What i believe is happening is that i finally got it in my head that i don't need anyone else to be happy. Before, basically the only way i could deal with a breakup was by getting into another relationship. Which is exactly what i did, back in september last year. But i couldn't really care about the girl i was with, so i cheated on her, repeatedly. Which, admittedly, was a very shitty thing to do.
So i broke up with her, and i was seeing multiple girls at once. One of them pushed hard for a relationship, and i ended up caving in. I regretted it before we even got to a month of being serious, so i ended it. I ended it despite that she's amazingly beautiful(kind of looks like Sasha Grey, TBH), smart, and has one of the cutest laughs i ever heard.
I did it because i couldn't really commit, and some other NSFW factors as well. I'm now in a place where i'll be toxic in any serious relationship, no matter what. I know that. It doesn't matter how amazing the girl is. I think that the bachelor life is amazing, and is something that i had never really lived before. Before, i had one or two one night stands, and i had one or two adventures.
Since my fianceƩ broke up our engagement, i had several of both. In a sense, i've lived more since then, than i did my entire life before. If i had self-image and confidence issues before, they've now completely evaporated. I can walk up to a girl i have never seen before in my life and be successful - and, more importantly, not care if i'm rejected. And it's been amazing. If i'm going to be honest, i'll say i'm getting kind of addicted to this lifestyle. It's completely different from everything i've lived prior, and better in a lot of ways. For one, i don't have to justify myself to anyone about anything that i do.
But, yeah, i haven't completely transitioned in my mindset yet. I still think that i maybe should really settle down, but then i change my mind. It's hard. In a nutshell, it's like, before i thought i had very few options, and because of that, i gave my all to try and make it work when i found a girl that clicked with me, and i really tried to gloss over all her flaws and focus only on the good bits. Now that i know that i have ALWAYS had ALL the options, it's kind of hard to really settle down. It seems that the first thing that displeases me is enough of an excuse to break it off and try to find better options.
And, yes, i kind of feel bad about having been a jerk to my prior two girlfriends. Like golem said, i've rebounded and i didn't like doing all that. Only now, i don't see myself really settling down anytime soon. I'll just try and be honest and upfront to all the girls about that now. Hopefully that makes me less of a jerk and i feel better about myself.