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Messages - brujon

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Off Topic Fun / Re: Awesome stuff you have to share, V4
« on: March 01, 2019, 08:58:06 PM »
Gotta give it to the ancient romans, they built infrastructure that's still working nowadays. In my home country there was even a still used roman bridge in my region then the local government made a big fanfare about building a new modern bridge so the peple wouldn't need to depend in the who-knows-how-old bridge.

And they built it.

And then winter came and there was a big storm.

And when the sky cleared the fancy new bridge had collapsed and the roman bridge was still standing in one piece!

They also developed special concrete for coastal areas that's actually reinforced by the salt from the water so that stuff is also still standing despite a millennia and half of being hammered by waves!


romans op

pls nerf

oh wait

patch 0.476 already nerfed the Holy Roman Empire, carry on

Off Topic Fun / Re: Awesome stuff you have to share, V4
« on: February 24, 2019, 12:41:39 PM »

... But honestly ...

That level of honesty and detail, will serve you and yours well.

The economist Jeffrey Sachs worked on Russia's transition out of their old system.  He did OK, they didn't do as well.  But he learned from his mistakes.  He has said the number 1 thing developing economies can do to help themselves, is to do real Sewage systems.  It's my understanding Sao Paulo is nearly complete in it's upgrade, and then they can branch out to Rio and the rest of the country.  It should work and the benefits are real.

Basic infrastructure and roads/trains make a great nation. You simply can't become great unless you have that. The USA wouldn't be what it is today if it hadn't laid the foundation all those years ago.

Off Topic Fun / Re: Awesome stuff you have to share, V4
« on: January 31, 2019, 10:20:30 PM »
Grats to Nytemare, load off your mind.

Brazil can probably recapitulate all of the science, and almost all of the simulations, for a space program.  But right now those physics phds can get way more $$ from the local big banks setting up the same stuff wall street has recently done.  USA ran as high as 4% of the gov during the moon race, but generally below 1% since.  It wasn't just a drag on the economy from too much military spending, rather it was research and development.  Necessary and how do you tell what the benefits are? (especially if focused on ultra short term only).

What i see as the problem here in Brazil is how science and research spending here makes absolute zero sense.


We have two government organizations that sponsor prospective Masters and Doctorate students: CAPES and CNPq. Both pay a pretty piss poor amount of money per month to the students, and impose some pretty serious restrictions. For example, they can't teach while they receive the money. Its considered that they are in exclusive dedication to the research program and therefore can't have obligations outside of the program. But what they pay is PITIFUL, really, you can't live on that alone. So you have future doctors and masters of sciences working entry level jobs or teaching high school biology under wraps just to keep themselves afloat while they finish the program.

Meanwhile, every promising research student in Brazil is quickly approached by members of universities overseas, from USA to Europe and Asia, who offer much much much better opportunities for them, with free housing of actual good quality, a monthly income that affords them a decent standard of living, and in some cases, a contract promising them a position to teach in the University at the end of the program.

So, what ends up happening is, almost EVERYONE that actually has a research that shows promise quickly leaves Brazil, and many, maybe even most of them, never come back to live here again. Job prospects, research prospects, the money, the standard of living, EVERYTHING is better, and the government isn't doing fuck all to keep all of these very valuable brains inside Brazil.

It's a massive crisis. To make matters worse, CAPES and CNPq demand that all graduate students that are sponsored by them publish a number of papers per year, as well as maintaining a given rating on their papers.

Well... Since many don't really have the time to actually publish those papers because the actually important research takes so long, and because the research is going to take a very long time to actually produce publishable results, what ends up happening is the co-signing of papers.

Yes, really.

Graduate Student A has a paper they'll be publishing, and they know Students B and C. He knows B and C will be publishing soon. They all talk it out and agree that all three of them will sign together on every one of the papers. So now, as far as CAPES and CNPq knows, they all published 3 papers each, and doesn't rescind their sponsorship.

Another consequence of this utterly dumb system is papers of pitifully poor quality are produced to meet the quota. It's bad, it's really really bad.

But i digress.

This is only ONE symptom of a much, MUCH larger issue with education in Brazil...

The fact is, we don't really have one. On most of the country, education is from non-existent to very poor. Only in major cities and capitals you have public education that goes from mediocre to actually very good, but mediocrity is the rule and the very good schools end up as hotly contested as private schools and you end up with rich kids that could pay for private education "stealing" the opportunities away from poorer students.

I work with people in a poor area of my city... I see many more illiterate people in their 20's and 30's than the government statistics would seem to indicate. Some of them can actually read, but don't. They don't read books, magazines, newspapers...  They don't read anything, and only sign their names. The result is, they are literate as far as making a sound from written symbols is concerned and using Whatsapp and Tinder, but they don't understand shit. They're functionally illiterate, and the amount of functionally iliterate people here is mind bogglingly high.

A space program wouldn't fix anything. If anything, it'd make things worse. Brazil needs a reform from the ground up. People that live here know this, but most of the international community doesn't.

Our universities are good, but some, not all of them, and they serve a very, VERY small number of the population, mostly those who can afford the private education needed to score high enough to actually get in. And when they graduate, they leave the country, or stay for 2 to 8 years pursuing graduate degrees and THEN leave the country. Meanwhile, elementary, middle and high-school education continues to be shit.

Sanitation is shit. Public transport is shit. Police is shit. Politicians are shit. EVERYTHING.

Could Brazil whip up a space program out of the ass and have it done in 10 years if someone really wanted it? Yeah, we probably could, yeah. Brazil is a large economy, after all. It's also a large country, and funds would have to be diverted from other important things, but they already are, so it wouldn't make much of a difference.

It also wouldn't help much of anything, really. We need reforms from the ground up, we need infrastructure, sanitation, and we need to develop the interior, that still lives more or less in the 1900's, if not the 1800's. A nation can't really become relevant if 90+% of its territory is more or less a shithole that nobody cares about and produces nothing of value whatsoever. We also need to grow out of being a granary state, we rely too much on agriculture, on selling meat and eggs. We have to take raw materials and produce resources, and right now, we don't.

We export our national riches and get a living wage off of it that goes straight to the pockets of the corrupt, and is never spent on actually making the country better.

But honestly, we're the ones to blame. Brazilians don't really get angry enough at the government. Shit like what's happening here goes on in the US of A and you'll have a government takedown by force in no time, blood would flow and order restored. But here we're all about peaceful protests, we never had a bloody civil war, hell, we barely even had any wars at all. The ones we did have over here we were vastly superior, like the Paraguay War or War of the Triple Alliance, and the troops we sent to WW1 and WW2 were very small dettachments if compared to what other countries sent, and lost. And our coast never saw much action at all, just a few ships sunk by nazi U-Boats and not much of anything else of note.

The problem lies within Brazilian culture, and until that changes, and culture takes a long long time to do so, we're not really going to fare much better than we have so far. Japan is what it is because of the culture of its people. Same as China and India. They were all shitholes not that long ago but look at them now. People love to put Brazil in the same bin as China and India, but i feel like we're very very far from that still, even if India has as many shitholes and many of the same problems as Brazil.

Off Topic Fun / Re: The Small Rants Thread XII: The Folly of Life
« on: January 28, 2019, 06:17:53 PM »
I wonder how hard it really is to become NORMAL

I guess i don't want to

This is the really bad part

My disability is such a huge part of what makes me who I am that the idea of being normal terrifies me.

I've got no idea what it's like to have an actual physical disability... But mentally, i just feel like almost nobody ever gets me...

I function in society alright, some might even say i'm successful... But i don't know. Sometimes i wish i'd fit in better.

But sometimes i feel that my weirdness is what makes me unique, dare i say, even what makes me somewhat successful.

I'm almost 100% onboard with my weirdness. It's like at 97%, but, sometimes, i still question everything.

Off Topic Fun / Re: Awesome stuff you have to share, V4
« on: January 28, 2019, 05:57:10 PM »
Good news! My friend's boyfriend works on diesel vehicles and was able to change my glowplug, saving me a MINIMUM of $400. He also refused payment, so I gave his girlfriend a bunch of MTG cards and told them to come abuse my free movie pass thing for working at the theatre.

Wanna be my friend?

Off Topic Fun / Re: The Small Rants Thread XII: The Folly of Life
« on: January 28, 2019, 05:55:49 PM »
I wonder how hard it really is to become NORMAL

I guess i don't want to

This is the really bad part

Off Topic Fun / Re: The Small Rants Thread XII: The Folly of Life
« on: January 25, 2019, 03:20:35 AM »
I'll miss him, that's for sure.

Off Topic Fun / Re: The Small Rants Thread XII: The Folly of Life
« on: January 24, 2019, 11:42:19 PM »
I mean, IDK... He was actually pretty supportive of me during my bad times, one of the few that cared enough to send PM's and offer a helping hand. I don't think he's a bad person, not at all. Rash? Combative? Yes, but not a bad person. He's been a part of this community for so long i kinda don't see it being a good thing...


Off Topic Fun / Re: Awesome stuff you have to share, V4
« on: January 21, 2019, 09:26:51 PM »
Unfortunately Brazil's space program is all but dead... I'd really really like that not to be the case, but alas, we're not exactly a very wealthy country, and our politicians can't even manage to properly manage basic things like roads, railways, sanitation, affordable housing, education and basic infrastructure... We're decades away from having a proper space program. We have to fix a lot of stuff before we go down that road.

Off Topic Fun / Re: The Small Rants Thread XII: The Folly of Life
« on: January 21, 2019, 09:22:54 PM »
Wait, what? o.O

Off Topic Fun / Re: The Small Rants Thread XII: The Folly of Life
« on: January 08, 2019, 02:09:37 PM »
Glad to say it's working, at last! But for how long?
It depends.

So I like the table leg analogy for this one. If you build a life built on one thing, such as drug abuse & partying which is a pretty rickety leg anyway, it's pretty easy to tip the table over and send everything on it crashing to the floor. Your acceptance of your real self can be considered a leg too, and it's a lot sturdier than one that sits on a couple books of a delusional self image someone can simply kick apart. You can count bringing a disorder under control to be support too but you need to understand it can collapse if you lose medication access.

You should build your self-esteem and even your life with as many pillars as you can to make things as stable as possible. Identify them and how they are made, such as your house or job, and realistically look at how they can collapse. By having a plan you can add braces to a table leg or construct new ones. Like a source of income is nothing more than a leg too, it's an important one, but it's a leg because if you lose your job everything that requires money goes bye-bye without another job or leg to take the weight of owning several things.

That's also why people feel like their stuff owns them or they work to pay bills btw. They piled a lot of heavy stuff onto one end of their table and are trying to balance it all on financial resources. It's pretty easy to topple their entire lives in just about every way by nudging it, and the insecurity of it leads to other issues too.

That's a pretty solid advice. That's exactly what i'm doing and will be doing going forward, working not only in managing inner demons, but in actually building up my support structures as well. Taking care of my physical health, my friendships and relationships, my family, getting a better job/promotions, continue my MBA, get my Masters and PHD. Basically, continued self improvement on all fronts.

Taking care, of course, not to overwhelm myself, so that i don't fall into the trap of trying to do too much and ending up not being able to do anything at all.

Off Topic Fun / Re: The Small Rants Thread XII: The Folly of Life
« on: January 08, 2019, 01:07:28 PM »
It may feel like a small accomplishment but it was a large one Brujon. Congratulations.

And now looking at it in hindsight, you can see the lies people tell them selves and the confirmation bias. That's a pretty important lesson on it's own.

Yup. Pretty much, i had a lot of fun, a lot more good experiences than bad ones, but the few bad ones i did had, and the few times that i did go overboard with them, and the time i finally felt that if i continue down this road it will NOT go well for me, and i decided that enough's enough, and it's been great.

Finally getting to a point where my meds are actually working has been amazing, it's like i'm a completely different person now. I can think way more clearly, way less emotionally and more rationally at things. I don't do things by impulse anymore, but think rather than act immediately.

For so many years i've struggled to really accept that i do, in fact, have a problem and that i need to take my meds. For years i've been misdiagnosed, taking drugs that rather than help me just neutered me and left me not feeling really like myself. But now i do accept that i'm bipolar, and i'll always be, and i need to take my meds or i'll go down the same way my uncle did, putting a bullet inside my own head. Bipolars are at an extremely high risk of suicide, it's a fucking frightening thing. Even now when i look back at some of the shit i did, some of the shit i wrote, some of the shit i felt when i was down, or how much i've hurt people (not physically) when i was drunk with power during my manic phases, my choleric outbursts, anger issues and overall lack of impulse control, i shudder.

And yet for so many years i neglected to better myself. I ran rather than faced any of my issues. I repeatedly bashed my head against the same wall, making the same mistake, over and over again, and stupidly wondered, just why the fuck am i getting the same results. Almost as if i was seeking to hurt myself, almost as if i wanted to feel bad, wanted to feel disappointed.

I chased an impossibility, a life where there are no hardships, no unexpectedness, a life where i'm fully in control, fully happy, all the time. Even my drug use was motivated by this, at least in part. When i got to clubbing, i went hard, i went to 4 to 5 nights a week, i barely slept 20 to 30 hours the entire week. I shot my stomach to hell, i became emaciated, eyebags so deep and purple it was obvious to all that i was on something most of the time. Even had to do coke sometimes just to get through a day's work. Eventually i did kick it back a notch, to a more normal level, but all this thrill-seeking behavior, this unhealthy obssession over being happy or having fun all the time would be the death of me, eventually, had i not come to the conclusion that i had to face up to my issues.

It's actually been a slow process, something in the making from way back to 2015, when i first started to really write, to really try to understand myself, my mind, to introspect and find within myself the flaws, and the means to better them, to conquer them, surpass them and find the strength to become a better man and human being. I started to deliberately think and do things, i started to search for a purpose for all of the things that i did.

If i did something, i did it because i wanted to. My first lesson to myself was that i was going to erase the word "regret" from my vocabulary, and it did wonders for me. Learning to let go of the past, to not question oneself, was a very good lesson that i learned, but it wasn't enough. I already knew, and had already written, that i can't control everything, and that i must learn to let go. I must learn to know when i can or can't prevent something from happening, separate problems into the "impossible" and "possible" categories, and really learn to see that "impossible" problems are not problems at all because problems imply a solution, and if something can't be remedied, than it's not use mulling over it, you just accept it as fact and move on.

But it's extremely hard, to introspect enough and find within oneself the drive and will to learn that it's much better to learn to react than it is to try and control events around you. As intelligent human beings we have the instinct of trying to use that cunning and understanding of the world to try and bend it to our will, make it conform to our desires, make it serve us and our purposes. We get frustrated, and feel small and diminished, when our wants are not met, our needs not fulfilled, and we're forced to admit that we can't do everything, that you're not so beautiful, or not so tall, not so smart, no so wealthy, not so dextrous, not so talented.

I had cast out the word "regret" but was struggling with "disappointment". I need to stop getting disappointed with myself, i needed to stop thinking that i need to somehow achieve X or Y in order to get valuable. I need to stop thinking that if i don't have X or Y i'll be judged by other people, seen as lesser. This need to impress, this care for what others think has to stop, and the self must prevail.

This is what i struggle with the most, but i am deliberately and purposefully attacking the problem, i'm consciously aware of every time that i fail to do this, and try and remedy it as best i can.

I never cared much for psychology, or psychologists in general. Nobody ever understood why. This is why. I introspect, a lot. I really try to go deep into myself, try to better, try to systematize. I'm my own psychologist, and i'm much better at fixing myself than anybody ever will. Only I, and I alone has the full breadth of knowledge in the subject matter of myself. I'm the utmost and foremost expert in the matter of the self. Nobody, no matter how hard they try, how long they know me, will ever know as much as i do about me. I'm the best qualified to do so, and so, i will treat myself as a problem that needs fixing, and apply solutions to fix it.

It's not too hard if i dettach myself enough, if i write about it, if i create a system, analyse it purposefully and coldly, scientifically. Like it was anything else, like it was an essay, a test, an exam or whatever. There's a problem needs fixing, i need to find and apply the solution. I'm good at this sort of thing.

Glad to say it's working, at last! But for how long?

It's too early to say that i finally figured everything out. BUT, that i'm better than ever, this much is certain. And i do so hope that no matter the hardships to come, that i've learned enough to surpass and overcome, come out stronger the other end, rather than crumble like a house of cards at the slightest gust of wind.

Off Topic Fun / Re: The Small Rants Thread XII: The Folly of Life
« on: January 08, 2019, 01:32:54 AM »
Well, ten years ago i did my exams and got into Pharmacological Sciences as my bachelor degree. I was so enamored by psychedelics, psychotropics and other mind altering drugs... Mesmerized as i was, i went in blind thinking it'd be a natural knack. And it wasn't, and i dropped out. Over ten years later, i went ahead and got some "empirical" evidence of their "effectiveness" and "effects". After some binging, some time as a lost soul, i finally found my ground again. As much as drugs change your mindset, as much as they go and make you see things through a different light, a different point of view... Nothing matters unless you listen to them. And i did listen. And i quit. And quitting was the best decision i'd ever made.

TBH, quitting seemed like what the drugs wanted me to do. I felt rejected by them. Like "you don't need me, go fuck yourself". They showed me what i needed to see, and then continuously kicked me in the butt until i gave up.

Now i can see the beauty in everything, and i feel absolutely no need to use anything. And if i do, it's over and done with it. No hard drugs, no synthetics....

feels like a small accomplishment

Off Topic Fun / Re: The Small Rants Thread XII: The Folly of Life
« on: December 17, 2018, 09:15:51 PM »
Life is fucking hard yo

Off Topic Fun / Re: Awesome stuff you have to share, V4
« on: December 04, 2018, 09:08:59 PM »
I may have gotten through crippling depression once again, and this time, no suicide attempts.
 Hooray me

Other Games / Re: Videogame Discussion III - Snake Eater
« on: December 03, 2018, 12:11:39 AM »
So, my son has got me into playing Plants Vs Zombies GW2

You know what?

It's surprisingly fun!

I actually don't hate it. There's some real thought that went into making each class and balancing it all out, and i find myself playing it with him hours on end and not getting bored.

To make things even better, one of his older friends went and showed me all kinds of glitches and bugs you can do with the game, which made everything even more enjoyable.

Kids these days are something else!

I had to actually go and BUY magazines to get walkthroughs, and glitches and bugs were things shared as rumors and you were never sure you're hearing bullcrap or actual valuable information.

Even with the internet, it was still hard to sift through what's valuable, what's not... And kids these days, much younger than i was when i found out about glitches and stuff, are absolute masters.

They deftly scour YouTube and fansites for all new glitches and master them easily.

I feel exactly like my father did, when i finally surpassed him in the original Mortal Kombat in the Mega Drive.

Back then i got a bit angry at him for going all out against me, and then i got better than him and him going all out still wasn't enough and then he got angry.

I get it now... It's almost as if everything i did before amounts to nothing. These kids have it in their genes. Somehow my father passed it on to me, i made it even stronger, and now my son inherited it and is using it to kick my ass...

Natural order of things.

I still can boss him around though, so that's a plus!

Other Games / Re: Videogame Discussion III - Snake Eater
« on: November 29, 2018, 08:40:28 AM »
So, i bought Stellaris.

It's well worth the money! Paradox may charge a pretty penny for their products, but the gameplay is superb and the support amazing.

Currently having fun playing as a sentient robot species that evolved as a gestalt consciousness after the planet's previous inhabitants realized the futility of the flesh. They consider all forms of biological life inferior and seek to expand their empire of logic and reason to all reaches of space, all the while purging xenos life in all forms, by means of apocalyptic orbital bombardment.

In other words: FUN

Off Topic Fun / Re: The Small Rants Thread XII: The Folly of Life
« on: November 01, 2018, 11:51:40 PM »
I am so salty right now, like, SUPER SALTY.

Got a friend, we're about as good looking as each other, he's got a full beard and i have none to speak of.


I got Tinder Gold and i only got 4.  GODDAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!! BEARDS MAKE A HELL OF A DIFFERENCE!

Off Topic Fun / Re: The Small Rants Thread XII: The Folly of Life
« on: October 31, 2018, 07:23:24 PM »
Chugging bleach to die is such an idiotic thing to do... One of the most painful ways to die, and if you live, you're scarred for life, myriad of problems to deal with.

Off Topic Fun / Re: The Small Rants Thread XII: The Folly of Life
« on: October 24, 2018, 06:22:50 PM »
I never posted here drunk as a matter of principle

But i am drunk now

And i feel like breaking some principles

because breaking principles is fun

when you don't kill anyone

or make any permanent lasting damage

so what's uuuuuuuuuuuup

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