For book access, I agree, split by category:
Systems(usually magic) - If I'm not familiar with it you'd better know it like the back of your hand and convince me. But defaults to no for entire systems(so Incarnum, Shadowcasting, Truenaming, etc). Psionics and ToB get a waiver because I'm personally familiar with them. All calls on systems related feats and equipment get the same condition.
Spells - Core and SpC.
Feats - Any source I'm familiar with(no Dragons, setting specific stuff or web articles for example). Include feat fulltext somewhere(you can crop it out as an image or scribble it on your sheet, whatever)
Mundane Equipment(non-alchemical/drugs/poisons) - Default acceptance from any source I'm familiar with.
Magic Items - Core & MIC.
Races - Individual negotiation.
Monsters - No.
Then throw in as a rough estimate, three special requests(for anything except systems) per player, for which the full text of the whole ability should be provided.