Bros before hoes or on the need to pick sides

[LordBlades]

Something I've been wondering lately: if your significant other has a friend with whom you clash on some stuff (like she hates something you do, you hate something she does, but get along fine apart from that), is it fair for your significant other to expect you to back off in favor of sais friend?

Until recently that  has been the default attitude in my marriage (I've backed off for her friends, she backed off for mine), but recently I've started to notice many people around me do the exact opposite (expect friends to back off in favor of significsnt othet (

[phaedrusxy]

In my opinion... you have to live with your SO, not your friends. So hell yes, I'll favor my SO over my friends. (Note: this is just in the case of marriage, really.) If they want to remain my friends, they aren't going to antagonize my SO. I probably might talk to the SO about it as well, but if push comes to shove, of course I'm going to "choose" my SO. "Bros before hoes" is college frat boy nonsense.

[bhu]

I'm probably a little meaner than most.  'Bros before hoes' is similar to 'My country, right or wrong'.  It's a bullshit statement either way.  I generally backup whichever side I truly believe is right, regardless of consequence.  People need someone who is willing to tell them what they need to hear as opposed to what they want to hear.  If someone you loves is being a dumbass, they deserve to have one honest person who is willing to say "Dude, I love you, and I'd take a bullet for you, but you're being a dumbass.  Stop it."

This doesn't mean you need to seek argument or make life deliberately difficult for yourself, but at some point if someone you love is clearly blind to something, you should be willing to point it out. 

[Amechra]

I would certainly put my close friends in front of gardening equipment. No question.

But really, there is no right or wrong in this situation; if what you are doing is working out for you and your SO, then you have no need to change. If it isn't working out, have a nice, calm conversation with them and try something else.

[altpersona]

in my experience, the people that you clash with will go away. dosnt really matter if they are your friends or SO's.

of course, the last such problem i had w/ a SO friend, i told em flat out they are 'a stupid cunt and should avoid me' . it annoyed the mrs, but it also provided some distance for the mrs to evaluate the friends behavior patterns.

[SorO_Lost]

Bros before hoes: Ask the brothers for help getting a date before paying for prostitutes.

fify.

[ksbsnowowl]

Phaedrus and bhu are both right.  Defend your spouse, but look at the situation honestly, and have a "come to Jesus meeting" with the offender (and that could be both sides, separately) once cooler heads reign once again.

[Frogman55]

'Come to Jesus meeting.' I haven't heard that in a looong time. I usually hear it called a MotT (Moose/Meat on the Table) session.

[SorO_Lost]

That term is still used around here.

I prefer "wall to wall counseling" my self...