The Thing with No Name
(& Spittle)
The Thing with No Name hails from the Dividing Mountains. Never growing as large as the others of his clan, he was persecuted mercilessly as a young spiderling. He couldn't run away, and no self respecting arachnid will simply take the abuse constantly heaped upon him, the Thing lashed out as his abusers. Of course, they just beat him up. He was still tiny.
So, before long, he discovered Psychological Warfare. Ever seen a spider cry? Well, he never really made anyone cry, but he was sure great at getting the bigger arachnids angry enough to beat him up faster than ever before. Before long, he didn't even have to say anything to get a pummeling.
Of course, his gift for inciting rage attracted the attention of the spider elders, who saw his incredible talent for ticking people off. They blessed him, and with his blessings he was able to both take more torment than before and to place his words into the mouths of others. And so he was sent out in advance of his clan to explore, spy, and divide the enemies of the Spider Clan.
It was wonderful. Rather than getting beaten himself, he could force another to take the beatings for him. Of course, squatting on the shoulders of his various mounts would mean that he, himself, would continue to be the target of fists, brooms, and shoes, so he learned to hide and to attract the attention of more powerful people.
He crafted a marvelous piece of crystal, imbued with a bit of his power, that would both cover him while perching on his mounts and be a way to attract new mounts. Small creatures would wear the crystal as a helmet (with him hiding on their heads), others as pauldrons, or integrated into their own anatomy and armor in various ways.
In general, operating among the nations in this incognito fashion was wonderful. He got to pick fights, steal, stick his nose into other peoples business, all without even being noticed. His luck turned, though, once he attracted the attention of a particularly large and brutal half-orc. That particular half-orc insisted on wearing the crystal not on his head or shoulders, but as a cod-piece instead. The Thing with no Name found that particular thing (which had a name) to be utterly intolerable. He attracted the first mount that he could find, and took a thief by the name of Spittle.
Though much more comfortable on Spittle's shoulder, the Thing remains in the market. He recently saw an advertisement for adventurers and has decided that this is a great place to shop around.
The Thing, despite his penchant for conflict and irritation, generally does his business outside of the bedroom. He likes to cause problems for the various authority figures that he runs across, but does work hard to ensure that problems aren't traced back to himself.
He probably could learn how to be loyal, but frankly he has never had a reason to. Despite his alignment, he is true to his word, and generally doesn't like to commit random murder or arson (unless he knows he can easily blame someone else).
Spittle, on the other hand, isn't seen very often. His personality is, if anything, more unpleasant than the Thing's, although he is much less likely to mouth off to constables and priests. On those occasions where he slips out from the Thing's control he tends to scream incoherently and babble about legs. Lots of legs.
Today's Date: Really? You don't know? Why don't you know what today is?
Your Name: I don't have a... I mean... Spittle.
Other Names You May Be Known By(Don't lie, we'll know, and the Quartermaster will wand rape you):Spittle. I don't have a name. And Spittle might like that, I certainly don't really care.
Place of Residence: Right here. Until I find something better.
Position Sought: Something a bit more skilled. Or perhaps scarier.
Available Start Date: Again with the stupid questions? Why would I be here if I didn't want a job?
Education (some form of formal magical education is required):I am fully initiated into the mysteries of more gods than I should be. I'd rather not list them, for legal purposes.
Have you ever consorted with the Undead (This does not disqualify you from employment, but may require you to be looked over for possible infection by a healer)? I wish. I've worked with oozes, but can't manage a stupid skeleton. Oh well.
Have you ever consorted with Fiends or Angels, and do any of them currently have a rental contract, lien, or ownership of your soul (again this doesn't disqualify you, but we may need to have a healer give you the once over)? No, yes (though he hated it), no, no, and no.
Have you ever consorted with any other entities of power? Again, no. But I'm in the market.
Are any Gawds currently pissed at you, or do you owe any of them favors for past help (Resurrection for example)? Not at me, per se. None who are looking for me, anyway.
Are any other powerful entities of foreign governments angry at you? What I said before. No one looking for me.
For that matter are you under contract to any foreign governments or organizations? Not really. I think I should have been reporting to my elders, but I'm not sure how.
Have you ever been resurrected? Nope.
Have you committed any crimes (note this does not necessarily bar your employment unless you've been doing something pretty damn awful)? Arson, murder, theft, vandalism, blasphemy, heresy, inciting riots, and jaywalking. And suicide, a couple times.
Have you ever wanted to rule the world, or at least some portion of it (be honest)? I want to eat the world. Does that count?
Do you have any religious beliefs? Not at the moment.
Are you a member of any organizations, Guilds, cults, etc? I am an infiltrator extraordinaire for the Spider Clan.
Do you have any ideologies or sexual deviations which may be a threat to the city, it's inhabitants, or reality as we know it? Spittle has a few, but don't worry about it.
Do you have any odd dietary restrictions, taboos, medical needs, or require exposure to any substances we should know of? I've got a mild negative energy allergy.
Are you forbidden from participating in anything, and if so why? I try and stay away from necromantic magic. Because of my allergy.
Are you vulnerable to mental and physical damage from anything we should know of? No more than usual.
Are you cursed or haunted? Spittle is. Heh heh heh.
Are you insane, and are you willing to submit to an examination to prove that? Spittle will submit to any examination that you care to try.
Would you define yourself as Evil? Is it really so evil to watch other consume themselves in orgies of hate and fury? I don't think so.
Are you the Minion of someone who would define themselves as Evil? I'm no one's minions. Spittle, on the other other hand. Heh.
Have you ever been Undead or in an altered physical or mental state? No. Remember the allergy? Seriously, it's like your not paying attention at all.
Would any of the above apply to your immediate circle of friends, coworkers, or relatives? What now?
Do you own any magical items that may be cursed or problematical? Do you want to try on this pauldron? It's awesome. But I need to cast this spell first, if you let me its easy.
The Thing with no NameMale CE Puppeteer (Lolth Touched) Psion,
Level 7,
Init +1,
HP 26/26,
Speed AC 19,
Touch 19,
Flat-footed 18,
Fort +3,
Ref +3,
Will +8,
Base Attack Bonus 3 /63
(+1 Dex, +8 Size)
Abilities Str 7, Dex 12, Con 12, Int 21, Wis 16, Cha 9
Condition Enthrall: If a puppeteer is in physical contact with a creature it has charmed (the puppeteer establishes a physical hold by means of slender infiltrating tendrils), the subject acts as if Dominated. (Puppeteers often seek to charm victims first and then “ask” to be picked up.) As usual, orders against the dominated creature's nature allow it creature to make a Will save DC (8+1/2HD+Cha mod) to break out from the domination, but if they succeed they only regain control of their vocal capacities, after which the puppeteer recovers control automatically. The creature gains no control over their bodily motions, but may speak or communicate telepathically, or take actions that do not require movement (like a spell with no somatic or material components); the enthralled creature cannot take an action which directly removes the puppeteer from its body, although they can ask for help. All other clauses from Domination apply, like self-destructive orders not being carried out and ability to receive full sensory input as a standard action.
A puppeteer may start the game enthralling a warrior/expert/commoner of its own level for free, with which it shares a common main goal.
Parasite Brain: The puppeteer has blindsense and telepathy 15 feet plus 5 feet per 2 HD, up to 60 feet at 18 HD. At 19 HD the blindsense becomes blindsight 60 feet.
In addition, the puppeteer may use Psionic charm and Detect Psionics as a PLA 3/day each, using Cha as its base stat, with a manifester level equal to its HD. At 5HD it may use mental barrier as a PLA 3/day as well.
Hide Mind:A puppeteer cannot be identified as psionic by divination spells or clairsentience powers.
Host Protection:A puppeteer in control of a host is treated as an attended magic item for the purpose of making saving throws, even if the puppeteer is specifically targeted. A puppeteer that is attached to its host is treated as a creature in a grapple for the purpose of striking at the puppeteer instead of the host (but the host is not considered grappled in turn).
Fearless: Immune to all Fear Effects
26,000 xp
-21,000: 7 Class Levels
-3,000: +1 LA Bought Off
TOTAL: 2000 (Need 7000 to level up)
Spittle Human Expert,
Level 7,
Init +3,
HP 34/34,
Speed 30'
AC 17,
Touch 13,
Flat-footed 14,
Fort +4,
Ref +6,
Will +7,
Base Attack Bonus 5
Dagger (x2) +8 (1d4, 19-20x2)
Light Crossbow (10) +8 (1d8, 19-20x2)
+1 Studded Leather (+4 Armor, +3 Dex)
Abilities Str 10, Dex 16, Con 13, Int 14, Wis 12, Cha 8
Condition None