Author Topic: Jesters Realm Critters  (Read 64375 times)

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Jesters Realm Critters
« on: November 11, 2011, 08:15:03 PM »
Aberrations
Aquamarine Hulk (Page 3)
Beelemnoid (Page 10)
Cerise Hulk (Page 3)
Cerulean Hulk (Page 3)
Chartreuse Hulk (Page 3)
Fuschia Hulk (Page 3)
Green Hulk (Page 4)
Grey Hulk (Page 4)
Hairbeast (Page 4)
Heyve (Page 10)
Hummingator (Page 7)
Lavendar Hulk (Page 4)
Magenta Hulk (Page 3)
Orange Hulk (Page 4)
Periwinkle Hulk (Page 4)
Pet Tentacle Monster (Page 6)
Sepia Hulk (Page 4)
Sienna Hulk (Page 3)
Teal Hulk (Page 3)

Animals
Hummingbird Swarm (Page 4)

Constructs
Armored Turtle (Page 1)
Banana Muffin Swarm (Page 6)
Bee Golem (Page 10)
Beeswax Golem (Page 10)
Bell Golem (Page 1)
Booze Golem (Page 1)
Cyclopean Dreadguard (Page 7)
Edible Golem (Page 2)
Electric Yak (Page 1)
Fungal Golem (Page 5)
Gunpowder Golem (Page 1)
Hive Golem (Page 5)
Idiot Box (Page 6)
Lollipop Guardian (Page 7)
Manakin Golem (Page 5)
Marble Golem (Page 1)
Nerf Golem (Page 5)
Poop Golem (Page 1)
Putty Panda (Page 1)
Rabid Hushpuppy Swarm (Page 10)
Snow Golem (Page 2)
Whale Golem (Page 1)

Dragons
Miscreant Dragon (Page 11)

Elementals
Fire Succubi (Page 11)

Fey
Banana Dryad (Page 4)
Cactus Dryad (Page 1)
Dire Nymph (Page 1)
Durian Dryad (Page 8)
Fairy Shrimp (Page 1)
Habanero Dryad (Page 1)
Moss Dryad (Page 4)
Mushroom Dryad (Page 4)
Pan-Da (Page 1)
Rosebush Dryad (Page 5)
Seaweed Dryad (Page 1)

Giants
Vampire Giant (Page 12)

Humanoids
Bee-Holder (Page 6)

Magical Beasts
Antbird (Page 2)
The Apes of Wrath (Page 6)
Archer Fish (Page 2)
Arctic Fox (Page 2)
Armordillo (Page 2)
Atlas Hamster (Page 6)
Bafoon (Page 5)
Barbearian (Page 2)
Bearmaid (Page 7)
Beehemoth (Page 9)
Beest (Page 9)
Bighorn Sheep (Page 2)
Blowfly (Page 2)
Bore (Page 5)
Buffalo Chicken (Page 11)
Bugbear (Page 3)
Bullfrog (Page 2)
Bumblebee (Page 9)
Cameleon (Page 5
Carnivorous Jungle Death Penguin Swarm (Page 3)
Carpenter Bee (Page 9)
Cash Cow (Page 2)
Cat-Bee (Page 11)
Cetus Rex (Page 10)
Cogre (Page 11)
Combustible Chicken (Page 5)
Cow Bird (Page 6)
Crab Spider (Page 2)
Crocerocerous (Page 7)
Crow Bee (Page 9)
Crowolf/Dire Crowolf (Page 7)
Cuckoo Bee (Page 9)
Death Gerbil Swarm (Page 3)
Deel (Page 11)
Devil Mice Swarm (Page 3)
Digger Bee (Page 9)
Dire Honey Badger (Page 10)
Dire Owlbear (Page 7)
Fire Beetle (Page 3)
Funk Ape (Page 2)
Good Kitty (Page 2)
Hamstower (Page 7)
Headless Mule (Page 6)
Hero Shrew (Page 9)
Honey Bee (Page 9)
Hornfaced Bee (Page 9)
Killer Bee (Page 9)
Lemming Swarm (Page 3)
Liberator Fish (Page 6)
Llamabird (Page 7)
Mad Turtle Swarm (Page 6)
Mason Bee (Page 9)
Mimic Sheep (Page 6)
The Mosquito (Page 8)
The Mother of all Hummingbirds (Page 2)
Mysterious Magical Maniacal Miniaturized Moose Swarm (Page 3)
Owl-Honey Badger (Page 11)
Pack Mouse (Page 6)
Pidgin (Page 9)
Pirhanakeet Swarm (Page 6)
Rainbow Butt Monkey (Page 6)
Ram (Page 5)
Rhinoctopus (Page 5)
Sage Buzzard (Page 2)
Shark Bird (Page 6)
Smiley Faced Spider (Page 5)
Spookity Kitties (Page 1)
Stone Crab (Page 2)
Stout Stoat (Page 6)
Swarm Fish (Page 6)
Sweat Bee (Page 9)
Therabee (Page 11)
Trash Gryphons (Page 11)
Trash Gryphons, 5E (Page 11 wip)
Troll Boar (Page 5)
Turkey (Page 9)
Voracious Lemming (Page 6)
Vorpal Shrew Swarm (Page 3)
Vulture Bee (Page 9)
Wombat of Doom (Page 8)
Zebrocerous (Page 7)

Monstrous Humanoids
Bee-Gurl, Princess (Page 10)
Bee-Gurl, Queen (Page 10)
Bee-Gurl, Scout (Page 10)
Bee-Gurl, Soldier (Page 10)
Beeserker (Page 10)
Darwin Monkey (Page 5)
Fish Bastards (Page 7)

Oozes
Beer Pudding (Page 2)
Figgy Pudding (Page 3)
Honey Ooze (Page 10)

Outsiders
Argentariusloth (Page 9)
Bee Devil (Page 11)
Beeflings (Page 9)
Beerded Man (Page 10)
Bee Witch (Page 11)
Birraloth (Page 9)
Buzzuzu (Page 10)
Conventusloth (Page 8)
Devilish Attorney (Page 3)
Emperor Ralph (Page 5)
Fur-bee (Page 10)
Lollipop, Possessed (Page 7)
Paralegal Imp (Page 3)
Patraloth (Page 8)
Prosedaloth (Page 8)
Torqueoloth (Page 9)

Plants
Skunk Cabbage (Page 12)

Undead
Bubba the Headless Chicken (Page 4)
Ghost Frog (Page 5)

Vermin
Beer Lurker (Page 5)
Bee Swarm (Page 6)
Big Bees (Page 6)
Giant Tick (Page 4)
Holy Shit is That a Mosquito? (Page 4)
Main Lobster (Page 4)
Pattern Bee warm (Page 7)
Sauna Bee (Page 7)
Sun Bee (Page 7)
Tick Swarm (Page 4)
Vampire Baby Swarm (Page 4)

Templates
Adorable (Page 10)
Ally of the Hive (Page 10)
Awakened Spells (Page 1)
Bar-bee (Page 10)
Bay-bee (Page 10)
Bee-Dazzler (Page 10)
Bee-Gurl, Adopted (Page 10)
Bee-Gurl, Male Drone (Page 10)
Bee of Power! (Page 10)
Boo-bee (Page 10)
Hee-Bee-Jee-Bee (Page 10)
Hiveless (Page 10)
Light Puker (Page 9)
Martian (Page 1)
Neo-Animal (Page 7)
The Perfect (Page 5)
Ray-bee (Page 10)
Scream Queen (Page 10)
Serf (Page 10)
Superhero (Page 4)
Turbo-Charged (Page 9)
Unfeeling Brute (Page 3)
Vampire Bait (Page 9)
Vampiric Vermin (Page 4)
Were Flamingo (Page 9)
Were Human (Page 2)
Were Kitten (Page 2)
Were Komodo Dragon (Page 8)
Were Otter (Page 4)
Were Pink Fairy Armadillo (Page 8)
Were Porcupine (Page 9)
Were Sea Monkey (Page 8)
Were Wombat (Page 9)
Winchester (Page 9)

Races
Awakened Spells (Page 1)
Basset Folk (Page 5)
Beaver Folk (Page 7)
Danubans (Page 6)
Ferret Folk (Page 11)
Glider Folk (Page 11)
Gopher Folk (Page 11)
The Guppy Folk (Page 6)
Manakin (Page 5)
Mice Folk (Page 10)
Neo-Animal (Page 7)
Nephilim (Page 11)
Orc Amazons (Page 1)
Owl Folk (Page 11)
The Noble Platypi (Page 6)
Packrats (Page 11)
Possum Folk (Page 11)
Rabbit Folk (Page 11)
Raccoon Folk (Page 11)
Rat Folk (Page 10)
« Last Edit: September 11, 2022, 10:51:50 PM by bhu »

Online bhu

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Re: Jesters Realm Critters
« Reply #1 on: November 11, 2011, 08:15:22 PM »
This one still needs some work...

Awakened Spells

Awakened Spells are an odd occurrence that happen in areas of Wild Magic at very rare moments. Sometimes in particularly volatile regions when an arcane caster casts a spell it gains a life of its own. This usually takes 1d6 weeks after the spell is cast, so the mage is unaware it has happened. An Awakened spell looks like its 'creator' but for its size (which is dependent on it's spell level) and minor changes in appearance depending on what the spell was (A Fireball might have flaming pupils for instance, or orange skin). To make an Awakened Spell you must choose a Base Creature, and a Base Spell. The Base Creature is the caster who cast the soon to be living spell, and the Base Spell is the spell that has come to life. When text refers to the level of the Base spell it is the spells level plus any increases due to Metamagic Feats.  For example a Maximized Fireball is a 6th level spell.

Awakened Spell is an Inherited template that can be given to any creature that can cast arcane spells as a result of it's Class. It is considered Inherited since the template is being applied to the newly created spell as opposed to the caster.

Size and Type: Type becomes Aberration. Size depends on Spell Level of the Base Spell (0:Tiny, 1-4: Small, 5-9: Medium, Epic: Large).

Hit Dice: Hit Dice change to d8's and must be recalculated. Hit Dice total becomes 1 plus Base Spell Level (Epic Spells have 11 Hit Dice).

Speed: Unchanged from base creature.

Armor Class: The base creature loses any Natural Armor bonus, but gains a Deflection bonus to Armor Class equal to 1 plus the Base Spells level (Epic Spells get a +11 Bonus).

Base Attack/Grapple: Recalculate based on new Hit Dice total, Type change and size.

Attacks: Unchanged from base creature.

Special Attacks: The Awakened Spell keeps none of the Special Attacks of the Base Creature. Instead it gains the following:

Johnny One Spell (Sp): The Awakened Spell may cast the spell it used to be as a Spell Like Ability. In other words an Awakened Magic Missile may cast Magic Missile. If any Metamagic Feats were used while the spell that would eventually come to life was being cast their effects are included. In other words if our Awakened Spell were a Heightened Magic Missile, it would cast Heightened Magic Missiles. The Living Spell may cast this spell a certain number of times per day depending on the original spells level (0: At will, 1-3: 4 times per day, 4-6: 3 times per day, 7-9: Once per day, Epic: Once per week. If the original spell was cast with Metamagic Feats and used a higher level spell slot because of this, the spell is considered to be that spell.  In other words if the spell was a 3rd level spell like Fireball and it was maximized with the Maximize Spell Feat, it is considered a 6th level spell.). Caster level is the Awakened Spells Effective Character Level.  The Spells Level restricts when the Awakened Spell gains this ability: 0: 2 HD, 1st: 5 HD, 2nd: 9 HD, 3rd: 11 HD, 4th: 10 HD, 5th: 12 HD, 6th: 14 HD, 7th: 13 HD, 8th: 15 HD, 9th: 17 HD, Epic: 21+ HD.

Powerful Caster (Su):The Awakened Spells effective caster level for all Spells or Spell-Like Abilities it can cast is equal to its Effective Character Level (i.e. Racial Hit Dice + Character Levels + Level Adjustment).

Special Qualities: The Awakened Spell keeps none of the Special Qualities of the Base Creature and instead gains the following:

Spell Resistance: The Awakened Spell has Spell Resistance equal to 11 plus it's Effective Character Level.

Immunities (Ex): The Awakened Spell is Immune to poison, paralysis, disease, age/sleep/death effects, stunning, polymorph, fatigue, or exhaustion. Awakened Spells do not eat, sleep. or age.

Dark Vision: Range is 60 ft.

Arcane Body (Su): The Awakened Spell retains any Subtypes the Base spell had. For example Awakened spells with the Fire and Evil Descriptors gain the Fire and Evil Subtypes. Certain effects such as Dispel Magic or Antimagic Fields cause Awakened Spells problems. Dispel Magic effects the Awakened Spell in a manner similar to the Clerics Turn Undead ability. The Arcane Caster must do a Targeted Dispel Magic, and then rolls 1d20 plus his Charisma modifier to see how powerful an Awakened spell he can effect (use the Turning Undead table on page 159 of the Players Handbook). If the Awakened Spell is within the range of effect the caster then rolls 2d6 + caster level + Charisma modifier. If this equals or exceeds the Awakened Spells Hit Dice, it is affected in the exact same manner as Turn Undead effects the Undead. If the opponent casting Dispel Magic was the caster who originally cast the Base Spell that has become an Awakened Spell he/she gets a +4 Circumstance Bonus on both rolls. If an Awakened Spell enters an Antimagic Field it must make a Fortitude Save each round it is in it (DC:10 + 1/2 opponent casters level + opponent casters Charisma bonus) or take 1 point of Constitution damage each round it is in the Field. The Awakened Spell may also be modified depending on whether Metamagic feats were used when casting the Base spell (see Notes below). If Detect Magic is used on an Awakened Spell it radiates an aura like any normal spell of its type.

Sense Creator (Su): An Awakened Spell always knows exactly where the caster who created it is as long as they are both on the same Plane of existence. It also knows whether the caster is alive, dead, or undead.

Limited Repertoire: The Awakened Spells may only take class levels in the same spellcasting class as their creator and any Prestige Classes it allows them to qualify for (i.e. a spell that was cast by a Wizard becomes a Wizard).

Abilities: The Awakened Spells Int, Wis, and Cha are 10 + Base Spells Level. The Physical attributes are the same as the base Creature, modified for its possible new Size Class (see page 291 of the Monster Manual). If the base creatures racial ability modifiers are -2 Strength, +2 Dexterity, so does the Awakened Spell.  The Awakened Spells primary casting stat gets another +2.

Skills: The Awakened Spell gets (2+Int modifer) skill points per level with 4 times that for the first level. Class skills are Concentration, Hide, Move Silently, Spellcraft, and Use Magic Device.

Feats: In addition to the Feats it would normally receive (i.e. one every 3 hit dice plus one at first level), the Living Spell receives any metamagic Feats used in the casting that created it as Bonus Feats.

Environment: Any

Organization: Solitary

Challenge Rating: CR now depends on the level of the Base Spell: 0-1st: +1, 2nd-4th: +2, 5th-7th: +3, 8th=9th: +4, Epic: +5.  Increase  CR ny +1 per 4 Hit Dice the creature has.

Alignment: Likely similar to the base creatures, but it could be anything.

Level Adjustment: Level Adjustment depends on the level of the Base Spell: 0-1st: +3, 2nd-3rd: +4, 4th-5th: +5, 6th-7th: +6, 8-9: +8, Epic: +9

Notes: Some Awakened spells can take certain species specific Feats depending on what Metamagic Feat was used in their creation.


Coercive
You're quite the talker.
 Prerequisites: Awakened Spell created with Coercive Spell Metamagic Feat, must be taken at creation
 Benefits: You can always take 10 on Bluff and Diplomacy checks.

Deceptive
You're a regular scamp.
 Prerequisites: Awakened Spell created with Deceptive Spell Metamagic Feat, must be taken at creation
 Benefits: You can always Take 10 on Hide and Sleight of Hand Checks.

Disruption
You're an excellent counterspeller.
 Prerequisites: Awakened Spell created with Disruptive Spell Metamagic Feat, must be taken at creation
 Benefits: You don't need to Ready an Action tp Counterspell, you can do it as an Immediate Action.

Empowered Smite
Take that hooligans!!
 Prerequisites: Awakened Spell created with Empowered Spell Metamagic Feat, must be taken at creation
 Benefits: 3 times per day, when casting a spell, your Caster Level is considered 4 levels higher for purposes of Caster level checks to overcome Spell Resistance.  This stacks with Feats like Spell Penetration.

Enhanced Spell
You're a better blaster.
 Prerequisites: Awakened Spell created with Enhance Spell Metamagic Feat, must be taken at creation
 Benefits: When determining how much damage your spells do, your caster level is considered to be 2 Levels higher.

Hulking Spell
Greetings puny mortal :D
 Prerequisites: Awakened Spell created with Enlarge Spell Metamagic Feat, must be taken at creation
 Benefits 3 times per day the Awakened spell can become 1 Size class bigger for 3 rounds plus 1 round per point of Charisma Modifier.  This works like the Enlarge Person Spell.

Personal Spell
How do you like my Mage Armor?
 Prerequisites: Awakened Spell created with Extend Spell Metamagic Feat, must be taken at creation
 Benefits Once per day you may cast any 1 spell with a Range of Personal, and it lasts for 24 hours.

Chonkers
I'm not fat, I'm big boned.
 Prerequisites: Awakened Spell created with Widen Spell Metamagic Feat, must be taken at creation
 Benefits The Awakened Spell has the Powerful Build ability, and it's weight is one and a half times greater.

Fast Spell
Take the spell component from my hand grasshopper.
 Prerequisites: Awakened Spell created with Quicken Spell Metamagic Feat, must be taken at creation
 Benefits The Awakened Spell gains a +4 Bonus to Initiative checks.  This stacks with Improved Initiative and similar Feats.

Quiet Spell
Sneaky Sneakies...
 Prerequisites: Awakened Spell created with Silent Spell Metamagic Feat, must be taken at creation
 Benefits 3 times per day the Awakened Spell can take 10 on a Move Silently skill check.

Strong Spell
You are quite powerful.
 Prerequisites: Awakened Spell created with Fortify Spell Metamagic Feat, must be taken at creation
 Benefits: You gain a +1 Bonus on attack rolls.

Zombie Lord
You're a bit cursed...
 Prerequisites: Awakened Spell created with Fell Animate Metamagic Feat, must be taken at creation
 Benefits: Any living being you kill that qualifies for the Zombie Template rises as one at the beginning of your next turn.  It is not a controlled zombie, however...


Example Living Spell
Base Creature: Dwarf Sorcerer
Base Spell: Leomunds Tiny Hut
Note: Physical stats were all 10 plus racial bonuses, with an additional +1 to one score for reaching 4th Level.

Jabberer the Hut
Small Aberration
Hit Dice: 4d8+4 (22 hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares)
Armor Class: 14 (+4 Deflection), touch 14, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +2/-2
Attack: By Weapon +2
Full Attack: By Weapon +2
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Powerful Natural Caster
Special Qualities: Spell Resistance 19, Immunities, Dark Vision 60 ft., Arcane Body, Sense Creator
Saves: Fort +2, Ref +1, Will +5
Abilities: Str 10, Dex 10, Con 12, Int 15, Wis 13, Cha 13
Skills: Concentration +8, Hide +7, Listen +3, Move Silently +4, Spellcraft +9, Spot +3, Use Magic Device +8
Feats: Alertness, Endurance
Environment: Any
Organization: Unique
Challenge Rating: 3
Treasure: None currently
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: Wizard Levels only
Level Adjustment: +4

Jabberer the Hut is an Awakened Leomund's Tiny Hut spell.  He appears as a Dwarf with opaque eyes of force.  Found wondering the mountains by Cohle, Jabberer was set up as a seller of magic items, specifically pranks and curses.  You know, the popular stuff.  It's uncertain what Cohle has in store for poor Jabberer, but he hasn't counted on Jabberer's immense popularity with the locals who adore the little guy.  The Gawds know they shouldn't, as the wares his store supplies keeps long held feuds fresh and raging.


AWAKENED SPELL
There are areas of Wild Magic in the world,  Chaotic and unpredictable, spells cast in their presence can behave erratically.  Sometimes, on rare occasions, they can come to life.  They have no memories of their creator, even though they can sense their maker.  Some seek out their creator to find meaning in life, some ignore their creator and set out to forge their own destiny. 

MAGICAL CLONES
Awakened spells are a semi-perfect clone of the individual who originally cast them, whom they refer to as their creator.  Their size is the main difference.  The less powerful the spell, the shorter the Awakened spell is.  The more powerful  it is, the taller the Awakened spell is.  There will also be some physical feature that hints at what spell it was originally.  For example, a Fireball might have fiery hair or eyes. 

BLANK SLATES
Awakened spells effectively have no society.  There aren't really enough of them to even form a subculture in most places.  They tend to adopt whichever culture first treats them with respect, bonding to the locals.  They are equally likely to become heroes or villains, largely depending on how they're treated, and who finds them first.

Awakened Spells are tireless defenders of whatever community they adopt, and are loyal without fail.  This sometimes leads to their collapse if that community somehow betrays them.  They can become so eaten by anger that they effectively become all devouring forces of nature, leading many to want them to simply move along if they know of past incidents where a Spell has been betrayed.  It is for this reason that some communities reject them out of hand, fearful that someday, someone will upset them.  On the plus side, fewer villains want to adopt them for this reason to, and often get wiped out by the Spell when the inevitable back stabbing happens.

AWAKENED SPELL NAMES
Awakened Spells borrow names from whatever culture they adopt, leading them to be quite variable.

AWAKENED SPELL TRAITS

Ability Score Increase. Increase the ability score your creator used for casting by +2 (i.e. +2 Int for a Wizard, +2 Cha for a Sorcerer, etc.), and any other ability score by +1.

Age. Awakened Spells are born fully adult, and are effectively immortal.  They do not age.

Type. You are an Aberration.

Size. You are Medium or Small, depending on what kind of spell you are.  Cantrips, or spells of 4th Level or less are Small.  5th Level or higher are Medium.

Speed. Your walking speed is 30 feet.

Johnny One Spell. You can cast the spell you began life as with this trait, using the ability score you took a +2 in at character creation as your spellcasting ability for it. Once you cast this spell, you can't cast it again with this trait until you finish a short or long rest.  You may cast it without using a spell slot or using material components, but you cannot cast it until you reach a Level where you would normally have access to it.  For example, Fireball is a 3rd Level spell, which becomes available to certain casting classes at 5th Level.  So an Awakened Fireball would gain the ability to cast Fireball via this trait once it reaches 5th Level in any combination of classes.  It is up to the DM of the table to decide how high a spell you can play (keep in mind the higher the Level of spell you choose to be, the longer you will have to wait to have access to it).  If you are allowed to become an Awakened Wish, you cannot lose access to the spell via this trait only.  If you take a spellcasting class, you may use spell slots to cast this spell as well.

Arcane Body. Certain spells affect you differently:

Antimagic Field: Every round that an Awakened Spell spends in an Antimagic Field it must make a Constitution Save (Save DC is the spell save DC of whoever created the Antimagic Field).  If the Awakened Spell fails, it suffers 2d8 Force damage, and it must make another Save start of each turn it's in the field. 

Detect Magic: Detect Magic reveals you as clearly magical, as well as the school of magic the spell you used to be came from.

Dispel Magic: If you were originally a spell of any Level that would be affected by a Dispel Magic targeted on your person, you must make a Wisdom Saving Throw against the casters spell save DC.  If you fail, you are turned as if you had been affected by Turn Undead (See Cleric in the PHB).

Globe of Invulnerability: If you were originally a spell of any Level blocked by the Globe of Invulnerability, you cannot enter it's area of effect. 

Magic Resistance: You have advantage on saving throws against spells.

Powerful Caster. You always have Advantage on Constitution Saving Throws meant to maintain concentration on spells, and cannot gain Disadvantage.

Vestiges Of Your Creator. Awakened Spells gain a small ability based on the type of caster that cast them.  They gain one of the following at 3rd Level:

Arcane Trickster: At 3rd Level you can cast Mage Hand as a cantrip once per short or long rest with the same abilities as Mage Hand Legerdemain listed under Aracane Trickster.  If you take Levels in Arcane Trickster, in addition to the usual abilities they gain with Mage Hand it has a range of 60 feet.

Artificer: At 3rd Level you learn any one Artificer Infusion that an Artificer could take at 2nd Level.  If you take Artificer Levels, you can learn one more Infusion than normal.

Bard:  At 3rd Level you can use a Bardic Inspiration Die once per long rest.  If you take Bard Levels, you can use your Inspiration Die one extra time per day.

Cleric: At 3rd Level choose two Cleric Cantrips.  You can cast them once per short or long rest.  You use Wisdom as the casting modifier for this spell.  If you take Levels in Cleric, you know two additional Cantrips.

Druid: At 3rd Level choose two Druid Cantrips.  You can cast them once per short or long rest.  You use Wisdom as the casting modifier for this spell.   If you take Levels in Druid, you know two additional Cantrips.

Eldritch Knight: At 3rd Level you gain the Weapon Bond feature of the Eldritch Knight.  If you take Levels as an Eldritch Knight you may bond with three weapons.

Monk: If your creator was an appropriate Monk subclass (Way of the Four Elements, Way of Shadow, Way of the Sun Soul), you gain 2 Ki Points and Step of the Wind at 3rd Level.  I f you take Monk Levels, you have two extra Ki Points.

Paladin: At 3rd Level choose two Paladin Cantrips.  You can cast them once per short or long rest.  You use Charisma as the casting modifier for this spell.  If you take Levels in Cleric, you know two additional Cantrips.

Ranger: At 3rd Level choose two Ranger Cantrips.  You can cast them once per short or long rest.  You use Wisdom as the casting modifier for this spell.  If you take Levels in Cleric, you know two additional Cantrips.

Sorcerer: At 3rd Level you gain 2 Sorcery Points, and one Metamagic option.  If you take Levels in Sorcerer, you effectively have one additional Metamagic option than normal.

Warlock: At 3rd Level you gain the use of any one Invocation a Warlock could use at 3rd Level or less.  If you take Levels in Warlock you have one more Invocation than usual.

Wizard: At 3rd Level choose two Wizard Cantrips.  You can cast them once per short or long rest.  You use Intelligence as the casting modifier for this spell.   If you take Levels in Cleric, you know two additional Cantrips.

Sense Creator. An Awakened Spell always knows exactly where the caster who 'created' it is, as long as they are both on the same Plane of existence. It also knows whether the caster is alive, dead, or undead.

Languages. You speak, read and write any one language your creator spoke, plus any one other language your DM considers appropriate.


Awakened Spells
"Jabberer the Hut's?  Thats an odd name, even for a magic shop."

A Reputation For Emotional Problems
"Are we sure tracking down the cohorts of this Cohle guy without the authorities is wise?"

"He isn't going to let go of this since we torpedoed one of his factories and alerted the right people to what was going on.  Better we find him, before he finds us.

"Welcum to Jabberer's! Wut kin ah do ya fer?"

"An Awakened spell!  My goodness that explains the name.  It's been a while since I've seen one of you."

"Those really exist?"

"Yessir we do.  Y'all want pranks, or something a little more cursified?"

"We're looking for a man named Cohle."

"Cursified?"

"Well, Cohle owns the place, but I hain't seen 'im in furever.  I can ask around ta the boys if'n you care to peruse the merchandise.  Don't touch nuthin' without askin' first.  Like I said, cursified."


They Come With No Filter or Pre-Conceived Notions

"A place for buying curses?  I should come to the Great White North more often."

"Don't we have enough trouble right now?"

*Word came down Cohle is away on bidness.  He owns a lotta propities.   He talked to old Fred down the way afore leavin', you might ask him.*

"And what, pray tell, does Fred do?"

"He's an armorer."

"A lot of specialized magic shops in this part of the country..."


Bag of Candy
 Price (Item Level): 2500 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 9th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:20) Conjuration
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: 15 lbs.

This appears to be a Bag of Holding Type 1, and detects as such. However anytime something is put in it, it is transformed into candy as soon as the bag is closed.  Living objects may not be put into the bag, which is sometimes a dead give away something might not be right.  Well that and usually whenever these are found there's some residual candy in them.  So as long as your PC's aren't diabetic they have a snack source.

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Bestow Curse, Leomunds Secret Chest
Cost to Create: 1250 GP, 2 days, 100 XP


Bag of Candy
Wondrous item, uncommon
This appears to be a Bag of Holding. However, anytime something is put in it, it is transformed into candy as soon as the bag is closed.  Living objects may not be put into the bag.


Bag of Dirty Tricks
 Price (Item Level): 182,000 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 13th
 Aura: Strong; (DC:22) Conjuration
 Activation: -
 Weight: -

This appears to be a regular Tan Bag of Tricks, but instead of it's normal effects, it summons horrifying out of control monsters.  As usual when a ball is removed from the Bag and tossed up to 20 ft. away it summons a creature for 10 minutes.  However the creature is in a berserk fury, and attempts to kill everything in sight beginning with the first thing it sees, which will probably be you.  Roll on the following table to see what you get:

01-10: Huge Fiendish Monstrous Scorpion
11-20: Fiendish Girallon
21-30: Invisible Stalker
31-40: Huge Elemental (any)
41-50: Babau
51-60: Red Slaad
61-70: Bone Devil
71-80: Djinni
81-90: Fiendish Megaraptor
91-00: 1d3 Chaos Beasts

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Bestow Curse, Summon Monster VII
Cost to Create: 91,000 GP, 91 days, 7000 XP


Bag of Dirty Tricks
Wondrous item, rare
This appears to be a regular Tan Bag of Tricks, but instead of it's normal effects, it summons horrifying out of control monsters.  As usual when a fuzzy object is removed from the Bag and tossed up to 20 ft. away it summons a creature for 10 minutes.  However the creature is in a berserk fury, and attempts to kill everything in sight beginning with the first thing it sees, which will probably be you.  Roll on the following table to see what you get:

1: Tlincalli
2: Barlgura
3: Catoblepas
4: Elemental (any)
4: Mezzoloth
5: Red Slaad
6: Barbed Devil
7: Night Hag
8: Giant Crocodile


Bastard Sword
 Price (Item Level):18335 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: -
 Weight: 6 lbs,

This appears to be a +3 Bastard Sword, which it is. However it is cursed and anyone picking it up immediately becomes Neutral Evil. If the wielder is already neutral evil, the sword functions as a plain non-magical sword. Either way, he cannot get rid of the sword until someone casts Remove Curse on him.  There are rumors of Artifact level versions of this that are far more powerful, and also cause their owner to become compulsively evil, unable to perform any act that isn't unethical. 

Prerequisites: Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Bestow Curse, creator must be Neutral Evil
Cost to Create: 9,168 GP, 10 days, 733 XP


Bastard Sword
Weapon (longsword), rare
This item appears to be a normal +1 Longsword.  Which it is. 

Curse. Whoever touches this sword must make a DC 15 Charisma Save, or become Neutral Evil until it receives an attunement spell.


The Black Russian
 Price (Item Level): 56,000 GP
 Body Slot: Waist
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: -
 Weight: -

This laughably big, accursed codpiece makes the wearer believe he is far more powerful, interesting, charismatic, etc than he really is. Onlookers find him foolish and disturbing.  Mostly because he keeps referring to his codpiece.  It can of course, only be removed by Remove Curse, Miracle, Wish, etc.  While wearing it the victim has a -4 circumstance penalty to all Charisma based skill checks, except Intimidate, because people find him creepy.

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Bestow Curse
Cost to Create: 28,000 GP, 28 days, 2240 XP


The Black Russian
Wondrous item, rare (requires attunement)
This item appears to be a magical codpiece if Identify is cast.

Curse. Once attuned, this laughably big, accursed codpiece makes the wearer believe he is far more powerful, interesting, charismatic, etc than he really is. Onlookers find him foolish and disturbing.  Mostly because he keeps referring to his codpiece.  It can of course, only be removed by Remove Curse, etc.  While wearing it the victim has a -4 Disadvantage all Charisma based skill checks, except Intimidate, because people find him creepy.


Boom Ammunition
 Price (Item Level): 1400 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: -
 Weight: varies (as ammo)

This can be arrows or bolts or any form of ammo. It appears to be +2 ammo for all intents and purposes (if that can be checked somehow). But when fired it explodes in the users face doing damage as a Fireball cast by a 7th level caster (the user does not get a Saving throw for half damage though).  Some mages just don't like archers, because failing that Concentration Check when you take an arrow in the backside is soooo inconvenient.  But they aren't petty.  No no, they made  these for...reasons?

Prerequisites: Create Magic Arms and Armor, Bestow Curse, Fireball
Cost to Create: 700 GP, 1 day, 56 XP


Boom Ammunition
Weapon (any ammunition), rare
This item appears to be a piece of normal magical ammo, but upon being used in combat the first time it explodes doing 8d6 Fire damage.  Any creature within 20 feet of the shooter must make a DC 15 Dexterity Saving Throw or take the fire damage as well (half damage on a successful Save).  This destroys the weapon.


Booming Weapon
 Price (Item Level): 1400 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: -
 Weight: -

This cursed ability can be applied to any melee weapon. Upon it's first successful hit, the weapon explodes doing damage as a Fireball cast by a 7th level wizard (the user does not get a Save for half damage).  It appears to be a +2 weapon.  Some mages don't like melee fighters either, and think it's fun to mess with the 'stupid brutes' every so often.  And as long as said 'brute' doesn't find them in their sleep that's okay.

Prerequisites: Create Magic Arms and Armor, Bestow Curse, Fireball
Cost to Create: 700 GP, 1 day, 56 XP


Booming Weapon
Weapon (any melee weapon), rare
This item appears to be a normal magical weapon, but upon being used in melee combat the first time it explodes doing 8d6 Fire damage.  Any creature within 20 feet of the wielder must make a DC 15 Dexterity Saving Throw or take the fire damage as well (half damage on a successful Save).  This destroys the weapon.


Burping Pills
 Price (Item Level): 4500 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 3rd
 Aura: Faint; (DC:17) Evocation
 Activation: - (10 rounds after Ingestion)
 Weight: -

These pills dissolve instantly in water or alcohol; and are colorless, odorless, and tasteless. After eating a meal or finishing a glass of whatever beverage has been laced with one, the victim must make a DC 13 Fortitude Save every 10 minutes (+1 cumulative to DC with each successful Save, as it's only a matter of time) or unleash the most hellish belch the world has ever seen. The effect is the same as a Gust of Wind spell cast by a 3rd level Wizard lasting for 1 round. This is a bottle of 50 pills.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Gust of Wind, Craft (alchemy) 4 ranks
Cost to Create: 2,250 GP, 3 days, 180 XP


Burping Pills
Wondrous item, uncommon
These pills dissolve instantly in water or alcohol; and are colorless, odorless, and tasteless. After eating a meal or finishing a glass of whatever beverage has been laced with one, the victim must make a DC 15 Constitution Save every 10 minutes (+1 cumulative to DC with each successful Save, as it's only a matter of time) or unleash the most hellish belch the world has ever seen. The effect is the same as a Gust of Wind spell lasting for 1 round. This is a bottle of 50 pills.


Cherry Bombs
 Price (Item Level): 82,500 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 11th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:21) Conjuration
 Activation: -
 Weight: -

These items look like perfectly normal cherries.  Having been magically altered they explode roughly 5 minutes after being eaten doing 1d8+11 points of fire damage per cherry eaten (target gets no save, you may enchant 8 cherries at a time).  Their chief creators are not so nice Druids who decide to get revenge on all the civilized people killing animals and pooping in the forest.  Grow your own food and leave the Druids crops alone is the apparent theme here I guess.

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Bestow Curse, Fire Seeds
Cost to Create: 61,225 GP, 62 days, 3300 XP


Cherry Bombs
Wondrous item, very rare
These items look like perfectly normal cherries.  Having been magically altered they explode roughly 5 minutes after being eaten doing 2d8+4 points of fire damage per cherry eaten (target gets no save,  cherries generally come in groups of 8). 


Cowardly Armor
 Price (Item Level): 1400 GP
 Body Slot: Body
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: -
 Weight: varies (as armor)

This cursed ability can be applied to any heavy armor. When struck in combat for the first time it disintegrates, providing no protection. It otherwise appears to be +3 Armor.  You have to be a real jerk to sell this to people.  Assassins love it.  They throw a shuriken to make the armor explode, and follow up with the heavy artillery.  It's also a great prank for jousting day.

Prerequisites: Create Magic Arms and Armor, Bestow Curse
Cost to Create: 700 GP, 1 day, 56 XP


Cowardly Armor
Armor(any heavy armor), rare
This item appears to be normal +2 Armor if Identify is cast.

Curse. When struck in combat for the first time it disintegrates, providing no protection.


Cursed Halloween Mask
 Price (Item Level): 56,000 GP
 Body Slot: Face
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: -
 Weight: -

This appears to be a normal Halloween mask, but once you put it on you cant get it off or speak until the usual spells (Remove Curse, Miracle, Wish, etc) are cast. You appear to be whatever monster the mask is made to represent to anyone seeing you. Any attempt to speak comes out as a roar or shriek, and you seem to be threatening whoever you encounter. Welcome to what we'll call 'interesting times'.

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Bestow Curse, Major Image
Cost to Create: 28,000 GP, 28 days, 2240 XP


Cursed Halloween Mask
Wondrous item, rare
This appears to be a magical face mask resembling a monster if Identify is cast.

Curse. Once you put it on you cant get it off or speak until Remove Curse is cast. You appear to be whatever monster the mask is made to represent to anyone seeing you. Any attempt to speak comes out as a roar or shriek, and you seem to be threatening whoever you encounter.


Cursed Javelin of Lightning
 Price (Item Level): 1400 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: 2 lbs.

These appear to be normal Javelins of Lightning.  However when thrown, the wielder is struck by the 5d6 Lightning Bolt instead (no Save).  Rumor has it that Har the God of Lightning made these one day as a bit of a joke, or perhaps a punishment for people who do bad things in his name.  Unfortunately his subordinates cranked them out, and now they seem to be quite popular as 'pranks'.

Prerequisites: Create Magic Arms and Armor, Bestow Curse, Lightning Bolt
Cost to Create: 700 GP, 1 day, 56 XP


Cursed Javelin of Lightning
Weapon (javelin), uncommon
This item appears to be a normal Javelin of Lightning, but the moment someone tries to throw it, it explodes in their hand taking 4d6 lightning damage.  Any creature within 10 feet of the wielder must make a DC 13 Dexterity Saving Throw or take 4d6 Lightning damage as well (half damage on a successful Save).  This destroys the javelin.


Cursed Mace of Terror
 Price (Item Level): 56,000 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: 8 lbs.

These appear to be normal Maces of Terror (i.e. a +2 Heavy Mace). However when picked up the wielder himself is affected as if by a Fear spell (no save), at which point he runs from anything ambulatory and/or sentient until the effect wears off 7 rounds later.  After that once per day, usually when he draws the Mace or actually hits with it, he must Save versus the Fear effect again.  On the plus side he can't drop the Mace, and the usual spells (Remove Curse/Miracle/Wish/etc) are needed to get rid of it.

Prerequisites: Create Magic Arms and Armor, Bestow Curse, Fear
Cost to Create: 28,000 GP, 28 days, 2240 XP


Cursed Mace of Terror
Weapon (mace), rare
This item appears to be a normal, albeit magical, mace.

Curse. As soon as this mace is touched, the toucher must make a DC 15 Wisdom Save, or be Frightened for 1 Minute.  The toucher cannot rid himself of the mace until he gets the benefits of a Remove Curse or similar spell.  As long as the toucher is cursed, it cannot wield any weapon but the mace, and must Save to avoid being Frightened when ever he draws the weapon again.


Cursed Ring of Elephant Summoning
 Price (Item Level): 23,760 GP
 Body Slot: Ring
 Caster Level: 11th
 Aura:Moderate; (DC:21) Conjuration
 Activation: - (Use Activated) or Swift (Command)
 Weight: -

When put on this ring magically informs the wearer that it can summon a War Elephant to do battle once per day.  And it does.  Unfortunately the elephant falls from the sky, aimed directly at the wearer doing 11d6 damage (DC 20 Reflex Save for half damage), after which the stunned elephant wanders off..  After the first time, the ring does it at random times just to screw with it's wearer.  It rarely kills him/her, because that would end the pain...

Prerequisites: Forge Ring, Bestow Curse, Magic Mouth, Summon Nature's Ally VI
Cost to Create: 11,880 GP, 12 days, 940 XP


Cursed Ring of Elephant Summoning
Ring, rare (requires attunement
When put on this ring magically informs the wearer that it can summon a War Elephant to do battle once per long rest.

Curse. And it does, just as soon as the wearer attunes to it..  Unfortunately the elephant falls from the sky, aimed directly at the wearer doing 10d6 Bludgeoning damage (DC 15 Dexterity Save for half damage), after which the stunned elephant wanders off.  After the first time, the ring does it at random times of the day just to screw with it's wearer.  It rarely kills him/her, because that would end the pain...Remove Curse or similar magics will allow the wearer to remove the ring.


Dingle Ball
 Price (Item Level): 240,000 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 15th
 Aura: Strong; (DC:23) Enchantment
 Activation: - (Thrown)
 Weight: -

The Dingle Ball appears to be a small, rubbery ball that makes jingling noises when thrown or bounced. Any creature within 60 ft. that can hear or see the Dingle Ball (except the thrower) must make a DC 22 Willpower Save or be compelled to spend the next 1d10 minutes playing with the Dingle Ball. This compulsion is automatically dispelled if the creature is attacked. After the effect wears off the Dingle Ball may be thrown again. If the creature makes it's save it is immune to the effects of this Dingle ball for 24 hours.  This is a Mind-Affecting Compulsion.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Sympathy
Cost to Create: 120,000 GP, 120 days, 9600 XP


Dingle Ball
Wondrous item, very rare
The Dingle Ball appears to be a small, rubbery ball that makes jingling noises when thrown or bounced. Any creature within 60 ft. that can hear or see the Dingle Ball (except the thrower) must make a DC 18 Wisdom Save or be compelled to spend the next 1d10 minutes playing with the Dingle Ball. This effect is automatically dispelled if the creature is attacked. After the effect wears off the Dingle Ball may be thrown again. If the creature makes it's save it is immune to the effects of this Dingle ball for 24 hours


Dunce Cap
 Price (Item Level): 90,000 GP
 Body Slot: Head
 Caster Level: 9th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:20) Enchantment
 Activation: -
 Weight: -

Anyone wearing this accursed conical cap is immediately subjected to a Feeblemind spell until someone casts Remove Curse (or Wish/Miracle) to take the hat off.  Until then the hat cannot be moved either by Strength Check, or high winds, or even small nuclear detonations (unless of course you are vulnerable to death by said detonations).

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Bestow Curse, Feeblemind
Cost to Create: 45,000 GP, 45 days, 3600 XP


Dunce Cap
Wondrous item, very rare
This appears to be a magical hat if Identify is cast.

Curse. Anyone wearing this accursed conical cap is immediately subjected to a Feeblemind spell (if it fails a DC 18 Intelligence Saving Throw) until someone casts Remove Curse to take the hat off.  Until then the hat cannot be moved either by Strength Check, or high winds, or even small nuclear detonations (unless of course you are vulnerable to death by said detonations).


Dwarven Beer Stein
 Price (Item Level): 56,000 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: 1 lb.

This magical beer stein is always full of some form of alcohol. Not always a good thing...  Once someone picks it up the stein is always full of his favorite form of alcohol, and never spills. However if he drinks from it he must make a DC 16 Willpower Save if he is angered within the next hour or go into Frenzy (identical to the ability listed on page 34 of the Complete Warrior). The Save DC increases by 1 for each day that the drinker avoids Frenzy, and resets when he has lost control. If someone attempts to take the Stein from him, he must make the save or also go into Frenzy, and the Stein will automatically teleport back to him within 1d4 rounds if taken from him. Only a Remove Curse/Miracle/Wish etc will convince him to give up the stein and prevent it from going back to him. So long as a person 'owns' the stein he is required to drink from it at every meal (he gets no save to avoid this). Dwarves only seem to make these to be given to non dwarves, particularly elves...Dwarven revenge is a dish best served hoppy apparently.

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Bestow Curse, Create Food and Water, Rage
Cost to Create: 28,000 GP, 28 days, 2240 XP


Dwarven Beer Stein
Wondrous item, rare
This appears to be a magical stein that always fills with alcohol when someone grasps the handle. 

Curse. Anyone drinking from it must make a DC 15 Constitution Save, or gain the following abilities for 1 Minute:

Berserk: On each of its turns while berserk, the drinker attacks the nearest creature it can see. If no creature is near enough to move to and attack, the drinker attacks an object, with preference for an object smaller than itself. Once the drinker goes berserk, it continues to do so until it is destroyed or the Minute passes.

Reckless: The drinker gains advantage on all melee weapon attack rolls it makes during that turn, but attack rolls against it have advantage until the start of its next turn.

Once someone drinks from the stein, they will only drink from the stein, and cannot be rid of it until Remove Curse is cast.


Helm of Shrieking
 Price (Item Level): 56,000 GP
 Body Slot: Head
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura:Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: -

Once donned this cursed Helm announces your presence by letting loose an unearthly shriek whenever you enter a room or tunnel or cave, etc.  This scream is generally tailored to be attention getting or offensive, ensuring all eyes will be on you.  Typical sayings include insults or vulgarities that are beyond the pale.  Basically, something guaranteed to get you physically attacked.

It can only be removed by Remove Curse/Wish/Miracle etc. Anything within 200 ft. can make a DC 10 Listen check to hear the shriek and immediately know your position.

Prerequisites: Create Magic Arms and Armor, Bestow Curse, Magic Mouth
Cost to Create: 28,000 GP, 28 days, 2240 XP


Helm of Shrieking
Wondrous item, rare
This appears to be a magical helmet if Identify is cast.

Curse. Once donned this cursed Helm announces your presence by letting loose an unearthly shriek whenever you enter a room or tunnel or cave, etc.  This scream is generally tailored to be attention getting or offensive, ensuring all eyes will be on you.  Typical sayings include insults or vulgarities that are beyond the pale.  Basically, something guaranteed to get you physically attacked.  It can only be removed by Remove Curse or similar magic. Anything within 200 ft. can make a DC 10 Wisdom (Perception) check to hear the shriek and immediately know your position.


Meddling Box
 Price (Item Level): 30,000 GP
 Body Slot: - (Held)
 Caster Level: 5th
 Aura: Faint; (DC:20) Abjuration
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: 2 lbs.

This weird puzzle box composed of gears, levers, and god alone knows what else, is usually a mystery to most people.  All of them are individually crafted and give a +2 Untyped Bonus to a random type of Check or roll if activated.  The trouble is figuring out what kind of Check, and how to activate the damn thing.  A successful DC 20 Intelligence Check is required to figure out how to work it, and each attempt in which this Check Fails gives the owner a -2 on a specific type of Skill or Ability Check for 24 hours (these are cumulative, the type of check is decided upon when the Box is created and cannot be changed).  Once successfully activated the owner may then activate the Box as a Standard Action and gain the chosen Bonus for 24 hours (bonuses are not cumulative).  Rumor has it the Gnomes made these purely to screw with people.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Random is My Ally, Craft (Puzzleboxes 4 ranks)
Cost to Create: 15,000 GP, 15 days, 1200 XP


Meddling Box
Wondrous item, very rare (requires attunement)
This weird puzzle box composed of gears, levers, and god alone knows what else, is usually a mystery to most people.  All of them are individually crafted and give a +2 Bonus to a random type of Check or roll if activated.  The trouble is figuring out what kind of Check, and how to activate the damn thing.  A successful DC 20 Intelligence Check is required to figure out how to work it, and each attempt in which this Check Fails gives the owner a -2 on a specific type of Check or roll for 24 hours (these are cumulative, the type of check is decided upon when the Box is created and cannot be changed).  Once successfully activated the owner may then activate the Box as anAction and gain the chosen Bonus for 24 hours (bonuses are not cumulative).


Random is My Ally
3rd Level Abjuration
Level: Sor/Wiz 3
Components: V, S, F
Casting Time: 1 Standard Action
Range: Touch
Target: Creature touched
Duration: 10 min./level
Saving Throw: Fortitude negates (harmless)
Spell Resistance:     Yes (harmless)

The recipient of this spell gains a +2 Untyped Bonus to a single random roll.  At the beginning of each of the recipients turns roll 1d4 to figure out what the Bonus applies to:
1: Saving Throw
2: Skill Check
3: Ability Check
4: Attack roll

War Club
 Price (Item Level): 56,000 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: 6 lbs.

This appears to be a normal +1 club with perhaps some nifty adornment.  Anyone struck by it must make a DC 14 Willpower Save, or go into Frenzy as per the Frenzied Berserker Class ability on page 34 of the Complete Warrior.  It's a neat way to start riots, or reduce family gatherings to open brawls.

Prerequisites: Create Magic Arms and Armor, Bestow Curse, Rage
Cost to Create: 28,000 GP, 28 days, 2240 XP


War Club
Weapon (club), rare
This appears to be a normal +1 club with perhaps some nifty adornment. 

Curse. Anyone struck by it must make a DC 15 Wisdom Save, or go berserk for 1 Minute.  During that minute it gains the following:

Berserk: On each of its turns while berserk, the target attacks the nearest creature it can see. If no creature is near enough to move to and attack, the target attacks an object, with preference for an object smaller than itself. Once the target goes berserk, it continues to do so until it is destroyed or the Minute passes.

Reckless: The target gains advantage on all melee weapon attack rolls it makes during that turn, but attack rolls against it have advantage until the start of its next turn.


Weasel Shorts
 Price (Item Level): 56,000 GP
 Body Slot: Waist
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: 1 lb.

When these cursed pants are put on they summon 1d4 weasels, which appear inside them and immediately begin attacking the wearer in a very uncomfortable way.  Once again, Druids who want to keep people out of the forest are blamed for making these, but honestly what goober puts on pants he finds lying about randomly in the forest? The pants are removable, but this does not dissuade the weasel attack.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Items, Bestow Curse, Summon Swarm
Cost to Create: 28,000 GP, 28 days, 2240 XP


Weasel Shorts
Wondrous item, uncommon
When these cursed pants are put on they summon 1d4 weasels, which appear inside them and immediately begin attacking the wearer in a very uncomfortable way.  The pants are removable, but this does not dissuade the weasel attack.


Yard Gnome of Mockery
 Price (Item Level): 132,000 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 11th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:21) Divination/Transmutation
 Activation: Continuous
 Weight: 5 lbs.

This appears to be a normal yard gnome.  But when people come near it, there is an obvious difference.  This Gnome can talk.  It can also read minds as per the Probe Thoughts spell.  When anything approaches within 100 ft. of the Gnome it uses Probe Thoughts to read their mind for dirty and embarrassing secrets, and then loudly begins to expose them for all the world to hear.  Or it just insults people.  It has the stats of a Tiny Animated Object.  There are rumors of extra powerful versions of this Gnome which teleport it back to the yard once it's set down if it's removed, and who are invulnerable to most damage.  Or just bigger.  Bigger is bad enough.

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Animate Objects, Magic Mouth, Probe Thoughts
Cost to Create: 66,000 GP, 66 days, 5820 XP


Yard Gnome of Mockery
Wondrous item, rare
This appears to be a normal yard gnome.  But when people come near it, there is an obvious difference.  This Gnome can talk.  It can also read minds as per the Detect Thoughts spell, which it can cast at will without using spell slots or material components.  When anything approaches within 100 ft. of the Gnome it uses Detect Thoughts to read their mind for dirty and embarrassing secrets, and then loudly begins to expose them for all the world to hear.  Or it just insults people.  It has the stats of a Tiny Animated Object, with the following exceptions: all mental ability scores are a 10. 


Your Own Personal Theme Music
 Price (Item Level): 56,000 GP
 Body Slot: Throat
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: -
 Weight: -

This appears to be a lapel pin or brooch of some sort. It creates and plays your own personal theme music once you put it on....which it never stops playing. Ever. Until some kind cleric decides to cast Remove Curse (allowing you to remove it), or the party puts you out of it's misery. While wearing it you always fail Hide and Move Silently checks. Since the music makes it obvious what your doing (i.e changes with your actions), your opponent may be able to predict what your up to. If he can make a Sense Motive Check (DC 15), he gets a +1 bonus to 1 roll he makes in the next round as long as the roll affects you. On the good side you get a +2 Profane bonus to all Intimidation checks, and for whatever reason you can sleep through the music quite soundly.  Assuming your companions, who are not immune, do not attempt to kill you while you're unconscious.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Bestow Curse, Magic Mouth
Cost to Create: 28,000 GP, 28 days, 2240 XP


Your Own Personal Theme Music
Wondrous item, uncommon (requires attunement)
This appears to be a lapel pin or brooch of some sort. It creates and plays your own personal theme music once you put it on and attune to it...

Curse. which it never stops playing. Ever. Until some kind cleric decides to cast Remove Curse (allowing you to remove it), or the party puts you out of it's misery. While wearing it you always fail Dexterity (Stealth) checks. Since the music makes it obvious what your doing (i.e changes with your actions), your opponent may be able to predict what your up to. If he can make an Insight Check (DC 15), he gets Advantage to 1 roll he makes in the next round as long as the roll affects you. On the good side you get Advantage to all Charisma (Intimidation) checks, and for whatever reason you can sleep through the music quite soundly.  Assuming your companions, who are not immune, do not attempt to kill you while you're unconscious.
« Last Edit: Today at 06:25:31 PM by bhu »

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Re: Jesters Realm Critters
« Reply #2 on: November 11, 2011, 08:15:47 PM »
Martian Template

Martian is an inherited template that can be applied to any Aberration, Animal, Dragon, Fey, Giant, Humanoid, Magical Beast, Monstrous Humanoid, or Vermin. Martians are native to a dry red desert country called Mars (it's part of my silly campaign). They are like the native species of other places except that they are all uniformly bright green, hairless, with antennae and large red eyes. They also usually have no nose, pointy ears, and a bulbous head (mostly because they all have some minor psionic ability). All believe of themselves that they are the only true Martians, and all the other species are poor copies, only to be associated with to conquer non-natives. Oh yes, and they all have a psychotic desire to rule the rest of the world.  it makes their politics quite interesting.  All Martians share the Martian language.

Size and Type: All Subtypes are kept, Type changes to Aberration if it isn't already. Size remains the same if the base creature is an Aberration. It goes down 1 Size Class if it's a Fey or Humanoid. It goes up 1 Size Class if it's anything else.

Hit Dice: Hit Dice change to d8's if they aren't already. If it goes down a Size category it loses 1 racial hit die (minimum Hit Dice is one). If it goes up a Size category it gains 2 hit dice per Size Category above Small..

Speed: Unchanged unless Size category changes. If Size category goes down base speed is -10 feet (minimum of 10 ft.). If it goes up base speed is +10 feet.

Armor Class: Unchanged, unless Size category changes (see page 291 of the Monster Manual on increasing a monsters Size).

Attacks: Unchanged. If Size category changes don't forget the new Size modifier.

Damage: Unchanged, unless Size category changes (see page 291 of the Monster Manual on increasing a monsters Size).

Special Attacks: The Martian keeps all Special Attacks of the base creature except the following: If the base creatures entry says it can cast spells as an x level caster, replace that with "it can manifest psionic powers as an x level manifester". It manifests powers as a Psion, and uses their power list.  Primary manifesting stat is Intelligence if the base creature was an Aberration, Dragon, Fey, Humanoid, Giant, or Monstrous Humanoid. Otherwise it's Wisdom. If the base creature has spell like abilities replace them with similar Psi-Like abilities. If there are no similar Psionic Powers, replace it with Powers of the same level. Power Points are same as a Psion of the same level. Martians have a minimum of 1 Power Point per hit die even if they do not have Psionics or Psi-Like abilities.

Special Qualities: The Martian retains all Special Qualities of the base creature except the following: Spell Resistance is replaced with Power Resistance. If the base creature was Mindless (i.e. Vermin) it loses that and now gains skills and Feats according to it's Hit Dice. The Martian is also well equipped to survive in the desert requiring only one quarter as much water as the base creature. It also has a +4 Racial bonus on Fortitude Saves against Dehydration. If the creature is Aquatic it becomes Amphibious, gaining a land speed equal to half its Swim speed.

Telepath (Su): The Martian can communicate telepathically with any creature within 60 ft., whether or not they share a language.

Saves: Saves must be recalculated, Willpower is now the only Good Save.

Abilities: If Size category changes, add those modifiers (see page 291 of the Monster Manual). The Base creature also gets +2 Intelligence and Wisdom. If the base creatures Intelligence is less than 8, it raises to a 10.

Skills: Skills must be recalculated for racial levels. The Martian gets (2 + Intelligence modifier) skill points per Hit Die, with X4 points for the first Hit Die if it was formerly Mindless. Class skills are the same as the base creature plus Autohypnosis and Concentration.

Feats: Gains Heat Endurance, Improved Heat Endurance, and 1 Psionic Feat as Bonus Feats. If the base creature no longer qualifies for 1 of it's feats (for example Weapon Finesse because it lost it's dex to to Size Increase) the Psionic Feat replaces that instead. Metamagic Feats (or Feats modifying Spell Like Abilities) are converted to similar Metapsionic Feats instead.

Environment: Warm Desert (or Warm Aquatic if Aquatic)

Alignment: Usually unchanged, but sometimes leans towards Chaotic Neutral.

Organization: Unchanged

Treasure: Unchanged

Challenge Rating: +1 (+2 if Size increases).

Advancement: Unchanged

Level Adjustment: +2 (+4 if Size increases)

Example: Martian Aranea

Empress Moonpie
Large Aberration (Shapechanger)
Hit Dice: 5d8+20 (43 hp)
Initiative: +5
Speed: 60 ft. (12 squares), 35 ft. climb
Armor Class: 13 (-1 Size,+1 Dex, +3 Natural ), touch 10, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +3/+11
Attack: Bite +6 melee (1d8+4 plus poison) or web +4 ranged
Full Attack: Bite +6 melee (1d8+4 plus poison) or web +4 ranged
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Poison, Psionics, Web
Special Qualities: Change Shape, Dark Vision 60 ft., Low Light Vision, Telepathy 60 ft.
Saves: Fort +5, Ref +2, Will +8
Abilities: Str 19, Dex 13, Con 18, Int 16, Wis 15, Cha 14
Skills: Autohypnosis +10, Climb +18, Concentration +10, Escape Artist +6, Jump +17, Listen +7, Spot +7
Feats: Improved Initiative, Iron Will, Heat Endurance (B), Improved Heat Endurance (B), Psionic Endowment
Environment: Warm Desert
Organization: Solitary or Colony (3-6)
Challenge Rating: 6
Treasure: Standard Coins, double goods, standard items
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Advancement: By Character Class
Level Adjustment: +8

Empress Moonpie is your average Martian spider woman, newly hatched and ready to vie for her throne.  Technically she's currently only one of dozens of princesses, but once she ascends by murdering all her sisters, (and of course, Mom) she can begin her dreams of world conquest. 

Unfortunately all her sisters have the same dream.

And her guards.

And her maids.

Even her pet bug-thing wants to rule the world.  It makes life tedious...

Poison (Ex): Injury, Fortitude DC 16, initial damage 1d6 Str, secondary damage 2d6 Str. Save is Constitution based.

Web (Ex): Unchanged from regular Aranea stat block.

Psionics: Empress Moonpie manifests psionic powers as a 3rd level Psion, her primary manifesting stat is Wisdom.

Powers Known: 1st (Detect Psionics, Disable, Inertial Armor, My Light, Psionic Daze), 2nd (Brain Lock, Control Sound).

Change Shape (Su): Unchanged from regular Aranea Stat block, except the humanoid form is a Martian humanoid.

Skills: Aranea's have a +2 racial bonus on Jump, Listen, and Spot checks. They have a +8 Racial bonus on Climb checks, and may always take 10 on a Climb check (even if threatened or endangered).

Combat: Empress Moonpie prefers to fight from range.




Martians
"Greetings!  This is your host Harlan Jurgens, along with my assistant Jim!  And we officially welcome you back to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom!

Would Be World Conquerors
"Today we're in the red desert known as Mars, in the country of Texicas.  Mars is known for it's brilliant red sand, and it's odd effects on life that makes it's home here.  With us is local color person, Empress Moonpie!"

"Bow mortals."

"So what effects does the local environment have ma'am?"

"Well, you tend to become a different size, and turn green.  And you grow these antennae which give you enhanced intelligence, and possibly psionic power.  Oh, and you want to rule the world.  Ever live somewhere that everyone wants to rule the world?  It's...fun...

"All of you?  You all want to rule the world?  How do you function as a society?"

"The environement also warps your mind so you share a language and a culture.  There's surprisingly little murder for that reason.  Not that there's no murder, but you'd be surprised how little there is given the circumstances."

"I'm told you have a thriving export industry.  What is it that you can make in the desert?"?"

"Instant Minions, just add water.  And weapons.  Tons and tons of weapons."

"What's an Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator?"


Annoying Military Industrial COmplex

"That's a state secret.  You have not heard of that term."

"We..."

"We will be forced to terminate you if you state otherwise."

"Well, it's been fun talking, but..."
« Last Edit: November 12, 2023, 08:19:05 PM by bhu »

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Re: Jesters Realm Critters
« Reply #3 on: November 11, 2011, 08:25:05 PM »
Armored Turtle
Small Construct
Hit Dice: 4d10+10 (32 hp)
Initiative: -1
Speed: 10 ft. (2 squares)
Armor Class: 18 (+1 Size, +8 Natural, -1 Dex), touch 10, flat-footed 18
Base Attack: +3/ +0
Attack: Bite + 5 melee (1d3+1) or Lesser Orb of Fire +3 Ranged Touch (1d8)
Full Attack: Bite +5 melee (1d3+1) or Lesser Orb of Fire +3 Ranged Touch (1d8)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./ 5 ft.
Special Attacks: Lesser Orb of Fire
Special Qualities: Construct Traits, Damage Reduction 5/Adamantine, Dark Vision 60 ft., low-light Vision
Saves: Fort +1, Ref +0, Will +1
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 8, Con --, Int --, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills: ---
Feats: ---
Environments: Any
Organization: Solitary, Gang (2-4), or Battalion (10-40)
Challenge Rating: 3
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 5-8 HD (Medium), 9-12 HD (large)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Before you is a clockwork turtle roughly 3 feet in diameter with a turret of some sort in its shell.  Obviously it must be a Gnome creation, only they would be so gauche..."

Armored Turtles were created by the Gnomish nations to meet a need for armored fire platforms, as most of their own people were unwilling to fill that role. They became immensely popular, and many variations were made, some quite large. Armored Turtle battalions were snuck into enemy territory and allowed to lay waste to it with their fire before being mothballed until the next time they were needed.  Most of them are the size of a particularly fat halfling, and weigh about 200 pounds or more.  They appear as clockwork turtles of varying appearance with a wand mounted on their back.

Lesser Orb of Fire (Sp): Once every other round the Turtle may 'cast' Lesser Orb of Fire from the turret in its back. Caster level is equal to the Turtles Hit Dice. Some Turtles have one of the other Lesser Orb spells, but these are uncommon (it's always been said Tinker Gnomes were closet firebugs). Medium or larger Armored Turtles are usually upgraded to the Orb of Fire spell.

Combat: Armored Turtle are pretty straight forward. They simply hold position and fire away with their Lesser Orb of Fire. If anyone gets close they bite.  Usually though, their masters try to ensure the battleground is highly flammable, making crossing to the turtles difficult.

Construction: An Armored Turtle is made from 235 pounds of steel treated with rare alchemical compounds costing at least 500 GP.  Assembling the Body requires a DC 20 Craft (clockworks) check. 

CL 11th; Craft Construct (see MM page 303), Animate Object, Geas/Quest, Lesser Orb of Fire, Caster must be 11th Level.  Price 6000 GP; Cost 3000 GP + 120 XP



Armored Turtle
"Hurray, hurray hurray, step right up!  SEE the newest and greatest in military gear!  SEE the new year model Golems!  SEE the six million gold piece hamster!"

"Harlan Jergens and Jim Bauer here on official business.  We're press."

Slow Moving Fire Support

"I can't believe the office is paying for this.  Sucks that it's a working vacation though."

"Is that a clockwork turtle?"

"Apparently there have been Autognome updates?"


Like, Literaally Fire Support
"Greetings gentlemen, I see you've noticed our M1 Support Turtle!"

"Is that a wand in it's back?."

"Indeed it is sir, set to fire Chromatic Orb on command."

"What damage type?"

"Er...fire."

"So they spam the battlefield with fire?  That seems...counter intuitive..."

"There's other settings, fire is just the default."

"Why?"

"We like fire."
« Last Edit: November 30, 2022, 10:47:01 PM by bhu »

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Re: Jesters Realm Critters
« Reply #4 on: November 11, 2011, 08:25:23 PM »
Electric Yak
Large Construct
Hit Dice: 12d10+30 (96 hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 18 (-1 Size, +9 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 18
Base Attack: +9/ +20
Attack: Gore + 15 melee (1d10+10)
Full Attack: Gore +15 melee (1d10+10)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./ 5 ft.
Special Attacks: Electrified Charge
Special Qualities: Construct Traits, Damage Reduction 10/ Adamantine, Darkvision 60 ft., Lowlight vision
Saves: Fort +4, Ref +4, Will +4
Abilities: Str 25, Dex 10, Con--, Int --, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills: ---
Feats: ---
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary, Gang (2-4), Battalion (6-30)
Challenge Rating: 8
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 13-30 HD (large), 31-42 HD (huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Is that a robot Yak? Effin' Gnomes.  The boss really doesn't pay us enough for this."

Yet another clockwork experiment by the Gnomish Nations, the Electric Yak is considered by some to be increasing proof of their insanity. The Yaks are usually used as cavalry, breaking through opposing forces. It looks much like a clockwork Yak made from high grade steel, with horns that are all sparkly from electricity. 

Electrified Charge (Su): When an Electric Yak charges it does 3d6+11 damage, plus an additional 2d6 electrical damage.

Combat: Electric Yaks generally Charge, and then repeatedly gore until their opponent falls or they do. They are unimaginative as fighters, but remain dangerous because of their massed numbers.

Construction: An Electric Yak is made from 2000 pounds of steel treated with rare alchemical compounds costing at least 5000 GP. Assembling the Body requires a DC 20 Craft (clockworks) check.

CL 11th; Craft Construct (see MM page 303), Animate Object, Geas/Quest, Lightning Bolt, Caster must be 11th Level. Price 60000 GP; Cost 30000 GP + 1200 XP



Electric Yak
"Eeeeelectric Yak!
The power you see the energy comin' up, coming on strong!
The future only belongs to the future itself!
And the future is Eeeeelectric Yak!"


"Truly the worst theme song I've heard in recent memory...."

Used For Breaking Through The Front Lines

"What is that humming sound?"

"Is that an electric turbine?"

"Indeed it is good sir!  It runs the bad guy zapping horns!"

"Did he just talk to you like you were a child?"


Ironically Safer Than Real Yaks
"I talk to everyone like they were a child sir!  I have a speech impediment!"

"That's not a speech impediment, that's being an (beep)."

"We're all (beeps) here sir."

"Truly the worst salesman I have ever seen..."

« Last Edit: November 30, 2022, 10:49:28 PM by bhu »

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Re: Jesters Realm Critters
« Reply #5 on: November 11, 2011, 08:25:38 PM »
Whale Golem
Gargantuan Construct
Hit Dice: 50d10+60 (335 hp)
Initiative: -1
Speed: Swim 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 37 (-4 Size, -1 Dex, +32 Natural), touch 5, Flat-footed 37
Base Attack/ Grapple: +37/ +61
Attack: Tail Slap + 45 melee (6d10+18)
Full Attack: Tail Slap +45 melee (6d10+18)
Space/Reach: 20 ft./ 15 ft.
Special Attacks: Ram, Sonar Blast
Special Qualities: Construct Traits, Damage Reduction 15/ Adamantine, Dark Vision 60 ft. Immunity to Magic, Low-light Vision, Blindsight 120 ft. Cargo
Saves: Fort +16, Ref +15, Will +16
Abilities: Str 35, Dex 8, Con --, Int--, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills: ----
Feats: ---
Environment: Any aquatic
Challenge Rating: 25
Organization: Solitary
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: ---
Level Adjustment: ---

"A huge clockwork whale bursts from the water and swims into the bay. You can hear gnomish laughter. They've been drinking again..."

The Whale Golem was developed by the Gnomish Nations as a way to explore the seas, not, we repeat not, as a drunken bet as has been widely reported.  Why the Gnomes are interested in exploring the oceans is unknown, but since they have a wide range of odd behaviors manifesting in their society no one really questions it.  After all there are Gnomes who collect Dragon poop.  Bizarre Golems should come as no surprise.  Most people believe they made it just to prove they could.


Ram (Ex): Whenever the Whale Golem does a charge it does 8d10+24 damage. If it uses this against a boat it has a 95% chance of capsizing the boat if it is 30 ft. long or less. Boats 31+ feet long have only a 50% chance.

Sonar Blast (Su): Once every 1d4 rounds the Whale Golem can focus it's sonar to unleash a devastating attack in a 120 ft. cone. It loses it's blindsight ability on any turn the Blast is used. Damage is 30d8 sonic and anyone in the cones area of effect must make a DC 39 Fortitude Save or be permanently deafened. They may also make a DC 39 Reflex Save for half damage.  Save DC is 10 plus 1/2 hit dice plus a +4 Racial Bonus.

Cargo: The Whale Golem can hold up to 16 small creatures (or 8 Medium) in its cargo hold, and contains enough air for 24 hours before it needs to resurface. Optionally it can hold cargo equal to its heavy encumbrance value.

Immunity to Magic (Ex): A Whale Golem is immune to any spell or spell like ability that allows spell resistance.

Combat: On it's own the Whale Golem will blast any threat with it's Sonar before ramming it and then bludgeoning whatever is left repeatedly. If there are Gnome riders they can give it orders of course.

Construction: A Whale Golem is made from 30 tons of steel treated with rare alchemical compounds costing at least 50000 GP. Assembling the Body requires a DC 25 Craft (clockworks) check.

CL 30th; Craft Construct (see MM page 303), Craft Epic Arms and Armor, Animate Object, Geas/Quest, Cacophonic Burst, Caster must be 30th Level. Price 1000000 GP; Cost 500000 GP + 10000 XP



Whale Golem
"Greetings sirs!  May I present the new and improved Whale Golem mark 5!"

"It looks more like a clockwork submersible."

Expensive, But Great For Undersea Adventures

"It is, but Golems sell better than clockwork automatons.  The public is fickle."

"Aren't we the public?"

"Indeed."

"No sir, you're the press.  I have a great many customers among your kind.  You're practically a military unto yourself."

"Are we Harlan?"

"I am legally obligated not to answer."

Dark Secret

"What powers it?"

"We follow whaling ships, and call up the dead souls of the whales to pilot the clockworks."

"Holy (beep)..."

"There's no (beep) here sir."

"We're getting off track here... we need specs."

"We need to run screaming in the opposite direction Harlan."
« Last Edit: November 26, 2022, 09:05:26 PM by bhu »

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Re: Jesters Realm Critters
« Reply #6 on: November 11, 2011, 08:25:58 PM »
Gunpowder Golem
Medium Construct
Hit Dice: 12d10 +20 (75 hp)
Initiative: +0
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 15 (+5 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/ Grapple: +9/ +11
Attack: Slam +10 melee (1d6+2)
Full Attack: 2 Slams +10 melee (1d6+2)
Space/ Reach: 5 ft./ 5 ft.
Special Attacks: Berserk, Engulf
Special Qualities: Construct traits, Damage Reduction 10/Magic, Darkvision 60 ft., Immunity to Magic, low-light vision, Explosive
Saves: Fort +4, Ref +4, Will +4
Abilities: Str 15, Dex 11, Con --, Int --, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills: ---
Feats: ---
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary or Gang ( 2-4) or battle group (10 –40)
Challenge Rating: 8
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 13-24 HD (medium), 25-36 (large)
Level Adjustment: ---


"A shifting humanoid pile of dark powder shambles toward you. You think it might be a dust or ash golem until it slaps Sergeant Bertrand in the face and subsequently explodes. Here's hoping the rest of the front line doesn't share the sarge's smoking habit."

A Gunpowder Golem is made from gunpowder (or something similar) as it's name implies. It was of course invented by the Gnomes, who like inventing things almost as much as they like seeing them explode. It's also the reason Gnomes are banned in some polite societies.  Strangely the Panda Folk also make these golems, and they're known for being an ultra polite society.  But then who would suspect cute, innocent pandas of being mad bombers?

Berserk (Ex): When a Gunpowder Golem enters combat there is a cumulative 1% chance per round it goes berserk and attacks the nearest living (or moving) creature near it until none are left. Once a Gunpowder Golem goes berserk there is no known method of re establishing control.  Once it has been berserk for 12 rounds, it explodes.

Engulf (Ex): A Gunpowder Golem can attempt to smother an opponent by engulfing it in combat. If it succeeds with a grapple check against an opponent it engulfs it.  Instead of regular grapple damage the victim begins to suffocate (see page 304 of the DMG), unless of course the opponent does not require air.  Either way, it also blinds the opponent as long as it maintains the Grapple.

Immunity to Magic(Ex): The Gunpowder Golem is immune to any spell or spell like ability that allows spell resistance. The one exception is anything doing fire or electricity damage (see below).

Explosive (Ex): If the Gunpowder Golem takes fire or electricity damage, it must make a Fortitude Save (Save DC equals the damage taken) or it explodes. Damage and the area of effect are based on Size and Hit Dice. Opponents in the area get a DC 20 Reflex Save for half damage unless they are being grappled by the Gunpowder Golem. Save DC is Constitution based with a Racial Bonus based on Size: Medium +4, Large +6.  Damage is 1d6  for every Hit Dice the Golem has (i.e. 12d6 for the basic model). Area of Effect depends on the Golems size: Medium is 40 ft. radius, Large is 80 ft. The explosions area of effect is covered by a thick cloud of smoke for 1d6 minutes afterwards (strong winds will dissipate this in 1d6 rounds instead). Entering the smoke has the same effect as breathing heavy smoke (see page 304 of the DMG). Needless to say this explosion also kills the Golem.  If the Golem is destroyed in another manner, it's 'lifeless' body is still explosive, and fire or electrical damage will still detonate it.

Combat: Gunpowder Golems realize their explosive nature.  They will avoid opponents with fire until they can get close enough to grapple, or do serious damage if fire is used against them.  If opponents have no obvious fire they charge in and go straight to the Engulf attack.  They generally hit the ground running straight towards targets if they are within range.  Gnome mages often teleport them into the midst of foes before hitting them with a Fireball.

Construction: A Gunpowder Golem is made from 200 pounds of gunpowder treated with rare alchemical compounds costing at least 1000 GP. Assembling the Body requires a DC 20 Craft (alchemy) check.

CL 11th; Craft Construct (see MM page 303), Animate Object, Geas/Quest, Fireball, Caster must be 11th Level (+3 CL for every HD over 12). Price 30000 GP; Cost 16000 GP + 640 XP




Gunpowder Golem
"Who wants to see something scary!"

"Regular scary, or Gnome scary?"


More Dangerous Than It's Worth

"Rude.."

"Accurate."

"Ha!"

"Tough crowd...would you like to see a demonstration of the Gunpowder Golem sir?"

"The WHAT??"

"Sweet!"

BOOM!

"Harlan...bad..."

"We cannot recommend a Golem more for breaking enemy fortifications!"

"Its still a bomb."

"There's no smoking here sir."

"Maybe some of us like to live dangerously."

"Harlan!"

« Last Edit: December 04, 2022, 12:21:37 AM by bhu »

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Re: Jesters Realm Critters
« Reply #7 on: November 11, 2011, 08:26:18 PM »
Marble Golem
Large Construct (Fine Construct as a Swarm)
Hit Dice: 11d10+30 (90 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 18 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, + 8 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 17)
Armor Class as a Swarm 20 (+8 Size, +1 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 19, flat-footed 19)
Base Attack/ Grapple: +8/ +16
Attack: Slam + 11 melee (1d8+4)
Full Attack: 2 Slams +11 melee (1d8+4)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./ 10 ft.
Special Attacks: Berserk, Marbles, Distraction
Special Qualities: Construct Traits, Damage Reduction 15/Bludgeoning, Darkvision 60 ft., Immunity to Magic, Low-light Vision, Scattering Death  (also Distraction, Immune to Weapon damage, and Swarm traits in Swarm form)
Saves: + 3, Ref +4, Will +3
Abilities: Str 18, Dex 12, Con --, Int – Will 11, Cha 1
Skills: ---
Feats: ---
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary or Gang (2-4)
Challenge Rating: 8
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 12-18 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment: ---


"Fuuuck I hate Gnomes..."

Marble Golems are humanoid figures composed of thousands of glass balls formerly used as children's toys.

Berserk (Ex): When a Marble Golem enters combat there is a cumulative 1% chance per round it goes berserk and attacks the nearest living (or moving) creature near it until none are left. Once a Marble Golem goes berserk there is no known method of re-establishing control.

Marbles (Ex): Once per round as a Swift action a Marble Golem can scatter and become a Swarm of living, moving marbles. It covers a 20 ft. area, and anything entering the area is subject to a free trip attack that does not provoke an attack of opportunity. If the trip attack is successful, the opponent takes 1d6 damage. The golem itself is considered a swarm of thousands of Fine sized constructs, and has appropriate swarm traits in this form (i.e. Distraction, Immune to Weapon Damage, etc) with 2 exceptions: It doesn't get the usual Swarm attack, just the special trip attacks. And it doesn't suffer the penalties from wind based attacks swarms of Fine sized creatures usually do.  It may reform again as a Swift Action as well.

Distraction (Ex): Any living creature that begins its turn with a swarm in its space must succeed on a DC 15 Fortitude save or be nauseated for 1 round. The save DC is Constitution-based.  The Marble Golem may only use this attack after it has used it's Marbles ability to temporarily become a Swarm.

Immunity to Magic(Ex): The Marble Golem is immune to any spell or spell like ability that allows spell resistance, with the exception of Shatter.

Scattering Death (Ex): Upon being killed a marble golem covers a 20 ft. area with marbles. Anything entering or leaving this area must make a DC 15 Balance check or fall prone taking 1d6 subdual damage.

Combat: Gnomes usually have Marble Golems act as spoilers, using their Marbles attack to throw the enemy into disarray.

Construction: A Marble Golem is made from 500 pounds of glass marbles treated with rare alchemical compounds costing at least 500 GP. Assembling the Body requires a DC 20 Craft (glassblowing) check.

CL 11th; Craft Construct (see MM page 303), Animate Object, Geas/Quest, Caster must be 11th Level. Price 32000 GP; Cost 16000 GP + 640 XP



Marble Golem
"Greetings sirs!  May I present the new Marble Golem!"

"The military must be running low on ideas..."

Not A Children's Toy, And We Shouldn't Have To Say That

"You wound me sir."

"What's it for?"

"Guarding children sir."

"A guardian for children...refresh my memory Harlan, don't Golems occasionally go berserk?"

"Indeed they do."

I Can't Believe This Got Past Marketing

"What's to prevent on of these things from punting a child?"

"Why, our new spirit binding technology sir!"

"So they don't go berserk?"

"Not that you can prove..."

"We're journalists you know."

"Get out."
« Last Edit: November 26, 2022, 10:14:07 PM by bhu »

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Re: Jesters Realm Critters
« Reply #8 on: November 11, 2011, 08:26:35 PM »
Bell Golem
Large Construct
Hit Dice: 12d10+30 (96 hp)
Initiative: -1
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares)
Armor Class: 22 (-1 Size, -1 Dex, +14 natural), touch 8, flat-footed 22
Base Attack/ Grapple: +9/+20
Attack: Slam +15 melee (2d10+7+1d10 Sonic)
Full Attack: 2 Slams +15 melee (2d10+7+1d10 Sonic)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./ 10 ft.
Special Attacks: Berserk, Bell-like Fists, Bong
Special Qualities: Construct Traits, Damage Reduction 10/ Adamantine, Darkvision 60 ft., Immunity to Magic, Low-light Vision
Saves: Fort +4, Ref +3, Will +4
Abilities: Str 25, Dex 8, Con --, Int --, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills: ---
Feats: ---
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary, or Gang (2-4)
Challenge Rating: 10
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 13-18 HD (large), 19 –33 HD (huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"An' ah swear, standin' in front of the church is a frickin' Golem whose body looks ter be a huge bell. The local clergy is either putting on airs, or one a' them's made a drunken bet again..."

Originally conceived by a group of clerics known for their spectacular displays of public drunkenness, these are primarily the guardians of churches and the like.  They appear to be a large, metal, bell shaped humanoid with bell like fists.

Bell-Like Fists (Su): The Bell Golem's hands are replaced with large metal bells that bong loudly when striking a victim doing +1d10 Sonic Damage.

Berserk (Ex): When a Bell Golem enters combat there is a cumulative 1% chance per round it goes berserk and attacks the nearest living (or moving) creature near it until none are left. Once a Bell Golem goes berserk there is no known method of re-establishing control.

Bong (Su): The Bell Golem's somewhat hollow body is a large bell itself, and it bongs loudly when struck, especially by blunt weapons. When hit by a weapon everyone within a 20 ft. radius takes Sonic damage equal to half the damage done by the weapon hit (full damage if it was a blunt weapon).

Immune to Magic (Ex): Bell Golems are immune to any spell or spell like ability that allows Spell Resistance. However, spells doing Sonic Damage cause it to Bong, doing half the spells damage to everyone else within 20 ft.

Combat: Bell Golems tend to wade in and start smacking away. They don't really have any sense of tactics other than to go for opponents with blunt weapons first.

Construction: A Bell Golem is made from 600 pounds of brass and other metals treated with rare alchemical compounds costing at least 2000 GP. Assembling the Body requires a DC 20 Craft (alchemy) check.

CL 11th; Craft Construct (see MM page 303), Animate Object, Geas/Quest, Shout, Caster must be 11th Level. Price 50000 GP; Cost 25000 GP + 1000 XP



Bell Golem
"Good...evening?"

"It is for some us."

Not Many Golems Can Be Attributed To Alcohol, And That's A Shame

"Scuse' me...HWARF!"

"There's something you don't see at a military arms convention every day."

"Ah...how can I ... help you?"

"What in the 9 Hells is that thing?"

"Oh that's the Church Golem."

Church Of Bubnoff Approved!

"Your church approves of day drinking?"

"We're all about the day drinking."

"So what's the deal with the Golem?"

"We made it out of some old church bells."

"So stealth isn't an option.  Not that that's an option with most Golems anyway."

"Please stop speaking...it makes my head hurt."
« Last Edit: November 26, 2022, 10:30:10 PM by bhu »

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Re: Jesters Realm Critters
« Reply #9 on: November 11, 2011, 08:27:38 PM »
Putty Panda
Large Construct
Hit Dice: 10d10+30 (85 hp)
Initiative: -1
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares)
Armor Class: 22 (-1 Size, -1 Dex, +14 natural), touch 8, flat-footed 22
Base Attack/ Grapple: +7/ +26
Attack: Slam + 13 melee (1d10+7)
Full Attack: 2 slams +13 melee (1d10+7)
Space/ Reach: 10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Berserk, Adhesion, Smother, Improved Grab
Special Qualities: Construct Traits, Damage Reduction 10/ Bludgeoning and Adamantine, Darkvision 60 ft., Immunity to Magic, Low-light
Vision, Immune to Magic
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +2, Will +3
Abilities: Str 25, Dex 8, Con --, Int --, Will 11, Cha 1
Skills: ---
Feats: ---
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary or Gang (2-4)
Challenge Rating: 10
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 11-18 HD (large)
Level Adjustment: ---


"Y'know...even from here I just know that thing is trouble..."

One of the few Golems known whose design is obviously deranged, and that ISN'T a creation of the Gnome Kingdoms, the Putty Pandas are the guardians, and sometimes foot soldiers, of the Pandafolk.  It appears to be a large anthropomorphic Panda made from abpout 600 pounds of some sort of sticky putty.

Berserk (Ex): When a Putty Panda enters combat there is a cumulative 1% chance per round it goes berserk and attacks the nearest living (or moving) creature near it until none are left. Once a Putty Panda goes berserk there is no known method of re establishing control.

Adhesion (Ex): Putty Pandas are incredibly sticky. Anyone striking them with a weapon must make a DC 15 Reflex Save (Save DC is Con based) or their weapon is stuck to the Putty Panda. They will have to succeed in a Grapple check to pull it free. Putty Pandas receive a +8 Racial Bonus to Grapple checks.

Improved Grab (Ex): A Putty Panda that successfully hits with a Slam attack can immediately make a Grapple check as a Free Action without provoking an attack of opportunity. If it succeeds it can use it's Smother attack on any opponent 1 Size Class smaller than itself. Due to it's adhesive nature the Putty Panda can grapple a creature of any size class.

Smother (Ex): Any living creature that requires air and that is Pinned successfully in a Grapple by a Putty Panda begins to suffocate (see DMG page 304).

Immune to Magic (Ex): Putty Pandas are immune to any spell or spell like ability that allows Spell Resistance.

Combat: Putty Pandas usually just charge and grapple. They aren't really bright or subtle.  And of course they're made for grappling, so they may as well take advantage of it.


Construction: A Putty Panda is made from 600 pounds of silly putty treated with rare alchemical compounds costing at least 1000 GP. Assembling the Body requires a DC 20 Craft (alchemy) check.

CL 11th; Craft Construct (see MM page 303), Animate Object, Geas/Quest, Web, Caster must be 11th Level. Price 50000 GP; Cost 25000 GP + 1000 XP



Putty Panda
"Welcome to Panda Po's Putty Emporium!"

"I didn't know the government was letting in outsiders this year."

A Sticky Situation

"Diversity in military arms is a good thing."

"True enough.  What's that made out of?"

"Our patented extra secret sticky putty."

"So it sticks to things?"

"No sir, things stick to it."

Wildly Popular As Guards

"That's splitting hairs a bit finely isn't it?"

"Only aggressive individuals stick to it sir."

"I can't help but notice it's stuck to the floor..."

"This is just a display model sir."

"So how do we arrange to see one in action?"

"PANDA POWERS ACTIVATE!"

"I had to ask...."
« Last Edit: November 30, 2022, 10:53:27 PM by bhu »

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Re: Jesters Realm Critters
« Reply #10 on: November 11, 2011, 08:27:55 PM »
Booze Golem
Large Construct
Hit Dice: 10d10+30 (85 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 17 (-1 Size, +3 Dex, +5 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple:+7/+20
Attack: Slam +15 melee (1d8+9)
Full Attack: 2 Slams +15 melee (1d8+9)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Engulf, Berserk, Intoxication, Improved Grab
Special Qualities: Construct Traits, Immunity to Magic, Darkvision 60 ft., Low Light Vision, Damage Reduction 10/-, Fluid Body
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +6, Will +3
Abilities: Str 29, Dex 16, Con -, Int -, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills:-
Feats: -
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating:10
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 11-15 HD (large), 16 –30 HD (huge)
Level Adjustment:---

"Dude...dude we SO have to fight this monster.."

Long beloved by Gnomes, Dwarves, and Halflings (who all claim to have invented it), the Booze Golem is a tall, vaguely humanoid shape composed of some form of alcohol. They think of it as a way to have the Rum protect itself when the army is on the march. There is a secret code word which, when said, will make the Golem dissolve back into a pile of alcohol. This code word is chosen by it's creator at the time it is made, and only works for him. 

Berserk (Ex): When a Booze Golem enters combat there is a cumulative 1% chance per round it goes berserk and attacks the nearest living (or moving) creature near it until none are left. Once a Booze Golem goes berserk there is no known method of re establishing control.

Improved Grab (Ex): A Booze Golem that successfully hits with a Slam attack can immediately make a Grapple check as a Free Action without provoking an attack of opportunity. If it succeeds it can use it's Engulf attack on any opponent 1 Size Class smaller than itself.

Engulf (Ex): Any living creature that requires air and that is Pinned successfully in a Grapple by a Booze Golem begins to drown (see DMG page 304). If it escapes drowning it risks becoming intoxicated (see below).

Intoxication (Ex): Each round a living, corporeal opponent is Engulfed it must make a Fortitude Save. DC of the Saving Throw is 10 plus half hit dice plus Constitution modifier, plus a Racial Bonus based on the type of alcohol the Golem is composed of (Ale, Diluted Spirits, or Wine +1/Fortified Wine or Stout Ale +2/Most Spirits +3/Strong Spirits +4/Dangerous Spirits +5). The opponent gains a cumulative -2 to the Saving Throw roll per round engulfed. If he fails he takes 1d2 temporary Dex and Wisdom damage each time the Saving Throw is failed. If Wisdom is reduced to 0 the opponent passes out. If Dexterity is reduced to 0 the opponent is helpless, but just barely conscious. If both go to 0, the opponent must make a second Fortitude Save (same DC) to avoid alcohol poisoning. If he fails he takes 1 temporary point of Con damage every 10 minutes until death, or his stomach is purged. Neutralize or Delay Poison will stop or delay this, and creatures immune to poison are immune to Intoxication. Once the encounter is over the opponent regains 1 point of Wisdom and Dexterity each hour, providing it consumes no more alcohol. Constitution damage from alcohol poisoning heals 1 point per day as usual.

Immunity to Magic (Ex): A Booze Golem is immune to any spell or spell like ability that allows Spell Resistance. The exceptions are spells doing Fire damage. Fire spells cause it to explode if it fails a Fortitude Save (the explosion is similar to a Fireball spell cast by a 10th level caster). DC of Fort Save is equal to 10 plus 1 per die of damage the fire spell does.  This destroys the Golem.

Fluid Body (Ex): The Booze Golem can take a Full Round action to pass through any porous barrier (i.e. a fence or net, not a solid wall) without slowing movement. At rest it appears to be a puddle of alcohol.

Combat: Booze Golems go straight for the Grapple, and when one opponent is stone drunk (or dead) they move on to the next.

Construction: A Booze Golem is made from 72 gallons of alcohol costing at least 1000 GP. Assembling the Body requires a DC 20 Craft (alchemy) check.

CL 11th; Craft Construct (see MM page 303), Animate Object, Geas/Quest, Animate Water, Caster must be 11th Level. Price 50000 GP; Cost 25000 GP + 1000 XP



Booze Golem
"Welcome to the Church of Bubnoff!"

"Weren't we just at your table?"

A Swiftly Growing Tradition Of 'Sploding Golems

"Maybe.  I've been a little drunk on the Golems..."

"The Golems are made of alcohol?"

"Yup.  Now the rum can march with the soldiers and defend them."

"Is it still flammable?"

"Of course."

Wildly Popular Among Soldiers

"Isn't that a tad dangerous?"

"Only if you're near fire."

"It'll be on battlefields.  There's always fire."

"Just have them run away from it.  You gotta save the booze."

"I can't tell if this is genius or insanity."

"We're thinking of making them sentient this year."

"And insanity just won out..."
« Last Edit: November 30, 2022, 10:59:05 PM by bhu »

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Re: Jesters Realm Critters
« Reply #11 on: November 11, 2011, 08:29:32 PM »
Poop Golem
                      Large Construct
Hit Dice:             10d10+30 (85 hp)
Initiative:           -1
Speed:                20 ft. (4 squares)
Armor Class:          20 (-1 Size, -1 Dex, +12 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 20
Base Attack/Grapple:  +7/+18
Attack:               Slam +13 melee (2d6+7 plus Foulness)
Full Attack:          2 Slams +13 melee (2d6+7 plus Foulness)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Berserk, Unbegotten Foulness, Disturbing Presence, Improved Grab, Smother
Special Qualities:    Construct Traits, Damage Reduction 10/Adamantine, Darkvision 60 ft., low Light Vision, Immunity to Magic
Saves:                Fort +3, Ref +2, Will +3
Abilities:            Str 25, Dex 8, Con -, Int -, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills:               --
Feats:                --
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary or Latrine (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     10
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          11-20 HD (Large), 21-30 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"We...are NOT...fighting that.  I don't care what the General threatened us with."

The origin of the Poop Golem is largely unknown.  They have appeared in several Dwarf/Elven conflicts on both sides, and the origin was assumed to be with them.  The Dwarves claim the Elves are too lazy to do mundane matters such as dig latrines, so they animate their waste to wreak havoc on the Dwarven lines.  The Elves have countered this claim by stating that Elves do not, in fact, poop.  The Dwarven legions response was to refer to the Elves as "a bunch of fruity, lying bastards".  Despite claims by either side, the Golems seem to attack both sides at random, meaning there is likely a third race at work.  Probably Gnomes.  Can't trust them Gnomes.  No sir.

Berserk (Ex): Each round it is in combat there is a 1% chance the Golem goes berserk.  It will attack the nearest living creature, or smash smaller objects each round until nothing is left before moving on to continue the destruction.  There is no known method of reestablishing control once the Golem is Berserk.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Golem succeeds with a Slam attack it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an attack of opportunity.  It will then usually Pin it's victim, or Smother if it's small enough.

Smother (Ex): If the Golem successfully Grapples an opponent at least 2 Size Categories smaller than itself it may Smother them with a successful Grapple check.  Each round it maintains the Grapple  causes the victim to Suffocate (See DMG page 304).

Unbegotten Foulness (Ex): Poop Golems smell so bad that any living creature within 60 ft. must make a DC 20 Fortitude Save (Save DC is Con based with a +5 Racial Bonus) or be Nauseated as long as they remain within 60 ft. of the Golem and for 1d6 rounds thereafter.  A successful Save means the victim is only Sickened instead.  If the Golem successfully strikes or Grapples an opponent they will be required to make another Save each time, and it will stink for 1d6 days afterwards (during this time it automatically fails all Hide checks, cannot use Scent if it has the ability, and anything tracking it by Scent has a +8 Circumstance Bonus on the rolls) whether the Save is made or not. If the victim has Scent it will be Sickened until this effect wears off.  Opponents with Scent take a -4 Circumstance Penalty on Saves against this ability.

Disturbing Presence (Ex): Massive amounts of vermin roam over the golem and swarm the air around it.  Anyone within 10 ft of the Golem must make a DC 15 Willpower Save or be Nauseated for 1 round as they get bitten and crawled upon (Save DC is Con based).  Spellcasting or concentrating on spells requires a Concentration Check (DC 20 plus spells level), and using skills  requiring patience and concentration requires a DC 20 Concentration check.  In addition if the first Save is failed the victim must make a second DC 15 Willpower Save (Save DC is Charisma Based with a +5 Racial Bonus) or be Shaken for 2d6 rounds.  If either Save is successful the victim is immune to this Golems Disturbing Presence for 24 hours.

Immunity To Magic (Ex): Poop Golems are immune to any spell or spell like ability that allows Spell Resistance. The exceptions are spells doing Fire or Cold damage. Spells doing Cold slow the Golem down as the Slow spell for 4 rounds (no Save). Fire spells cause it to explode if it fails a Fortitude Save(the explosion is similar to a Fireball spell cast by a 10th level caster). DC of Fort Save is equal to 10 plus 1 per die of damage the fire spell does.  This destroys the Golem.

Combat: Poop Golems always go for the Grapple.  Always.  It's like they know you hate that option the most.

Construction: A Poop Golem is made from 600 pounds of feces treated with alchemical compounds costing at least 100 GP. Assembling the Body requires a DC 20 Craft (alchemy) check.

CL 11th; Craft Construct (see MM page 303), Animate Object, Geas/Quest, Contagion, Caster must be 11th Level. Price 50000 GP; Cost 25000 GP + 1000 XP




Poop Golem

"What is that smell?"

Truly The Most Feared Of Golems

"Welcome to the Outhouse!  We make very special Golems!"

"The Golems seem o be made of excrement..."

"Building material is common and nigh well infinite!"

"It's unsanitary though."

"Imagine how terrified the enemy will be!"

Hated By Everyone

"Does it come with a Cleric on contract?  You'll need one."

"Cleric on contract? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
« Last Edit: November 30, 2022, 11:01:41 PM by bhu »

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Re: Jesters Realm Critters
« Reply #12 on: November 11, 2011, 08:30:01 PM »
Pan-Da
Medium Fey
Hit Dice: 5d6+10 (27 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class: 15 (+1 Dex, + 4 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +2/+6
Attack: Claw + 6 melee (1d4+4)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +6 melee (1d4+4) and 1 Bite +1 melee ( 1d6+2)
Space Reach: 5 ft./ 5 ft.
Special Attacks: Pipes, Spellcasting
Special Qualities: Damage Reduction 5/Cold Iron, low-light vision, Wild Empathy, Spell Resistance 15
Saves: Fort: +3, Ref + 5, Will + 5
Abilities: Str 18, Dex 13, Con 14, Int 15, Wis 13, Cha 18
Skills: Bluff + 8, Climb +8, Concentration + 6, Diplomacy +8, Handle Animal + 8, Heal +5, Hide +5, Intimidate +8, Knowledge (Nature) + 6, Listen + 6, Move Silently + 5, Search + 6, Sense Motive +8, Spellcraft +6, Spot + 5, Survival + 5
Feats: Alertness, Endurance, Self-Sufficient
Environment: Temperate Forests
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 4 without pipes, 5 with
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Advancement: 6-7 HD (Medium), 8-12 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment: --

"Stop me if you've heard this one..."

"NO MORE PUNS!!!"


"Well fine Mr. Touchy Wizard, I just guess I'll settle for doing things to you while you're sleeping."

The Pan-Da appears to be a slightly anthropomorphic panda with short stubby horns (or moose antlers), carrying reed pipes. Some even have cloven hooves for feet. They are whimsical forest guardians, preferring bamboo or pine forests to all others. Approached respectfully (or if offered wine, bamboo or honey) they can be excellent guides and helpers. Otherwise your in deep trouble as it decides to spend all it's time pulling pranks on you, or telling bad puns until you wish for death.  They stand about 6' tall, weighing in at 350 pounds, and speak Common and Sylvan.

Pipes (Su):  Pan-Das can play a variety of magical tunes on their pan pipes. Usually, only one Pan-Da in a group carries pipes. When it plays, all creatures within a 60-foot spread (except fey) must succeed on a DC 17 Will save or be affected by Charm Person, Sleep, or Fear (caster level 10th; the Pan-Da chooses the tune and its effect).

In the hands of other beings, these pipes have no special powers. A creature that successfully saves against any of the pipe’s effects cannot be affected by the same set of pipes for 24 hours. The save DC is Charisma-based.

Spellcasting: The Panda casts spells as a 5th Level Bard.

Typical Bard Spells Known (3/4/1; Save DC 14 plus spell level)
0: Dancing Lights, Daze, Detect Magic, Ghost Sound, Mage Hand, Prestidigitation.  1st:  Charm Person, Disguise Self, Grease, Hideous Laughter.  2nd: Invisibility, Mirror Image, Suggestion.

Wild Empathy (Ex): This is identical to the Druid class feature, except the Pan-Da has a +6 Racial Bonus on the roll.

Combat: Pan-Da's usually avoid combat, using their Pipes or spells to lead opponents into trouble. However should this fail they have no problem wading in and beating the unholy crap out of individuals. Groups are another matter....groups they pick at one by one from the cover of the forest.




Pan-Da
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens, and this is my consistently befuddled assistant Jim!  Today on Wild Kingdom we'll be coming to you live from Alfheim!  With us is Deathmango Johnson, a member of a local Fey species known as Pan-Da's.  Which given their appearance is a horribly bad pun."

Pun-ishing Conversationalists
"The Pan-Da's are well known for bad puns Harlan."

"Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango."

"Apparently they also like inserting non-sequiturs into conversation."

Eminently Bribeable
"The Fey can be difficult to understand Jim."

"Kind sir, we provide valuable services as guides for those providing us with a small fee of food.  We also give advice."

"I could use some advice."

"Never ask a horse for advice.  They are a bunch of neigh sayers."

« Last Edit: April 16, 2022, 05:23:28 PM by bhu »

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Re: Jesters Realm Critters
« Reply #13 on: November 11, 2011, 08:31:10 PM »
Fairy Shrimp
Diminutive Fey (Aquatic)
Hit Dice: 1d6+1 (4 hp)
Initiative: +4
Speed: 20 ft. Swim (4 squares), 40 ft. Flying (good)
Armor/Class: 18 (+4 Size, +4 Dex), touch 18, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +0/ -15
Attack: Nip +1 melee (1d3-3)
Full Attack: Nip +1 melee (1d3-3)
Space/Reach: 1 ft./ 0 ft.
Special Attacks: Spells
Special Qualities: Damage Reduction 5/ Cold Iron, low-light vision, Amphibious, Spell Resistance 17
Saves: Fort +1, Ref + 6, Will + 3
Abilities: Str 5, Dex 18, Con 13, Int 10, Wis 13, Cha 16
Skills: Bluff +7, Diplomacy +7, Hide + 16, Intimidate +7, Knowledge (Arcana) +4, Spot + 5
Feats: Dodge
Environment: Warm Marshes
Organization: Solitary or Swarm (10 to 40)
Challenge Rating: 1
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Advancement: 2-3 HD (small), 4-6 HD (Medium), 7-12 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment: -

"Leroy?"

"What Jebediah?"

We had too much Shine? Or are the Crawdaddies floating 'round us on wings?"

"Naw.  Naw they's flyin'."

Fairy Shrimp appear to be delicate shrimp like beings with butterfly or dragonfly wings. They haunt pools and rivers and wetlands in abundance, considering themselves protectors of the bayous. Granted their idea of protection is just annoying outsiders until they leave, but if it's effective you run with what you're good at. They speak Common and Sylvan.

Spells: Fairy Shrimp can cast spells as a Sorcerer equal to their Hit Dice.   

Typical Sorceror Spells Known (5/4; Save DC 13 plus spell level)
0: Dancing Lights, Detect Magic, Message, Prestidigitation.  1st:  Color Spray, Sleep. 

Combat: Fairy Shrimp rarely resort to physical combat, harrying their opponents with spells as a group instead. They tend to specialize in Conjuration, Divination, Enchantment, and Illusion.  If pressed they will flee and return later with help.



Fairy Shrimp
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! As always, I'm your host Harlan Jergens, and today Jim and I seem to have been led astray by our guide and we are now lost on the outskirts of a marsh."

Local Guardians
"We have company Harlan."

"Explain yourselves evil-doers."

"We aren't evil, we just trusted a Pan-Da."

You Are Feeling Sleeepy...
"Evil is a subjective term, especially for shellfish."

"You must be a Wizard."

"Why do you say that?"

"He thinks Evil is debatable, and he's traveling with a clone.  Now, if you'll both look into our eyes this will all be over shortly."

« Last Edit: April 23, 2022, 01:29:05 AM by bhu »

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Re: Jesters Realm Critters
« Reply #14 on: November 11, 2011, 08:31:30 PM »
Dire Nymph
Medium Fey
Hit Dice: 8d6+32 (60 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares), swim 15 ft.
Armor Class: 15 (+1 Dex, +2 Deflection, +2 natural armor), touch 13, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +4/+12
Attack: Greatclub +8 melee (2d8+6)
Full Attack: Greatclub +8 melee (2d8+6)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Fury, Spell-like abilities, Spells, Stunning Glance
Special Qualities: Damage Reduction 10/ cold iron, low-light vision, powerful build, Unearthly grace, wild empathy
Saves: Fort + 8, Ref + 9, Will + 11
Abilities: Str 18, Dex 12, Con 18, Int 16, Wis 17, Cha 15
Skills: Concentration +11, Climb +10, Diplomacy +10, Handle Animal +11, Heal +12, Hide + 10, Intimidate +7, Listen +12, Move Silently +10, Ride +8, Sense Motive +12, Spot, +12, Swim +12, Use Rope +6
Feats: Combat Casting, Power Attack, Cleave
Environment: Temperate Forests
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 9
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Neutral
Advancement: 9-13 HD (Medium), 14-18 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment: ---

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME!?!?!?!"

Dire Nymphs were formerly Nymph's of exceptional beauty (and vanity). Eventually some ticked off a Gawd or some other powerful entity who cursed them to become more....thickly muscled (for lack of a better term). They were also stripped of their ability to blind voyeurs, giving them an ever building sense of rage.  The Nymph ideal of hawtness does not involve being anything less than petite, and it is wise not to point out their new condition.  In any event, most Dire Nymphs left their seclusion and headed for more urban areas. They were quickly nicknamed "Dire" Nymphs by the less wise (who were promptly beaten within an inch of their lives). Nowadays they are rarely referred to as Nymphs in their presence (many going out of their way to find as polite as euphemism as they can). Many now find occupations as cheap muscle for hire.  Or as backup for the Rangers.  They speak Common and Sylvan.

Fury(Ex): If a Dire Nymph is in any way insulted or angry (and they insult easily) or is hurt or in combat, she goes into a Fury. This is similar to the Barbarian Rage ability and lasts as long and has the same restrictions. But instead of the standard ability adjustments the Nymph gains immunity to the following: Confused, Dazed, Dazzled, Fatigued, Fear, Nauseated, Paralysis, Sickened, Staggered, Stunned, and all Mind Affecting effects. She also is immune to pain and takes no penalties from spells like Symbol of Pain.

Stunning Glance (Su):An angry Dire Nymph may stun a creature within 30 feet with a look as a Swift Action. It must make a DC 16 Fort save or be Stunned for 2d4 rounds. Save DC is Charisma based.

Spells: A Dire Nymph casts spells as a 9th level Druid. Typical Druid spells prepared (6/5/5/4/2/1, Save DC is 13 plus spell level). 0=Detect Magic, Guidance x3, Resistance x2. 1=Jump, Foundation of Stone (Spell Compendium), Longstrider, Ram's Might (Spell Compendium), Shillelagh. 2=Barkskin, Bear's Strength, Bull's Endurance, Mountain Stance (Spell Compendium), Spider Climb. 3=Lion's Charge (Spell Compendium), Thunderous Roar (Spell Compendium), Tremor (Spell Compendium). 4=Essence of the Raptor (Spell Compendium), Spark of Vitality (Spell Compendium). 5=Stoneskin.

Spell-Like Abilities (Sp):  Dimension Door 1/day, caster Level 9th.

Powerful Build (Ex): Whenever a Dire Nymph is subject to a size modifier or special size modifier for an opposed check (such as during grapple checks, bull rush attempts, and trip attempts), the Dire Nymph is treated as one size larger if doing so is advantageous to her.

A Dire Nymph is also considered to be one size larger when determining whether a creature’s special attacks based on size (such as improved grab or swallow whole) can affect her. A Dire Nymph can use weapons designed for a creature one size larger without penalty. However, her space and reach remain those of a creature of her actual size. The benefits of this racial trait stack with the effects of powers, abilities, and spells that change the subject’s size category.

Unearthly Grace (Su):A Dire Nymph adds her Charisma bonus to her Saves and as a Deflection Bonus to her Armor Class.

Wild Empathy(Ex): This works like the Druids class feature except the Dire Nymph has a +6 racial bonus on the check.

Skills: A Dire Nymph has a +8 racial bonus on any Swim check to perform some special action or avoid a hazard. It can always choose to take 10 on a Swim check, even if distracted or endangered. It can use the run action while swimming, provided it swims in a straight line.

Combat: Dire Nymph's usually buff themselves as much as possible before combat if they know it's coming. Unless the Fury takes them. Then they tend to simply go berserk and wade into the fight.



Dire Nymph
"Good evening, and welcome to Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom! I'm your host Harlan Jergens, and this is my poor assistant Jim!  Today on Wild Kingdom we'll be talking to 'Titan' Jethica, Headmistress of the local Royal Gardens.  Jim has been trying to avoid giving offense in conversation..  Jim?"

Often Mistaken for Half Giants
"Need a little help here Harlan."

"Nonsense Jim, you've been doing fine."

"I WILL KILL YOU!  I WILL EAT YOUR CHILDREN!"

Don't Mention 'The Incident'

"Clearly Harlan, we have differing standards of 'fine'."

"Madam, what can Jim have said to vex you so?"

"HE ASKED IF I WAS A NEW SUBSPECIES OF MY KIND!."

"Ah.  Yes.  Uh...Jim, there are certain things you can't say to the local Nymphs."

"In my defense, I didn't know she was one.  I didn't go blind after all.  My sincerest apologies miss, I meant no offense."

"I still might eat your children."

"I can assure you, I have none."

"So you're available for shenanigans then?"

"I swear, I simply do not know how things work here..."
« Last Edit: July 16, 2023, 05:28:20 PM by bhu »

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Re: Jesters Realm Critters
« Reply #15 on: November 11, 2011, 08:32:22 PM »
Habanero Dryad
Medium Fey
Hit Dice: 4d6 (14 hp)
Initiative: +4
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 15 (+ 4 Dex, +1 natural), touch 14, flat-footed 11
Base Attack/Grapple: +2/ +2
Attack: Dagger +6 melee (1d4/19-20) or Grapple +6 melee, or Pepper Spray +6 ranged
Full Attack: Dagger +6 melee (1d4/19-20) or Grapple +6 melee, or Pepper Spray +6 Ranged
Space/Reach: 5 ft./ 5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grapple, Pepper Spray, Spell-like Abilities, Spicy Grapple
Special Qualities: Damage Reduction 5/cold iron, plant dependent, wild empathy
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +8, Will +6
Abilities: Str 10, Dex 19, Con 11, Int 14, Wis 15, Cha 18
Skills: Escape Artist +9, Handle Animal +11, Hide +11, Knowledge (Nature) +11, Listen +9, Move Silently +11, Ride +8, Spot +9, Survival +9 (+11 above ground), Use Rope +4 (+6 w/Binding)
Feats: Great Fortitude, Weapon Finesse
Environment: Warm Forests
Organization: Solitary or group (4-7)
Challenge Rating: 3
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Chaotic Good
Advancement: By character class
Level Adjustment: -


"Hey baby you look cold."

Habanero Dryads appear similar to normal Dryads except their hair is leafy and their skin is green instead of wooden (the exception being their chest and abdomen which are a bright orange. And like most brightly colored things this is nature's way of saying 'do not touch'. Instead of being linked to a tree they are linked to a Habanero bush. This gives them some minor protection as some cultures value the Habanero for food, and virtually no animals want to eat them. Unfortunately for the local populace they will soon find out that Habanero Dryads are far more frisky than regular ones, and they're always on the hunt for trouble. To the detriment of potential encounters, Dryad sweat contains capsaicin, the chemical that makes peppers hot. Simply embracing one has it's perils. Habanero Dryads speak Common, Elven, and Sylvan.

Improved Grapple (Ex): Habanero Dryads are experts at grabbing onto and hugging recalcitrant humans. They may make grapple attempts without provoking an attack of opportunity.

Pepper Spray (Ex): Once per round as a standard action a Habanero Dryad can hock a loogie at anyone within 20 feet. This is a ranged attack, and if it is successful the victim must make a DC 12 Fortitude (Save DC is Constitution based) Save or be Blinded for 1d4 rounds. If the Dryad confirms a critical hit, the victim does not get a save.

Spicy Grapple (Ex): Habanero Dryads can sweat capsaicin at will. While grappling a victim they work it into his skin as much as possible. In addition to regular grappling damage, a victim must make a DC 12 Fortitude Save (Save DC is Constitution based) each round it is in the grapple or be Dazed for 1 round, and Sickened for the duration of the Grapple and 1d4 rounds thereafter.  Prolonged exposure (more than 10 rounds) causes actual chemical burns doing 2 points of acid damage a round thereafter. If the Grapple check is a natural 20, roll again as if confirming a critical hit. If successful the Dryad has worked the stuf into her opponents eyes, blinding him for 1d6 rounds if he fails a DC 12 Fortitude Save, and for 1 round if he makes it (Save DC is Constitution based).

Plant Dependent (Su): The Habanero Dryad is mystically bound to her pepper bush and can't stray more than 300 yards from it. Those who do become ill and die within 4d6 hours. The bush does not radiate magic.

Spell Like Abilities (Sp): At Will: Barkskin, Entangle, Speak With Plants,
3/Day: Charm Person, Poison, Cloudkill
1/Day: Suggestion

Wild Empathy (Ex): This power works like the Druids class feature, except that the Dryad has a +6 Racial bonus on the check.

Combat: Similar to most Dryads really. They use their spell like abilities to charm potential problems. Or they spit pepper juice in their eyes and grapple till they give up.



Habanero Dryad
"Sigh.  Lets get this over with."

No Hugging!

"Greetings madam, might you have the Left Butt Cheek of Vecna?"

"That's a helluva thing to say to a woman you just met."

"He's a Ranger.  They're blunt.  I'm a Wizard.  I'm worse."

"Then I'll be blunt too: whats in it for me?"

"The satisfaction of doing a good deed?"

Frustrating To Deal With

"AHAHAHAAHAHAHA!"

"You won't get personally blown up by me in a fit of pique..."

"He'll do it too.   He's crazy."

"Try the Cactus Dryads at the edge of the forest."
« Last Edit: June 24, 2023, 09:43:52 PM by bhu »

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Re: Jesters Realm Critters
« Reply #16 on: November 11, 2011, 08:32:44 PM »
Cactus Dryad
Medium Fey
Hit Dice: 4d6+12 (26 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 16 (+2 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +2/+3
Attack: Fist +4 melee (1d4+1 plus 1d6 Piercing)
Full Attack: 2 Fists +4 melee (1d4+1 plus 1d6 Piercing)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Spell-Like Abilities, Thornskin
Special Qualities: Damage Reduction 5/Cold Iron, Cold Vulnerability, Cactus Dependent, Immune to Heat, Wild Empathy
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +6, Will +7
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 14, Con 14, Int 14, Wis 17, Cha 16
Skills: Handle Animal +5, Hide +9, Intimidate +10, Knowledge (Nature) +9, Listen +8, Move Silently +9, Search +6, Sense Motive +8, Spot +8, Survival +6, Use Magic Device +5
Feats: Improved Toughness, Weapon Finesse
Environment: Warm Deserts
Organization: Solitary, or Clsuter (4-7)
Challenge Rating: 4
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Neutral
Advancement: By Character Class
Level Adjustment: -

"Oopsie!"

Cactus Dryads are similar to regular Dryads except they're tied to a Cactus as opposed to a tree. They're quite lonely living all alone out in the desert by themselves. Much information can be gotten from them by simply chatting with them.  Cactus Dryads are green-skinned women covered in cactus needles.  Cactus Dryads speak Common, Elven, and Sylvan.

Spell-Like Abilities (Sp): At will Briar Web (DC:15), Camouflage, Speak With Plants
3/day: Critical Strike, Forestfold, Quill Blast (DC:18)
1/day: Dehydrate (DC:16)

Caster Level 6, Save DC's are Wisdom based. All spells not listed in the PHB should be in the Spell Compendium.

Thornskin (Ex): Cactus Dryads do +1d6 piercing damage with their fists or grapple checks. Anyone striking them with an unarmed strike or natural weapon, or making a Grapple attempt against  them takes 1d6 points of piercing damage.

Cactus Dependent (Su): This is the same as the standard Dryad's Tree Dependency, except it involves a cactus (see page 90 of the Monster Manual).

Wild Empathy (Ex): This power works like the Druid's Wild Empathy Class Feature except the Dryad has a +6 Racial Bonus on the check.

Combat: Generally the Dryads will Camouflage themselves and Hide. If the opponents are close they'll cast Critical Strike and try to surprise them, if not they'll use Quill Blast. Or Briar Web and then Dehydrate.




Cactus Dryad
"Careful.  Cactus Dryads can be prickly."

DANGER HUGS!

"Greetings madam, might you have the Left Butt Cheek of Vecna?"

"What the hell did you just say?

"We're trying to track down an artifact said to be held by Dryads here."

"Who's we?"

"We're a couple of insurance company employees turned adventurers out of necessity."

Spookier Than the Average Dryad

"You're joking, right?"

"Afraid not."

"Now about that Cheek..."

"Try the Seaweed Dryads further down the coast."
« Last Edit: June 24, 2023, 09:52:02 PM by bhu »

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Re: Jesters Realm Critters
« Reply #17 on: November 11, 2011, 08:33:04 PM »
Seaweed Dryad
                      Medium Fey (aquatic)
Hit Dice:             4d6+8 (22 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                Swim 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class:          15 (+5 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple:  +2/+6
Attack:               Grapple +6 (Grapple)
Full Attack:          Grapple +6 (Grapple)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Spell-Like Abilities, Improved Grab, Constrict (2d3+8)
Special Qualities:    Damage Reduction 5/Cold Iron, Seaweed Dependent
Saves:                Fort +5, Ref +4, Will +4
Abilities:            Str 19, Dex 10, Con 14, Int 15, Wis 11, Cha 18
Skills:               Escape Artist +7, Hide +14 (+18 in Seaweed), Knowledge (Nature) +11, Listen +7, Move Silently +11, Spot +7, Survival +7 (+9 above ground), Swim +19
Feats:                Great Fortitude, Skill Focus (Hide)
Environment:          Warm or Temperate Aquatic
Organization:         Solitary, or
Challenge Rating:     4
Treasure:             Standard
Alignment:            Usually Chaotic Neutral
Advancement:          By Character Class
Level Adjustment:     --


"So...come here often sailor?"


Seaweed Dryads appear as greenish women with long hair made of seaweed.  They are sometimes a little friendlier to sailors than land Dryads are to people, but they are somewhat deadlier as well.  Even the animals leave them alone.  Not so much because they're more powerful, they're just more willing to do some damage.  Seaweed Dryads speak Common, Elven, and Sylvan.

Spell-Like Abilities (Sp): Caster Level 6, Save DC's are Wisdom based.
At will: Entangle (DC 11), Kelpstrand, Speak With Plants
3/day: Water Breathing, Charm Person (DC 11), Commune With Nature
1/day: Suggestion (DC 13)
Spells not in the PHB may be found in the Spell Compendium.

Improved Grab (Ex):  The Seawead Dryad may make a Grapple attempt without provoking attacks of opportunity.

Constrict(Ex): The Seaweed Dryad does 2d3+8 with a successful Grapple check.

Seaweed Dependent (Su): This is the same as the Tree Dependent ability regular Dryads have (see MM page 90-91), except instead of a tree it's a patch of seaweed.

Skills: A Seaweed Dryad has a +4 Racial Bonus to Hide and Move Silently checks (Hide Bonus increases to +8 in seaweed) and a +8 Racial Bonus to Swim checks.  they may always take 10 on a Swim check, and may use the Run Action while swimming in a straight line.

Combat: Seaweed Dryads usually lure surface dwellers in for a kiss promising them use of their Water Breathing spell.  Then they Grapple.  If a Grapple wont bring them down they'll try spells, or whatever weapon they may have found.  Usually they hide if they think they can't confront someone.



Seaweed Dryad
"This is getting tedious."

Capricious

"Greetings madam, might you have the Left Butt Cheek of Vecna?"

"What, no introduction?

"I'm Harlan Jurgens, and this is my friend Jim."

"And what makes you think I have the Cheek?"

"The Cactus Dryad."

Sometimes They Can Be 'Drowney'

"Those (beeeeeeeep)!"

"Saw that coming..."

"So do you have it?"

"Try the Moss Dryads back towards the forest."
« Last Edit: June 24, 2023, 09:54:40 PM by bhu »

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Re: Jesters Realm Critters
« Reply #18 on: November 11, 2011, 08:33:22 PM »
ORC AMAZONS


   
"The red headed Dwarf is mine."

 Once upon a time an Orc tribe was uprooted from it's ancestral home.  It journeyed across the world looking for a new place, growing smaller as it went due to attrition.  The men insisted on constantly fighting to get what the tribe needed or wanted, and it cost them many lives.  Eventually they came upon an idol in the jungle that spoke to them, and claimed to be a deity.  Surprisingly it actually was a deity as opposed to some poseur Outsider who wanted to fool with a band of refugees.  By this time they were down to a handful of women and children (all female), and one old male Orc who was on his last legs.  The deity vowed to help and support the tribe, and make it prosper if they accepted it.  The Orcs agreed after some conversation.  After all what had Gruumsh done for them?  They were exiled and all their men dead.  Plus in Orc society they'd always been property anyway. 

So they accepted the Deity's offer, and she revealed herself as a Female Orc named Tealeaf.  They were however perplexed at how they were going to prosper with no men.  Tealeaf showed them how to make the first Dating Clubs, and told them to go forth from the Jungle to the nearby humanoid settlements and "convince" other humanoid men a nights work was in their best interest.  This has led to the Amazons being a rather odd looking bunch of Orcs, but their mixed blood certainly has some advantages.

ORC AMAZON RACIAL TRAITS
·   +2 Constitution, -2 to one stat of your choice. (Please note that this is not a template to be added to an Orc, these are the stats that will be used).
·   Size Class: Medium
·   Type: Humanoid with the Orc subtype, and any one other humanoid subtype (elf, human, goblinoid, reptilian, etc.).  If a PrC requires a particular Racial Subtype that you have, you may qualify for that class (i.e. you may become a Dwarven Defender if Dwarf is your other Racial Subtype).
·   Base speed: 30 ft.
·   Dark Vision 60 ft.
·   Racial Impurities: When using a magical item/effect that gives penalties to one of your Racial Subtypes, or if someone is using a magic item/effect against you that gains a bonus against one of your Racial Subtypes you can make a Use Magic Item check as an Immediate Action.  If you can beat a DC 20, you do not count as that Racial Subtype for 1 hour.  You gain the benefits of any item that provides them to one of your racial subtypes as normal.
·   The Orc Amazons have a +4 Racial Bonus on Survival checks.
·   Automatic and Bonus languages: The Orc Amazons automatically speak Orc and Common.  Bonus languages depend on where they live, and are generally those of neighboring races.
·   Favored Class: Any class with Survival as a Class skill, the player must choose 1 class at creation and this is the Amazon's Favored Class.

STARTING AGE
 Adulthood: 14
 Barbarian, Rogue, Sorcerer: +1d4
 Bard, Fighter, Paladin, Ranger: +1d6
 Cleric, Druid, Monk, Wizard: +2d6

AGING EFFECTS
 Middle Age: 30
 Old: 45
 Venerable: 60
 Maximum Age: +2d10 years


HEIGHT AND WEIGHT
 Base Height: 4'5"
 Height Modifier: +2d12
 Base Weight: 110 lbs
 Weight Modifier: x2d6

ORC AMAZON CHARACTERS
 If the group needs a gung-ho, take no prisoners skirmisher, the Amazon is your girl.  Most will multiclass enough to be capable outside of combat as well.  Many make great soldiers, scouts, or saboteurs.
 Adventuring Race: Orc Amazons go on adventures for many reasons.  Some are bored.  Some want to be rich or famous.  Some don't think highly of the local men and want a decent husband/pet.
 Character Development: Amazons will tend to be self sufficient, so classes that have many skill points are the ones they tend to drift toward.  They are also fairly military minded after years of fighting to survive in the jungle, so combat classes  will also be a favorite.  Try making the best of your racial subtypes, as you may qualify for some pretty unusual mixes.
 Character Names: Names tend to be the same as any other Orcs but with a slight mix of first names from other cultures nearby.

ROLEPLAYING AN ORC AMAZON
 Exotic is the keyword here.  You're pretty unusual to say the least.  Many people will be attracted to you, or repelled based on that simple fact.  Your life will be made difficult by it, but it will bring moments of opportunity because of it as well.  You intend to make the best of those opportunities, while minimizing the fallout from the bad times.
 Personality: For Orcs the Amazons are pretty darn open and inviting.  Men are okay as long as they aren't attractive in some manner (i.e. one of the Amazons believes they'd be good breeding stock).  Attractive men get whacked over the head and dragged off a lot.  The Amazons tend to be unapologetic about this saying most men enjoy the aftermath so whats a few headshots between friends.  If said male is attached to someone, the Amazon will try to get her permission first of course.  They are slightly condescending towards men as the memories of how their ancestors were treated still runs deep in the culture. 
 Behaviors: Amazons are quite opinionated, and often feel the need to express themselves whether they are asked to or not.  While this my seem like bickering to outsiders, the Amazons are used to it and there are no hard feelings.  Implying that they are somehow lesser because of their gender usually means you will have to fight, and they may not stop hitting once you go down either. But they are also loyal to a fault, always keep their word if it's possible, and never go out of their way to cause trouble (excpet of course for the aforementioned bit about misogyny).
 Language: Orc Amazons still speak Orc and Common.

ORC AMAZON SOCIETY
 Amazon society is pretty tribal.  They haven't advanced much past the iron age, and many of their advances have come from mixing with nearby races and assimilating their skills into the tribe.  Men who are particularly skilled at something the tribe needs are very prized, and have almost as much freedom as women.  Other men are treated pretty much as throwaway concubines who don't matter much, although sometimes romance does happen.  All Amazon women spend time in their military as memories of the old days often linger, and they have no wish to return to slavery or dependency.  Self sufficiency is a common goal of most Amazons, and many have several Knowledge, Profession, or Craft skills even if they can only take a few ranks in each.  Better to know a little something than nothing at all they believe.  Their military spends as much or more time on survival skills as it does actual combat training.  At this time their society is at a sort of impasse.  They'd like to do something, but don't know what.  They'd like to be more than what they are, but aren't sure of the best way to go about it.
 Alignment : Virtually all Amazons are Chaotic, and many are Neutral.  Good and Evil seem relatively equally represented.
 Lands : Most Orcish Amazons live in the jungles of their new homeland.
 Settlements : It's almost unheard of for Amazons to leave their homeland.  Even if they do, they still prefer to live in the jungle.
 Beliefs : Most Orc Amazons worship Tealeaf exclusively.  After all she gave them a life free from servitude to men, they get to kidnap men who do take their fancy, and they don't have to spend their entire lives fighting a largely pointless war for Gruumsh.
 Relations: Orcish Amazons usually relate to other races by whacking their menfolk over the head and stealing them.  They have developed a bit of an evil reputation as "those damn homebreakers from the jungle".  Granted they always return the (slightly exhausted but happy) men.  Of course their wives sometimes cause such a fuss they ask not to be taken back...There are no 'regular' Orcs in their vicinity, but if any migrated they would be appalled at what they found and likely make it their life's work to wipe out the Amazons.

ORC AMAZONS ADVENTURES
·   You asked a local human woman for the services of her husband for a night or so, and not only did she refuse she had you beaten and thrown out of town.  Obviously you must summon the sisters and teach them a lesson...
·   A local Medusa has been turning the menfolk into statues.  This cheeses you off as you now have no date for Saturday.  Obviously you must summon the sisters and teach her a lesson...
·   A Goliath has somehow seduced your daughter into running off into the hills and getting married. 
Unfortunate rumor has it that he is...deceptive.  Obviously you must summon the sisters and teach him a lesson...

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Re: Jesters Realm Critters
« Reply #19 on: November 11, 2011, 08:33:40 PM »
Big Spookity Kitty
Tiny Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 6d10+18 (51 hp)
Initiative: +6
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 18 (+2 Size, +3 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 15, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple: +6/+16
Attack: Claw +14 melee (1d2+6)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +14 melee (1d2+6) and 1 Bite +9 melee (1d3+3)
Space/Reach: 2 1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Pounce, Rake 1d2+6, Mean Little Bastard
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Scent, Sassy, Dark Vision 60 ft.
Saves: Fort +8, Ref +7, Will +3
Abilities: Str 23, Dex 15, Con 17, Int 8, Wis 12, Cha 12
Skills: Balance +12, Climb +12, Hide +14, Jump +14, Listen +3, Move Silently +7, Spot +3
Feats: Anklebiter, Dodge, Improved Initiative
Environment: Temperate Plains
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Family (3-5 plus 5-20 Little Spookity Kitties)
Challenge Rating: 4
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 7-12 HD (Tiny), 13-18 HD (Small)
Level Adjustment: ----

"Aww, look at the lil kitties!!!"

Big Spookity Kitties were an experiment by a particularly loony mage who wanted intelligent guards that didn't stand out, but still had a punch. They appear to be ordinary housecats but for that little gleam in their eyes.  They understand common, but cannot speak.

Mean Little Bastard (Ex): Big Spookity Kitties do not take a Size penalty to Grapple checks.

Sassy (Ex): Big Spookity Kitties are immune to fear and morale effects.

Skills (Ex): Kitties have a +4 Racial Bonus on Climb, Hide, and Move Silently checks (hide bonus increases to +8 in tall grass or heavy undergrowth). They also have a +8 Racial Bonus to Balance and Jump checks. And a +4 Racial Bonus to all Grapple checks.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Kitty hits with a bite or claw attack it may attempt a grapple check as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity. If the grapple check succeeds it may use its Rake attack.

Combat: Kitties tend to enjoy stalking their prey and will use group tactics if they aren't on a solo hunt. Otherwise they are very straightforward, charging in and immediately attempting to set up a grapple so they can Rake their opponent into submission.



Little Spookity Kitty
Diminutive Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 3d10+6 (22 hp)
Initiative: +5
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares)
Armor Class: 16 (+4 Size, +1 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 15, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple: +3/+10
Attack: Claw +10 melee (4 pts)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +10 melee (4 pts) and 1 Bite +5 melee (1d2+1)
Space/Reach: 1 ft./ 0 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Pounce, Rake (4 pts), Mean Little Bastard
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Scent, Sassy, Dark Vision 60 ft.
Saves: Fort +5, Ref +4, Will +1
Abilities: Str 16, Dex 12, Con 15, Int 4, Wis 10, Cha 10
Skills: Balance +9, Climb +7, Hide +17, Jump +9, Listen +3, Move Silently +5, Spot +3
Feats: Anklebiter, Improved Initiative
Environment: Temperate Plains
Organization: Solitary, Pair, or Pack (5-20)
Challenge Rating: 2
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 4-5 HD (Diminutive)
Level Adjustment: ----

"Awwwwww...look at the little teeny kitties.."

Little Spookity Kitties are Big Spookity Kitty kittens.

Mean Little Bastard (Ex): Kitties do not take a Size penalty to Grapple checks.

Sassy (Ex): Little Spookity Kitties are immune to fear and morale effects.

Skills (Ex): Kitties have a +4 Racial Bonus on Climb, Hide, and Move Silently checks (hide bonus increases to +8 in tall grass or heavy undergrowth). They also have a +8 Racial Bonus to Balance and Jump checks. And a +4 Racial Bonus to all Grapple checks.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Kitty hits with a bite or claw attack it may attempt a grapple check as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity. If the grapple check succeeds it may use its Rake attack.

Combat: Pretty much just like the Big Spookity Kitties.



Little Spookity Kitty Swarm
Diminutive Magical Beast (Swarm)
Hit Dice: 18d10 +36 (135 hp)
Initiative: +5
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares)
Armor Class: 16 (+4 Size, +1 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 15, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple: +18/-
Attack: Swarm (4d6)
Full Attack: Swarm (4d6)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./ 0 ft.
Special Attacks: Distraction
Special Qualities: Low Light Vision, Scent, Sassy, Dark Vision 60 ft.. Swarm traits, Immune to Weapon Damage
Saves: Fort +14, Ref +15, Will +8
Abilities: Str 16, Dex 12, Con 15, Int 4, Wis 10, Cha 10
Skills: Balance +10, Climb +10, Hide +19, Jump +10, Listen +9, Move Silently +9, Spot +9
Feats: Alertness, Anklebiter, Improved Initiative, Iron Will, Lightning Reflexes, Stealthy, Track
Environment: Temperate Plains
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 9
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: -
Level Adjustment: ----


"Ummm..why are those kitties lookin' at us like that Granpa?"

Sometimes Little Spookity Kitties are separated from their parents by death or misfortune. If not killed or raised by Druids as companions they form small prides and ambush prey.

Sassy (Ex): Spookity Kitties are immune to fear and morale effects.

Skills (Ex): Kitties have a +4 Racial Bonus on Climb, Hide, and Move Silently checks (hide bonus increases to +8 in tall grass or heavy undergrowth). They also have a +8 Racial Bonus to Balance and Jump checks. And a +4 Racial Bonus to all Grapple checks.

Distraction (Ex): Any living creature that begins its turn with a swarm in its square must make a DC 21 Fortitude Save or be Nauseated for 1 round (Save is Constitution based).

Combat: Rush em and start tearing is the standard.  Not very tactical are kittens...



Anklebiter
You are well adjusted to attacking from below
 Prerequisites: Tiny Size Class or smaller
 Benefits: Normally with a Reach of 0 you would provoke an attack of opportunity when entering someone else's square.  But not in this case.  You're a special kitty who breaks that rule due to training.  You do not provoke an AoO from entering an opponents square.


Spookity Kitties
"Greetings!  Once again his is your host Harlan Jurgens, along with my assistant Jim!  Today on Mutual of Gnomeahaw's WIld Kingdom, we take at look at Felis Formidulosis, known locally as the...big spookity kitty?  That can't be right...!

Just Normal Lil Kittehs
"The Fifty Shires has a few oddities within it's borders, but few so well known locally as the spookity kitties: housecats magically augmented to be as physically powerful as large bears."

"Why would someone do this?"

"Why do most casters do anything?  They want minions, or they're drunk or high.".

"Good evening miss!  And you are?"

"Wilhelmina Bigbottoms.  I'm the local Mayoress."

"What can you tell us about the cats?"

"Mean little bastards.  Territorial too.  The only people they seem to leave alone are the elderly.  Probably because they feed them table scraps."

"How do you tell the difference between them and regular cats?"


Can Peel An Antelope Like A Banana

"The violence level if you refuse them food."

"Have you tried domesticating them?"

"AHAHAHAAHAHAHA, no"

"Maybe if you planted catnip fields?"
« Last Edit: November 05, 2023, 05:37:28 PM by bhu »