Min/Max Boards

I'm so sad that you're taking a (well deserved) break. This is wonderfully written, I'm glad I came on it late (just before Christmas) and got to read loads in one go. For me, it's been up there with the Penny Arcade and Drunks 'n Dragons podcasts for pure addictiveness married to consistent quality. I really look forward to you picking it up again!

Being Dave Malkovitch -  a mini handbook to help inspire better followers

Perhaps you’re a seasoned adventurer and you’ve fed your DM enough beer for him to allow Leadership and now you’re wondering what to do with those 5 x 1st level followers. Conventional wisdom would say they’re too squishy for anything but background Mooks, household staff or dragon-fodder: there’s no point in filling out their details.

Well, I’m here to tell you that conventional wisdom can kiss my shiny, metal, warforged ass. Ignore all of those nasty terms like ‘BSF’, ‘Meatshield’ and ‘Tier 5’. What you want, what we all want, is the humble, vanilla, Level One Human Fighter. Dave. We want Dave.
You might think that Dave is a poor choice – you might think all he’s good for is picking up the pointy thing and poking holes in goblins. Well, friend, you’re wrong. Dave is one of the most versatile and varied of all D&D’s wondrous beasts. I’m going to show you a few ways that Dave can exceed your expectations and fulfil all the usual party roles and more!

Disclaimer:
As a courtesy to those players in a particular setting I’ve avoided campaign specific sourcebooks (no Faerun, no Eberron) but if these are available to you then the options are vastly multiplied. I’ve also avoided using ACFs and so on. I HAVE conspicuously relied on a few select splatbooks (Magic Item Compendium, Complete X, Tome of Battle, Magic of Incarnum),  but I still think that most of the concepts are workable (to a lesser extent) just using core. The goal here is not to optimise but to tailor. I’m using the (11,11,11,10,10,10) array and the 150gp average fighter starting gold from the PHB. Surely, without all these restrictions, you could improve on my efforts? Remember people, if Dave can do it – SO CAN YOU!!!

I’ll start with a few more conventional Daves and then some of the exotic kind. Now, enough talking, bring on the Daves!

Dave the Wrestler:
Feats:    Improved Unarmed Combat, Improved Grapple, Martial Study (Mighty Throw)
Skills:    Intimidate (4), Jump (4), Free choice (4)
Items:    2 potions of enlarge person, Scale mail
Notes:    Change the Mighty throw to Dash and you have Dave the Monk!

Dave the Git:
Feats:    Combat Reflexes, Improved Trip, Exotic Weapon Proficiency (Spiked Chain)
Skills:   Intimidate (4), Jump (4), Free Choice (4)
Items:   Spiked Chain, Chain Shirt, Net, 5gp
Notes:   He’s a Git.

Dave the Trapmonkey:
Feats:   Shape Soulmeld (Theft Gloves), Lucky Fingers, Weapon Focus (longspear)*
Skills:   Search (2), Disable Device (2), Open Lock (2)
Items:   Masterwork Thief’s tools, Leather Armour, Longspear, 3 blessed bandages, 5gp
Notes:   This is one Dave that could really use an ACF – choose Thug from UA and you get better skills, more skill points and only lose the weapon focus.

Dave the Cleric:
Feats:   Martial Study (Crusader’s Strike), Martial Stance (Martial Spirit), Self Sufficient
Skills:    Heal (2), Use Magic Device (2), Knowledge (religion) (2)
Items:   2 Potions of Cure Light Wounds, 5 Blessed Bandages
Notes:   Martial stance requires you to succeed on a melee attack, but this can be for non-lethal damage so you don’t need a weapon. If you want to be in combat pick the Two weapon fighting feat instead of self sufficient to fuel twice the healing.

Dave the Mage:
Feats:   Soul of the North, Necropolis born, Weapon focus (touch Spell)
Skills:   Use Magic Device (2), Concentration (2), Knowledge (Arcana) (2)
Items:   2 Tanglefoot bags, Screaming flask, Quarterstaff, 10gp
Notes:   Cause fear, ghost sounds, touch of fatigue, chill touch, ray of frost, resistance each 1/day. (alternative feats in CA let you tailor this Dave differently and you may want to change the touch focus to ranged)

*Because, Y’know, what’s a longspear but a dagger on the end of a TEN FOOT POLE...?

So how should you go about creating your own Dave?  It is a bit of a different process to making a character to play – you care a lot less about progression and a lot more about how effective they are right now (since they’re likely staying this level forever). There are several things to think about, we can look at them as we build a new Dave – Dave the Guard. For Dave the Guard we’re going to be looking for someone who can pull guard duty on a gate/door or stand watch over a chest or prisoner.

Feats: You get three feats and the only restriction is that one must be a ‘Fighter Bonus Feat’ Although the SRD list seems quite restrictive, there are plenty of other feats published in other books which are also clearly stated to be selectable – some of them have been used above. Think about the SRD feat list first but if nothing good presents itself then put it to one side until later – you may end up scouring your library for more options:

Blind-Fight Combat Expertise Improved Disarm Improved Feint Improved Trip Whirlwind Attack Combat Reflexes Dodge Mobility Spring Attack Exotic Weapon Proficiency Improved Critical Improved Initiative Improved Shield Bash Improved Unarmed Strike Deflect Arrows Improved Grapple Snatch Arrows Stunning Fist Mounted Combat Mounted Archery Ride-By Attack Spirited Charge Trample Point Blank Shot Far Shot  Precise Shot  Rapid Shot Manyshot Shot On The Run Improved Precise Shot Power Attack Cleave Great Cleave Improved Bull Rush Improved Overrun Improved Sunder Quick Draw Rapid Reload Two-Weapon Fighting Two-Weapon Defense Improved Two-Weapon Fighting Greater Two-Weapon Fighting Weapon Finesse Weapon Focus Weapon Specialization Greater Weapon Focus Greater Weapon Specialization

The obvious choice for a general guard is Blindfight (to minimise the problems from Dave being blinded or facing invisible sneaks). Other good contenders from this list are Improved Initiative (to get the drop on trouble once it arrives), Quickdraw (for a palace guard who can’t keep his weapon drawn around the nobles) or Rapid Reload (for a guard manning a murder hole)

Now for our two ‘free’ feats – one for being first level and one for being human. Alertness stands out as perfect for a guard but at this point I usually check my favourites to see if they are appropriate. Skill related feats can be great: Able learner is a good way to make skill points go further (though in some cases Open Minded can be a better bet) but Jack of all Trades falls foul of our pitiful abilities. Heroic Destiny can be good – since Dave shouldn’t see too much action, once a day bonuses are nice.


Next we need to think about skills. Skill tricks are usually out since the requirements are too high for poor Dave – focus instead on the few skill rolls you expect him to need and maybe add some flavour (like the knowledge skills for Dave the Mage and Dave the Cleric, above). As a Human of average intellect Dave can have 12 skill points at first level but unless you have a spare feat (see above) he’ll be buying cross class skills the expensive way.

I’d say that: Listen (2) & Spot (2) are essential for Dave the Guard – If he’s guarding prisoners then Use Rope might be worthwhile but for a general guard you’ll get more mileage from Sense Motive.

Lastly we want to kit him out appropriately – 150gp isn’t much! Have a look at the Magic item compendium but if nothing stands out then focus on traditional weapons & armour. We’ll want Dave the Guard to cut an impressive military figure to deter trouble. We’ll also want him to be able to counter the common tricks sneaky types play.  I’d go for a big weapon & sturdy armour plus a potion of Protection from Evil or even Universal Solvent. Finally we’ll need some way for him to raise the alarm.

Dave the Guard:
Feats:   Blindfight, Alertness, Heroic Destiny
Skills:   Listen (2), Spot (2), Sense Motive (2)
Items:   Greataxe, Scale Mail, Potion of Protection From Evil, Thunder Stone
Notes:   Who wouldn’t feel safe with Dave keeping an eye on things?

I really am supposed to be at work so I’ll stop there but I can assure you that Dave the Scout, Dave the Diplomat, Dave the Detective and a hundred more await you if you can just open your heart to them…

Thanks for being clear and fast, I appreciate it. I'll stop trying to stack attacks and stick to one simple one (like the claws) and use the other melds to boost defence (Dragon Mantle instead of the tail) or provide other options (blink shirt or somesuch). I only really needed enough of an attack to make me hard to ignore, the rest was just dragon theming.

Yes, should work for bat form too!

I like LIGHT OF LUNIA (spell compendium) as an anti-undead spell. I creates a light (useful in itself) which you can expend as (up to 2) bolts that deal 1d6 damage each (ranged touch) but double damage Vs Undead.

The duration is 10min/lvl so you can cast it well before you need it. That's a first level spell that gives you light for quite a while and potentially 4d6 damage Vs. undead. There is a second level version (if you can cast second level spells) that doubles the damage.
[EDIT] Just re-read the above - I see you CAN cast second level spells - look for 'Light of Mercuria' (SC) - not many other 2nd level spells can dish out 8d6 damage!

Thanks both!

I'd go for Factotum - Chameleon if you want a more 'social' spy, whisper gnome monk (or spellthief?) if you are looking for a more 'physical' infiltrator type.

Feats and Feat trees would be my starting point - imagine the chaos for a DM who assumes that feats are balanced and treats Iron Will & Leadership equally!

Fireworks as explosives
Banana-skin caltrops
Alcohol for molotov cocktails
Pizza cutters as daggers
radio antennae as rapiers
Barbed-wire flails

Thanks, everyone, for your help. No Tashalatora I'm afraid - the DM says it is campaign specific. Now he knows I'm going for a speed build he's going to double check on the rules but he initially thought anything that referred to boosting my base speed specifically would be multiplied by run - anything that only mentioned speed would be applied after multiplying.

This means a +10 boost to speed 30 would, when running at x4 say, give me (30 x 4) + 10 = 130  Not, as I'd assumed, (30 + 10) x 4 = 160. This is making me think again about the whole build!