So, I've finally developed a crush.

[Amechra]

Why didn't anyone tell me how much they hurt?

And I've got the scattered thinking and weird, unnatural anxiety about her acceptance/rejection going on.

I'm used to not caring about other people's opinions of me at all! This is frightening.

[Kajhera]

It's in the name, my friend. There's a reason it's not called a 'pleasant and gentle pressure upon the heart akin to a warm blanket'. There's also a reason the Greeks equated the experience to a disease or poison. Cupid's arrows are a mind-affecting drug.

[Jackinthegreen]

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/13-things-remember-when-life-gets-rough.html might be useful to you.

[Amechra]

I just got turned down.

I'm pretty OK with this; she was pretty clear about why (she's taking a break from dating due to a bad break-up) and she still wants to be friends, so all is well.

Is trying again later typically an option?

[X-Codes]

I just got turned down.

I'm pretty OK with this; she was pretty clear about why (she's taking a break from dating due to a bad break-up) and she still wants to be friends, so all is well.

Is trying again later typically an option?

I would assume no.  Mostly because I'm a cynical fuckwad.  I would take this as an opportunity to cool off a bit at least.

[Amechra]

Oh sure.

I meant try again in a few months; definitely not immediately.

[FlaminCows]

This is one of those things where I really want to help, to give useful advice or meaningful encouragement. Unfortunately, I know less about this than anyone. Yes, even you (not just Amechra, but you, whoever is reading this). So the most I can give is an internet-hug.

(click to show/hide)

You can take a bit of comfort in that, at least. All of us have much in common, and if you struggle with relationships then you're not alone.

[Raineh Daze]

This is one of those things where I really want to help, to give useful advice or meaningful encouragement. Unfortunately, I know less about this than anyone. Yes, even you (not just Amechra, but you, whoever is reading this). So the most I can give is an internet-hug.

(click to show/hide)

You can take a bit of comfort in that, at least. All of us have much in common, and if you struggle with relationships then you're not alone.

I completely disbelieve it's possible to have less experience than I do. >_>;

[X-Codes]

I can accept people having less experience than me, but I cannot accept the idea that someone is worse at getting girls (or guys, as the case may be) than I am.

[Raineh Daze]

I can accept people having less experience than me, but I cannot accept the idea that someone is worse at getting girls (or guys, as the case may be) than I am.

I don't think there's such a thing as negative relationship experience, in my case. XD

[linklord231]

I can accept people having less experience than me, but I cannot accept the idea that someone is worse at getting girls (or guys, as the case may be) than I am.

As members of this forum, we spend our time on the internet, talking about the rules for a specific edition of Dungeons and Dragons.  I think it's safe to say that none of us here is particularly adroit at attracting romantic attentions. 

[CaptRory]

Relationships are dynamic. What is today may not be tomorrow. If you want to be her friend then be her friend. Do not be afraid to reach for more once she's moved on a bit.

But do not be this douche: XKCD: Friends.

There is nothing inherently wrong in wanting to get to know someone first and then asking them out. There is something seriously wrong with the way that comic depicts it, which I am sad to say is all too common.

There is also nothing wrong in taking what you can get. Relationships change. Your feelings could turn into friendship or hers of friendship may change into something else. Just stay out of the Desexified Friend Zone and keep yourself open as an option for a dating relationship. People do not have telepathy and its all too easy to be seen as just another friend when you really want something more.

Relationships for me are like navigating a minefield, in the dark, wearing scuba flippers. I just try to avoid the mines I know about yet somehow still keep sitting on the one marked "Doesn't communicate enough". You did the hardest first part and let her know you're interested. You just need to remind her of that occasionally while not being a harassing jerkass about it.

[brujon]

Trying again later is ALWAYS an option. In fact i've found from personal experience that it's a hell of a lot easier to just wedge your way into the girls heart from friendship to relationship. You just gotta be the kind of guy she's typically attracted to. This might mean changing some of your behavior to become more attractive in her eyes, but you do what you gotta do. If it's a radical personality change, drop it and go try your luck elsewhere. No point in suffering meaninglessly while you try being something you're NOT - even more so when it might not even work. But little changes here and there, trying to become more attractive in her eyes, that's something easier said than done, but it's overall not at all very complicated. Girls have hormones, too, they get horny too, in general, they like funny easy-to-talk-to guys that listen to their problems without complaining, but don't always say what they want to hear, they give honest advice and they're present, but not in a needy sort of way. You gotta have a life besides her or else she's going to friendzone you forever. If you do have a life besides her and you make it clear that you have one, she'll be more attracted to you. Especially if other girls start showing interest in you as well.

So chillax, don't beat yourself up, don't try to be something you're not but try to live up to the girls expectations, try to be there for her but not in a creep way, and you're golden. Girls ain't blind and they see when a guy is worth it. You just gotta show it.

Go man!

[awaken_D_M_golem]

Or this one ... 

Therein the colors might imply something.
(forethwith?)

[Frogman55]

Trying again later is ALWAYS an option. In fact i've found from personal experience that it's a hell of a lot easier to just wedge your way into the girls heart from friendship to relationship. You just gotta be the kind of guy she's typically attracted to. This might mean changing some of your behavior to become more attractive in her eyes, but you do what you gotta do. If it's a radical personality change, drop it and go try your luck elsewhere. No point in suffering meaninglessly while you try being something you're NOT - even more so when it might not even work. But little changes here and there, trying to become more attractive in her eyes, that's something easier said than done, but it's overall not at all very complicated.

So chillax, don't beat yourself up, don't try to be something you're not but try to live up to the girls expectations, try to be there for her but not in a creep way, and you're golden. Girls ain't blind and they see when a guy is worth it. You just gotta show it.

Go man!

+1.

Let me clarify what I think about the 'change yourself' thing. It's not really about changing, its about growing. If something as superficial as a haricut or new shirt was good enough (or a new favorite band), then the relationship isn't going anywhere anyways ([strike]even[/strike] especially if she goes for it). Find new skills, new hobbies. Get a job (or better job, or promotion, or whatever is actually applicable to your life). Don't necessarily find new hobbies just because they're her hobbies, but actually add value to your life - adding value to your life means increasing your potential to add value to hers.

Following her around, or even just being a 'nice guy,' isn't enough (assuming, of course, that she actually rejected you the first time. If she's going to come onto you next week regardless, well, great).

But if you are a better person when you ask her out again, then your odds will go up dramatically. (Of course, this assumes both that you have a chance at all, and that you still like her after you've gotten better).

Don't lose heart. Just because she rejects you doesn't mean you aren't a good guy, or worthwhile. It just means that she said no. So go find something different to offer.

[brujon]

Trying again later is ALWAYS an option. In fact i've found from personal experience that it's a hell of a lot easier to just wedge your way into the girls heart from friendship to relationship. You just gotta be the kind of guy she's typically attracted to. This might mean changing some of your behavior to become more attractive in her eyes, but you do what you gotta do. If it's a radical personality change, drop it and go try your luck elsewhere. No point in suffering meaninglessly while you try being something you're NOT - even more so when it might not even work. But little changes here and there, trying to become more attractive in her eyes, that's something easier said than done, but it's overall not at all very complicated.

So chillax, don't beat yourself up, don't try to be something you're not but try to live up to the girls expectations, try to be there for her but not in a creep way, and you're golden. Girls ain't blind and they see when a guy is worth it. You just gotta show it.

Go man!

+1.

Let me clarify what I think about the 'change yourself' thing. It's not really about changing, its about growing. If something as superficial as a haricut or new shirt was good enough (or a new favorite band), then the relationship isn't going anywhere anyways ([strike]even[/strike] especially if she goes for it). Find new skills, new hobbies. Get a job (or better job, or promotion, or whatever is actually applicable to your life). Don't necessarily find new hobbies just because they're her hobbies, but actually add value to your life - adding value to your life means increasing your potential to add value to hers.

Following her around, or even just being a 'nice guy,' isn't enough (assuming, of course, that she actually rejected you the first time. If she's going to come onto you next week regardless, well, great).

But if you are a better person when you ask her out again, then your odds will go up dramatically. (Of course, this assumes both that you have a chance at all, and that you still like her after you've gotten better).

Don't lose heart. Just because she rejects you doesn't mean you aren't a good guy, or worthwhile. It just means that she said no. So go find something different to offer.

+1 to you too. That was extremely good advice.

[PlzBreakMyCampaign]

The answer is no.

Of course if you know the answer is no, then odds are the answer will become yes. But she's gonna have to expect something other than what she expects now.

Don't try to understand it.