Looks pretty good from skimming over it, especially the added options such as missile volleys or mob grapples, and the better grading of HP rather than to set it always to 30HD as per the official mob template.
I might use this version in my upcoming pirate campaign as a way to handle ship crews in combat. That way they will still matter and losses will still hurt, but I will neither have to handwave them nor to keep track of individual HP for dozens of Expert 2 NPCs.