Campaign Thread VI: Hippos are cute until you realize they poop...

[RobbyPants]

So the Guild needs a new leader. 

Mustave starts looking around. "Aw, shit. It's gonna be me, isn't it? This is what I get for talking too much. Does anyone with actual experience want the job?"

[RobbyPants]

Mustave assumes the silence to mean no one is stepping up to the plate.

"So, what do I have to do? Make important decisions and stuff? Do I get double the loot like pirate captains!?

I should have you all know that I'd wildly unqualified and I tend to make decisions based on what is the most amusing at any given moment. I'm honestly not sure how I'm still alive. I was literally awaiting execution when I arrived here. So, if you're all willing to let a three-foot-tall lunatic make the decisions, then I guess we're good to go.

First item on the agenda: Moar acid flasks! Is there a motion to second?"

[radmelon]

Teo takes a moment out of doodling to call out. "I second that motion!"

[bhu]

"Ahem..before we start spending money may I suggest we make some first?  We have bills to pay."

[bhu]

"That being said assuming you're the new Guild Head you have paperwork to sign.  And we have potential assignments to accept.  Scribble your initials on each of these ... (drops mound of legal documents with resounding thud) whilst we discuss possibilities.  Now, whose up for work today?"

[RobbyPants]

"I'm buying the acid with my own money. Don't worry."

Mustave looks over the paperwork with a rather serious look on his face, which quickly turns to concerned concentration and eventually frustration. He abandons all hope of reading through each document word-for-word halfway through the first paragraph.

"None of these sign me, my friends, or possessions into slavery, do they?"

He then begins signing the papers.

[bhu]

"Oh honey, if I wanted to sell you into slavery I wouldn't need paperwork." 

"So, here's a list of potential jobs:"

"Rescue a dragon from a princess."

"Help a kingdom prevent the rightful heir to the throne from achieving power.  Apparently he's a godawful fuckwit."

"Help some poor kid being referred to as 'the chosen one' escape some sort of prophecy."

"Guard a local warehouse."

"Act as security for a chapter head of the local Evil Minion's Guild."

[RobbyPants]

"They all sound interesting, but my vote is on the 'save a kid from some dumb prophesy' thing. Let me see what the others think."

Mustave presents the list to the group.

[jojolagger]

Shifting into view, the spider voices its opinion.
H̙̤̲̀̆ͯe͙͍̲l͊p͇͎̆͑͂̾̉ȋ̩̅̅͒n̼̗ͤͮͧͤͤ̊g͊͗̂ ͇̞͙̂̈ͮͭ͑ͭ̿t̪̱̭̹ͦ̓̃ͮ̇h͍̯̼̜̆ͬͦẻ̙̫ ̟ͣ̂ͭ̎kͦ̈ͅi̱̱̻̖͕ͬn̺̩̤ͅg̻͖͉ͭ̽̉d͈̫̣̮̤̮̋ͥ̐͆̃ȭ͉m̤̙̖͉̏ͫ̋̀ ͨ̋m̲̘̦̂̌ͮ̋ͨi̝̭͕̻͒̿̔̉͂g͂ͧ̾h̼̼̠̲͇ͮ̀t̆ ̰̲͔̦̖̈̈̽ͨ̑͑h͖̘̘͔̩̀̋̀̾̿̆̓e̜̓ͪ̅̋͆l̤͎̼̮ͩ͐͐̒̄ͦ̒p̗̣͇̩ͨ ͎̹̤̗̹̮̎͋͑̚m̦͔̖͇̈ͣͣͅo͉̣̹̖̽̈́̐ͦ̚r̘͇͉̱̜͙̣̊̃ͥê͓̠̠͍̖̍̅ͅ ̝̜̮̼ͫͥ̎̍̚p̮̌̅̓ͧ̄ͨͫͅe̙̖̯̖̼̥ͬ̄ͨ͆̅ͫ̇o͔͎͚̜̜͐͌p̼̭̒ͫ̚l͉̺͔̏e͍̭̲͈̊ ̜͐ͣ͗̄̚t͚͚̱̞̙ḫ͕̼̳̖ͧ̉o̠͔ͦ̂̒̋ͭù͔͇͋̾g͚ͩͥ͂ͦͅh̟t̰̯̩̤̙̦̘,̥͚̥̤̺̜̠͋ ̠͕͚͈ͥ͌ã̱͍͍̠ͫ̉n̜̩̓͊̂̐͂̆d̬͎̗̹̱̣ͧ̂̒͛ͮ̍̏ ̪̼͕̺̘ͤͨ̓́̅̋̃b͎͍̱͚̭͌ͩ̇̌a͆͂ͮ̑s̞̫̹̫͔̏e͔̗̙͓͂d͎͔̂͊ͩ̊ͬ ͈̬̭ͤͨ̑͐ͨo̙͎̦̯̦ͧͯ̆̈́͌̉n̖̠͍͉͎ͭ͛ͬ̀̚ ̩̰͔̠̄ͤͦͣ̏̓t̗̰ͧ͆̊͛ͧ̄ͪh̦̦͛ͮͪ́ͭe̜̹͚̠͋̏̑ ̯̰̙̱͖̿ͮͬf̝̲̟̼̯̽ê̯̳͓͍͔̜w̻̥͇̜̦̤͈̐ͪͥ ͙̜̠̩̞̊̄d͍̦̤̆͗͐r̥͖̦͙͓̭ͪ̒͛͛ḁ̝͚̺͍̦̌͋̅ǵ͙͖̐̆ͪ͛o̟̥̳̺͚͔̊͋͐͐̄ͧͩń͔̰̯͆̓ͦͅs̙͇͖̯̊̑ ͍̿Ǐ̹̞͍͚̩̦̹ ̰̜̣͈̐ͯͮ̆͌̈k̮̘̯̯͙̳̅ne̥w̙͓̞͎͚̃̃ ̙̥̝͎͉̯͔ͤ̒̾̀bͣ̿ͮ̍ͬa͓ͣ̾ͮ͛ͨ̆c̝̝k̭̻ͮ ͭ͆͋̋̑h͇̗̼ͪ̓o͓͉͚͚ͧ̃͂̇͐̚m̯̪̱̖̄͒eͦ̐͌̈́̈́̾̚,̼͚̻̀̑̉͛̆ͅ ͙͍̜̯͎̼ͨͥ͐I̺̝̺̬͎̙̮͛ͬͣͬ ͔̮̖͗͌ͦ̑ͯͩc̣͕̠̖̼͗̓ͥ̍ͩ͂ͅͅa͖͎͍̜̱̗ͅn̻̰̰͖̗̄̃ͦ'̣̝͙͑t̤̍ͫ ̫̩͍̱̃i̩͎̙͎̙̅m͍̘̗ȁ̖̊̈̅gͥ̎ͤ̈́i̻̰̱͈̤͔̠̾n̬̤͚̣͗̃ͬ̎ě̺͈̹͈̜̦̉̍ͪ͗̚̚ ̘̹̃̃ͯͫa̲̭͔͔̱̔ͫ ͓̬̗̽̽̅͆̆̈́ͅd̘̤̠̫̙̰̜͆̐̄̆͆̈̌r͓ͤ̀a̫̻̺͈̪̦g̖̦̪̣̜ͅō̰̦͓̳͊̆ͥ̔͛n͉̭̜̞̜ ̯̺ͥ̊̆͌̍̓̚a̗̐̄͌̃ͨ͒s͉̫͉̫̤͊͐k̔̈ͬͣ̇̈́̋i̙̞̩̮̠̬̲̓n̗̯̟͎͉̭͍ͬ̽̈́ͤ̍ͫg͈͖̙ͫͦ ͒f̝̭͚̪̼̳ͧ̇o̰̳̰̠͚͒ͪ̃͗͒̓r̭̔ ̣ͨ̇h̖̒ḙ̫͕͕̮̉̋ͅlͥ͋̚p̯ͧ̄ͭ́̏̾̓ͅ ̱͍̺
i̹̪̞̗͙̱͍͆f̬̫̪͖̻̓͂̋̿̆ͫ ̖̊ĭ̟t͇̹͕̣̣̖̬ͪ͋͐̆̈́̑ ̘̼̥̅͊ͪͩw͕̝̻͓͈̝̅̓̎a͋ͮsͮ͑ͫ̊̓̿n̩̦̿͂'̜̗̯̥̈̐ͫ̓ͧͅt̾ͮ̐ͫ͊ͫ ̦͍̮͈̺̝̪͗̇̈́ͪ̏̅r̝̗̙̼ḙ̖ͤ͌͋̎̍ͧa̽l̰̯͕̰̮̐̌̀̌ͨ̒l͆ͮ͊ŷ͈̺͓̿̓ ̠̳̲̹͚́̾ͪ̓ͦ͑ͭs̏́ͨ͛̇ḛ͖͓̺̣͈͚̀ͨṙ͎̥̲̺͔͔̑̍̾̔͋ͅi̩͓͎̜͔͍̱ͤ͐̋ͣ̈o̙̜̠̦̗͚̺̔͋̚u̦ͬ̀ͅs̰͍̳̥̝̩͒ͦ͒̓ͥ̓͛ͅ.͖͒
Before fading again, to allow others to speak.

(click to show/hide)

Sorry for disappearing there. 8:00 AM finals suck.

[radmelon]

"Lets go with that one. Prophecies are overrated."

[bhu]

"We also have all the newbies (points towards gaggle of female npc's cluttering the eating room).  We'll need to pay them if they stay.  We can perhaps give them the warehouse or security jobs?"

[RobbyPants]

"If that works for them, sure. Should one of the more senior members need to supervise?"

[bhu]

"If that works for them, sure. Should one of the more senior members need to supervise?"

"If it goes tits up you can always fire 'em.  Besides you guys are partly responsible for uncovering some major bad guys in the city.  You have some pr leeway as long as the ghosts are kept under wraps.  And we needs money."

[bhu]

Arrangements are made and as the women shuffle off to their security jobs, a young boy is shown in.

"So you're the people who can help me not become my country's savior?"

He is small, puny, obviously introverted.  It almost looks as though he finds speaking to you upsetting.

[VennDygrem]

El Cangrejo looks down at the boy. He would look fairly intimidating if not for his flamboyant costume and huge grin.

"Jes, little camarón. If it is anyone who can make something to not happen, it is us!"

[bhu]

"Good, cause the prophecy says I'm 'sposed to put down a godless abomination from the pits of nightmare.  I'd rather just be a simple carpenter."

[RobbyPants]

"So... how do we go about making a prophesy not happen? Do we fulfill it ourselves, or just convince the people to stop caring?"

[bhu]

"I'm not sure.  My parents are rich enough to pay you whatever is necessary.    The prophecy says I will become the 'chosen one' and achieve godlike power upon my 18th birthday which is in three days, after which i will defeat an unimaginable horror and go on to marry some witch woman who will then plunge the kingdom I forge into darkness before corrupting me into ruling the world.  I don't wanna rule the world or marry a witch or fight monsters.  I just want to carry on my fathers carpentry business in the village.  So maybe just keep me away froom anything that could grant me godlike powers."


I's at this point a gopher floats by lazily in the air (you will remember him as Benny's sidekick).

   "HOLY FUCKIN' SHITBURGERS!! BENNY!!! BENNY!!"

He then disappears through the floor

The kid looks back at you guys "So you have profane gophers float in very often?  That seems like the sort of thing I should avoid..."

[RobbyPants]

"Hmmm... Maybe we need a place for him to lay low. Do we have anything else? Do we just need to keep you out of trouble for three days?"

[VennDygrem]

"I can think of some ways to maybe not make this a problem, but they are not very workable plans. One requires for the boy to be technically muerto for a short time. Another would need one of those magic bags and a source of several days' worth of air, food, and water. Third..." El Cangrejo continues listing ideas that may have sounded good in his head, but are really bad when spoken out loud...