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« on: December 23, 2021, 04:03:58 AM »
You know those thought exercises where people are put into comically specific situations to test their morality? I just lived one of those, and I'm going to have nightmares about it for the rest of my life.
My grandmother came to me with a mysterious briefcase she couldn't get open, asked me to pick it, then walked off.
I got it open about 10 minutes later, opened it to find...A bunch of art my cousin's mother did in college, and a bunch of unsealed envelopes full of money with her name on them. At a glance at the labels, around $50,000. I zeroed out the locks because they were already close to being permanently damaged from whoever tried to get into it last time, and went to talk to grandma in private.
Me: "Are you aware of what's in this briefcase?"
GMA: "No, is it guns or something?"
Me: "Or something. It has around $50,000 in cash."
GMA: "5000?"
Me: "50,000."
GMA: "Oh..."
Me: "You know how I'm the only one other person who's seen the inside of this case? If it turns out something is missing from the case and the fact that I opened it becomes known to the family, my uncle might ACTUALLY kill me."
So yeah, I had a chance to take a life-changing amount of money that wasn't on any books and skip town, and I didn't take it. I've been sitting here ever since, trying to figure out what motivated me in that moment. It wasn't because it was tied to my family, I hate my family. It wasn't because I don't need it, I am completely destitute and likely to be homeless soon. The only thing I come back to is that I've tied my sense of self worth so strongly to abstract ideals that I was completely unwilling to entertain the alternative because it would mean giving up the only thing about myself that doesn't make me want to die.
I need a hug.