Let's Optimize Chuck Norris!

[Endarire]

People claim Chuck Norris is the best martial artist ever.  (Some claim he's even better than that!)

Let's assume he's stattable.  So how do you stat Chuck Norris?  And for what purposes would he be optimized?

[SorO_Lost]

Human Warrior 3
Enough to win a couple fights in real (really, 6 time winner while impressive isn't an exclusive title nor the best) and get a TV show afterwards where he displays the same single karate move over and over again and Rambo still gets to claim he is a pussy.

Oooh, you mean what 4chan considers him right?

[Endarire]

What does 4chan consider Norris?

[Ryu Hayabusa]

What does 4chan consider Norris?

God with a heaping helping of asskicking.

[skydragonknight]

1. Make Pun-Pun
2. Give Pun-Pun a cowboy hat and a Texas accent.
3. ???
4. Profit

[InnaBinder]

You cannot optimize Chuck Norris.  Optimizing him would imply room for improvement.

[Maat Mons]

Let's compromise, we'll make him a human warrior 3 with divine rank 1. 

[Zonugal]

What does 4chan consider Norris?

God with a heaping helping of asskicking.

Than what does that make Bruce Lee?

[InnaBinder]

What does 4chan consider Norris?

God with a heaping helping of asskicking.

Than what does that make Bruce Lee?

Chuck Norris is so awesome that everyone makes jokes about him.

Bruce Lee is so awesome that no one makes jokes about him.

[X-Codes]

Expert 1/Monk 1/Warrior 2

Dumped Intelligence though.  That much is obvious whenever he says anything.

[phaedrusxy]

You cannot optimize Chuck Norris.  Optimizing him would imply room for improvement.

Thread over.

Also, haven't you guys heard that Bruce Lee = Chuck Norris = Pun-Pun? It's like that whole Trinity thing in Christianity. Don't think about it too hard... 

Oh, and Vin Diesel is their prophet.

[X-Codes]

Does that make Steven Seagull the pope?  (intentional)

[Zonugal]

You cannot optimize Chuck Norris.  Optimizing him would imply room for improvement.

Thread over.

Also, haven't you guys heard that Bruce Lee = Chuck Norris = Pun-Pun? It's like that whole Trinity thing in Christianity. Don't think about it too hard... 

Oh, and Vin Diesel is their prophet.

Except Bruce Lee was significantly better than Chuck Norris.

So equality is not the name of the game.

[sirpercival]

Chuck Norris already won initiative.

On the third day, Chuck Norris took a level in Hulking Hurler, and the land was created.

[phaedrusxy]

Does that make Steven Seagull the pope?  (intentional)

The best role that guy ever had was when he was unceremoniously sucked out of the plane in Executive Decision. I laughed uncontrollably for at least 5 minutes when I saw that scene for the first time.

You cannot optimize Chuck Norris.  Optimizing him would imply room for improvement.

Thread over.

Also, haven't you guys heard that Bruce Lee = Chuck Norris = Pun-Pun? It's like that whole Trinity thing in Christianity. Don't think about it too hard... 

Oh, and Vin Diesel is their prophet.

Except Bruce Lee was significantly better than Chuck Norris.

So equality is not the name of the game.

You're comparing infinities, here. At that point, only mathematicians care.

[archangel.arcanis]

Seriously Chuck went to Bruce early in his carrier to learn how to improve his style. At the time Chuck was a talented martial artist who just couldn't quite break into the big time. So Bruce taught Chuck how to be awesome. Keep in mind that in Bruce's movies he had to slow down so that it didn't look like cheesy special effects when he fought, because the camera's shutter speed couldn't keep up with him (or Kareem Abdul Jabbar who was also his student and was in one of his movies.)

[phaedrusxy]

Seriously Chuck went to Bruce early in his carrier to learn how to improve his style. At the time Chuck was a talented martial artist who just couldn't quite break into the big time. So Bruce taught Chuck how to be awesome. Keep in mind that in Bruce's movies he had to slow down so that it didn't look like cheesy special effects when he fought, because the camera's shutter speed couldn't keep up with him (or Kareem Abdul Jabbar who was also his student and was in one of his movies.)

Actually I knew that stuff... but come on. It's not like this is a serious thread. Don't try to turn it into one, you wet blanket.

[archangel.arcanis]

Seriously Chuck went to Bruce early in his carrier to learn how to improve his style. At the time Chuck was a talented martial artist who just couldn't quite break into the big time. So Bruce taught Chuck how to be awesome. Keep in mind that in Bruce's movies he had to slow down so that it didn't look like cheesy special effects when he fought, because the camera's shutter speed couldn't keep up with him (or Kareem Abdul Jabbar who was also his student and was in one of his movies.)

Actually I knew that stuff... but come on. It's not like this is a serious thread. Don't try to turn it into one, you wet blanket.

Just helping out the Pro Bruce side as many people don't realize how awesome he truly was. Besides didn't they already have a RKV build that was a suitable approximation of part of Chuck Norris. 

[Zonugal]

I personally like this quote:

When I was having dinner with Chuck Norris I did ask him: "If you and Bruce would be in a real fight to death, who would win?", and he said without thinking: "Bruce of course. Nobody can beat him."

John Benn, in audio commentary on DVD of The Way of the Dragon (US title: Return of the Dragon).

[Zonugal]

But for a realistic approach to someone like Chuck Norris I'd probably put him down as a 4th-level Unarmed Swordsage with focus on Setting Sun, Stone Dragon and the jumping maneuvers of Tiger Claw.