Author Topic: Chapter One: Stranger Things Have Happened  (Read 38340 times)

Offline PipTheBlue

  • Sr. Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 363
    • View Profile
Re: Chapter One: Stranger Things Have Happened
« Reply #200 on: February 11, 2013, 03:32:49 PM »
"Keh! I doubt the contentssss of your tRRRRouSERRrrs differ much from hisssss." Its wiry digit points at a dead dwarf displaying a post-mortem erection. "Besssssides, your rrrrate of copulation is too infffRRRequent to apply any kind of... inductive rrrrrreasoninnnng."

Offline Bozwevial

  • Honorary Mod
  • *****
  • Posts: 3052
  • Developing a relaxed attitude toward danger
    • View Profile
Re: Chapter One: Stranger Things Have Happened
« Reply #201 on: February 13, 2013, 10:14:47 PM »
A loud burst of laughter comes from behind a nearby tent as a small pack of drow in dark, scaly armor come strolling through, all either heavily armed or sporting the telltale signs of concealed weaponry. Most of them are grinning sycophantically at a specimen far and away the largest of the group, standing at least six and a half feet tall and currently making a mocking squealing sound. His companions howl with laughter as he pretends to flee in terror, pulling grotesque faces the whole while. Out of the entire crowd, he's the only one not sporting dark lenses or goggles, eyes bloodshot but fully exposed to the sun's glare.

"Ah, Marquis. I'm so pleased to see you're taking your duties seriously!" Kaytiss' voice shocks a few of the drow out of their laughter, and most of them turn to look at their leader questioningly. His grin doesn't fade one bit as he bows - fractionally - to the surveyor.

"Kaytiss. Damndest thing, but you know how it is with," he waves a hand vaguely, "swords and such. Never where you leave 'em. Anyway, looks like it's sorted itself out, yeah?" He jerks his chin at the dead prowlers and the group scattered among them.

Kaytiss stares disbelievingly at the Marquis. "You," she says angrily, "are stationed here as a guard. Shirking your duties is a violation of the truce we negotiated. You leave a detachment to guard the crater while ownership is still under contention--"

"We're here, aren't we?" The massive drow grins around at his companions, lazing in the barely-stifled sniggers. "Weapons and everything. They're sharp, too, look." Nearly twenty blades emerge with a loud rasp of metal, held casually in full view. One of the drow idly twiddles his wrist, sunlight flashing off his sword to flicker into Ariston's eyes.



The stream of idle chatter the Marquis de Carabas has been spewing for a good while now trails off as Sarai finishes the last few sentences of the treaty. He glances out through the tent flap. "Ah, fuck," he says almost cheerfully, pulling the tent flap closed quickly. "Brother dear's come to swagger around the camp again. Someone really ought to take him off to the side and tell him he's being quite rude. Then push him into the crater." He gives an imaginary drow a helping boot into an invisible crater, waving happily as his fictional friend sets off on a nonexistent journey.

(click to show/hide)
Homebrew Compendiums: D&D 3.5 4e/PF
IRC: #mmxgeneral on Rizon

Offline phaedrusxy

  • DnD Handbook Writer
  • ****
  • Posts: 10708
  • The iconic spambot
    • View Profile
Re: Chapter One: Stranger Things Have Happened
« Reply #202 on: February 13, 2013, 11:05:38 PM »
Urglmek stretches himself, reaching his arms up as high as they'll go and bending side to side a bit, and says "Ah well, it's alright. It's not like we needed you pansies or anything. You can go back to hiding and sucking each others' shriveled up cocks in your tent, if you'd like. We'll be sure to call for you if we need any more rats killed."
I don't pee messages into the snow often , but when I do , it's in Cyrillic with Fake Viagra.  Stay frosty my friends.

Offline Amechra

  • Epic Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 4560
  • Thread Necromancy a specialty
    • View Profile
Re: Chapter One: Stranger Things Have Happened
« Reply #203 on: February 13, 2013, 11:40:11 PM »
The scrape of Sarai's chair against the rough dirt ground echoes quietly off the walls of the crater.

She is fed up.

Quite fed up, indeed; first, this damnable treaty was obviously written by someone who had no knowledge of how to write a treaty.

On top of all this, there is an argument brewing outside, and they are going to exclude the one person with pertinent information.

This is not to be stood for! She is quite frankly appalled at their behavior.

"Excuse me, dearies, but I..."

Sarai stops, because, quite frankly, that is not nearly forceful enough to get her point across.

(click to show/hide)

"Before you ruffians have your little 'discussion', listen to what I have to say. It will do you quite a lot of good."

(click to show/hide)
"There is happiness for those who accept their fate, there is glory for those that defy it."

"Now that everyone's so happy, this is probably a good time to tell you I ate your parents."

Offline Bozwevial

  • Honorary Mod
  • *****
  • Posts: 3052
  • Developing a relaxed attitude toward danger
    • View Profile
Re: Chapter One: Stranger Things Have Happened
« Reply #204 on: February 16, 2013, 09:23:24 PM »
Sarai's voice rings far more loudly than it has any right to, and the pack of drow immediately stop laughing to stare raptly at her, some of their mouths hanging open. The larger specimen, however, shakes his head and keeps grinning. "Whatta bunch of weirdos you've brought in, Katy! I thought the worm-doctor took the cake, but now you've got the guy looks like he's made of raw meat and a bonafide princess!" He pauses for effect before glancing over at his troupe, frowning at the lack of approving laughter. "Hey, pick up your jaws, you schmucks."

While the large drow delivers a lightning-quick slap to the face of his fascinated friend (knocking the unfortunate elf into the dirt, although this does nothing to change his transfixed expression), Kaytiss catches Sarai's eye and gives her the tiniest of nods.
Homebrew Compendiums: D&D 3.5 4e/PF
IRC: #mmxgeneral on Rizon

Offline sirpercival

  • Epic Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 10855
  • you can't escape the miles
    • View Profile
Re: Chapter One: Stranger Things Have Happened
« Reply #205 on: February 18, 2013, 11:54:16 PM »
Ariston looks at the drow in disdain, then pointedly goes back to his notebook in as insulting a manner as possible.
I am the assassin of productivity

(member in good standing of the troll-feeders guild)

It's begun — my things have overgrown the previous sig.

Offline Nanshork

  • Homebrew Reviewer
  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Posts: 13393
    • View Profile
Re: Chapter One: Stranger Things Have Happened
« Reply #206 on: February 19, 2013, 09:01:47 AM »
Rodric and Minion both stand there, staring at Sarai.  Well, Rodric stands there staring as if fascinated.  Minion stands there, it's eyeless face pointed at Sarai, so it can be assumed that Minion is doing its version of staring.

Offline sirpercival

  • Epic Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 10855
  • you can't escape the miles
    • View Profile
Re: Chapter One: Stranger Things Have Happened
« Reply #207 on: April 10, 2013, 06:38:51 PM »
Ariston clears his throat loudly, then pulls out a penknife and begins trimming a quill.
I am the assassin of productivity

(member in good standing of the troll-feeders guild)

It's begun — my things have overgrown the previous sig.

Offline Amechra

  • Epic Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 4560
  • Thread Necromancy a specialty
    • View Profile
Re: Chapter One: Stranger Things Have Happened
« Reply #208 on: August 08, 2013, 07:04:05 PM »
Still mildly peeved, Sarai quickly adds:

"The treaty was... inconclusive on the boundaries between where the Dwarven lands end and the Drow lands begin, and vice versa, as the entire treaty was written without taking into account sudden alterations in the terrain."

Sarai flashes a quick "oh those silly treaty writers" smile, and continues.

"Now, according to subclause 17 of chapter 9 section V, a renewal of negotiations is a distinct possibility; I offer myself as a neutral party to help with coming to an agreement. If you do not wish to renegotiate, there are provisions for concessions and the like... however, I advise against that route unless you want to be negotiating until you die of old age."

Now, all that's left is the shouting.
"There is happiness for those who accept their fate, there is glory for those that defy it."

"Now that everyone's so happy, this is probably a good time to tell you I ate your parents."

Offline Bozwevial

  • Honorary Mod
  • *****
  • Posts: 3052
  • Developing a relaxed attitude toward danger
    • View Profile
Re: Chapter One: Stranger Things Have Happened
« Reply #209 on: August 12, 2013, 02:42:04 AM »
And there is a lot of shouting.

Kaytiss is the first to object, but her voice is quickly drowned out by the leader of the drow, whose yells actually make dust jump up from the ground. Between the two of them, the dwarves that have drifted over to the confrontation, and the drow mercenaries who aren't still mesmerized by Sarai, any hopes for a polite conversation - or even an impolite one - are quickly dispelled. The general gist, as far as everyone can tell, is that neither of the parties concerned are entirely pleased by the renegotiations, as evidenced by Kaytiss' rapidly reddening face and the veins pulsing in the Marquis' neck.

While the shouting continues, Carabas strolls up to Sarai. "Well, you've certainly made more progress here than we have. I think in about..." He licks his finger and holds it up to the wind theatrically. "...two minutes, they'll calm down and agree to let you act as a neutral arbiter."

The Marquis, however, stops shouting upon catching sight of Carabas. A growl spills out of his throat, the sound like two boulders grinding together. "Ah. The surface-fucker emerges. Fresh from conquest, are we?" His companions immediately stop shouting, apprehensive looks on their faces. Some of them actually back up a few paces. Likewise, the dwarves fall silent, although they seem less worried and more eager to watch the show.

Carabas sighs, tugging his hood a little further down. "Please. We have guests, after all. You're only embarrassing yourself in front of your arbiter and her..." He waves a hand vaguely around in search of a word before letting it flop back down. "...friends?"
Homebrew Compendiums: D&D 3.5 4e/PF
IRC: #mmxgeneral on Rizon

Offline phaedrusxy

  • DnD Handbook Writer
  • ****
  • Posts: 10708
  • The iconic spambot
    • View Profile
Re: Chapter One: Stranger Things Have Happened
« Reply #210 on: August 13, 2013, 03:40:23 PM »
Having no idea what the hell they are talking about, or caring much, Urglmek pulls out a wand and walks over to Sarai saying "Hey, could you patch me up with this?"
I don't pee messages into the snow often , but when I do , it's in Cyrillic with Fake Viagra.  Stay frosty my friends.