only. It's more balanced."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Libertad on March 05, 2012, 01:02:27 AM
"Core only. It's more balanced."

"Core only.  I hate munchkins."

"Core only.  Wizards > Fighters."

"Druids aren't overpowered, silly goose!"

"My adventures contain S&M.  Problems?"

"Dominate Person.  Now remove clothes."

"Dragon sex is so hot!"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Jackinthegreen on March 10, 2012, 02:52:05 AM
"Let me use my calculator..."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on March 10, 2012, 12:02:10 PM
"Elves are Gay.  No exceptions."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: ariasderros on March 10, 2012, 12:07:03 PM
I'm going to say this in both threads.

Anything on Mr. Welch's list.


(It is 5 words, just not a quote in and of itself.)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: InnaBinder on March 11, 2012, 09:00:03 PM
"Let's play Spawn of Fashan!"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: McBeardly on March 12, 2012, 04:38:36 AM
"No splatbooks, they are overpowered"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: The_Laughing_Man on March 13, 2012, 01:12:41 PM
"Flying is not allowed."

"It's more balanced this way."

"There is no teleportation either."

"Prestidigation is op. It's out."

"These spells are banned."

"No ropetricking. Camp by the fire."

"Bag of holding is banned."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Lars on March 19, 2012, 09:38:07 AM
"The final boss is Pun-pun."

"The story is all Giovanni." (Toredor would be just as bad)

"new guys are Brazilian Cops" :)

Tonight: "Adventures designed by Gary Gygax" (I will so go Tomb of Horrors on my PC's someday)

Why brazilian cops are bad!
(like in legendary bad)
(click to show/hide)

Thanks for reminding me of that story
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: ariasderros on March 19, 2012, 09:50:24 AM
yep, that was the joke.

There is a thread here with a lot of those stories.

"...and suddenly, thousands of cat-girls!"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: phaedrusxy on March 19, 2012, 10:13:37 AM
"The final boss is Pun-pun."
Yeah, I'm rather looking forward to that one.  (http://www.minmaxboards.com/index.php?board=46.0) :D
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: littha on March 19, 2012, 03:55:48 PM
"...and suddenly, thousands of cat-girls!"

Sounds like something Bhu would say...
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Monotremeancer on March 19, 2012, 06:17:28 PM
"...and suddenly, thousands of cat-girls!"

Sounds like something Bhu would say...
Speaking of which

"bhu came up with it"

Would fill me with horror and great anticipation at the same time
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: ariasderros on March 19, 2012, 06:22:18 PM
"...and suddenly, thousands of cat-girls!"

Sounds like something Bhu would say...
Speaking of which

"bhu came up with it"

Would fill me with horror and great anticipation at the same time

+Infinite.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: awaken_D_M_golem on March 19, 2012, 06:26:43 PM

 :twitch ... I understand something awaken_D_M_golem said.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on March 19, 2012, 06:30:14 PM
Hey now!

I am a perfectly normal kitty, with no mental deficiencies of any kind  :D

really i swear...
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Monotremeancer on March 19, 2012, 06:35:02 PM
Hey now!

I am a perfectly normal kitty, with no mental deficiencies of any kind  :D

really i swear...
-_-' :whistle Ehm... sure I mean it's not like I'm trying to imply something like tha... Oh look! A flying sausage!*runs off*
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: ariasderros on March 19, 2012, 06:37:08 PM
Yes but most of your stuff should only be used in context. Out of Context, it can ruin a session. Also, we should be careful about the references to people here, someone might use it as an excuse to flame.

"I don't understand CR, but..."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Dizco on March 19, 2012, 07:24:31 PM
Spot Checks... That's no moon.

Fucking Kobolds on dire weasels...

Druids need more power though.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: ariasderros on March 19, 2012, 07:28:57 PM
Dragonwrought Kobolds on dire weasels...

FTFY.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Dizco on March 19, 2012, 07:40:10 PM
Dragonwrought Kobolds on dire weasels...

FTFY.

We were level one... And a mainly melee party. We sucked it hard that match. So next session, what does he do? Throws twice as many at us. And these kobolds used a lot of traps. It was a difficult battle.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on March 20, 2012, 04:17:19 PM
Yes but most of your stuff should only be used in context. Out of Context, it can ruin a session. Also, we should be careful about the references to people here, someone might use it as an excuse to flame.

"I don't understand CR, but..."

It's ok i don't offend too easily...  :D
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: awaken_D_M_golem on March 20, 2012, 06:31:46 PM

... Oh look! A flying sausage!



My water just broke again.


Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: sirpercival on March 20, 2012, 06:57:48 PM

... Oh look! A flying sausage!



My water just broke again.

"I'm crowning!  Now roll initiative."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Dizco on March 20, 2012, 07:08:06 PM
So I read this forum...

I had a dream today.

Dragons are clearly sexual creatures...

One time at bard camp...

Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Libertad on March 21, 2012, 01:11:45 AM
"Yiffing is a natural thing."

"I'm not kidding, magic's real!"

"I once killed a guy."

"You're not a real role-player!"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Monotremeancer on March 21, 2012, 03:48:22 AM
"Jack Chick taught me something"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on March 21, 2012, 01:04:21 PM
"I found this thingie online."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Lars on March 22, 2012, 09:27:44 AM
I have my own dmpc
(said in to many games ive played in)

I dont have enough dices
(owod cheating gm)


Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: JohnnyMayHymn on March 24, 2012, 02:18:03 PM
PrC's cost 400 wizard points
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: ariasderros on March 24, 2012, 02:20:40 PM
PrC's cost 400 wizard points

Funny, but I'd wait until we find out, officially, what that is talking about.

"But, the errata says that..."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Endarire on May 21, 2012, 05:47:24 AM
"It's from the D&D Wiki."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: linklord231 on May 28, 2012, 06:14:25 AM
"I enforce multiclassing penalties."

"So I didn't plan anything..."

"Nine Hells adventure.  No casters."

"Random encounter!  Rolled the Tarrasque."  <-- This one happened to me when the party was level 7. 
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Balmas on June 25, 2012, 06:11:43 AM
Everyone, roll vs. Death effect.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: sirpercival on June 25, 2012, 06:15:58 AM
"Random encounter!  Rolled the Tarrasque."  <-- This one happened to me when the party was level 7.

Oh, you guys were probably fine.  Did you have a Druid or a Totemist?  Wild Empathy all the way!
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: betrayor on June 25, 2012, 06:20:39 AM
Or fly and pelt it from safe distance...
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on June 26, 2012, 06:31:28 PM
"Fuck it.  I'm gettin' nekkid."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: sirpercival on June 26, 2012, 06:38:38 PM
"Fuck it.  I'm gettin' nekkid."

This could be good or bad, depending on the DM.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Wrex on June 26, 2012, 06:46:14 PM
Im more of a storyteller.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Bozwevial on June 26, 2012, 06:48:01 PM
"I was reading GNS theory..."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: JohnnyMayHymn on June 27, 2012, 01:45:36 AM
"Campaign cessation for Fantasy Football..."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: linklord231 on June 27, 2012, 01:46:43 PM
"Random encounter!  Rolled the Tarrasque."  <-- This one happened to me when the party was level 7.

Oh, you guys were probably fine.  Did you have a Druid or a Totemist?  Wild Empathy all the way!

Nope.  We had a Cleric.  Everybody else was a non caster.  We hid. 

"Core books only, splats are overpowered"
"No, you can't do that"
"How do attack rolls work?"
"Crit fumble?  Lemme check the chart"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Pencil on June 27, 2012, 03:35:20 PM
" we normally don`t use dices" (6 words but w/e...)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: RobbyPants on June 28, 2012, 01:37:53 PM
"I was reading GNS theory..."
Wins thread.


" we normally don`t use dices" (6 words but w/e...)
Looks like five to me.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Pencil on June 28, 2012, 02:48:11 PM
don`t = do not
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: linklord231 on June 28, 2012, 03:01:35 PM
Pshh, half of mine are 6 words.  Unless you don't count things like "the" or "of" as real words.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: brujon on August 07, 2012, 02:34:27 PM
"I was reading BOEF  today and..."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Libertad on August 07, 2012, 06:53:51 PM
"PCs must all be catgirls."

"Big boobs give +4 Charisma."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Shadeseraph on August 09, 2012, 03:34:14 PM
"I've got some new ideas..."

After watching Bokurano. For me, most memorable game ever. For my players too, though not for the same reasons.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: darqueseid on August 09, 2012, 03:58:32 PM
Real quotes from my worst dm:

"Core' allowed, because it's balanced"

"Core has been extensively playtested"

"You must sacrifice three characters" (as in permanent sacrifices)

"20 point stats are Overpowered"

"no, your already Overpowered"

and the worst 5 words any DM can say (also a direct quote):

"No, because I said so"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on August 09, 2012, 06:46:46 PM
"LOOK AT MAH JIGGLY BUTT!" (http://www.illwillpress.com/jigg.html)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: ariasderros on August 10, 2012, 10:55:27 AM
"LOOK AT MAH JIGGLY BUTT!" (http://www.illwillpress.com/jigg.html)

Favorite bard ever sang "Squirrel-y wrath" as Bardic Wrath at the BBEG in order to Inspire my allies.

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: RobbyPants on August 20, 2012, 07:40:27 AM
"Heavily house-ruled second edition."

(I just got myself into one of these games, but given the context, I'm hoping it will be fun.)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: InnaBinder on August 20, 2012, 09:29:12 AM
"Heavily house-ruled second edition."

(I just got myself into one of these games, but given the context, I'm hoping it will be fun.)
Is there any other way to play 2E?   :P
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Libertad on August 24, 2012, 01:08:06 AM
"You're all polymorphed into Gnomes."

"The dragon's treasure was metaphorical."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: nijineko on August 24, 2012, 02:20:33 AM
rocks fall, you all die.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Captnq on August 24, 2012, 03:31:17 AM
Okay, DC Fourteen to swallow.




Feel the fridge horror.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Nedz on October 04, 2012, 10:51:26 PM
"Your character wouldn't do that"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: linklord231 on October 04, 2012, 11:12:32 PM
Congrats, you win.  Game over.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Libertad on October 04, 2012, 11:45:31 PM
The ogre's penis is huge.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: ariasderros on June 11, 2013, 11:05:01 PM
"Campaign's based on my doujin."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Libertad on June 12, 2013, 12:05:50 AM
"My campaign's not politically correct."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: zook1shoe on June 12, 2013, 01:51:56 AM
Suddenly evil tinky winky appears!
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: brujon on June 12, 2013, 12:11:33 PM
"My girlfriend just left me" -> Right before the start of a major BBEG fight.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: ariasderros on June 12, 2013, 12:19:25 PM
"(The) End boss is Witchy Poo."

[As the NPC coming over the hill, to the tune of the Smurfs theme.]
"I'm gonna rape your ass..."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: nijineko on June 12, 2013, 12:44:53 PM
actual quote: "sure, you can do that." (big grin)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Chrononaut on June 12, 2013, 09:53:21 PM
'Welp, roll to not survive'

I had to say that once.

He didn't.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Libertad on June 12, 2013, 11:40:16 PM
"You don't see anything unusual."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: sirpercival on June 12, 2013, 11:46:59 PM
"My name's Sean K. Reynolds"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: zook1shoe on June 12, 2013, 11:50:43 PM
(The) army of the 12 monkeys!
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on June 13, 2013, 12:03:51 AM
"This is my sidekick, Pookie."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: phaedrusxy on June 13, 2013, 12:11:31 AM
"My name's Sean K. Reynolds"
:lmao :lol Thread over.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: ShadowViper on June 14, 2013, 08:04:56 PM
"My name's Sean K. Reynolds"
:lmao :lol Thread over.

 :???
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: nijineko on June 14, 2013, 10:55:36 PM
"My name's Sean K. Reynolds"
:lmao :lol Thread over.

 :???

http://www.seankreynolds.com/ (http://www.seankreynolds.com/)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sean_K._Reynolds (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sean_K._Reynolds)
http://paizo.com/people/SeanKReynolds (http://paizo.com/people/SeanKReynolds)


Educate thyself... ^^
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: ariasderros on June 15, 2013, 11:22:20 AM
After players all roll low on spot / listen, or various social rolls:
"You REALLY should've taken 10"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: ShadowViper on June 17, 2013, 01:40:51 AM
"My name's Sean K. Reynolds"
:lmao :lol Thread over.

 :???

http://www.seankreynolds.com/ (http://www.seankreynolds.com/)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sean_K._Reynolds (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sean_K._Reynolds)
http://paizo.com/people/SeanKReynolds (http://paizo.com/people/SeanKReynolds)


Educate thyself... ^^

Short version?  :p
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: RobbyPants on June 17, 2013, 07:44:03 AM
Short version?  :p
A designer of D&D who doesn't know much about D&D. Take a look at his feat point system (http://www.seankreynolds.com/rpgfiles/misc/featpointsystem.html) to get an idea of how little he understands the game. The guy rates Quicken Spell and Natural Spell at 5 points each and Skill Focus at 10 points. He literally thinks getting Skill Focus is as good as getting Quicken Spell and Natural Spell for your Druid.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: nijineko on June 17, 2013, 11:31:31 AM
Short version?  :p
A designer of D&D who doesn't know much about D&D. Take a look at his feat point system (http://www.seankreynolds.com/rpgfiles/misc/featpointsystem.html) to get an idea of how little he understands the game. The guy rates Quicken Spell and Natural Spell at 5 points each and Skill Focus at 10 points. He literally thinks getting Skill Focus is as good as getting Quicken Spell and Natural Spell for your Druid.

thanks for the link. i decided to challenge him on it, we'll see what he says.

his proposed deconstruction was interesting, regarding natural spell and quicken, he notes that from a design perspective they are limited to and only apply to specific classes, as opposed skill focus which can be used by everyone. also, in the case of quicken, it is limited by what level one is in addition to class. however, i think that while that is one valid viewpoint, the end result upon the game of said feats also needs to be taken into consideration. for example, skill focus on climb or jump = not much. skill focus on bluff or diplomacy = noticeable effect. skill focus on UMD = very noticeable to huge effect. quicken spell = huge effect. natural spell = huge effect. and so on.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Captnq on June 17, 2013, 01:54:40 PM
his proposed deconstruction was interesting, regarding natural spell and quicken, he notes that from a design perspective they are limited to and only apply to specific classes, as opposed skill focus which can be used by everyone. also, in the case of quicken, it is limited by what level one is in addition to class. however, i think that while that is one valid viewpoint, the end result upon the game of said feats also needs to be taken into consideration. for example, skill focus on climb or jump = not much. skill focus on bluff or diplomacy = noticeable effect. skill focus on UMD = very noticeable to huge effect. quicken spell = huge effect. natural spell = huge effect. and so on.

He loves spellcasters and hates melee people, doesn't he?

I just showed your link to my Group Power Gamer. She said it was broken. SHE SAID IT WAS BROKEN. I mean, crap. That right there says it all. The follow up was basically:

Why make things complicated? Either make weak feats stronger or strong feats weaker. The more math to add, the more is annoys people. Do you think it's FUN keeping track of 18 pages of Character? I don't want to add MORE math that I need to keep track of.

And the party In-it-for-the-LOLZ said, "I could murder the crap out of the tarrasque at those prices."

Personally, I rate it: KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!

Feel free to quote me.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: zugschef on June 17, 2013, 02:01:43 PM
Short version?  :p
A designer of D&D who doesn't know much about D&D. Take a look at his feat point system (http://www.seankreynolds.com/rpgfiles/misc/featpointsystem.html) to get an idea of how little he understands the game. The guy rates Quicken Spell and Natural Spell at 5 points each and Skill Focus at 10 points. He literally thinks getting Skill Focus is as good as getting Quicken Spell and Natural Spell for your Druid.
that list is insane.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: RobbyPants on June 17, 2013, 02:16:32 PM
thanks for the link. i decided to challenge him on it, we'll see what he says.

his proposed deconstruction was interesting, regarding natural spell and quicken, he notes that from a design perspective they are limited to and only apply to specific classes, as opposed skill focus which can be used by everyone. also, in the case of quicken, it is limited by what level one is in addition to class.
The worst part is, he doesn't understand why that thinking is so stupid. By that logic, Greater Weapon Specialization is even more rare than Quicken Spell, in that only one class can take it, and at an even higher level. Never mind all the dead levels and other bad feats that have to get dumped into it.

I guess I'm getting off topic from the thread, but I think those five words would be some of the worst I could hear in a game. Although, I would give first place to the "your character wouldn't do that" line. ;)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Captnq on June 17, 2013, 02:29:09 PM
I guess I'm getting off topic from the thread, but I think those five words would be some of the worst I could hear in a game. Although, I would give first place to the "your character wouldn't do that" line. ;)

I'm going with "My name's Sean K. Reynolds"

And you are right, this is off topic. Let's open up a new thread. I propose the following titles.

Sean K. Reynolds: Worlds Biggest Troll or Just Cracked Out Of His Frickin' Mind?
or
Sean K. Reynolds: Should the Police Clamp A Boot On His Internet Connection?
or
Sean K. Reynolds: WTF? Sincerely, The Internet

Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Libertad on June 18, 2013, 08:15:04 PM
Don't forget, he hates the idea of players choosing Monk characters in Pathfinder and mechanically screws over options for the class.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: ShadowViper on June 19, 2013, 01:10:31 AM
Thank you for the explanation  :D
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: zook1shoe on June 19, 2013, 03:44:48 AM
"Suck my dick for XP?"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Libertad on June 19, 2013, 08:10:20 PM
"Suck my dick for XP?"

Is that meant to be phrased as a question?
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: zook1shoe on June 20, 2013, 12:42:38 AM
Yeah, meaning its optional
otherwise they can get it. The 'old fashioned' way :P
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: nijineko on June 20, 2013, 01:34:30 PM
Yeah, meaning its optional
otherwise they can get it. The 'old fashioned' way :P

bah. gardening is older.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Raineh Daze on June 20, 2013, 01:36:26 PM
Yeah, meaning its optional
otherwise they can get it. The 'old fashioned' way :P

bah. gardening is older.

"Plough My Fields For XP."

Insert suggestive winking.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: nijineko on June 20, 2013, 01:38:28 PM
Yeah, meaning its optional
otherwise they can get it. The 'old fashioned' way :P

bah. gardening is older.

"Plough My Fields For XP."

Insert suggestive winking.

hmmm, tending a garden is even older than ploughing fields, if you get right down to the root of the concept.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Raineh Daze on June 20, 2013, 01:41:20 PM
Yeah, meaning its optional
otherwise they can get it. The 'old fashioned' way :P

bah. gardening is older.

"Plough My Fields For XP."

Insert suggestive winking.

hmmm, tending a garden is even older than ploughing fields, if you get right down to the root of the concept.

'Tend my Garden' isn't as suggestive.

Though X my Y, regardless of X and Y, are always at least somewhat.

Confabulate my Hippodrome?
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Nanshork on June 20, 2013, 02:11:04 PM
Mmmm, hippodrome....
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: nijineko on June 20, 2013, 02:15:46 PM
'Tend my Garden' isn't as suggestive.

i think that depends on one's level of class.

and to twist my own pun: aristocrat 10 would probably find your comment quite handily suggestive, and as an added bonus would easily fit within the bounds of public propriety.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Concerned Ninja Citizen on June 20, 2013, 02:36:04 PM
Short version?  :p
A designer of D&D who doesn't know much about D&D. Take a look at his feat point system (http://www.seankreynolds.com/rpgfiles/misc/featpointsystem.html) to get an idea of how little he understands the game. The guy rates Quicken Spell and Natural Spell at 5 points each and Skill Focus at 10 points. He literally thinks getting Skill Focus is as good as getting Quicken Spell and Natural Spell for your Druid.

Leadership is 8 points.

That is all.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Libertad on June 20, 2013, 03:33:43 PM
To be fair, it was written really early in 3rd Edition history.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: RobbyPants on June 21, 2013, 07:51:45 AM
This thread is officially awesome. It's nothing but various euphemisms for sex (with a pinch of bribery added) and mocking Sean K. Reynolds. I approve.

To be fair, it was written really early in 3rd Edition history.
Third edition was already at least three years old when this was written, because Natural Spell is listed in there. This was written for at least 3.5. The worst overall trend is that crappy skill and combat feats cost 10 points (the cost of a "normal" feat), but most of the five-pointers are metamagic feats and other feats that are useful only to casters. So, the take home message from this system is that SKR thinks that casters need to get more feats for free; the types of feats that make them more powerful. We already knew casters were awesome on 2003.


Getting back on track:

"Tier 5 PCs are overpowered"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: JohnnyMayHymn on June 21, 2013, 08:20:39 AM
20 class gestalt starts tomorrow
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on June 21, 2013, 08:07:19 PM
I invited Gamer Zero over.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: linklord231 on June 21, 2013, 11:43:45 PM
I invited Gamer Zero over.

Harsh  :D.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Flay Crimsonwind on July 01, 2013, 07:53:45 PM
I invited Gamer Zero over.

Harsh  :D.
But true.

"I sacrificed power for flavor."

"Who took my pop tarts?"

"Can you RP that, please?"

"Which character is in front?"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: zook1shoe on July 01, 2013, 09:06:07 PM
We're using homebrew insanity rules!
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: phaedrusxy on July 02, 2013, 10:25:50 AM
"Roll to determine asshole diameter."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Raineh Daze on July 02, 2013, 10:40:03 AM
"Roll to determine asshole diameter."

"This is the best RP."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: zook1shoe on July 02, 2013, 10:49:11 AM
 :lmao
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: awaken_D_M_golem on July 02, 2013, 05:40:00 PM

I invited Gamer Zero over.

Harsh  :D.

But true.

Winner ...  :clap ... +1
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on July 03, 2013, 12:07:00 AM
"Mom...put your boob away..."  :banghead
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: phaedrusxy on July 15, 2013, 11:12:39 PM
"My mustache smells like cabbage."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: brujon on July 15, 2013, 11:34:06 PM
"Roll to determine asshole diameter."

"Today is FATAL, no clothing."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: sirpercival on July 16, 2013, 02:23:54 AM
"My mustache smells like cabbage."
"My cabbage smells like moustache."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: CaptRory on August 03, 2013, 10:35:19 PM
"I'm taking a month off."
"When's our next session? September."  :banghead
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: awaken_D_M_golem on August 07, 2013, 06:03:17 PM
New Guy's name:  "Magic Mike".


Unarmed Sword And Board Druid.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Jackinthegreen on August 07, 2013, 06:05:56 PM
"You're facing Mike the TV."

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Nanshork on August 07, 2013, 06:10:20 PM
"You'll love my new DMPC!"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on August 07, 2013, 07:14:22 PM
"One of us has ticks..."

*presents tick*
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Raineh Daze on August 07, 2013, 07:15:51 PM
"Oh, I'm your father, okay?"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Gazzien on August 14, 2013, 10:04:18 AM
"We're not using dice tonight."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Raineh Daze on August 14, 2013, 02:20:32 PM
"Did everyone remember the lube?"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: zook1shoe on August 27, 2014, 04:36:53 AM
I just dropped some acid...

(actually happened in my previous group)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: RobbyPants on August 27, 2014, 07:54:08 AM
"I made houserules for FATAL"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Raineh Daze on August 27, 2014, 08:03:36 AM
"I made houserules for FATAL"

Is there any conceivable way that could make it worse?
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Shadowhunter on August 27, 2014, 03:10:17 PM
"I made houserules for FATAL"

Is there any conceivable way that could make it worse?

It can always get worse. Maybe not by much. Practically difficult, but technically possible.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: linklord231 on August 27, 2014, 03:40:09 PM
Your contact's in the 'bathhouse'. 
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: RobbyPants on August 27, 2014, 09:26:28 PM
"I made houserules for FATAL"

Is there any conceivable way that could make it worse?

More detailed anal circumference rules?
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: ketaro on August 27, 2014, 09:29:29 PM
"I made houserules for FATAL"

Is there any conceivable way that could make it worse?

More detailed anal circumference rules?

How deep is your urethra?


Oh dear, I suddenly feel very dirty for trying to get in on this.......-_-'
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on August 27, 2014, 09:36:40 PM
"Who just touched my ass?"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: CaptRory on August 27, 2014, 10:12:51 PM
"Not a cat! Foaming Raccoon!"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Gazzien on August 28, 2014, 12:56:25 AM
"What was your HP, again?"
-actually said by my DM last session, prior to surviving off a 20% concealment chance
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Captnq on August 28, 2014, 01:01:20 AM
"I made houserules for FATAL"

Is there any conceivable way that could make it worse?

More detailed anal circumference rules?

For the WIN!

And with that, I go to wash my eyes out with bleach.
Goodnight and I hope you die screaming you sick bastard.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: SolEiji on August 28, 2014, 01:08:47 AM
Short version?  :p
A designer of D&D who doesn't know much about D&D. Take a look at his feat point system (http://www.seankreynolds.com/rpgfiles/misc/featpointsystem.html) to get an idea of how little he understands the game. The guy rates Quicken Spell and Natural Spell at 5 points each and Skill Focus at 10 points. He literally thinks getting Skill Focus is as good as getting Quicken Spell and Natural Spell for your Druid.

Leadership is 8 points.

That is all.

Oh wow, look at that link now.  He's taken it down and left a message.  The butthurt is strong in this one.

And for title of the thread...

"The Lady of Pain enters...."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: RobbyPants on August 28, 2014, 08:32:29 AM
A designer of D&D who doesn't know much about D&D. Take a look at his feat point system (http://www.seankreynolds.com/rpgfiles/misc/featpointsystem.html) to get an idea of how little he understands the game. The guy rates Quicken Spell and Natural Spell at 5 points each and Skill Focus at 10 points. He literally thinks getting Skill Focus is as good as getting Quicken Spell and Natural Spell for your Druid.

Leadership is 8 points.

That is all.

Oh wow, look at that link now.  He's taken it down and left a message.  The butthurt is strong in this one.

And for title of the thread...

"The Lady of Pain enters...."

Ahahahahaaaahhaa!

Yeah, he handled that in about the whineiest way possible.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on August 29, 2014, 02:36:16 AM
"My colostomy bag is missing"

"We're playtesting Hamster: The Nomening"

"I call it Gygax's Wonderland."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: wotmaniac on August 29, 2014, 03:12:29 AM
"Think 'Black Tokyo' meets 'RaHoWa'."



(no, I don't want to think about that)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Libertad on August 30, 2014, 06:00:20 PM

Ahahahahaaaahhaa!

Yeah, he handled that in about the whineiest way possible.

Perhaps, but seeing it from his perspective it can get soul-crushing if you're continually mocked and insulted for a variant ruleset you made a decade ago.  Even if it is a bad ruleset, a lot of game designers over the years made some really crappy stuff without it turning into an "everything that's wrong with their game design philosophy."

Anyway, contributing to the thread:

"Dick size determined by Constitution."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: sirpercival on August 30, 2014, 09:44:09 PM

Ahahahahaaaahhaa!

Yeah, he handled that in about the whineiest way possible.

Perhaps, but seeing it from his perspective it can get soul-crushing if you're continually mocked and insulted for a variant ruleset you made a decade ago.  Even if it is a bad ruleset, a lot of game designers over the years made some really crappy stuff without it turning into an "everything that's wrong with their game design philosophy."

Anyway, contributing to the thread:

"Dick size determined by Constitution."
Holy crap my Constitution is enormous.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: CaptRory on August 31, 2014, 01:37:57 AM
Elf Wizard: "Oh yeah? My brain is hung like a horse."
Bard: "No one cares what you're packin' pointy."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Raineh Daze on August 31, 2014, 11:15:27 AM
"Stats calculated by player 'size'."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Soft Insanity on August 31, 2014, 11:39:06 AM
"Pathfinder is totally balanced guys!"
"We're changing over to 5e!"
"I burned all your books!"
"No magic items except potions."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Raineh Daze on August 31, 2014, 11:46:07 AM
I would be perfectly fine with the second one. :lmao
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: awaken_D_M_golem on September 02, 2014, 05:35:49 PM
let's try 4th Edition again
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Raineh Daze on September 02, 2014, 05:36:54 PM
Tomb of Horrors, no paper.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: awaken_D_M_golem on September 02, 2014, 05:38:44 PM
lets try Core 3rd again


2nd Edition, but NO houserules
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Nanshork on September 02, 2014, 05:41:28 PM
Randomly generated characters for everyone!
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: sirpercival on September 02, 2014, 05:56:37 PM
Suddenly everyone's polymorphed into kender!

Oh wait, WORST 5 words, not BEST.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Nanshork on September 02, 2014, 06:08:40 PM
I've run into this one with a social skills character, thankfully that game didn't last long.  Also thankfully I'm good at unexpected improv.

"Rolls don't matter, roleplay it."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: JohnnyMayHymn on September 03, 2014, 01:34:39 AM
Tomb of Horrors, no paper.

they sort of did that for WTF! D&D (http://www.somethingawful.com/dungeons-and-dragons/wtf-tomb-horrors/1/) (<----there may be some NSFW language here)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: RobbyPants on September 03, 2014, 10:20:07 PM
2nd Edition, but NO houserules

2nd Edition, plus my houserules.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Soft Insanity on September 04, 2014, 12:04:16 AM
2nd Edition, but NO houserules

Most players don't realize how many 2e rules are optional rules.  I've played games where we used no optional rules.  My 1 hp fighter didn't last through his introduction when a spear hit him in the neck instantly killing him (my highest stat was a 12 btw).  Turns out, just coming out of your tent in the night is instant death in 2e no options land.  My next character, a wizard, fared alittle better with double the hps (2).  Favorite part of those games? the rogue elf died when he fell out of the tree.  His chances of falling out the tree were not very high, compared to the nearly guaranteed death my fighter had.  The party used the npcs to complete the module for us since they had 3hd and were given actual stats and hps.  It just goes to show how far things have come.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Amechra on September 04, 2014, 01:28:54 AM
"So, guys, here's your scripts..."
"Roll to save vs. emasculation."
"My girlfriend left me today."

OK, this one's a bit long, but...

"Welcome to my new campaign! Where pain is God, and I am the Pope!"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: nijineko on September 08, 2014, 03:57:49 PM
"Let's play Dungeons and Dragons".
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: CaptRory on September 08, 2014, 04:35:02 PM
"Just got back from camping."

Frank: Okay, having gotten hopelessly lost, you're forced to spend the night in the forest. When your characters awaken, they discover that they'd been ravaged by dire mosquitoes to the tune of 3D6 worth of blood loss. As the vultures circle and the sun climbs, you begin to suffer heat exhaustion... Due to multiple insect bites and the fact that you had to sleep on the rocky ground, all your feat and skill rolls will be at minus five for the next day and a half.

Lewis: I vote that our D&D game gets a week off after your parents make you go camping.

Nelson: Seconded.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on September 20, 2014, 09:28:26 PM
"Did I just fart blood?"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Raineh Daze on September 20, 2014, 09:30:18 PM
"I am a cider drinker..." (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z570J471aSI)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: zook1shoe on September 29, 2014, 10:47:23 PM
You.. *points at you* poop on my chest!

Watch soap operas with me!

Help with my pony play?

DMNPC Ray Rice, the barbarian
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: SolEiji on September 29, 2014, 10:56:56 PM
"The ring won't come off."

I did that recently, cursed item.  Activated at the worst possible time too.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: CaptRory on September 29, 2014, 11:17:02 PM
"Cursed Plus Two Cock Ring!"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: faeryn on September 30, 2014, 01:36:36 AM
"What is your save bonus?"

You just know as soon as you hear those 5 words that you'll never make the next save.

"Because the plot dictates it"

Seems to always be the next 5 words out of a DMs mouth when you try to do something ingenious to foil their plans.

"I made a new enemy"

At this point that mountain of treasure you didn't know what to do with the night before starts to look far to small...
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Gazzien on September 30, 2014, 03:11:25 AM
"No, listen, it just does."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: SolEiji on September 30, 2014, 03:19:11 AM
"Shhh, just let it happen."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: faeryn on October 05, 2014, 03:52:29 PM
"Thanks for the new villains"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on October 05, 2014, 05:14:17 PM
"Bob, change my poop sack."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Tohron on October 09, 2014, 11:39:18 AM
"Wait, was that pizza moldy?"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: wotmaniac on October 09, 2014, 02:06:53 PM
"Stop crying - it's just pee."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Nanshork on October 09, 2014, 02:54:32 PM
"Play like I tell you!"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Risada on October 09, 2014, 03:18:30 PM
*DM supposedly calls player to act on his turn, but player is dead*

"Oh, you are already dead."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: sirpercival on October 09, 2014, 05:30:29 PM
*DM supposedly calls player to act on his turn, but player is dead*

"Oh, you are already dead."
Dafuq kind of gaming group is this?
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Amechra on October 09, 2014, 10:51:55 PM
*DM supposedly calls player to act on his turn, but player is dead*

"Oh, you are already dead."
Dafuq kind of gaming group is this?
The hardcore kind?

Come on, am I the only DM that performs ritual Aztec sacrifices on every player that dies in-game?
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: CaptRory on October 09, 2014, 10:58:30 PM
"The couch has bed bugs."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Tohron on October 09, 2014, 11:06:38 PM
"Check out my new flamethrower!"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Nanshork on October 09, 2014, 11:28:07 PM
"We're larping with real weapons."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: CaptRory on October 09, 2014, 11:33:58 PM
"We're larping with real weapons."

"You wear the red shirt."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on October 10, 2014, 03:30:32 AM
"Coffee tastes like bear poop"

Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: zook1shoe on October 10, 2014, 03:38:51 AM
"That's my cat, Butt Hole"
"Its just above the giblets"
"that is the shaggin' wagon"
"this is Austin Danger Powers"
"catch ya later, Franken Puss"
"go ahead, pull my finger"
"it's the Thunder Dome... Bitch!"
"here's some Busta Nut bars"
"you spank that ass, Les"
"woooo... dont go in there!"
"the North will never forget"
"I saved all of you"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Fredgerd on October 20, 2014, 04:05:29 PM
"Tome of Battle is unrealistic." (real)

"High rank skills are unrealistic" (real)

"Psionics are broken in 3.5" (real)

"I'm playing a PC too." (real)

"Powerful wind blocks your path."

"Using Book of Erotic Fantasy."

"We're playtesting a MLP homebrew."

"I'm allowing Apostle of Peace."

"Actions must follow Zork rules" (limited to phrases like "north" "get bag" "inventory" and "open door")
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Gazzien on October 20, 2014, 04:22:28 PM
"Your character can't do that"
"Wait, your bonus is what?"
"That's too high - nerf incoming."

All real, from a level 11 campaign where I played a bard.
My group didn't like "high power" and "optimization". (Guys, level 11 isn't optimizing...)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: oslecamo on October 20, 2014, 04:24:44 PM
"Psionics are balanced in 3.5"

"Just need to apply fixes"

"Like, some thousands of pages"

"Spell to power is fine"

"Magic is the broken one"

"Vulnerable to silence, grapple, components"

"Psionics is balanced ignoring those"

"Psionics balanced with superior spells"

"Time stop three levels earlier"

"Plus fabricate four levels earlier"

"DCs scale twice as fast"

"Psionic boosters cheaper than magic"

"Out of pp? Nice joke!"

"I psionic dispel your mage"

"Infinite actions ok for psionics"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Gazzien on October 20, 2014, 05:14:52 PM
(I get the feeling Osc really doesn't like psionics...)

"This is a nonmagical campaign"
"You guys don't need equipment!"
"I'm aiming for gritty survival"

(Discussion about a low-level Commoner run... think that's all my bad campaigns...)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Fredgerd on October 20, 2014, 05:52:26 PM
"I'm aiming for gritty survival"

(Discussion about a low-level Commoner run... think that's all my bad campaigns...)


"Prehistoric survival, low level commoners."  :plotting

"All items must be crafted."

"There will be Ancient Aliens."

"They are not your friends."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: faeryn on October 20, 2014, 05:59:21 PM
"Your magic items are gone"
"Where are you sleeping again?"
"This is far too easy"
"I hit flatfooted touch AC"
"You don't get a save"
"Because I said it does"
"Because I said it doesn't"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Fredgerd on October 20, 2014, 06:13:57 PM
"You all have the plague"

"Don't bother making a save"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Gazzien on October 20, 2014, 06:43:04 PM
"Sorry, that feat's too good."
"It doesn't work that way."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: faeryn on October 20, 2014, 09:38:23 PM
"We're restarting from level 1"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: zook1shoe on October 26, 2014, 08:35:18 PM
Your dwarf is named Chewbacca?
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: RobbyPants on October 27, 2014, 07:16:11 AM
We'll do play-by-post.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: FireInTheSky on October 27, 2014, 09:16:29 AM
We'll do play-by-post.
:bigeyes

Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: zook1shoe on October 27, 2014, 09:18:16 AM
(haha)

you've now got space crabs!
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: wotmaniac on October 27, 2014, 11:04:21 AM
"Crazy? I was crazy once."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: CaptRory on October 27, 2014, 04:43:11 PM
"Game Delayed: Cleaning Up Blood."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: JohnnyMayHymn on October 30, 2014, 02:03:37 AM
I homebrewed FATAL LARP rules




Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: zook1shoe on November 03, 2014, 12:12:55 PM
My pug ate your mini?
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Amechra on November 03, 2014, 05:25:34 PM
"I burned your character sheet."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: CaptRory on November 03, 2014, 06:28:45 PM
"Hard Drive Ate My Notes"

My GM's hard drive ate our game before he backed it up. T__T
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: RobbyPants on November 04, 2014, 12:15:08 PM
"Remember to wear a rubber"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: wotmaniac on November 04, 2014, 01:10:09 PM
"Remember to wear a rubber"
"That's what your mom said."  :P
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: zook1shoe on November 04, 2014, 05:16:17 PM
 :lmao

see his 10 pounds nutsack?
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Amechra on November 04, 2014, 08:47:43 PM
"Well that got pretty awkward."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: CaptRory on November 05, 2014, 12:07:02 AM
"New Rule: No Rape Dickwolves"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Defensor Pacis on November 06, 2014, 01:03:33 PM
"Roll reflex save against acid."
Gives me nightmares.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: CaptRory on November 06, 2014, 01:47:52 PM
Now I'm imagining you building a protective wall around your mini with Tums.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: phaedrusxy on November 06, 2014, 04:45:45 PM
"What was your HP, again?"
I've been on both sides of the screen for that one. :P

I homebrewed FATAL LARP rules
I do believe this wins the thread, though...

My contribution: "Well, that sure escalated quickly..."  :smirk
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: sirpercival on November 07, 2014, 09:15:14 AM
I homebrewed FATAL LARP rules
I do believe this wins the thread, though...

First post in this thread:

I think I might win the thread already:

"Let's all LARP with FATAL."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: RobbyPants on November 07, 2014, 10:12:13 AM
"Roll reflex save against acid."
Gives me nightmares.
Reminds me of a heavily houseruled 2E game (like they all were, out of necessity). The monk with 67 HP gets hit by acid from a dragon for 60 points of damage, and rolls his save vs Breath Weapon for half.

Now, I know what you're thinking: Not so bad. Either way, he lives, and he might only take 30 damage. Of course, he rolls a 1 on the save, and the DM ruled that if a 20 doubles damage on attack rolls, than natural 1s on saves should, also. So, instead of walking way with at least 7 HP, he was liquefied at -53.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: JohnnyMayHymn on November 08, 2014, 02:53:29 AM
I homebrewed FATAL LARP rules
I do believe this wins the thread, though...

First post in this thread:

I think I might win the thread already:

"Let's all LARP with FATAL."
dang ninja'd   :ninja    ... 2.5 years ago, I know I read it back then too
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: wotmaniac on November 08, 2014, 04:11:08 AM
"There will be no survivors!"



(let me guess: that's already taken too?)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: RobbyPants on November 08, 2014, 07:28:43 AM
"Careful! Those dice are sticky!"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: CaptRory on November 08, 2014, 03:03:59 PM
"I have charts... for everything."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Tohron on November 08, 2014, 08:22:21 PM
"You're all playing cannibal terrorists."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: FireInTheSky on November 11, 2014, 09:40:18 PM
"New Rule: NoOnly Rape Dickwolves"
FTFY
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: wotmaniac on November 11, 2014, 09:46:00 PM
"I've DMed for Kevin Video"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Amechra on November 12, 2014, 06:34:32 PM
"I've DMed for Kevin Video"

Don't even joke about that! :lol

In the same vein...

"Hi, my name is Marty. (http://irolledazero.blogspot.com/p/properly-ordered-posts.html)"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Defensor Pacis on November 14, 2014, 01:42:30 PM
"Druids are fair and balanced."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Tohron on November 19, 2014, 12:02:01 AM
"Here's my favorite butcher knife."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Nanshork on November 19, 2014, 12:04:22 AM
"Randomly roll your character's class."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: skydragonknight on November 19, 2014, 02:00:48 AM
"Roll on the fumble chart."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: wotmaniac on November 19, 2014, 02:03:12 AM
"Ooh, that means another chart."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Amechra on November 19, 2014, 02:10:23 AM
"Randomly roll your character's class."

"Randomly roll your character's name."
"I really love kicking puppies."
"Why won't you just die?"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Jackinthegreen on November 22, 2014, 12:38:10 AM
"You're fighting a dildo golem."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: linklord231 on November 22, 2014, 02:00:47 AM
"You're fighting a dildo golem."

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: CaptRory on November 22, 2014, 04:34:32 AM
"You're fighting a dildo golem."

(click to show/hide)

 :clap That's the last time they let Pintsize GM.  :)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: RobbyPants on November 22, 2014, 08:41:37 AM
"You're dead. Nope, no save."

(Brought to you by the older editions.)


(click to show/hide)

It is immune to all magic except repeated, iterative castings of Reduce Person.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: wotmaniac on November 22, 2014, 03:08:34 PM
"We're playing in the nude."    (to a room full of sweaty dudes)




(click to show/hide)

It is immune to all magic except repeated, iterative castings of Reduce Person.
Or you could just grapple it until it goes limp. 
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on November 25, 2014, 02:45:31 AM
"I learned to poop today."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: wotmaniac on November 25, 2014, 04:13:58 AM
"I learned to poop today."

"Can I have a bite?"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Tohron on November 26, 2014, 05:46:20 PM
"The cake is a lie!"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: CaptRory on November 27, 2014, 01:42:31 PM
"The snakes got loose! Aaaaaah!"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: wotmaniac on November 27, 2014, 02:14:53 PM
Does this taste like ebola?
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: CaptRory on November 27, 2014, 03:48:22 PM
"Toilet don't work." *Hooks thumb at back door* "Latrine outside."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: wotmaniac on November 27, 2014, 04:10:09 PM
*<presents "table rules">*  Obey, on penalty of death.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Tohron on November 30, 2014, 12:35:45 PM
Crap!  Forgot my protection money!
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Nick on December 01, 2014, 05:19:31 PM
"What could possibly go wrong?"

"You don't see anything suspicious..."

"So I had this idea..."

"I've got a lot planned!"

"I didn't account for that."

"Trust me.  I'm the DM."

"Why are you asking me?"

"Wait, was that in character?"

"Are you sure about that?"

"Let me look that up."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Tohron on December 18, 2014, 11:37:14 PM
"You'll all use these dice"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: faeryn on December 23, 2014, 09:35:58 AM
"Oops... I rolled that wrong"

"Hang on, I'm fixing something"

"This attack bypasses all immunities"

"Wait!? Did you touch that?"

"Roll a d4" - (the DM recently trapped all the doors to cut our fingers off)

"Are you sure about that?"

"I'm going to allow this" - (usually these 5 words results in some brilliant plan going horribly horribly wrong...)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: SorO_Lost on December 23, 2014, 01:14:14 PM
"Help me undo my bra."
Consequently, those are one of the best 5-words you could hope to hear as well.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: CaptRory on December 23, 2014, 01:15:56 PM
Depends on the GM.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Raineh Daze on December 23, 2014, 06:35:38 PM
"Daily fatal GM since release"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: CaptRory on December 23, 2014, 06:45:49 PM
"Ignore the Ebola Quarantine Guys."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Clanjos on December 28, 2014, 06:24:21 PM
"Paladin, roll for anal circumference."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Mr. woop woop on January 16, 2015, 10:42:43 PM
"Cthulhu breaks through the wall!"

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: wotmaniac on January 17, 2015, 02:10:01 AM
Mom, family orgy is tomorrow.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Captnq on January 19, 2015, 12:28:51 AM
Reminder: Sticky side against panties.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: skydragonknight on February 15, 2015, 02:00:08 PM
"It was all a dream."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: jeffrie on March 03, 2015, 04:06:37 PM
LOLOLOL there were some funny ones, and some not funny ones. There are some that are just jokes, and some that i just didn't understand. But here are some of my favorites that i have actually heard before.


"Your character wouldn't do that"    . . . . . wtf?
"Randomly roll your character's class." .. . . . .(not everybody plays every class well)
"Alignment's determined by a d20." . . . . . . . . .. . (now there's a recipe for unhappy players)

But one of my favorites that i have heard before, and I'm sure some of you have also. . . . . .

I'm bored, let's start anew.  (a new campaign) (right in the middle and for no reason)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: jeffrie on March 03, 2015, 04:26:37 PM
TOTALLY OF TOPIC: I just overheard two of my child's teachers criticizing the educational system. One of them first used the word "climatized" to describe how the system is becoming modern (facepalm), and then had to look up the word "secular".

Jeez. These people are supposed to be above average intelligence.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on March 15, 2015, 07:31:13 PM
"Coke fueled rage bear"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Solo on March 15, 2015, 07:41:02 PM
No, I am your father.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Libertad on March 22, 2015, 02:58:14 AM
"We're doing a no-magic campaign."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Ualaa on March 23, 2015, 01:56:44 AM
"Don't go down the well".

Of course they will, if you say that to them...
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Jackinthegreen on March 26, 2015, 03:53:49 AM
"Cthulhu's penis has ambushed you."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: RobbyPants on March 31, 2015, 11:00:25 PM
"You find five ethereal felchers."

* opens Monster Manual to page showing picture of ethereal filchers *

"You mean filchers?"

"No. Felchers. That's just what they look like."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Captnq on April 01, 2015, 09:47:12 PM
"You find five ethereal felchers."

You win.
Thread over.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: RobbyPants on April 02, 2015, 01:13:44 PM
"You find five ethereal felchers."

You win.
Thread over.
Thank you.

I live in a city that has a Felch Street. I had an old job where my bosses were from out of town, and they were flabbergasted by this. They couldn't believe it was a real street.

Consequently, every time I see those guys in the MM, I can't help but think "Heh. Felcher.".
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Fredgerd on April 02, 2015, 07:54:51 PM
"You find five ethereal felchers."

Santorum breathweapon. Reflex for half.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on May 10, 2015, 07:41:10 PM
"Say hello to Mike Huckabee."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Psysama on June 04, 2015, 10:47:57 PM
Alright chums, let's do this. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vF7aVMhUEw)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Psysama on June 04, 2015, 10:54:39 PM
"No multiclassing, we'll get confused"

"My girlfriend wants to play"

"My little pony rule-34 campaign"
I'm cool with pony campaigns and I'm okay with rule-34 campaigns, but not both. *shudders*
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Michael7123 on June 12, 2015, 01:04:23 PM
A tarrasque enters the room.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on June 19, 2015, 06:46:55 PM
"The dog has explosive diarrhea."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Leviathan on June 19, 2015, 07:17:53 PM
A tarrasque enters the room.
"The dog has explosive diarrhea."

"The tarrasque has explosive diarrhea."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: SolEiji on June 19, 2015, 07:26:10 PM
A tarrasque enters the room.
"The dog has explosive diarrhea."

"The tarrasque has explosive diarrhea."

The tarrasque explodes into diarrhea.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Raineh Daze on June 19, 2015, 07:40:24 PM
The diarrhea explodes into tarrasques
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Psysama on June 19, 2015, 09:13:31 PM
The diarrhea explodes into tarrasques
A tarrasque enters the room.
"The dog has explosive diarrhea."

"The tarrasque has explosive diarrhea."

The tarrasque explodes into diarrhea.
No more diarrhea please!  The room's full!
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: SolEiji on June 19, 2015, 09:15:53 PM
The diarrhea explodes into tarrasques
A tarrasque enters the room.
"The dog has explosive diarrhea."

"The tarrasque has explosive diarrhea."

The tarrasque explodes into diarrhea.
No more diarrhea please!  The room's full!

The room's full of diarrhea.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Jackinthegreen on June 19, 2015, 09:25:17 PM
The diarrhea explodes into tarrasques
A tarrasque enters the room.
"The dog has explosive diarrhea."

"The tarrasque has explosive diarrhea."

The tarrasque explodes into diarrhea.
No more diarrhea please!  The room's full!

The room's full of diarrhea.

The diarrhea's full of tarrasque-lings.

This is why the tarrasque eats so much: Its digestive and reproductive systems are the same thing.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: JohnnyMayHymn on June 20, 2015, 02:13:16 AM
The diarrhea explodes into tarrasques
A tarrasque enters the room.
"The dog has explosive diarrhea."

"The tarrasque has explosive diarrhea."

The tarrasque explodes into diarrhea.
No more diarrhea please!  The room's full!

The room's full of diarrhea.

The diarrhea's full of tarrasque-lings.

This is why the tarrasque eats so much: Its digestive and reproductive systems are the same thing.
" ...Tarrasque explodes, raining Diarrhea Elementals..."

"...don't let them touch you"

Edit: added to the pyramid
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: SolEiji on June 20, 2015, 02:47:14 AM
The diarrhea explodes into tarrasques
A tarrasque enters the room.
"The dog has explosive diarrhea."

"The tarrasque has explosive diarrhea."

The tarrasque explodes into diarrhea.
No more diarrhea please!  The room's full!

The room's full of diarrhea.

The diarrhea's full of tarrasque-lings.

This is why the tarrasque eats so much: Its digestive and reproductive systems are the same thing.
" ...Tarrasque explodes, raining Diarrhea Elementals..."

"...don't let them touch you"

Edit: added to the pyramid

"Fort save, Flesh to Diarrhea."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Psysama on June 22, 2015, 01:22:24 AM
The diarrhea explodes into tarrasques
A tarrasque enters the room.
"The dog has explosive diarrhea."

"The tarrasque has explosive diarrhea."

The tarrasque explodes into diarrhea.
No more diarrhea please!  The room's full!

The room's full of diarrhea.

The diarrhea's full of tarrasque-lings.

This is why the tarrasque eats so much: Its digestive and reproductive systems are the same thing.
" ...Tarrasque explodes, raining Diarrhea Elementals..."

"...don't let them touch you"

Edit: added to the pyramid

"Fort save, Flesh to Diarrhea."
"Son of a f***ing b****!"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Fredgerd on June 22, 2015, 03:41:22 AM
The diarrhea explodes into tarrasques
"Say hello to Mike Huckabee."

Election explodes into Mike Huckabee.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: SolEiji on June 22, 2015, 03:59:57 AM
The diarrhea explodes into tarrasques
"Say hello to Mike Huckabee."

Election explodes into Mike Huckabee.

Now you've gone too far, nobody wants that.  At least it's not

"Santorum oozes into the throne."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Tohron on July 06, 2015, 10:50:10 AM
Watch me hammer this grenade!
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Necrosnoop110 on July 06, 2015, 11:05:35 AM
Mind if my kids hangout?

Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Necrosnoop110 on July 06, 2015, 11:19:44 AM
"My little pony rule-34 campaign"
:lmao
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Amechra on July 11, 2015, 05:22:19 PM
Watch me hammer this grenade!

To break the thread flow for a minute, one of my players once whipped out a grenade in the middle of a game.

It was actually just the case (which I could tell by the way he was handling it), but one of the other players didn't know or realize that. That was our last session, iirc.

Resume thread!

The diarrhea explodes into tarrasques
A tarrasque enters the room.
"The dog has explosive diarrhea."

"The tarrasque has explosive diarrhea."

The tarrasque explodes into diarrhea.
No more diarrhea please!  The room's full!

The room's full of diarrhea.

The diarrhea's full of tarrasque-lings.

This is why the tarrasque eats so much: Its digestive and reproductive systems are the same thing.
" ...Tarrasque explodes, raining Diarrhea Elementals..."

"...don't let them touch you"

Edit: added to the pyramid

"Fort save, Flesh to Diarrhea."
"Son of a f***ing b****!"

"Everyone has to worship K'Tul'Tar'Te."
"K'Tul'Tar'Te, God of Diarrhea. Duh."

"My parole officer's coming over."

"I've cut the phone lines."

"Want some fried kitten testicles?"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Psysama on July 12, 2015, 01:05:51 AM
"Want some fried kitten testicles?"
Somehow, I don't see bhu handling this well...
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: RobbyPants on September 16, 2015, 11:38:13 AM
"Don't know if it's roofied."

"Please bring your own meth."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: stanprollyright on September 16, 2015, 03:14:44 PM
"...with his raging dragon boner..."

"Based on a book I'm writing"

"That's not how it goes"

"You're addicted to Liquid Agony"

"These variants are more realistic"

"Someone else DM next time"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: phaedrusxy on September 16, 2015, 03:29:44 PM
"Someone else DM next time"
Depending on the DM, that might be the best 5 words they could say... :p
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: awaken_D_M_golem on September 16, 2015, 07:07:10 PM
.
Let's use the Wizard's Forums.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: nijineko on September 16, 2015, 11:14:43 PM
"oh, my homebrew fixed that".
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: stanprollyright on September 17, 2015, 12:15:59 AM
"Roll Fort Save for Herpes"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: RobbyPants on September 17, 2015, 07:43:21 AM
"Different sexes have different mods"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: CaptRory on September 17, 2015, 03:27:27 PM
"Nothing wrong with his behavior." after the three other players complain about the annoying guy.

"Rule 34 MLP"

"Roll Fort vs. Cervical Damage."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Tohron on September 23, 2015, 11:16:33 PM
"I got queasy designing these."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: stanprollyright on September 23, 2015, 11:45:42 PM
"NO! I AM A GOD!"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: RobbyPants on September 24, 2015, 07:58:37 AM
"It's home brew for FATAL"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: CaptRory on September 24, 2015, 03:25:41 PM
"It's home brew for FATAL"

"I call it Ejaculor Funestus"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Amechra on September 24, 2015, 05:29:35 PM
"Then I rape your character."
"Yes, I'm doing the raping."
"Would you mind bending over?"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: RobbyPants on October 02, 2015, 08:13:31 AM
* At 1st session, before char-gen, the DM is armed and armored. *

"Alright. Roll for initiative, bitches."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Stratovarius on October 02, 2015, 08:44:36 AM
"You're all playing Epic Commoners"

"RP a religious debate. Now."

"1E Temple of Elemental Evil"

"Undercover at the gnome stripclub."

"The gnomes lust after you."

"Quickly! Seduce the shambling mound!"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: stanprollyright on October 02, 2015, 09:38:33 AM
"You got a purdy mouth"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Nanshork on October 02, 2015, 01:02:08 PM
"The treant grows penis tentacles."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: stanprollyright on October 02, 2015, 04:36:24 PM
"Surprise Round for the Tarrasque"
"His penis does critical damage"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Libertad on October 04, 2015, 03:54:57 PM
"I hate Tome of Battle."

"Isn't Drizz't Do'Urden the coolest?"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: CaptRory on October 05, 2015, 03:43:02 AM

"Isn't Drizz't Do'Urden the coolest?"

"I'm playing a Drow Ranger."

"He dual wields two scimitars."

"Etc. etc. etc. etc. etc."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Stratovarius on October 05, 2015, 06:45:33 AM
"I hate Tome of Battle."

"You must use Complete Psionic"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: RobbyPants on October 05, 2015, 09:07:54 AM
"I hate Tome of Battle."

"You must use Complete Psionic"
"Everyone, roll up a Truenamer."



"Flask rogues are too powerful."

"Fireball's better than crowd control."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Stratovarius on October 05, 2015, 09:25:55 AM
"I hate Tome of Battle."

"You must use Complete Psionic"
"Everyone, roll up a Truenamer."
"You are all using Samurai"

(On a side note, I'm one of those people with a soft spot for the Truenamer, despite its terribleness. So I wouldn't mind that one.)

"We're only using my homebrew"

"An encounter from the BoEF" (Erotic Fantasy)

"Orcus readies the nipple clamps."

"...attacked by a doll golem horde."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Fredgerd on October 20, 2015, 07:18:33 PM
Did anyone else read these? (holding up core rulebooks)

The hengeyokai begin moaning erotically.

The greenhag licks your ear.

http://postimg.org/image/8hspnbcv1/
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Necrosnoop110 on October 21, 2015, 10:49:15 AM
"Flask rogues are too powerful."
:lmao
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Psysama on October 22, 2015, 12:22:38 AM
(After dice roll) Think I need a drink.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: faeryn on October 27, 2015, 11:36:18 PM
"I hate Tome of Battle."

O.o do you know my DM? He said those exact words... several times...
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: CaptRory on October 28, 2015, 02:46:17 PM
"I hate Tome of Battle."

O.o do you know my DM? He said those exact words... several times...

You mean your former DM... riiiiiiiiiight~?  :bigeyes


Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Lokiyn on October 28, 2015, 03:46:32 PM
"I determine what roleplay is"
"remember, this is my world"
"You are just a player"
"wanting things makes you entitled"
"you'll play what i want"
"no homebrew but my homebrew"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Stratovarius on October 28, 2015, 03:57:34 PM
"no homebrew but my homebrew"

This one is actually really common, even in official settings. Dark Sun, Dragonlance, or any other heavily customized setting springs to mind.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Lokiyn on October 28, 2015, 04:55:10 PM
This one is actually really common, even in official settings. Dark Sun, Dragonlance, or any other heavily customized setting springs to mind.
True, but i generally see it mixed in with the others combined with horrible restrictive creation rules and broken dmpc's. you know, the sort of dm who punishes you for "covering your weaknesses" (by doing things like asking if you can buy a resistance item for something you have a weakness in) then makes a prc for his npc that gets true strike at will. I generally hear the phrase then start checking for conductor hats to be safe.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Stratovarius on October 28, 2015, 05:07:10 PM
True, but i generally see it mixed in with the others combined with horrible restrictive creation rules and broken dmpc's. you know, the sort of dm who punishes you for "covering your weaknesses" (by doing things like asking if you can buy a resistance item for something you have a weakness in) then makes a prc for his npc that gets true strike at will. I generally hear the phrase then start checking for conductor hats to be safe.

I'm usually not that bad. I just make monsters for myself :P

Back on subject:

"Spiders nest inside your flesh"
"The aboleth nuzzles you sweetly"
"Today, a Tier 6 campaign"
"That's not your real alignment"
"Save against the gnome penis"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Nanshork on October 28, 2015, 06:13:33 PM
Randomly determined race and class!
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: faeryn on October 29, 2015, 06:18:00 AM
"One sec, just fixing somthing"
"Roll a d20 for me" <-- at completely random moments and never tells you what it was for... but he laughs histarically when you roll a 1 and gets abnormally silent when you roll a 20...
"Whats your weakest save again?"
"...casts Reciprocal Gyre on you" <-- might as well be instant death in a high magic game...
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: RobbyPants on October 29, 2015, 07:46:26 AM
Randomly determined race and class!
3d6, in order, no rerolls.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Lokiyn on October 29, 2015, 10:51:09 AM
"The Warlock cannot be used, (https://app.roll20.net/forum/post/2314895/link-to-the-ad-all-the-info-you-will-need-about-the-game-read-here)
(Due to class balance reasons)"
"My Gf will co-dm tonight,
(she's never played, it's ok)"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: stanprollyright on October 30, 2015, 10:14:12 AM
3d6, in order, no rerolls.

AAAAHHHH I've actually done that.  We were all goblins.  Much dying was had.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: nijineko on November 02, 2015, 11:08:47 PM
Let us play Synnabar!

(those who've played it will get the inherent joke in my deliberate use of less than five words)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: zook1shoe on November 13, 2015, 05:39:24 PM
3d6, in order, no rerolls.

AAAAHHHH I've actually done that.  We were all goblins.  Much dying was had.

That sounds really fun, actually. Make em choose class before the rolls? :-p
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: stanprollyright on November 13, 2015, 06:58:34 PM
It was actually really fun.  Thankfully we chose classes after rolls, but no casters were allowed.  My only positive ability score was charisma, so I convinced him to let me play a Bard1/MarshalX with no spells.  I had 4 str and 5 con.  We did lots of running away, in true goblin fashion.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: faeryn on November 15, 2015, 01:51:20 AM
It was actually really fun.  Thankfully we chose classes after rolls, but no casters were allowed.  My only positive ability score was charisma, so I convinced him to let me play a Bard1/MarshalX with no spells.  I had 4 str and 5 con.  We did lots of running away, in true goblin fashion.

Pleasee tell me one of your party members named their goblin Robin, and (even if none of them did name themselves Robin) you proudly sang "Brave brave Sir Robin, He bravely ran away!"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Fredgerd on November 25, 2015, 11:12:01 PM
It was actually really fun.  Thankfully we chose classes after rolls, but no casters were allowed.  My only positive ability score was charisma, so I convinced him to let me play a Bard1/MarshalX with no spells.  I had 4 str and 5 con.  We did lots of running away, in true goblin fashion.

Pleasee tell me one of your party members named their goblin Robin, and (even if none of them did name themselves Robin) you proudly sang "Brave brave Sir Robin, He bravely ran away!"

"You're mashed into a pulp"
"Your eyes are gouged out"
"and your elbows are broken"
"You have your kneecaps split"
"and your body burned away."
"Your limbs hacked and mangled."
"and your head's smashed in"
"and your heart's cut out"
"and your liver is removed"
"and your bowels are unplugged"
"and your nostrils get raped"
"and your bottom's burned off"
"and your penis is split"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: zook1shoe on November 30, 2015, 11:01:57 PM
 :lmao
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: JohnnyMayHymn on September 02, 2017, 12:02:24 AM
"Clerics should only be healing."
"Power Attack is too powerful."
"Wizards are like weaker sorcerers."
"All bards just suck, period."

"Roll for nostril circumference... twice."

"everyone, calculate hair growth modifiers"
"everyone, remove one shoe durability"

"guys, I graduated wizard school!"

<screaming>
"YOU NEVER TAKE THE HOOK!"
"ALL ROADS FOLLOW THE PLOT!"
"SIT STILL WHILE I'M NARRATING!"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Psysama on November 09, 2017, 12:26:17 AM
"I am so drunk.  Oopsie!"
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Stratovarius on November 11, 2017, 07:13:14 AM
"I've got this new book..." (Opens BoEF!  :twitch)
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: skydragonknight on March 06, 2019, 04:24:18 PM
"I'm restarting the campaign from 10 years ago. Now here is a book with all the changes to my homebrew over the last 10 years. I hope you memorize it."
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Nanshork on March 06, 2019, 04:27:32 PM
"I'm restarting the campaign from 10 years ago. Now here is a book with all the changes to my homebrew over the last 10 years. I hope you memorize it."

 :lmao  :lmao

Too many words.   :p
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Stratovarius on March 06, 2019, 04:31:38 PM
"I'm restarting the campaign from 10 years ago. Now here is a book with all the changes to my homebrew over the last 10 years. I hope you memorize it."

Haha. Also, not something I'd do. I keep the old versions around for a reason. :P
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Raineh Daze on March 06, 2019, 05:58:22 PM
"You left your clothes behind."

Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on March 07, 2019, 01:11:51 AM
"Really?  You're really doing this?"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Raineh Daze on March 07, 2019, 01:20:45 AM
Come on, that's the best thing a DM could say. It's a good warning.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: awaken_D_M_golem on March 07, 2019, 04:46:59 PM

aDMg is joining the game ...  :smirk

Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: bhu on March 17, 2019, 04:43:56 PM
Come on, that's the best thing a DM could say. It's a good warning.

Yeah but when I use it it's when people say yes and run blindly into their own damnation because they have no clue they're doing something self destructive.

i.e. it's when PC's say things like "There's a five year old in the crowd?  That should be easy pickings, how much xp is she worth?"
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: phaedrusxy on March 28, 2019, 08:23:10 PM
Your codpiece is a mimic.
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Keldar on March 30, 2019, 09:25:52 PM
*Unfolds Ravenloft DM screen*
Title: Re: Worst 5 words a DM could say
Post by: Stratovarius on March 30, 2019, 10:56:27 PM
Here comes an Erotic Fantasy!