King Robert and the Housecat Menace!

[Stratovarius]

Hear Ye, Hear Ye! It is proclaimed, by King Robert the Magnificent (known better to one and all as "that crazy barker Bob from the hovel round back") that he is in need of champions, defenders of the faith, and noble swains to fight a pestilential invasion, one that threatens to sweep away all that is good and right in the world! For a grave evil has arisen, one that can only be countered by YOU, the blessed inhabitants of the Hamlet of Barf. The basement of your great and glorious king has been overrun by the dreaded housecat peril, and he seeks four men, four warriors of renown and skill, to rid the world of this hateful curse.

He will, upon your accepting of the challenge at hand, promote you to Sir, and gift you a substantial sum of money for your undertaking such terrible dangers. Also to be provided (at cost), is one weapon of your choice, pursuant to all appropriate disclaimers and safety instructions. He will not, however, provide a map to his basement. Mostly because he's barking mad and doesn't know himself.

So come forth, champions of the good and the glorious, and test yourselves against the greatest danger the Hamlet of Barf has ever faced! Except for the War of Bovine Flatulence in 1587. And the Dreadful Plague of Itchy Tumbleweed in 1321. And possibly more. All the same, speak and be knighted, for the glory of King Robert the Magnificent, and a legacy of heroes!

Addendum:
Should you die in the attempt, any remaining gold not spent reverts to King Robert the Magnificent, and not to your widow, or your twelve illegitimate children.
King Robert, recognizing that you may be in his basement for some time, has gifted to you a Wand of Vigour, Lesser, which can be used by one and all. But only one wand for the lot of you, so make it count.
Finally, King Robert gets first choice on the spoils. He's funding this whole endeavour, after all.

[Stratovarius]

Having assembled his company of champions at the low wooden hatch that would lead them to his basement, King Robert the Magnificent capered about them, giving each a big kiss on both cheeks as a good luck token. At least, that is, until he came to Lauren. Sniff. Sniff. "You smell funny. You're not... one of them, are you?"

"Lords, ladies, and whatever that smelly person over there is, I beseech you, come back on your shield, not with it! Or if you don't have a shield, a suitable plank of wood! Because I'm almost certain none of you will live to clean out the bloody cats who live in my basement, and I'll have to get another group of fools to charge in. Now, where was I? Ah, yes. Never fear, for the blessing of King Robert the Magnificent goes with you, and shall protect you from harm. Although I make no actual warranty as to the effectiveness of such blessings. Now get a move on!"

Being the cheerful old coot he was, it was The Hero King Robert ran up to and kicked in the backside send him tumbling down the basement, which, being a basement, was dark. Very dark. Like the darkest dark of a dark night, but darker. On the whole, very dark. Which meant he bumped his head on an old crate standing up. Only to find himself face to face with the glowing eyes of a cat. A very large cat. Which reached out carefully with one paw, booped him on the nose, and disappeared into the darkest dark of darkness. Thus, the quest had begun.

[SolEiji]

"I've come for the adventure!"

It was the first thing out of the mouth of this rather musclebound reptilian figure as he burst into the mighty noble castle that was King Robert's likely thatched roof cottage of no particular value.  Sure, the whole thing smelled of a scam or perhaps crazy hobo wine, but the noble hero was pumped and ready for action!  He looked good, almost like a real adventurer with some shiny red chain mail, but that's all that looked good on him for it was clear that the knight errant's swords were a bit on the blunt side.  And a bit high in wood content and not so much iron.  And the fact that his stomach gave a good growl after he announced his presence.  Sadly, it seemed, brave heroes cannot subsist on heroics alone and so cast must be found before his belly became a minion for the forces of eeeeeevil!

"Saw your ad, don't worry!  I am the famous Hero!  I slew the dread Rat of Unusual Size!"  The unusual thing about the rat was how small it was, but still technically accurate.  Also, it was also the rat of unusual lack of movement or vital signs, but those are unimportant details.  What is important is that he's not alone!  Other people have come to fight the good fight for what he presumed to be a perfectly legitimate ruler of this area.  The exact details of politics evaded him anyway, but he said it so it must be true, right?

"Cats are just C-rats."  Sea rats?  "Are all these people coming?  Hi!" he's introduce himself.  "I'm The Hero, how are you?  We're friends now!"

Friendship is non-negotiable.

"So where are we going King?  Oof!"  Down The Hero goes.  Why, the King must be so confident in his abilities he gets to go first!  "Sure is dark in here."

Was that a cat just there?  The hunt begins!  Where are his allies in arms?  Come down and join him!

[Raineh Daze]

It was with considerably more care that the morphologically-challenged Lauren descended down into the basement, letting Rodney jump down first and then awkwardly making her way down after. Stupid humans, making steps and stairs and ladders all so big; with this leather on it was kind of hard to stretch enough to get down there. Still, it was an improvement being away from the creepy king... stupid idiot nearly gave away her secret.

The cat mounted the dog, and then took stock of her surroundings: with both scent and low light vision on her side, she doubtless had as good an ability to navigate the basement as the felines themselves did. Even if her bonuses as a normal person were because of being so fluffy...

[Stratovarius]

The basement, or at least this first room of it, could be said to be very... basementy. There were a rather large number of indeterminate crates, boxes, and detritus scattered about. Including some pieces of parchment with drawings of uncertain provenance. There were walkways between the piles of junk, but sometimes they ended in walls of the material, where the expansion of material filled in what had once been a clear path. And in the back of the basement, atop the tallest pile, perched a large and majestic cat, perhaps twice or three times the size of a housecat, and with eyes that glinted deep amber in the darkness.

"Pitiful humans! I give you this one chance to flee before the might of the Kitty Kingdom! Our time is now, and we are the greatest of all species! Any who stand in our way shall fall. So flee, peasants, flee to the ends of the earth so that you may live out your days in squalor before the legions of the Iron Housecats roll over you and all you hold dear. For the doom of the two-legs is here, and we are but the first wave! Now shoo!"

[Raineh Daze]

Mother was right: housecats were simply no good, and this one was particularly dumb.

So Lauren took aim and fired.

[Clanjos]

The town's pharmacist, a dwarf who dipped into the supplies far too often, had tagged along as well. Of course, he'd listened to King Bob's speech while downing a few magic mushrooms. Obviously they'd hit harder than he thought- cat's couldn't talk, after all. Nonetheless, it never hurt to make friends with the drug-induced hallucinations. His eyes flashed and he held a gallon bag of a strange, green plant.

"Aw, c'mon my feline compadre. Just take some 'nip and we'll talk this over."

[Stratovarius]

The arrow passed harmlessly through the majestic cat, revealing her to be nothing more than a projection from somewhere else. "So be it! The hordes of the Iron Housecat shall see you cast down, you and your doggy friend!"

As she disappears, three housecats appear from out of the darkness and climb onto the piles of rubbish, staring down haughtily at these fool peasants who dare to challenge their power.

[SolEiji]

One after another, the others came to meet The Hero.  He only briefly got to meet this motley crew, though he knew that they were all good people.  They had to be, after all, the brave and noble king had hand picked them.  Why look, the lady on a dog was already starting the party and trying to protect him with arrows.  She must have been really strong too, she blew up that cat in one hit!  Why he doesn't even see the remains, its like it was never there!  so strong, much arrow, how overkill!

"Aha!"  Hero sprung to his feet and drew his trusty wooden sword, brandishing it around at nothing in particular.  "We're already defeated your Cat of Unusual Size!  Are you out of troops already that you have to send your whores?"  No, Hero, that's hoards!  Nevermind, there they are, three of them!  "Hey, you're not made of iron, you lied to us."

The Hero wasn't about to start hostilities yet, since it looked like they wanted to say something.  That doesn't stop him from readying an action to knock over their rubbish pile and completely disrupt their footing.