Pretty decent for a rough draft.
If this is going to remain as a "Player's character bio for the DM to read" then you have very little polishing needed. I do agree with the benefit of including a few possible plot hooks in the description, it's always handy to have a few open/loose ends that you could find a nice match for during the game. I'm a fan of grammar, so I'd point out a few items on that front if you felt like you wanted that sort of advice.
As far as character building goes, this description would rate between 2 and 3 (closer to 3) on the Character Dimensionality scale (which goes up to 7, iirc), a good start. I like that you have included a bit of personality, a bit of history/background, a bit of items/equipement, and a bit of talent/abilities. The microkinesis is a nice touch (pun intended). Might want to consider the applications of the microkinesis for small-scale micro-brewing, perhaps something she could discover in her future?
If you want this to be more of an "author's presentation to an audience" then I could think of a few changes that might be beneficial.
It might be beneficial to include some points of view, how she feels about stuff.