Yeah, I find this topic to be a bit weird, too. I also tend to try and game with people I deem of as adults, so I can just talk to them like grown-ups.
@Spot Checks
I like 4E's idea of a passive check, that's just taking 10 on the check. I use that if I don't want to tip off my players. But, mine are pretty good about metagaming -- even if the player knows there's a trap up ahead, they are good sports and blithely blunder into it. I'd like to take credit, but they make things kind of easy for me.