Items of the Realms

[bhu]

reserved for list

[bhu]

Martian Offerings

 Devil Monkey Swarm
                      Tiny Outsider (Chaos, Evil, Extraplanar, Swarm)
Hit Dice:             12d8+12 (66 hp)
Initiative:           +8
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Climb 30 ft.
Armor Class:          13 (-4 Frenzy, +2 Size, +4 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 9
Base Attack/Grapple:  +12/-
Attack:               Swarm (4d6)
Full Attack:          Swarm (4d6)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks:      Distraction, Frenzy
Special Qualities:    See in Darkness, Swarm traits, Immune to Fire and Poison, Energy Resistance 10 (Acid, Cold), DR 5/Good
Saves:                Fort +11, Ref +14, Will +11
Abilities:            Str 13, Dex 19, Con 12, Int 6, Wis 12, Cha 10
Skills:               Balance +18, Climb +16, Escape Artist +16, Hide +24, Listen +13, Move Silently +16, Search +13, Spot +13
Feats:                Agile, Great Fortitude, Improved Initiative. Iron Will, Lightning Reflexes
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary, Tribe (2-4 swarms), or Village (5-8 swarms)
Challenge Rating:     7
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Chaotic Evil
Advancement:          ---
Level Adjustment:     ---

Devil Monkeys are like yellow Macaques with short brow horns and red eyes.  They were accidentally discovered by a Martians weapons research program, and have been a top secret ever since.  They seem to be subject to perpetual fury, a fury that quickly consumes them not long after they are summoned.  They have never been observed in the wild, or communicating.  They are mindless killers that attack anything in sight except each other (and once all non-monkeys are down they'll even kill each other).

Distraction (Ex): Any living creature that begins its turn with a Devil Monkey swarm in its space must succeed on a DC 17 Fortitude save or be nauseated for 1 round. The save DC is Constitution-based.

Frenzy (Ex): A side effect of their botched summoning is that Devil Monkeys are permanently subject to Frenzy (changes to stats are included in the statblock).  This gives it a +6 bonus to Strength and, if it makes a full attack action, gains a single extra attack each round at it's highest bonus (+1d6 Swarm damage in the case of the swarm). (This latter effect is not cumulative with haste or other effects that grant additional attacks.) However, it also takes a —4 penalty to Armor Class and takes 2 points of damage per round (this damage cannot be prevented), dying when it reaches 0 hp. The effects of Frenzy stack with those from any rage ability the character may have.

The Devil Monkey cannot use any Charisma-, Dexterity-, or Intelligence-based skills (except for Intimidate), the Concentration skill, or any abilities that require patience or concentration, nor can it cast spells, drink potions, activate magic items, or read scrolls. It can use any feat it has except Combat Expertise, item creation feats, or metamagic feats.

During a Frenzy, the creature must attack any other being it perceives (other than fellow Devil Monkeys).

See in Darkness (Su): Devil Monkeys can see perfectly in darkness of any kind, even that created by a Deeper Darkness spell.

Skills: Devil Monkeys have a +8 racial bonus on Balance and Climb checks. They can always choose to take 10 on Climb checks, even if rushed or threatened. They use their Dexterity modifier instead of their Strength modifier for Climb checks.

Combat:  The Swarm hits whatever is closest, and then moves on to the next closest.



Barrel of Monkeys Grenade
 Price (Item Level): 4550 GP
 Body Slot: - (Held)
 Caster Level: 13th
 Aura: Strong; (DC:22) Conjuration
 Activation: Standard (Thrown)
 Weight: 1/2 lb.

This appears to be a small wooden barrel roughly the size of a modern day hand grenade. When thrown it breaks open in an explosion of noise and smoke. When the smoke clears it reveals a swarm of Devil Monkeys facing in random directions which immediately begin howling and tearing apart whatever is in sight.

To use this weapon simply throw the grenade (see page 158 of the Players Handbook). When it lands one Devil Monkey Swarm appears centered around the landing square. The Devil Monkeys are permanently subject to Frenzy (see above). They immediately attack whatever is in front of them, and whatever else is visible. They remain until their hp reach 0 (which wont be long given the Frenzy) and then disappear in a puff of noxious smoke. It is recommended to be out of sight when using this device as whoever coined the phrase "more fun than a barrel of monkeys" was either sarcastic or quite mad.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Summon Monster VII, Summon Swarm, Rage
Cost to Create: 2275 GP, 5 days, 182 XP


Barrel of Monkeys Grenade
Wondrous item, rare
This item looks like a small barrel weighing about 14 ounces.  You can use an action to throw the barrel up to 60 feet. The barrel explodes on impact and is destroyed, leaving behind a Devil Monkey Swarm that attacks the nearest creature it can perceive.  Once that being is dead, they will move on to the next closest being (including the wielder of this grenade) until 1 Minute has passed or until they reach 0 hit points (whichever comes first).


Devil Monkey Swarm
"Greetings!  This is your host Harlan Jurgens, along with my assistant Jim!  Today, on Mutual of Gnomeahaw's Wild Kingdom, we're speaking with the Martian military regarding the rumors of their wildlife exploitation and minion abuse!"

Toss the Grenade, and Lock the Door Behind You
"How did we get this job?"

"Trespassers!  Leave or be blasted!"

"We were closest when the news broke."

"Hello?  Hello, I have a gun..."

"We noticed.  Are the rumors you're imprisoning Tiny Fiends in grenades and using them as battlefield weapons correct?"

"I cannot comment on that matter."

"Are the rumors that the process renders them corporeally unsound true?"

"What?"

"He means does the process kill them?"


Omnicidal

"No, other people kill the Monkeys."

"So they do exist?"

"(beep)"

"Can we interview one?"

"Why the Hell would you do a damn fool thing like that for?"


Devil Monkey, Big
                      Medium Outsider (Chaos, Evil, Extraplanar)
Hit Dice:             6d8+12 (39 hp)
Initiative:           +8
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Climb 30 ft.
Armor Class:          14 (-4 Frenzy, +4 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 10
Base Attack/Grapple:  +6/+13
Attack:               Claw +13 melee (1d6+7)
Full Attack:          3 Claws +13 melee (1d6+7) and 1 Bite +8 melee (1d6+3)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Frenzy
Special Qualities:    See in Darkness, Immune to Fire and Poison, Energy Resistance 10 (Acid, Cold), DR 5/Good
Saves:                Fort +9, Ref +9, Will +8
Abilities:            Str 25, Dex 18, Con 14, Int 6, Wis 12, Cha 12
Skills:               Balance +13, Climb +15, Escape Artist +10, Hide +10, Intimidate +7, Jump +13, Listen +7, Move Silently +10, Spot +7
Feats:                Great Fortitude, Improved Initiative, Iron Will
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary or troop (3-6)
Challenge Rating:     5
Treasure:            None
Alignment:            Always Chaotic Evil
Advancement:          7-12 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment:     ---

Designers of the Barrel of Monkey Grenades soon felt they needed more versatility, so they tried making grenades that created one at a time.  To everyone's surprise this quadrupled them in mass, and now they stand as tall as chimps.

Frenzy (Ex): A side effect of their botched summoning is that Devil Monkeys are permanently subject to Frenzy (changes to stats are included in the statblock).  This gives it a +6 bonus to Strength and, if it makes a full attack action, gains a single extra attack each round at it's highest bonus. (This latter effect is not cumulative with haste or other effects that grant additional attacks.) However, it also takes a —4 penalty to Armor Class and takes 2 points of damage per round (this damage cannot be prevented), dying when it reaches 0 hp. The effects of Frenzy stack with those from any rage ability the character may have.

The Devil Monkey cannot use any Charisma-, or Intelligence-based skills (except for Intimidate), the Concentration skill, or any abilities that require patience or concentration, nor can it cast spells, drink potions, activate magic items, or read scrolls. It can use any feat it has except Combat Expertise, item creation feats, or metamagic feats.

During a Frenzy, the creature must attack any other being it perceives (other than fellow Devil Monkeys).

See in Darkness (Su): Devil Monkeys can see perfectly in darkness of any kind, even that created by a Deeper Darkness spell.

Skills: Devil Monkeys have a +8 racial bonus on Balance and Climb checks. They can always choose to take 10 on Climb checks, even if rushed or threatened. They use their Dexterity modifier or their Strength modifier for Climb checks, whichever is higher.

Combat: Devil Monkeys have no strategy.  They run at the first creature they see and begin tearing at it savagely until they die.



Barrel of Monkeys Grenade Mark II
 Price (Item Level): 2250 GP
 Body Slot: - (Held)
 Caster Level: 9th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:20) Conjuration
 Activation: Standard (Thrown)
 Weight: 1/2 lb.

The creators of the original Barrel of Monkeys Grenade decided they needed something with less possibilities of being attacked by their own summoned monster.  So this grenade summons only a single Devil Monkey that's roughly the size of  a Chimpanzee.  This otherwise works like a standard Barrel of Monkeys Grenade.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Summon Monster V, Rage
Cost to Create: 1125 GP, 3 days, 90 XP


Barrel of Monkeys Grenade: Mark II
Wondrous item, very rare
This item looks like a small barrel weighing about 14 ounces.  You can use an action to throw the barrel up to 60 feet. The barrel explodes on impact and is destroyed, leaving behind a Big Devil Monkey that attacks the nearest creature it can perceive.  Once that being is dead, it will move on to the next closest being (including the wielder of this grenade) until 1 Minute has passed or until it reaches 0 hit points (whichever comes first).


Devil Monkey, Big
"What kind of investigative journalists would we be if we didn't?"

Oh Crap They Get Bigger
"We're told they're called Devil Monkeys.  Is that a nickname, or are they really Devils?"

"Um...maybe?"

"Maybe?"

"Well...preliminary testing says they may be Devils, but they don't act like them, and since they're (beep) crazy they're impossible to communicate with.  Even weirder is they have a strong link to Chaos of some kind that appears to make them unstable."

"Unstable how?"

"Well if they aren't violently murdered not long after summoning, they begin to slowly disintegrate."

"WHAT?"

"Yeah, no one understands it really."

"So you know they'll eventually discorporate if you use the grenade?"


Seriously, Isn't This A War Crime?

"Relax, we're working on making them re-usable.  They're good minions, we don't want them to die."

"So...so you're trying to innovate ways to make them permanent prisoners?"

"I feel like I should stop talking...look, we intend to contract them once we find a cure."

"And how have your efforts to cure them worked out?"

"Well, we found out they get bigger..."


         Devil Monkey, Bigger
                      Large Outsider (Chaos, Evil, Extraplanar)
Hit Dice:             13d8+39 (97 hp)
Initiative:           +8
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Climb 15 ft.
Armor Class:          22 (-1 Size, -4 Frenzy, +4 Dex, +13 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple:  +13/+28
Attack:               Claw +23 melee (2d4+11)
Full Attack:          3 Claws +23 melee (2d4+11) and 1 Bite +23 melee (1d8+5)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Frenzy
Special Qualities:    See in Darkness, Immune to Fire and Poison, Energy Resistance 10 (Acid, Cold), DR 10/Good, SR 22
Saves:                Fort +13, Ref +12, Will +11
Abilities:            Str 32, Dex 19, Con 16, Int 6, Wis 12, Cha 12
Skills:               Balance +14, Climb +19, Escape Artist +17, Hide +10, Intimidate +17, Jump +24, Listen +17, Move Silently +14, Spot +17
Feats:               Great Fortitude, Improved Initiative, Improved Multiattack, Iron Will, Multiattack
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary or Pair
Challenge Rating:     11
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Chaotic Evil
Advancement:          14-19 (Large)
Level Adjustment:     ---

Further efforts to improve the grenades resulted in Devil Monkeys the size of Ogres.  Unsurprisingly, they're even less controllable than the previous critters.

Frenzy (Ex): A side effect of their botched summoning is that Devil Monkeys are permanently subject to Frenzy (changes to stats are included in the statblock).  This gives it a +6 bonus to Strength and, if it makes a full attack action, gains a single extra attack each round at it's highest bonus. (This latter effect is not cumulative with haste or other effects that grant additional attacks.) However, it also takes a —4 penalty to Armor Class and takes 2 points of damage per round (this damage cannot be prevented), dying when it reaches 0 hp. The effects of Frenzy stack with those from any rage ability the character may have.

The Devil Monkey cannot use any Charisma-, or Intelligence-based skills (except for Intimidate), the Concentration skill, or any abilities that require patience or concentration, nor can it cast spells, drink potions, activate magic items, or read scrolls. It can use any feat it has except Combat Expertise, item creation feats, or metamagic feats.

During a Frenzy, the creature must attack any other being it perceives (other than fellow Devil Monkeys).

See in Darkness (Su): Devil Monkeys can see perfectly in darkness of any kind, even that created by a Deeper Darkness spell.

Skills: Devil Monkeys have a +8 racial bonus on Balance and Climb checks. They can always choose to take 10 on Climb checks, even if rushed or threatened. They use their Dexterity modifier or their Strength modifier for Climb checks, whichever is higher.

Combat: The size may have changed, but the tactics have not.



Barrel of Monkeys Grenade: Pineapple
 Price (Item Level): 7650 GP
 Body Slot: - (Held)
 Caster Level: 17th
 Aura: Strong; (DC:24) Conjuration
 Activation: Standard (Thrown)
 Weight: 1/2 lb.

Still feeling left out that the Monkey Grenades weren't reaching their full potential the Martians made one last research attempt for the ultimate weapon, and got this: an oversized Grenade that summons an Ogre sized Monkey.  This is thrown like the other weapons, and much like the other critters the Monkey is subject to Frenzy and remains that way until at 0 hp.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Summon Monster IX, Rage
Cost to Create: 3825 GP, 8 days, 306 XP


Barrel of Monkeys Grenade: Pineapple
Wondrous item, legendary
This item looks like a large pineapple weighing about 24 ounces.  You can use an action to throw the grenade up to 60 feet. The grenade explodes on impact and is destroyed, leaving behind a Bigger Devil Monkey that attacks the nearest creature it can perceive.  Once that being is dead, it will move on to the next closest being (including the wielder of this grenade) until 1 Minute has passed or until it reaches 0 hit points (whichever comes first).


Devil Monkey, Bigger
"How much bigger?"

It Just Keeps Getting Worse
"How do you sleep at night?"

"Well, at first they were just the size of chimps."

"What do you mean, at first?"

"They kept experimenting."

"Seriously?"

"And we found out the bigger they get, the madder they are."

"They get worse than this?"

"Yeah, kinda..."

"So where are you at now in the process?"


The Bigger, The Meaner

"We turned it over to some Archmages."

"And it didn't get better from there?"

"Oh hell no."

"Wait, aren't you worried the Devils will sue over this?"

"Dunno.  We haven't proved these are Devils despite the similarities, they've never been spotted anywhere else outside of being summoned here, and there's no evidence of them in the Afterlife even."


         Devil Monkey, Biggest
                      Huge Outsider (Chaos, Evil, Extraplanar)
Hit Dice:             20d8+100 (190 hp)
Initiative:           +7
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Climb 15 ft.
Armor Class:          26 (-2 Size, -4 Frenzy, +3 Dex, +19 Natural), touch 7, flat-footed 23
Base Attack/Grapple:  +20/+43
Attack:               Claw +33 melee (2d6+15)
Full Attack:          3 Claws +33 melee (2d6+15) and 1 Bite +33 melee (2d6+7)
Space/Reach:          15 ft./15 ft.
Special Attacks:      Frenzy
Special Qualities:    See in Darkness, Immune to Fire and Poison, Energy Resistance 10 (Acid, Cold), DR 10/Good, SR 25
Saves:                Fort +19, Ref +15, Will +16
Abilities:            Str 40, Dex 17, Con 20, Int 8, Wis 14, Cha 14
Skills:               Balance +23, Climb +33, Escape Artist +23, Hide +16, Intimidate +22, Jump +35, Listen +26, Move Silently +17, Spot +26
Feats:                Great Fortitude, Improved Initiative, Improved Multiattack, Iron Will, Multiattack, Power Attack, Snatch
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     14
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Chaotic Evil
Advancement:          21-30 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment:     ---

This item was clearly a mistake of epic proportions (badump tish), and summons a maddened Monkey up to 30+ feet tall from whatever Hell they come from.

Frenzy (Ex): A side effect of their botched summoning is that Devil Monkeys are permanently subject to Frenzy (changes to stats are included in the statblock).  This gives it a +6 bonus to Strength and, if it makes a full attack action, gains a single extra attack each round at it's highest bonus. (This latter effect is not cumulative with haste or other effects that grant additional attacks.) However, it also takes a —4 penalty to Armor Class and takes 2 points of damage per round (this damage cannot be prevented), dying when it reaches 0 hp. The effects of Frenzy stack with those from any rage ability the character may have.

The Devil Monkey cannot use any Charisma-, or Intelligence-based skills (except for Intimidate), the Concentration skill, or any abilities that require patience or concentration, nor can it cast spells, drink potions, activate magic items, or read scrolls. It can use any feat it has except Combat Expertise, item creation feats, or metamagic feats.

During a Frenzy, the creature must attack any other being it perceives (other than fellow Devil Monkeys).

See in Darkness (Su): Devil Monkeys can see perfectly in darkness of any kind, even that created by a Deeper Darkness spell.

Skills: Devil Monkeys have a +8 racial bonus on Balance and Climb checks. They can always choose to take 10 on Climb checks, even if rushed or threatened. They use their Dexterity modifier or their Strength modifier for Climb checks, whichever is higher.

Combat: There's a bit more grappling, but otherwise things still haven't changed.



Barrel of Monkeys Grenade: Kong's Revenge
 Price (Item Level): 11500 GP
 Body Slot: - (Held)
 Caster Level:24th
 Aura: Overwhelming; (DC:25) Conjuration
 Activation: Standard (Thrown)
 Weight: 2 lbs.

A side effect of their research into the Pineapple Grenade, a few flawed notes caused some drunken Archmages to craft this instead.  Its summons a Monkey the size of a larger Giant.  As usual this is thrown like a grenade, and the Monkey remains until it reaches 0 hp due to Frenzy or damage.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Summon Monster X, Rage
Cost to Create: 5750 GP, 12 days, 1460 XP


Barrel of Monkeys Grenade: Kong's Revenge
Wondrous item, artefact
This item looks like a large pineapple weighing about 30 ounces.  You can use an action to throw the grenade up to 60 feet. The grenade explodes on impact and is destroyed, leaving behind a Biggest Devil Monkey that attacks the nearest creature it can perceive.  Once that being is dead, it will move on to the next closest being (including the wielder of this grenade) until 1 Minute has passed or until it reaches 0 hit points (whichever comes first).

Summon Monster X  (Epic Spell)
Conjuration (Summoning)
Spellcraft DC: 96
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 Minute
Range: 75 ft.
Effect: 1 summoned creature
Duration: 20 Rounds (D)
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No
To Develop: 864,000 gp; 18 days; 34,560 XP.  Seed: Summon (DC 14), CR 20 creature (+36), Summon Outsider or Elemental (+46)

This spell allows you to summon any one Elemental or Outsider up to CR 20.  It appears where the character designates and acts immediately, on the character’s turn. It attacks the character’s opponents to the best of its ability. If the character can communicate with the creature, he or she can direct it not to attack, to attack particular enemies, or to perform other actions. Summoned creatures act normally on the last round of the spell and disappear at the end of their turn.


Devil Monkey, Biggest
"Are you saying these poor, furry psychotics don't even get an Afterlife?"

Being A Mage Should Be Illegal
"I am appalled..."

"No, I'm not saying that.  I'm just saying our spies in the Afterlife have never seen one.!"

"You have spies in the Afterlife?"

"Jebus, I really need to shut up and stop talking..."

"So what have the Archmages done ?  Have they found out where they come from, or where they go??"

"Sigh...they made them bigger..."

"Oh for...how big do they get?"

"I'd put them on par with Storm Giants."

"Sweet Jebus..."


Run, Just Run

"No worries, at almost 12 grand a piece there's no real market for the biggest ones."

"I feel safe in saying that is not why Jim uttered a profanity."

"That was a profanity?"

"I'm a Ranger."

"Oh.  Oh hell, are you gonna arrest me?"

BAMF!

"Greetings.  I'm from the law firm of Bickers and Slaughter, LLP.  Which on of you festering (beeps) runs this facility?"

"He does."

"No, no, no, no , no, I'm just a security guard.  I'll take you to the boss."



Florida Offerings

Holy Hand Grenade
 Price (Item Level): 1800 GP
 Body Slot: - (Held)
 Caster Level: 9th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:18) Evocation
 Activation: Standard (Thrown)
 Weight: 1/2 lb.

This appears as a white hand grenade.  It may be thrown as a grenade-like weapon.  Anything in the square it lands in, and all adjacent squares takes 9d6 Fire Damage, and Evil opponents take an additional 4d6 untyped damage.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Fireball, Light of Mercuria (see spell compendium)
Cost to Create: 900 GP, 1 day, 36 XP


Holy Hand Grenade
Wondrous item, rare
This item appears to be a round, white metal ball, with a ring on some sort of mechanism sticking out of the side.  It weighs a 1/2 pound, and is about the size of an apple.  You can use an action to throw the grenade up to 60 feet. The grenade explodes on impact and is destroyed. Each creature within a 10-foot radius of where the grenade landed must succeed on a DC 15 Dexterity saving throw or take 8d6 fire damage plus 3d6 radiant damage on a failed save, or half as much damage on a successful one.


Man Fishin' Spear
 Price (Item Level): 18,305 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 12th
 Aura: Strong; (DC:21) Evocation
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: 8 lbs.

This appears to be a normal +1 Longspear, but when used against Humanoids it becomes a +3 Weapon and threatens a critical on a 19-20.  Obviously designed my a nonhuman Mage...

Prerequisites: Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Foebane (see Spell Compendium)
Cost to Create: 9153 GP, 10 days, 366 XP


Man Fishin' Spear
Weapon (spear), very rare (requires attunement)
You gain a +1 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with this magic weapon.  This bonus increases to +3 against Humanoids, and also scores a critical on a 19-20 against Humanoids.


Longspear
This is identical to the Spear, except it weighs 5 lbs., and costs 5 gp.  It also has the Reach and Two Handed properties.  It loses the Versatile property, and damage increases to 1d8.
Not So Holy Hand Grenade
 Price (Item Level): 1800 GP
 Body Slot: - (Held)
 Caster Level: 9th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:18) Evocation
 Activation: Standard (Thrown)
 Weight: 1/2 lb.

This appears as a black hand grenade.  It may be thrown as a grenade-like weapon.  Anything in the square it lands in, and all adjacent squares takes 9d6 Fire Damage, and Good opponents take an additional 4d6 untyped damage.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Fireball, Inflict Moderate Wounds
Cost to Create: 900 GP, 1 day, 36 XP


Not So Holy Hand Grenade
Wondrous item, rare
This item appears to be a round, black metal ball, with a ring on some sort of mechanism sticking out of the side.  It weighs a 1/2 pound, and is about the size of an apple.  You can use an action to throw the grenade up to 60 feet. The grenade explodes on impact and is destroyed. Each creature within a 10-foot radius of where the grenade landed must succeed on a DC 15 Dexterity saving throw or take 8d6 fire damage plus 3d6 necrotic damage on a failed save, or half as much damage on a successful one.



Fifty Shires Offerings

The Halfling Battle Spork
 Price (Item Level): 8301 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 5th
 Aura: Faint; (DC:17) Enchantment
 Activation: -
 Weight: 1.5 lbs.

This appears to be a metal spork about a foot in length. It is basically a +1 Short Spear that can be used to do bludgeoning or piercing damage. In the hands of a halfling however, anything stabbed by it must make a DC 13 Willpower Save or be Stunned for 1 round as it is overwhelmed by horrifying visions of being devoured by halflings.  The hobbitses consider it their well earned revenge on the world.  More than a few goblin soldiers have developed permanent phobias due to these things.

Prerequisites: Create Magic Arms and Armor, Daze Monster
Cost to Create: 4150 GP, 9 days, 332 XP


Halfling Battle Spork
Weapon (spear), rare (requires attunement)
You gain a +1 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with this magic weapon.  You can choose to do either Bludgeoning or Piercing damage with it.  In the hands of a halfling however, anything stabbed by it must make a DC 15 Wisdom Save or be Stunned for 1 round as it is overwhelmed by horrifying visions of being devoured by halflings.

[bhu]

Arrival Offerings


Amulet of Charm Resistance
 Price (Item Level): xxx GP
 Body Slot: Throat
 Caster Level: x
 Aura: xx; (DC:xx) xx
 Activation: -
 Weight: -

This small brass or bronze amulet gives it's wearer a +4 Enhancement Bonus to Saves against any Spells from the Enchantment school with the Charm descriptor (or any Spell-Like or Supernatural abilities that duplicate their effects).

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, No
Cost to Create: xx GP, x day, xx XP



No
Abjuration
Level:
Components:
Casting Time:
Range:
Area:
Duration:
Saving Throw:
Spell Resistance:



Amulet of Charm Immunity
 Price (Item Level): xxx GP
 Body Slot: Throat
 Caster Level: x
 Aura: xx; (DC:xx) xx
 Activation: -
 Weight: -

These somewhat larger amulets are identical to Amulets of Charm Resistance except instead of a Bonus on Saving Throws they offer total immunity to Charm effects.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Hard No
Cost to Create: xx GP, x day, xx XP



Hard No
Abjuration
Level:
Components:
Casting Time:
Range:
Area:
Duration:
Saving Throw:
Spell Resistance:



Blessed Tools
 Price (Item Level): xxx GP
 Body Slot: - (Held)
 Caster Level: x
 Aura: xx; (DC:xx) xx
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: 5 lbs.

This set of magically blessed tools change at the whim of the owner, giving him a +4 Enhancement Bonus on all Craft skills as well as Disable Device and Open Lock checks.  Needless to say most Rogues and craftsmen will kill to get them.  And don't discount the crafts people just because they don't kill for a living.  No one sees it coming from them.  Ever had a sculpting tool in the groin?  It ain't fun...

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Enchant Tools
Cost to Create: xx GP, x day, xx XP



Enchant Tools
Abjuration
Level:
Components:
Casting Time:
Range:
Area:
Duration:
Saving Throw:
Spell Resistance:



Bumber Chute
 Price (Item Level): xxx GP
 Body Slot: Shoulders
 Caster Level: x
 Aura: xx; (DC:xx) Transmutation
 Activation: -
 Weight: 2 lbs.

This odd looking cloth can be attached to any backpack or a shoulder harness.  At will as a Free Action it can pop open becoming a parachute, giving it's wearer the benefits of a Feather Fall spell.  It also immediately activates if he starts falling whether he is conscious or not.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Contingency, Feather Fall
Cost to Create: xx GP, x day, xx XP



Featherchimes
 Price (Item Level): xxx GP
 Body Slot: - (Held)
 Caster Level: x
 Aura: xx; (DC:xx) xx
 Activation: Standard (Manipulation)
 Weight: -

Featherchimes appear to be sealed glass tubes engraved with carvings of feathers, and are usually created by the Faenare, who do not like to give them out.  When struck by the glass rod which comes with the Featherchime it makes a clear and resonant chiming sound that has the effect of one of the following four spells (the spell must be chosen at the time of the Featherchimes creation): Song of the Wake, Harmonic Song, Song of Will and Iron, or Dispelling Song (these spells to be detailed below).

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, one of the following spells: Song of the Wake, Harmonic Song, Song of Will and Iron, or Dispelling Song
Cost to Create: xx GP, x day, xx XP



Song of the Wake
Abjuration
Level:
Components:
Casting Time:
Range:
Area:
Duration:
Saving Throw:
Spell Resistance:



Harmonic Song
Abjuration
Level:
Components:
Casting Time:
Range:
Area:
Duration:
Saving Throw:
Spell Resistance:



Song of Will and Iron
Abjuration
Level:
Components:
Casting Time:
Range:
Area:
Duration:
Saving Throw:
Spell Resistance:



Dispelling Song
Abjuration
Level:
Components:
Casting Time:
Range:
Area:
Duration:
Saving Throw:
Spell Resistance:



Girdle of Freshness
 Price (Item Level): xxx GP
 Body Slot: Torso
 Caster Level: x
 Aura: xx; (DC:xx) Transmutation
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: 1 lb.

This silk covered leather girdle gives it's wearer immunity to attacks based on smell such as a Troglodyte or Ghast's Stench, the Stinking Cloud spell, etc.  It also gives a +4 Enchantment Bonus on Saving Throws against spells of the Necromancy school that cause physical rot, decay, or disease.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Water Breathing, Stank Shield
Cost to Create: xx GP, x day, xx XP



Stank Shield
Abjuration
Level:
Components:
Casting Time:
Range:
Area:
Duration:
Saving Throw:
Spell Resistance:



Gremlin Wand
 Price (Item Level): xxx GP
 Body Slot: - (Held)
 Caster Level: x
 Aura: xx; (DC:xx) Abjuration/Divination/Necromancy
 Activation: Standard (Command)
 Weight: -

Despite the name this is more accurately a wand, and is an 18' rod of ebony or mahogany wood with the tip being a claw grabbing a sphere of quartz.  If a Gremlin is within 120' of the wands owner it glows blue, and he immediately knows the Gremlins location.  The owner also gains a +4 Enhancement Bonus against the Chaotic Aura ability of Gremlins.  As a Standard Action the owner may also use the Wand to cast a Fear spell which only affects Gremlins.

Prerequisites: Craft Rod, Fear, Greater Resistance, Scrying
Cost to Create: xx GP, x day, xx XP



Lance of Piercing
 Price (Item Level): xxx GP
 Body Slot: - (Held)
 Caster Level: x
 Aura: xx; (DC:xx) Transmutation
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: 10 lbs.

Normally this is a +1 Lance.  However in the hands of a Pegataur this is a +5 Lance, and it threatens a critical on a natural 19-20.  If the critical is successful it does x4 damage. 

Prerequisites: Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Keen Edge, Dolorous Blow
Cost to Create: xx GP, x day, xx XP




Troppenribb's Goggles
 Price (Item Level): xxx GP
 Body Slot: Face
 Caster Level: x
 Aura: xx; (DC:xx) Transmutation
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: -

When worn these large black goggles allow the user to see out to 2400 feet clearly, which eliminates distance penalties for ranged attacks.  They also allow him to see despite regular or magical darkness, fog, mist, inclement weather, rains of frogs, etc. 

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Telescopic Vision, Weather Vision
Cost to Create: xx GP, x day, xx XP



Telescopic Vision
Abjuration
Level:
Components:
Casting Time:
Range:
Area:
Duration:
Saving Throw:
Spell Resistance:



Weather Vision
Abjuration
Level:
Components:
Casting Time:
Range:
Area:
Duration:
Saving Throw:
Spell Resistance:


Whacky Land Offerings


Halloween Mask
 Price (Item Level): xxx GP
 Body Slot: Face
 Caster Level: x
 Aura: xx; (DC:xx) Necromancy
 Activation: Swift (Command)
 Weight: -

This full head or facial mask of some sort of monster can make you appear horrifying at will. 3 times per day the wearer can yell "BOO!", casting Eyebite as a 6th level caster.  Obviously made by Necromancers with a sense of humor, or a true love of the holiday in question.  Or by casters who like to see small children poop themselves and black out.  Man, mages can be real asshats.

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Eyebite
Cost to Create: xx GP, x day, xx XP



Clown Makeup
 Price (Item Level): xxx GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: x
 Aura: xx; (DC:xx) Necromancy
 Activation: Standard (Manipulation)
 Weight: -

Some people are terrified of clowns. This makeup ensures everyone is. While wearing it anyone viewing your face is subject to a Fear spell as cast by a seventh level caster because you look like the bastard stepchild of a clown and Vecna. This is basically an oil for rules purposes. But it takes 2 minutes to apply, and lasts for 1 hour.

Prerequisites: Brew Potion, Fear
Cost to Create: xx GP, x day, xx XP



Seltzer Bottle
 Price (Item Level): xxx GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: x
 Aura: xx; (DC:xx) Conjuration
 Activation: Standard
 Weight: 3 lbs.

This appears to be a heavy glass bottle of water with some sort of attachment at the top. As a standard action you may use it to blast your opponent with a high pressure jet of water. This is a ranged touch attack with a range of 10 feet. The opponent takes a both a Trip and Bull Rush attack made as if by a 15 Strength. The bottle has 5 'charges' and may be recharged by refilling it with 2 gallons of water.  Pranksters love this, and some guard forces enjoy it as a non lethal way of telling people to sod off.  Every clown worth his salt has one.  Fucking clowns.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Create Water
Cost to Create: xx GP, x day, xx XP



Slap Stick
 Price (Item Level): xxx GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: x
 Aura: xx; (DC:xx) Necromancy/Transmutation
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: 3 lbs.

This ordinary looking board or stick makes an incredibly loud slapping sound when it strikes anything.  It has the same stats as a +1 club, but any creature struck by it is the recipient of a Bull Rush attack as a free action that provokes no attack of opportunity. The Bull Rush has a Strength of 30. If a strike with the Slap Stick is a Critical hit the opponent must make a DC 13 Fortitude Save or be deafened for 1d4 rounds and Dazed for 1 round.

Prerequisites: Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Daze, Blindness/Deafness, Knock
Cost to Create: xx GP, x day, xx XP



Vagrant's Coat
 Price (Item Level): xxx GP
 Body Slot: Body
 Caster Level: x
 Aura: xx; (DC:xx) Abjuration/Illusion
 Activation: -
 Weight: 2 lbs.

This appears to be a stained, filthy overcoat in bad condition. While wearing it you appear to be a stained, filthy, vermin and pus infested beggar. People will have to make a Willpower Save (DC:11) to even touch the wearer (effects are the same as the Sanctuary spell). Most wont even want to admit you exist, which tells you a lot about society.  People will part in waves as they pass you in the street.  Depending on their individual phobias they may even want you killed or quarantined.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Sanctuary, Disguise Self
Cost to Create: xx GP, x day, xx XP

[bhu]

MARTIAN WEAPONS


Craft Gun
"We hear you can make Boomsticks?"
 Prerequisites: Caster Level 7th
 Benefits: You can create magical firearms.  Not enhanced versions of regular firearms (Craft Magic Arms and Armor will get you those), but more like Wands that have regenerating charges.  Each gun comes with one or more Chargers, and each Charger has a certain number of charges per day (all charges in all Chargers refill at the beginning of each day).  Chargers are not interchangeable between guns.  You can create a Gun from any ranged, single target spell that you know.  Crafting a gun takes one day for each 1,000 gp in its base price. The base price of a gun is its caster level × the spell level × 750 gp (Spell level is .5 for cantrips), divided by by (5 divided by charges per day). To craft a gun, you must spend 1/25 of this base price in XP and use up raw materials costing one-half of this base price. A newly created gun has any number of charges between 5 and 30 (your choice).

Any gun that stores a spell with a costly material component or an XP cost also carries a commensurate cost. In addition to the cost derived from the base price, you must expend a number of copies of the material component equal to the number of charges or pay that many times the XP cost. Each Charger costs 1/25th the base price of the gun.  Gun and Charger weight depend on the Level of the spell: The base weight of a gun is one pound per spell level (half a pound for cantrips, 10 pounds for Epic).  Each Charger weighs 1/5th as much as the gun.

IF you also have Craft Wondrous Items, this Feat lets you make Red Dots and Sniper Sights.  Examples of spells that can be made into Guns are on the following list (note for the sake of brevity I have limited them to appropriate Wizard spells from the PHB or Spell Compendium, and the same goes for the Feats below.  These are not exhaustive lists.):

Cantrips: Acid Splash, Daze, Electric Jolt, Ray of Frost, Sonic Snap
1st: Lesser Orb of Acid/Cold/Electricity/Fire/Sound, Ray of Clumsiness, Ray of Enfeeblement, Ray of Flame, Reduce Person, Sonic Blast
2nd: Blast of Force, Blindness/Deafness, Daze Monster, Launch Spikes*, Rainbow Beam, Ray of Ice, Ray of Sickness, Ray of Weakness
3rd: Dispel Magic (Targeted Dispel only), Hold Person, Ray of Exhaustion, Rust Ray, Sound Lance
4th: Enervation, Orb of Acid/Cold/Electricity/Fire/Force/Sound, Resilient Sphere, Thunderlance
5th: Baleful Polymorph, Feeblemind, Greater Reduce Person, Hold Person, Lucent Lance, Prismatic Ray, Viscid Glob, Wrack
6th: Disintegrate, Freezing Ray, Greater Dispel Magic (target Dispel only), Ray of Entropy, Ray of Light
7th: Avasculate, Energy Ebb, Finger of Death, Stun Ray,
8th: Blackfire, Polar Ray
9th: Energy Drain, Force Beam*
Epic: Greater Ruin, Ruin

Gun Proficiency
"Don't make me use this."
 Prerequisites: None
 Benefits: You can use guns, whether you have a caster level or not.  Without this Feat, you must make a DC 20 Use Magic Device Check to use a gun, and are -4 on attack rolls with it if it requires any.

Craft Big Gun
"We hear you can make extra special Boomsticks?"
 Prerequisites: Craft Guns
 Benefits: This works like regular guns, but you can make one of any spell that has a Line or Cone area of effect, or that can attack multiple targets with an attack roll or Saving Throw.  Weight is double normal.  Examples of spells that can be made into Big Guns are on the following list:

Cantrips:
1st: Color Spray, Magic Missile
2nd: Frost Breath, Scorch, Scorching Ray
3rd: Acid Breath, Chain Missile, Lightning Bolt, Nauseating Breath, Rainbow Blast, Resonating Bolt, Scintillating Sphere, Shatterfloor
4th: Blast of Flame, Death by Spork*, Force Missiles, Shout
5th: Cone of Cold, Cyclonic Blast, Machinegun*, Sonic Rumble, Waves of Fatigue
6th: Haze of Smoldering Stone (see Dragon Magic), Missile Spray*
7th: Prismatic Spray, Waves of Exhaustion
8th: Greater Shout
9th: Deadly Sunstroke (see Complete Mage)
Epic: Wave of Mutilation*

Craft Epic Gun
"We hear you can make extra BIG Boomsticks?"
 Prerequisites: Craft Big Guns, Knowledge (arcana) 28 ranks, Spellcraft 28 ranks.
 Benefits: This works like regular guns or big guns, but you can make one of any appropriate Epic Spell (Epic spell level is a 10 for purposes of determining costs).  Weight is triple normal.  Gun Proficiency allows you to wield epic guns as well.

Craft Tacticool Gun
"We hear you can make extra special Boomsticks?"
 Prerequisites: Craft Guns, plus one or more of the following Metamagic Feats: Bend Spell (Dragon Compendium), Blistering Spell (PHBII), Born of the Three Thunders (Complete Arcane), City Magic (Cityscape), Consecrate Spell (Complete Divine), Corrupt Spell (omplete Divine), Deafening Spell (Drow of the Underdark), Disrupting Spell (Fiendish Codex II), Empower Spell, Energize Spell (Libris Mortis), Energy Admixture (Complete Arcane), Energy Affinity (Miniature's Handbook), Energy Substitution (Complete Arcane), Enervate Spell (Libris Mortis), Enhance Spell (Complete Arcane), Enlarge Spell, Entangling Spell (Champions of Ruin), Fell Animate (Libris Mortis), Fell Drain (Libris Mortis), Fell Energy Spell (Dragon Compendium), Fell Frighten (Libris Mortis), Fell Weaken (Libris Mortis), Fiery Spell (Sandstorm), Flash Frost Spell (Frostburn), Fortify Spell (Complete Arcane), Guided Spell (Dragon Compendium), Heighten Spell, Improved Heighten Spell (Epic Level Handbook), Intensify Spell (Epic Level Handbook), Lingering Spell (Champions of Ruin), Lord of the Uttercold (Complete Arcane), Maximize Spell, Piercing Cold (Frostburn), Reaping Spell (Champions of Ruin), Sculpt Spell (Complete Arcane), Searing Spell (Sandstorm), Selective Spell (Shining South), Silent Spell, or Widen Spell.
 Benefits: This lets you make Guns, Big Guns, and Epic Guns with a Metamagic Feat you know.  When determining the spell level, use the higher level for the metamagic feat to determining costs.  For example, Enhance Spell requires  you to use a spell slot 4 levels higher.  So if you make a Big Gun from the Lightning Bolt spell, the spell Level is 7th.

Craft Martian Guns
"We hear you can make extra 'green' Boomsticks?"
 Prerequisites: Craft Guns
 Benefits: You can make Martian Raypistols, Rayrifles, Raycannons and Disintegrators.  These do specific effects as listed below instead of mimicking spells, and have specific costs to make.  Additionally, they're Chargers are more flexible: A Raypistol Charger can be used in any Raypistol.

Raypistol (one handed)
Damage: 3d4 Force (Small), 3d6 Force (Medium)
Critical: x2
Range Increment: 40 ft.
Weight: 2 lbs.
A Raypistol fires fifty times before a new Charger (weight 1 pound) needs to be reloaded and has a rate of fire equal to the attacker’s number of attacks. Reloading the weapon is
a move action.
Cost to Buy: 24000 GP (960 GP per Charger)
Cost to Make: 12000 GP, 24 days, 960 xp (480 GP per Charger)
Prerequisites to Make: Craft Martian Guns, Caster Level 8th, Must know a spell doing Force damage.

Rayrifle (two handed)
Damage: 6d6 Force (Medium), 6d8 Force (Large)
Critical: x2
Range Increment: 100 ft.
Weight: 10 lbs. (20 lbs. Large)
A Rayrifle fires thirty times before a new Charger (weight 1 pound for Medium, 2 pounds for Large) needs to be reloaded and has a rate of fire equal to once per round. Reloading the weapon is
a move action.
Cost to Buy: 32000 GP (1280 GP per charger)
Cost to Make: 16000 GP, 32 days, 1280 xp (640 GP per Charger)
Prerequisites to Make: Craft Martian Guns, Caster Level 8th, Must know a spell doing Force damage.

Raycannon (two handed)
Damage: 12d8 Force (Huge, 12d10 Force (Gargantuan)
Critical: x2
Range Increment: 100 ft.
Weight: 30 lbs. Large, 60 pounds Huge
A Raycannon fires ten times before a new Charger (weight 2 pounds for Large, 4 pounds for Huge) needs to be reloaded and has a rate of fire equal to once per round. Reloading the weapon is a move action.
Cost to Buy: 36000 GP (1440 GP per Charger)
Cost to Make: 18000 GP, 36 days, 1440 xp (720 GP per Charger)
Prerequisites to Make: Craft Martian Guns, Caster Level 12th, Must know a spell doing Force damage.

Disintegrator (two handed)
Damage: 32d6 Force (Huge), 40d6 Force (Gargantuan)
Critical: n/a
Range Increment: 140 ft.
Weight: 60 lbs. Huge, 120 pounds Gargantuan
A Disintegrator fires twice before a new Charger (weight 4 pounds for Huge, 8 pounds for Gargantuan) needs to be reloaded and has a rate of fire equal to once per round. Reloading the weapon is
a move action.  THis otherwise works exactly like the Disintegrate spell, and any creature or object struck by the ray takes the listed damage, being reduced to dust if it lowers their hp to zero.
Cost to Buy: 96000 GP (3840 GP per Charger)
Cost to Make: 48000 GP, 96 days, 3840 xp (1920 GP per Charger)
Prerequisites to Make: Craft Martian Guns, Caster Level 20th, Must know the Disintegrate spell..


Craft Bombs
"We hear you can make things explode?"
 Prerequisites: Caster Level 7th
 Benefits: You can create magical explosives.  The costs for materials and ingredients are 25 gp × the level of the spell (.5 for Cantrips, 10 for Epic spells) × the level of the caster.  Only spells with an area of effect (burst, emanation or spread) that has a range. The creator must have prepared the spell to be placed in the bomb (or must know the spell, in the case of a sorcerer or bard) and must provide any material component or focus the spell requires. If casting the spell would reduce the caster’s XP total, he pays the XP cost upon beginning the explosive in addition to the XP cost for making the Bomb itself. Material components are consumed when he begins working, but a focus is not. (A focus used in making a Bomb can be reused.) The act of making triggers the prepared spell, making it unavailable for casting until the character has rested and regained spells. (That is, that spell slot is expended from his currently prepared spells, just as if it had been cast.) Making a Bomb requires one day for each 1,000 gp in its base price, and xp equal to 1/25th the base price.  Bombs come in several forms: Hand Grenades, Mines and Timed Explosives.

A Hand grenade weighs 1 lb., and can be used by anyone.  Pulling the pin and throwing it is a standard action, it activates when it hits something or 1 round later, whichever comes first (see Throwing a Splash Weapon in the PHB).  They can be made from any spell of 3rd Level or less.  If the spell is normally a ranged touch attack it is now treated as a grenade like weapon, and a Reflex Save is allowed for half damage if the target is within the Area of Effect.

A Mine weighs 5 lbs, and can be set as a pressure trap or proximity trap by anyone with Demolitions Proficiency.  If set as a pressure trap it is hidden in the floor/ground, and anything stepping on it that outweighs the mine causes it to go off.  If set as a proximity trap, anything other than the creator and up to 1 ally per point of Casting Ability Modifier (who must be designated during creation) approaching within 5 feet of the mine causes it to go off.  Mines can be made from spells of any Level.

Timed Explosives weigh one pound per spell level, and can be set by anyone with the Demolitions Proficiency.  The timer can be set for a specific time, anywhere from 1 round later (bad idea) to a number of days equal to your casting ability modifier.  Timed Explosives can be made from spells of any Level.  Examples of spells that can be made into Bombs are on the following list:

Cantrips: Caltrops
1st: Grease, Obscuring Mist, Sleep
2nd: Cloud of Bewilderment,  Fog Cloud, Glitterdust, Hypnotic Pattern, Malevolent Miasma, Web
3rd: Contagious Fog, Deep Slumber, Dispel Magic (Area Dispel only), Fireball, Flashburst, Great Thunderclap, Stinking Cloud
4th: Blistering Radiance, Cloud of Caltrops*, Explosive Cascade, Rainbow Pattern
5th: Cacophonic Burst, Cloudkill, Firebrand, Mind Fog, Solid Fog, Vitriolic Sphere
6th: Antimagic Field, Freezing Fog, Greater Dispel Magic (area Dispel only)
7th: Acid Fog, Radiant Assault,
8th: Incendiary Cloud, Scintillating Pattern, Sunburst
9th: Boom!*, Mordenkainen's Disjunction
Epic: Animus Blast, Hell Ball

Demolitions Proficiency
"BOOM BABY!"
 Prerequisites: Use Magic Device, 4 ranks
 Benefits: With this Feat you can set Mines and explosives, as well as Disarm them.  Setting a Bomb is a DC 10 Use Magic Device Check.  Failure means the Bomb fails to go off.  Failure by 10 or more means it goes off immediately.  Disarming a Bomb that is set to go off requires a DC x Use Magic Device Check.  The Save DC depends on the creators desires.  When the person who sets the Bomb to go off, he decides on any DC from 10 to 20.  If the person trying to disarm the Bomb fails his Use Magic Device Check at that DC, the Bomb is still set to go off.  If he fails by 5 or more the Bomb detonates immediately.  You must be within 10 feet to set or disarm a Bomb.  Carefully placing an Bomb that does damage against a fixed structure (a stationary, unattended inanimate object) can maximize the damage dealt by exploiting vulnerabilities in the structure’s construction.

The DM makes the Use Magic Device check (so that the character doesn’t know exactly how well he or she has done). On a result of 15 or higher, the explosive deals double damage to the structure against which it is placed. On a result of 25 or higher, it deals triple damage to the structure. In all cases, it deals normal damage to all other targets within its area of effect.

Craft Big Bomb
"We hear you can make rockets?"
 Prerequisites: Craft Bombs
 Benefits: This works like regular bombs, but you can make it into a projectile.  Weight is double normal, but it retains the spells range.  It can be activated by anyone with the Demolitions Proficiency as a Standard Action.

Craft Epic Bombs
"We hear you can make extra BIG 'splosions?"
 Prerequisites: Craft Big Bombs, Knowledge (arcana) 28 ranks, Spellcraft 28 ranks.
 Benefits: This works like regular bombs or big bombs, but you can make one of any appropriate Epic Spell (Epic spell level is a 10 for purposes of determining costs).  Weight is triple normal.  Demolitions Proficiency allow you to use epic bombs of the same kind as well.

Craft Metabombs
"We hear you can make extra special explosions?"
 Prerequisites: Craft Bombs, plus one or more of the following Metamagic Feats: Blistering Spell (PHBII), Born of the Three Thunders (Complete Arcane), City Magic (Cityscape), Consecrate Spell (Complete Divine), Corrupt Spell (omplete Divine), Deafening Spell (Drow of the Underdark), Disrupting Spell (Fiendish Codex II), Empower Spell, Energize Spell (Libris Mortis), Energy Admixture (Complete Arcane), Energy Affinity (Miniature's Handbook), Energy Substitution (Complete Arcane), Enervate Spell (Libris Mortis), Enhance Spell (Complete Arcane), Enlarge Spell, Entangling Spell (Champions of Ruin), Explosive Spell (Complete Arcane), Fell Animate (Libris Mortis), Fell Drain (Libris Mortis), Fell Energy Spell (Dragon Compendium), Fell Frighten (Libris Mortis), Fell Weaken (Libris Mortis), Fiery Spell (Sandstorm), Flash Frost Spell (Frostburn), Fortify Spell (Complete Arcane), Heighten Spell, Improved Heighten Spell (Epic Level Handbook), Intensify Spell (Epic Level Handbook), Lingering Spell (Champions of Ruin), Lord of the Uttercold (Complete Arcane), Maximize Spell, Piercing Cold (Frostburn), Reaping Spell (Champions of Ruin), Sculpt Spell (Complete Arcane), Searing Spell (Sandstorm), Selective Spell (Shining South), Silent Spell, or Widen Spell.
 Benefits: This lets you make Bombs, Big Bombs, and Epic Bombs with a Metamagic Feat you know.  When determining the spell level, use the higher level for the metamagic feat to determining costs.  For example, Enhance Spell requires  you to use a spell slot 4 levels higher.  So if you make a Bomb from the Fireball spell, the spell Level is 7th.

Craft Summoners
"We hear you can make critter thingies?"
 Prerequisites: Craft Big Bombs and/or Craft Guns, Spell Focus (Conjuration)
 Benefits: This Feat lets you make Gus that fire critters, or bombs that summon critters (you must have the appropriate Craft Feats for Guns or Bombs as well).  Craft Guns lets you make Critter Guns (and Epic Critter Guns if you have the Craft Epic Guns Feat).  Craft Bombs or Craft Big Bombs lets you turn any Bomb into a Critter Bomb (Craft Epic Bombs lets you make Epic Critter Bombs).  If you have Craft Tacticool Guns or Craft Metabombs, your Critter Guns/Bombs can be made with the following enhancements: Augment Summoning (require a spell sot 1 Level higher), Imbued Summoning (PHBII).

Critter Guns can be made from any Conjuration (Summoning) spell that can summon a creature of Tiny Size or smaller.  It can summon and shoot a Critter up to the range of the spell the Gun is based on (further if you have Tacticool Guns and Enlarge Spell).  The critter is summoned for the normal duration of the spell, and effectively performs a Charge attack on the turn it is shot at a target.  For this first attack roll, use it's to hit roll, or the shooters, whichever is better.  The guns Size Category is two sizes higher than the creature it can summon (the type of critter it can summon is chosen when the Critter Gun is made), and it weighs (Spell level x2) pounds.  It summons 1 critter per charge, charges for Critter Guns are any number between 5 and 10.

Critter Bombs can be made in any form, except Hand Grenades.  They can be made from any Summon Monster spell, and summon one Critter (or multiple creatures from a lower list).  For example if it's based on Summon Monster III you could make it summon one particular creature, 1d3 creatures from the Summon Monster II list, or 1d4+1 creatures from the Summon Monster I list.  The exact type is chosen during creation.  The critter is summoned for the usual duration of the spell it is based on.  Anyone adjacent to the summoned creature must make a Fortitude Save (Save DC is 10 plus the spells level plus the creators casting ability modifier) or be pushed back 1 square away from the summoned creature.  Weight of the Bomb is unchanged.  The creature sumoned can actually be any one creaure of the appropriate CR:

Summon Monster I: CR up to 1/2
Summon Monster II: CR 1, or 1d3 CR 1/2 or less
Summon Monster III: CR 2, or 1d3 CR 1, or 1d4+1 CR 1/2 or less
Summon Monster IV: CR 3, or 1d3 CR 2, or 1d4+1 CR 1
Summon Monster V: CR 5, or 1d3 CR 3, or 1d4+1 CR 2
Summon Monster VI: CR 6, or 1d3 CR 5, or 1d4+1 CR 3
Summon Monster VII: CR 7, or 1d3 CR 6, or 1d4+1 CR 5
Summon Monster VIII: CR 9, or 1d3 CR 7, or 1d4+1 CR 6
Summon Monster IX: CR 11, or 1d3 CR 9, or 1d4+1 CR 7
Summon Monster X: CR 20



BOOM!
Evocation
Level: Sor/Wiz 9
Components: V, S, F
Casting Time: 1 Standard Action
Range: Long (400 ft + 40 ft/level)
Area: 80 ft. Radius Spread
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: Reflex half
Spell Resistance: Yes

You create a massive explosion doing 3d6 untyped damage per 2 caster levels.  The focus is a small mushroom carving.

Cloud of Caltrops
Conjuration (Creation)
Level: Sor/Wiz 4
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 Standard Action
Range: 30 ft.
Area: 30 ft. Cone
Duration: Instantaneous (but see below)
Saving Throw: Reflex Partial
Spell Resistance: No

This spell creates an explosion of caltrops doing 1d8 piercing damage per Level (max 10d8) in a 15' Cone (Reflex Save for half damage).  After this spell is cast the ground underneath the Are of Effect is covered in caltrops.  Material component is a caltrop.

Death by Spork
Conjuration (Creation)
Level: 4
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 Standard Action
Range: 120 ft.
Area: 120 ft. Line
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: Reflex Partial
Spell Resistance: No

"Now face the terror of the Hand-Cranked Runcible Gun!"

All opponents in a 120 ft. by 5 ft. Line are hit with hundreds of razor sharp sporks doing 1d8 piercing damage per caster Level (max 10d8), Reflex Save for half damage.  Material component is a spork.

Force Beam
Evocation (Force)
Level: Sor/Wiz 9
Components: V, S, F
Casting Time: 1 Standard Action
Range:Long (400 ft + 40 ft/level)
Effect: Ray
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: Yes

This spell creates a pencil thin Ray of Force. If the caster succeeds in making a ranged Touch Attack, his opponent takes 2d6 Force damage per caster level (maximum 40d6).  Focus for the spell is a small metal wand.

Launch Spikes
Conjuration (Creation)
Level: Sor/Wiz 2
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 Standard Action
Range: Long (400 ft. plus 40 ft. per Level)
Effect: 1 iron spike
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No

You summon an iron spike and fire it at an opponent as a Ranged Touch Attack, doing 2d8 plus 1 per level (max +10) in piercing damage if it successfully hits.

Machinegun
Evocation
Level: Sor/Wiz 5
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 Standard Action
Range: 50 ft.
Area of Effect: 50 ft. Cone
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: Reflex Save for half damage
Spell Resistance: No

When cast, Machinegun floods the area of effect with a spray of bullets doing 1d6 magical piercing damage per caster level (max 15d6).

Missile Spray
Evocation
Level: Sor/Wiz 6
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 Standard Action
Range: Long (400 ft. + 40 ft./level)
Area of Effect: 20 ft. radius burst
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: Reflex Save for half damage
Spell Resistance: No

When this spell is cast you unleash a barrage of force missiles that target everything within a 20 foot spread.  It does 1d4+1 force damage per caster level, to a maximum of 15d4+15.

Summon Monster X  (Epic Spell)
Conjuration (Summoning)
Spellcraft DC: 96
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 Minute
Range: 75 ft.
Effect: 1 summoned creature
Duration: 20 Rounds (D)
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No
To Develop: 864,000 gp; 18 days; 34,560 XP.  Seed: Summon (DC 14), CR 20 creature (+36), Summon Outsider or Elemental (+46)

This spell allows you to summon any one Elemental or Outsider up to CR 20.  It appears where the character designates and acts immediately, on the character’s turn. It attacks the character’s opponents to the best of its ability. If the character can communicate with the creature, he or she can direct it not to attack, to attack particular enemies, or to perform other actions. Summoned creatures act normally on the last round of the spell and disappear at the end of their turn.

Wave of Mutilation  (Epic Spell)
Transmutation
Spellcraft DC: 75
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 Minute
Range: 80 ft.
Effect: 80 foot cone
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: Fortitude half
Spell Resistance: Yes
To Develop: 675,000 gp; 14 days; 27,000 XP.  Seed: Destroy (DC 29), Change Area to 40 foot Cone (+2), Increase Area by 100 % (+4), +20d6 damage (+40)

Everything within the spells area of effect takes 40d6 damage. If any target is reduced to -10 hit points or less (or a construct, object, or undead is reduced to 0 hit points), it is utterly destroyed as if disintegrated, leaving behind only a trace of fine dust. The spell affects even magical matter, energy fields, and force effects that are normally only affected by the disintegrate spell. Such effects are automatically destroyed. Epic spells using the ward seed may also be destroyed, though the caster must succeed at an opposed caster level check against the other spellcaster to bring down a ward spell.

Red Dot
 Price (Item Level): 8000 GP
 Body Slot: - (Held)
 Caster Level: 6th
 Aura: Faint; (DC:16) Divination
 Activation:-
 Weight: -

When attached to a Gun that requires a Ranged attack roll, and activated, this provides a 'laser' that gives a +2 Bonus to attack rolls with that Gun.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Craft Guns, Targeting Ray (see spell compendium)
Cost to Create: 4000 GP, 8 days, 320 XP


Sniper Sight
 Price (Item Level): 2000 GP
 Body Slot: - (Held)
 Caster Level: 1st
 Aura: Faint; (DC:16) Divination
 Activation: -
 Weight: -

When this sight is attached to a Gun that requires a Ranged attack roll, that gun gains the effects of the Guided Shot spell.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Craft Guns, Guided Shot (see Complete Adventurer)
Cost to Create: 1000 GP, 2 days, 80 XP

[bhu]

MARTIAN GUNSMITH
Martian Gunsmiths can make magical firearms for anyone who has the cash.

TOOL PROFICIENCY
When you adopt this specialization at 3rd level, you gain proficiency with gunsmith's tools. If you already have this proficiency, you gain proficiency with one other type of artisan's tools of your choice.

TACTICIAN SPELLS
Starting at 3rd level, you always have certain spells prepared after you reach particular levels in this class, as shown in the Gunsmith Spells table. These spells count as artificer spells for you, but they don’t count against the number of artificer spells you prepare.

Artificer Level   Spells

3rd             Chromatic Orb, Magic Missile
5th             Scorching Ray, Blindness/Deafness
9th             Fireball, Lightning Bolt
13th           Death By Spork*, Vitriolic Sphere
17th           Cone of Cold, Negative Energy Flood

BATTLE READY
When you reach 3rd level, your combat training and your experiments with magic have paid off in two ways:

You gain proficiency with firearms.

When you attack with a firearm, you can use your Intelligence modifier, instead of Dexterity modifier, for the attack and damage rolls.

CRAFT PISTOLS
Beginning at 3rd level, you can make a Raypistol.  A Raypistol can be used by anyone who is proficient with Firearms, is a one handed weapon, and weighs 2 pounds.  Range is 40/120 feet.  It comes with 50 shots per Charger, which weighs 8 ounces.  It regains it's charges at the beginning of each day.  The pistol does 3d6 damage of one of the following types: acid, cold, fire, force, lightning, magical piercing, necrotic, poison, psychic, radiant or thunder.  Creating a Raypistol takes one workweek and costs 50 GP plus an additional 25 GP per Charger.  This otherwise follows the rules for creating magic items found in Xanathar's Guide To Everything.  Raypistols have the Ammunition and Reload properties.  It is not considered an Infusion, but may be subject to Infusions such as Enhanced Arcane Focus, Enhanced Weapon, etc.

EXTRA ATTACK
Starting at 5th level, you can attack twice, rather than once, whenever you take the Attack action on your turn.

CRAFT RIFLES
At 9th level, you can make a Rayrifle.  A Rayrifle can be used by anyone who is proficient with Firearms, is a two handed weapon, and weighs 7 pounds.  Range is 100/300 feet.  It comes with 30 shots per Charger, which weighs 20 ounces.  It regains it's charges at the beginning of each day.  The rifle does 3d8 damage of one of the following types: acid, cold, fire, force, lightning, magical piercing, necrotic, poison, psychic, radiant or thunder.  Creating a Rayrifle takes ten workweeks and costs 2000 GP plus an additional 1000 GP per Charger.  This otherwise follows the rules for creating magic items found in Xanathar's Guide To Everything. Rayrifles have the Ammunition and Reload properties.  It is not considered an Infusion, but may be subject to Infusions such as Enhanced Arcane Focus, Enhanced Weapon, etc.

CRAFT CANNONS
At 15th level, you can make a Raycannon.  A Raycannon can be used by anyone who is proficient with Firearms, is a two handed weapon, and weighs 15 pounds.  Range is 120/360 feet.  It comes with 5 shots per Charger, which weighs 2 pounds.  It regains it's charges at the beginning of each day.  The cannon does 6d8 damage of one of the following types: acid, cold, fire, force, lightning, magical piercing, necrotic, poison, psychic, radiant or thunder.  Creating a Raycannon takes 25 workweeks and costs 20000 GP plus an additional 10000 GP per Charger.  This otherwise follows the rules for creating magic items found in Xanathar's Guide To Everything.  Raycannons have the Ammunition and Reload properties.  It is not considered an Infusion, but may be subject to Infusions such as Enhanced Arcane Focus, Enhanced Weapon, etc.


CRAFT DISINTEGRATOR
This Epic Boon lets you craft a Martian Disintegrator.  A Disintegrator. can be used by anyone who is proficient with Firearms, is a two handed weapon, and weighs 15 pounds.  Range is 120/360 feet.  It comes with 5 shots per Charger, which weighs 2 pounds.  It regains it's charges at the beginning of each day.  The cannon does 12d10 force damage.  A creature targeted by this ray is disintegrated if this damage leaves it with 0 hit points.  A disintegrated creature and everything it is wearing and carrying, except magic items, are reduced to a pile of fine gray dust. The creature can be restored to life only by means of a true resurrection or a wish spell.  This ray automatically disintegrates a Large or smaller nonmagical object or a creation of magical force. If the target is a Huge or larger object or creation of force, this ray disintegrates a 10-foot- cube portion of it. A magic item is unaffected by this ray.  Creating a Disintegrator. takes 50 workweeks and costs 100000 GP plus an additional 50000 GP per Charger.  This otherwise follows the rules for creating magic items found in Xanathar's Guide To Everything.  Disintegrators have the Ammunition and Reload properties.  It is not considered an Infusion, but may be subject to Infusions such as Enhanced Arcane Focus, Enhanced Weapon, etc.



DEATH BY SPORK
4th Level Conjuration
Casting Time: 1 Action
Range: Self (120 foot by 5 foot Line)
Components: V, S, M (metal spork)
Duration: Instantaneous
You unleash a massive blast of Sporks doing 8d8 magic Piercing damage on a failed Dexterity Save, and half as much in a unsuccessful one.  The sporks shoot out from you in a line 120 feet long by 5 feet wide.
  At Higher Levels: If you cast this spell using a spell slot of 5th level or higher, the damage increases by 1d8 for each slot level above 3rd.

[bhu]

Jabberer's Wares


Bag of Candy
 Price (Item Level): 2500 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 9th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:20) Conjuration
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: 15 lbs.

This appears to be a Bag of Holding Type 1, and detects as such. However anytime something is put in it, it is transformed into candy as soon as the bag is closed.  Living objects may not be put into the bag, which is sometimes a dead give away something might not be right.  Well that and usually whenever these are found there's some residual candy in them.  So as long as your PC's aren't diabetic they have a snack source.

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Bestow Curse, Leomunds Secret Chest
Cost to Create: 1250 GP, 2 days, 100 XP


Bag of Candy
Wondrous item, uncommon
This appears to be a Bag of Holding. However, anytime something is put in it, it is transformed into candy as soon as the bag is closed.  Living objects may not be put into the bag.


Bag of Dirty Tricks
 Price (Item Level): 182,000 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 13th
 Aura: Strong; (DC:22) Conjuration
 Activation: -
 Weight: -

This appears to be a regular Tan Bag of Tricks, but instead of it's normal effects, it summons horrifying out of control monsters.  As usual when a ball is removed from the Bag and tossed up to 20 ft. away it summons a creature for 10 minutes.  However the creature is in a berserk fury, and attempts to kill everything in sight beginning with the first thing it sees, which will probably be you.  Roll on the following table to see what you get:

01-10: Huge Fiendish Monstrous Scorpion
11-20: Fiendish Girallon
21-30: Invisible Stalker
31-40: Huge Elemental (any)
41-50: Babau
51-60: Red Slaad
61-70: Bone Devil
71-80: Djinni
81-90: Fiendish Megaraptor
91-00: 1d3 Chaos Beasts

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Bestow Curse, Summon Monster VII
Cost to Create: 91,000 GP, 91 days, 7000 XP


Bag of Dirty Tricks
Wondrous item, rare
This appears to be a regular Tan Bag of Tricks, but instead of it's normal effects, it summons horrifying out of control monsters.  As usual when a fuzzy object is removed from the Bag and tossed up to 20 ft. away it summons a creature for 10 minutes.  However the creature is in a berserk fury, and attempts to kill everything in sight beginning with the first thing it sees, which will probably be you.  Roll on the following table to see what you get:

1: Tlincalli
2: Barlgura
3: Catoblepas
4: Elemental (any)
4: Mezzoloth
5: Red Slaad
6: Barbed Devil
7: Night Hag
8: Giant Crocodile


Barbarian Booties
 Price (Item Level): 1400 GP
 Body Slot: Feet
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Enchantment
 Activation: -
 Weight: 1 lb.

These pink, fuzzy, knit socks are warm and very comfortable. They can be worn without having to wear boots as they negate the effects of hard travel on the feet (i.e. they don't ache after a days bootless travel). They also let anyone wearing them Rage once per day, as a 1st level Barbarian. If worn by Barbarian's or someone else who has Rage however, they cause him to Frenzy instead. If worn by someone capable of Frenzy, that person gets an extra +4 Strength while Frenzied, and the Save DC to snap out of it is 5 higher.  So don't piss off those strange people you see wearing fuzzy socks.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Bestow Curse, Rage
Cost to Create: 700 GP, 1 day, 56 XP


Barbarian Booties
Wondrous item, rare (requires attunement)

These pink, fuzzy, knit socks are warm and very comfortable. They can be worn without having to wear boots as they negate the effects of hard travel on the feet (i.e. they don't ache after a days bootless travel). They also let anyone wearing them Rage twice per day, with the same abilities as a 1st level Barbarian.

Curse. This item is cursed. Attuning to it curses you until you are targeted by a remove curse spell or similar magic. As long as you remain cursed, you cannot discard the booties, which immediately teleports back onto your feet. If worn by Barbarian's or someone else who has Rage, they do an additional die of damage with each attack when the wearer is Raging, but he gains one Level of Exhaustion when the Rage is over.


Bastard Sword
 Price (Item Level):18335 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: -
 Weight: 6 lbs,

This appears to be a +3 Bastard Sword, which it is. However it is cursed and anyone picking it up immediately becomes Neutral Evil. If the wielder is already neutral evil, the sword functions as a plain non-magical sword. Either way, he cannot get rid of the sword until someone casts Remove Curse on him.  There are rumors of Artifact level versions of this that are far more powerful, and also cause their owner to become compulsively evil, unable to perform any act that isn't unethical. 

Prerequisites: Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Bestow Curse, creator must be Neutral Evil
Cost to Create: 9,168 GP, 10 days, 733 XP


Bastard Sword
Weapon (longsword), rare
This item appears to be a normal +1 Longsword.  Which it is. 

Curse. Whoever touches this sword must make a DC 15 Charisma Save, or become Neutral Evil until it receives an attunement spell.


The Black Russian
 Price (Item Level): 56,000 GP
 Body Slot: Waist
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: -
 Weight: -

This laughably big, accursed codpiece makes the wearer believe he is far more powerful, interesting, charismatic, etc than he really is. Onlookers find him foolish and disturbing.  Mostly because he keeps referring to his codpiece.  It can of course, only be removed by Remove Curse, Miracle, Wish, etc.  While wearing it the victim has a -4 circumstance penalty to all Charisma based skill checks, except Intimidate, because people find him creepy.

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Bestow Curse
Cost to Create: 28,000 GP, 28 days, 2240 XP


The Black Russian
Wondrous item, rare (requires attunement)
This item appears to be a magical codpiece if Identify is cast.

Curse. Once attuned, this laughably big, accursed codpiece makes the wearer believe he is far more powerful, interesting, charismatic, etc than he really is. Onlookers find him foolish and disturbing.  Mostly because he keeps referring to his codpiece.  It can of course, only be removed by Remove Curse, etc.  While wearing it the victim has a -4 Disadvantage all Charisma based skill checks, except Intimidate, because people find him creepy.


Boom Ammunition
 Price (Item Level): 1400 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: -
 Weight: varies (as ammo)

This can be arrows or bolts or any form of ammo. It appears to be +2 ammo for all intents and purposes (if that can be checked somehow). But when fired it explodes in the users face doing damage as a Fireball cast by a 7th level caster (the user does not get a Saving throw for half damage though).  Some mages just don't like archers, because failing that Concentration Check when you take an arrow in the backside is soooo inconvenient.  But they aren't petty.  No no, they made  these for...reasons?

Prerequisites: Create Magic Arms and Armor, Bestow Curse, Fireball
Cost to Create: 700 GP, 1 day, 56 XP


Boom Ammunition
Weapon (any ammunition), rare
This item appears to be a piece of normal magical ammo, but upon being used in combat the first time it explodes doing 8d6 Fire damage.  Any creature within 20 feet of the shooter must make a DC 15 Dexterity Saving Throw or take the fire damage as well (half damage on a successful Save).  This destroys the weapon.


Booming Weapon
 Price (Item Level): 1400 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: -
 Weight: -

This cursed ability can be applied to any melee weapon. Upon it's first successful hit, the weapon explodes doing damage as a Fireball cast by a 7th level wizard (the user does not get a Save for half damage).  It appears to be a +2 weapon.  Some mages don't like melee fighters either, and think it's fun to mess with the 'stupid brutes' every so often.  And as long as said 'brute' doesn't find them in their sleep that's okay.

Prerequisites: Create Magic Arms and Armor, Bestow Curse, Fireball
Cost to Create: 700 GP, 1 day, 56 XP


Booming Weapon
Weapon (any melee weapon), rare
This item appears to be a normal magical weapon, but upon being used in melee combat the first time it explodes doing 8d6 Fire damage.  Any creature within 20 feet of the wielder must make a DC 15 Dexterity Saving Throw or take the fire damage as well (half damage on a successful Save).  This destroys the weapon.


Burping Pills
 Price (Item Level): 4500 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 3rd
 Aura: Faint; (DC:17) Evocation
 Activation: - (10 rounds after Ingestion)
 Weight: -

These pills dissolve instantly in water or alcohol; and are colorless, odorless, and tasteless. After eating a meal or finishing a glass of whatever beverage has been laced with one, the victim must make a DC 13 Fortitude Save every 10 minutes (+1 cumulative to DC with each successful Save, as it's only a matter of time) or unleash the most hellish belch the world has ever seen. The effect is the same as a Gust of Wind spell cast by a 3rd level Wizard lasting for 1 round. This is a bottle of 50 pills.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Gust of Wind, Craft (alchemy) 4 ranks
Cost to Create: 2,250 GP, 3 days, 180 XP


Burping Pills
Wondrous item, uncommon
These pills dissolve instantly in water or alcohol; and are colorless, odorless, and tasteless. After eating a meal or finishing a glass of whatever beverage has been laced with one, the victim must make a DC 15 Constitution Save every 10 minutes (+1 cumulative to DC with each successful Save, as it's only a matter of time) or unleash the most hellish belch the world has ever seen. The effect is the same as a Gust of Wind spell lasting for 1 round. This is a bottle of 50 pills.


Cherry Bombs
 Price (Item Level): 82,500 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 11th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:21) Conjuration
 Activation: -
 Weight: -

These items look like perfectly normal cherries.  Having been magically altered they explode roughly 5 minutes after being eaten doing 1d8+11 points of fire damage per cherry eaten (target gets no save, you may enchant 8 cherries at a time).  Their chief creators are not so nice Druids who decide to get revenge on all the civilized people killing animals and pooping in the forest.  Grow your own food and leave the Druids crops alone is the apparent theme here I guess.

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Bestow Curse, Fire Seeds
Cost to Create: 61,225 GP, 62 days, 3300 XP


Cherry Bombs
Wondrous item, very rare
These items look like perfectly normal cherries.  Having been magically altered they explode roughly 5 minutes after being eaten doing 2d8+4 points of fire damage per cherry eaten (target gets no save,  cherries generally come in groups of 8). 


Cowardly Armor
 Price (Item Level): 1400 GP
 Body Slot: Body
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: -
 Weight: varies (as armor)

This cursed ability can be applied to any heavy armor. When struck in combat for the first time it disintegrates, providing no protection. It otherwise appears to be +3 Armor.  You have to be a real jerk to sell this to people.  Assassins love it.  They throw a shuriken to make the armor explode, and follow up with the heavy artillery.  It's also a great prank for jousting day.

Prerequisites: Create Magic Arms and Armor, Bestow Curse
Cost to Create: 700 GP, 1 day, 56 XP


Cowardly Armor
Armor(any heavy armor), rare
This item appears to be normal +2 Armor if Identify is cast.

Curse. When struck in combat for the first time it disintegrates, providing no protection.


Cursed Halloween Mask
 Price (Item Level): 56,000 GP
 Body Slot: Face
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: -
 Weight: -

This appears to be a normal Halloween mask, but once you put it on you cant get it off or speak until the usual spells (Remove Curse, Miracle, Wish, etc) are cast. You appear to be whatever monster the mask is made to represent to anyone seeing you. Any attempt to speak comes out as a roar or shriek, and you seem to be threatening whoever you encounter. Welcome to what we'll call 'interesting times'.

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Bestow Curse, Major Image
Cost to Create: 28,000 GP, 28 days, 2240 XP


Cursed Halloween Mask
Wondrous item, rare
This appears to be a magical face mask resembling a monster if Identify is cast.

Curse. Once you put it on you cant get it off or speak until Remove Curse is cast. You appear to be whatever monster the mask is made to represent to anyone seeing you. Any attempt to speak comes out as a roar or shriek, and you seem to be threatening whoever you encounter.


Cursed Javelin of Lightning
 Price (Item Level): 1400 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: 2 lbs.

These appear to be normal Javelins of Lightning.  However when thrown, the wielder is struck by the 5d6 Lightning Bolt instead (no Save).  Rumor has it that Har the God of Lightning made these one day as a bit of a joke, or perhaps a punishment for people who do bad things in his name.  Unfortunately his subordinates cranked them out, and now they seem to be quite popular as 'pranks'.

Prerequisites: Create Magic Arms and Armor, Bestow Curse, Lightning Bolt
Cost to Create: 700 GP, 1 day, 56 XP


Cursed Javelin of Lightning
Weapon (javelin), uncommon
This item appears to be a normal Javelin of Lightning, but the moment someone tries to throw it, it explodes in their hand taking 4d6 lightning damage.  Any creature within 10 feet of the wielder must make a DC 13 Dexterity Saving Throw or take 4d6 Lightning damage as well (half damage on a successful Save).  This destroys the javelin.


Cursed Mace of Terror
 Price (Item Level): 56,000 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: 8 lbs.

These appear to be normal Maces of Terror (i.e. a +2 Heavy Mace). However when picked up the wielder himself is affected as if by a Fear spell (no save), at which point he runs from anything ambulatory and/or sentient until the effect wears off 7 rounds later.  After that once per day, usually when he draws the Mace or actually hits with it, he must Save versus the Fear effect again.  On the plus side he can't drop the Mace, and the usual spells (Remove Curse/Miracle/Wish/etc) are needed to get rid of it.

Prerequisites: Create Magic Arms and Armor, Bestow Curse, Fear
Cost to Create: 28,000 GP, 28 days, 2240 XP


Cursed Mace of Terror
Weapon (mace), rare
This item appears to be a normal, albeit magical, mace.

Curse. As soon as this mace is touched, the toucher must make a DC 15 Wisdom Save, or be Frightened for 1 Minute.  The toucher cannot rid himself of the mace until he gets the benefits of a Remove Curse or similar spell.  As long as the toucher is cursed, it cannot wield any weapon but the mace, and must Save to avoid being Frightened when ever he draws the weapon again.


Cursed Ring of Elephant Summoning
 Price (Item Level): 23,760 GP
 Body Slot: Ring
 Caster Level: 11th
 Aura:Moderate; (DC:21) Conjuration
 Activation: - (Use Activated) or Swift (Command)
 Weight: -

When put on this ring magically informs the wearer that it can summon a War Elephant to do battle once per day.  And it does.  Unfortunately the elephant falls from the sky, aimed directly at the wearer doing 11d6 damage (DC 20 Reflex Save for half damage), after which the stunned elephant wanders off..  After the first time, the ring does it at random times just to screw with it's wearer.  It rarely kills him/her, because that would end the pain...

Prerequisites: Forge Ring, Bestow Curse, Magic Mouth, Summon Nature's Ally VI
Cost to Create: 11,880 GP, 12 days, 940 XP


Cursed Ring of Elephant Summoning
Ring, rare (requires attunement
When put on this ring magically informs the wearer that it can summon a War Elephant to do battle once per long rest.

Curse. And it does, just as soon as the wearer attunes to it..  Unfortunately the elephant falls from the sky, aimed directly at the wearer doing 10d6 Bludgeoning damage (DC 15 Dexterity Save for half damage), after which the stunned elephant wanders off.  After the first time, the ring does it at random times of the day just to screw with it's wearer.  It rarely kills him/her, because that would end the pain...Remove Curse or similar magics will allow the wearer to remove the ring.


Dingle Ball
 Price (Item Level): 240,000 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 15th
 Aura: Strong; (DC:23) Enchantment
 Activation: - (Thrown)
 Weight: -

The Dingle Ball appears to be a small, rubbery ball that makes jingling noises when thrown or bounced. Any creature within 60 ft. that can hear or see the Dingle Ball (except the thrower) must make a DC 22 Willpower Save or be compelled to spend the next 1d10 minutes playing with the Dingle Ball. This compulsion is automatically dispelled if the creature is attacked. After the effect wears off the Dingle Ball may be thrown again. If the creature makes it's save it is immune to the effects of this Dingle ball for 24 hours.  This is a Mind-Affecting Compulsion.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Sympathy
Cost to Create: 120,000 GP, 120 days, 9600 XP


Dingle Ball
Wondrous item, very rare
The Dingle Ball appears to be a small, rubbery ball that makes jingling noises when thrown or bounced. Any creature within 60 ft. that can hear or see the Dingle Ball (except the thrower) must make a DC 18 Wisdom Save or be compelled to spend the next 1d10 minutes playing with the Dingle Ball. This effect is automatically dispelled if the creature is attacked. After the effect wears off the Dingle Ball may be thrown again. If the creature makes it's save it is immune to the effects of this Dingle ball for 24 hours


Dunce Cap
 Price (Item Level): 90,000 GP
 Body Slot: Head
 Caster Level: 9th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:20) Enchantment
 Activation: -
 Weight: -

Anyone wearing this accursed conical cap is immediately subjected to a Feeblemind spell until someone casts Remove Curse (or Wish/Miracle) to take the hat off.  Until then the hat cannot be moved either by Strength Check, or high winds, or even small nuclear detonations (unless of course you are vulnerable to death by said detonations).

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Bestow Curse, Feeblemind
Cost to Create: 45,000 GP, 45 days, 3600 XP


Dunce Cap
Wondrous item, very rare
This appears to be a magical hat if Identify is cast.

Curse. Anyone wearing this accursed conical cap is immediately subjected to a Feeblemind spell (if it fails a DC 18 Intelligence Saving Throw) until someone casts Remove Curse to take the hat off.  Until then the hat cannot be moved either by Strength Check, or high winds, or even small nuclear detonations (unless of course you are vulnerable to death by said detonations).


Dwarven Beer Stein
 Price (Item Level): 56,000 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: 1 lb.

This magical beer stein is always full of some form of alcohol. Not always a good thing...  Once someone picks it up the stein is always full of his favorite form of alcohol, and never spills. However if he drinks from it he must make a DC 16 Willpower Save if he is angered within the next hour or go into Frenzy (identical to the ability listed on page 34 of the Complete Warrior). The Save DC increases by 1 for each day that the drinker avoids Frenzy, and resets when he has lost control. If someone attempts to take the Stein from him, he must make the save or also go into Frenzy, and the Stein will automatically teleport back to him within 1d4 rounds if taken from him. Only a Remove Curse/Miracle/Wish etc will convince him to give up the stein and prevent it from going back to him. So long as a person 'owns' the stein he is required to drink from it at every meal (he gets no save to avoid this). Dwarves only seem to make these to be given to non dwarves, particularly elves...Dwarven revenge is a dish best served hoppy apparently.

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Bestow Curse, Create Food and Water, Rage
Cost to Create: 28,000 GP, 28 days, 2240 XP


Dwarven Beer Stein
Wondrous item, rare
This appears to be a magical stein that always fills with alcohol when someone grasps the handle. 

Curse. Anyone drinking from it must make a DC 15 Constitution Save, or gain the following abilities for 1 Minute:

Berserk: On each of its turns while berserk, the drinker attacks the nearest creature it can see. If no creature is near enough to move to and attack, the drinker attacks an object, with preference for an object smaller than itself. Once the drinker goes berserk, it continues to do so until it is destroyed or the Minute passes.

Reckless: The drinker gains advantage on all melee weapon attack rolls it makes during that turn, but attack rolls against it have advantage until the start of its next turn.

Once someone drinks from the stein, they will only drink from the stein, and cannot be rid of it until Remove Curse is cast.


Helm of Shrieking
 Price (Item Level): 56,000 GP
 Body Slot: Head
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura:Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: -

Once donned this cursed Helm announces your presence by letting loose an unearthly shriek whenever you enter a room or tunnel or cave, etc.  This scream is generally tailored to be attention getting or offensive, ensuring all eyes will be on you.  Typical sayings include insults or vulgarities that are beyond the pale.  Basically, something guaranteed to get you physically attacked.

It can only be removed by Remove Curse/Wish/Miracle etc. Anything within 200 ft. can make a DC 10 Listen check to hear the shriek and immediately know your position.

Prerequisites: Create Magic Arms and Armor, Bestow Curse, Magic Mouth
Cost to Create: 28,000 GP, 28 days, 2240 XP


Helm of Shrieking
Wondrous item, rare
This appears to be a magical helmet if Identify is cast.

Curse. Once donned this cursed Helm announces your presence by letting loose an unearthly shriek whenever you enter a room or tunnel or cave, etc.  This scream is generally tailored to be attention getting or offensive, ensuring all eyes will be on you.  Typical sayings include insults or vulgarities that are beyond the pale.  Basically, something guaranteed to get you physically attacked.  It can only be removed by Remove Curse or similar magic. Anything within 200 ft. can make a DC 10 Wisdom (Perception) check to hear the shriek and immediately know your position.


Meddling Box
 Price (Item Level): 30,000 GP
 Body Slot: - (Held)
 Caster Level: 5th
 Aura: Faint; (DC:20) Abjuration
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: 2 lbs.

This weird puzzle box composed of gears, levers, and god alone knows what else, is usually a mystery to most people.  All of them are individually crafted and give a +2 Untyped Bonus to a random type of Check or roll if activated.  The trouble is figuring out what kind of Check, and how to activate the damn thing.  A successful DC 20 Intelligence Check is required to figure out how to work it, and each attempt in which this Check Fails gives the owner a -2 on a specific type of Skill or Ability Check for 24 hours (these are cumulative, the type of check is decided upon when the Box is created and cannot be changed).  Once successfully activated the owner may then activate the Box as a Standard Action and gain the chosen Bonus for 24 hours (bonuses are not cumulative).  Rumor has it the Gnomes made these purely to screw with people.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Random is My Ally, Craft (Puzzleboxes 4 ranks)
Cost to Create: 15,000 GP, 15 days, 1200 XP


Meddling Box
Wondrous item, very rare (requires attunement)
This weird puzzle box composed of gears, levers, and god alone knows what else, is usually a mystery to most people.  All of them are individually crafted and give a +2 Bonus to a random type of Check or roll if activated.  The trouble is figuring out what kind of Check, and how to activate the damn thing.  A successful DC 20 Intelligence Check is required to figure out how to work it, and each attempt in which this Check Fails gives the owner a -2 on a specific type of Check or roll for 24 hours (these are cumulative, the type of check is decided upon when the Box is created and cannot be changed).  Once successfully activated the owner may then activate the Box as anAction and gain the chosen Bonus for 24 hours (bonuses are not cumulative).


Random is My Ally
3rd Level Abjuration
Level: Sor/Wiz 3
Components: V, S, F
Casting Time: 1 Standard Action
Range: Touch
Target: Creature touched
Duration: 10 min./level
Saving Throw: Fortitude negates (harmless)
Spell Resistance:     Yes (harmless)

The recipient of this spell gains a +2 Untyped Bonus to a single random roll.  At the beginning of each of the recipients turns roll 1d4 to figure out what the Bonus applies to:
1: Saving Throw
2: Skill Check
3: Ability Check
4: Attack roll




Ring of Humankind
 Price (Item Level):2000 GP
 Body Slot: Ring
 Caster Level: 1st
 Aura: Faint; (DC:16) Illusion
 Activation: -
 Weight: -

This appears to be a dull ring made of some cheap metal. Any small or medium creature wearing one appears to be a human being (Small creatures appear to be human children). This is a Glamer affecting all 5 senses. When worn by a human, however... they appear to be another random human. An odd freaky human. Like someone with writhing animate hair. Or with scabs covering their entire body. All charisma based skills except intimidation are at -4. Intimidate skill checks get a +4 Circumstance bonus.

Prerequisites: Forge Ring, Disguise Self
Cost to Create: 1000 GP, 1 day, 80 XP


Ring of Humankind
Wondrous item, rare (requires attunement)

This appears to be a dull ring made of some cheap metal. Any small or medium creature wearing one appears to be a human being (Small creatures appear to be human children). This is an illusion affecting all 5 senses.

Curse. This item is cursed. Attuning to it curses you until you are targeted by a remove curse spell or similar magic. As long as you remain cursed, you cannot discard the ring, which immediately teleports back onto your hand. When worn by a human, they appear to be another random human. An oddly repulsive human.  All charisma based skill checks except intimidation have Disadvantage.


War Club
 Price (Item Level): 56,000 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: 6 lbs.

This appears to be a normal +1 club with perhaps some nifty adornment.  Anyone struck by it must make a DC 14 Willpower Save, or go into Frenzy as per the Frenzied Berserker Class ability on page 34 of the Complete Warrior.  It's a neat way to start riots, or reduce family gatherings to open brawls.

Prerequisites: Create Magic Arms and Armor, Bestow Curse, Rage
Cost to Create: 28,000 GP, 28 days, 2240 XP


War Club
Weapon (club), rare
This appears to be a normal +1 club with perhaps some nifty adornment. 

Curse. Anyone struck by it must make a DC 15 Wisdom Save, or go berserk for 1 Minute.  During that minute it gains the following:

Berserk: On each of its turns while berserk, the target attacks the nearest creature it can see. If no creature is near enough to move to and attack, the target attacks an object, with preference for an object smaller than itself. Once the target goes berserk, it continues to do so until it is destroyed or the Minute passes.

Reckless: The target gains advantage on all melee weapon attack rolls it makes during that turn, but attack rolls against it have advantage until the start of its next turn.


Weasel Shorts
 Price (Item Level): 56,000 GP
 Body Slot: Waist
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: 1 lb.

When these cursed pants are put on they summon 1d4 weasels, which appear inside them and immediately begin attacking the wearer in a very uncomfortable way.  Once again, Druids who want to keep people out of the forest are blamed for making these, but honestly what goober puts on pants he finds lying about randomly in the forest? The pants are removable, but this does not dissuade the weasel attack.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Items, Bestow Curse, Summon Swarm
Cost to Create: 28,000 GP, 28 days, 2240 XP


Weasel Shorts
Wondrous item, uncommon
When these cursed pants are put on they summon 1d4 weasels, which appear inside them and immediately begin attacking the wearer in a very uncomfortable way.  The pants are removable, but this does not dissuade the weasel attack.


Yard Gnome of Mockery
 Price (Item Level): 132,000 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 11th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:21) Divination/Transmutation
 Activation: Continuous
 Weight: 5 lbs.

This appears to be a normal yard gnome.  But when people come near it, there is an obvious difference.  This Gnome can talk.  It can also read minds as per the Probe Thoughts spell.  When anything approaches within 100 ft. of the Gnome it uses Probe Thoughts to read their mind for dirty and embarrassing secrets, and then loudly begins to expose them for all the world to hear.  Or it just insults people.  It has the stats of a Tiny Animated Object.  There are rumors of extra powerful versions of this Gnome which teleport it back to the yard once it's set down if it's removed, and who are invulnerable to most damage.  Or just bigger.  Bigger is bad enough.

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Animate Objects, Magic Mouth, Probe Thoughts
Cost to Create: 66,000 GP, 66 days, 5820 XP


Yard Gnome of Mockery
Wondrous item, rare
This appears to be a normal yard gnome.  But when people come near it, there is an obvious difference.  This Gnome can talk.  It can also read minds as per the Detect Thoughts spell, which it can cast at will without using spell slots or material components.  When anything approaches within 100 ft. of the Gnome it uses Detect Thoughts to read their mind for dirty and embarrassing secrets, and then loudly begins to expose them for all the world to hear.  Or it just insults people.  It has the stats of a Tiny Animated Object, with the following exceptions: all mental ability scores are a 10. 


Your Own Personal Theme Music
 Price (Item Level): 56,000 GP
 Body Slot: Throat
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: -
 Weight: -

This appears to be a lapel pin or brooch of some sort. It creates and plays your own personal theme music once you put it on....which it never stops playing. Ever. Until some kind cleric decides to cast Remove Curse (allowing you to remove it), or the party puts you out of it's misery. While wearing it you always fail Hide and Move Silently checks. Since the music makes it obvious what your doing (i.e changes with your actions), your opponent may be able to predict what your up to. If he can make a Sense Motive Check (DC 15), he gets a +1 bonus to 1 roll he makes in the next round as long as the roll affects you. On the good side you get a +2 Profane bonus to all Intimidation checks, and for whatever reason you can sleep through the music quite soundly.  Assuming your companions, who are not immune, do not attempt to kill you while you're unconscious.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Bestow Curse, Magic Mouth
Cost to Create: 28,000 GP, 28 days, 2240 XP


Your Own Personal Theme Music
Wondrous item, uncommon (requires attunement)
This appears to be a lapel pin or brooch of some sort. It creates and plays your own personal theme music once you put it on and attune to it...

Curse. which it never stops playing. Ever. Until some kind cleric decides to cast Remove Curse (allowing you to remove it), or the party puts you out of it's misery. While wearing it you always fail Dexterity (Stealth) checks. Since the music makes it obvious what your doing (i.e changes with your actions), your opponent may be able to predict what your up to. If he can make an Insight Check (DC 15), he gets Advantage to 1 roll he makes in the next round as long as the roll affects you. On the good side you get Advantage to all Charisma (Intimidation) checks, and for whatever reason you can sleep through the music quite soundly.  Assuming your companions, who are not immune, do not attempt to kill you while you're unconscious.

[bhu]

Fred's Wares


Big Ole Hammer of Skull Dentin'
 Price (Item Level): 32,312 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 3rd
 Aura: Faint; (DC16) Necromancy
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: 5 lbs.

This +1 Stunning, Stunning Surge (see Magic Item Compendium) Warhammer also lowers the AC of anyone it successfully Stuns for 1 Minute.  It resembles a fairly hefty stone hammer.  It's not pretty, but it doesn't have to be when it's this effective.

Prerequisites: Create Magic Arms and Armor, Curse of Impending Blades (see Spell Compendium), Daze
Cost to Create: 16,156 GP, 16 days, 1,292 XP


Big Ole Hammer Of Skull Dentin'
Weapon (warhammer), very rare (requires attunement)
You gain a +1 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with this warhammer. 


Blunderbuss
 Price (Item Level): 80,000 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 10th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:16) Transmutation
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: 10 lbs.

This is a long tubelike contraption of wood with a metal barrel that flares at one end.  When the trigger on it is pulled, it does wondrous things.  Assuming you aren't the one standing at the flared end of course.  It fires a 30 ft. cone of energy. Anything in this area is subject to a Ray of Clumsiness spell as cast by a 10th level caster.  Cavalrymen really, really hate this thing since their horses tend to trip causing a massive fubar right at the front lines.  Which is, of course, one of the reasons it was invented.  It's still not as popular as the more lethal options.

Prerequisites: Create Magic Arms and Armor, Ray of Clumsiness (see Spell Compendium), Widen Spell
Cost to Create: 40,000 GP, 40 days, 3,200 XP


Blunderbuss
Wondrous item, rare (requires attunement)
As an Action, you may fire a 30 foot cone of energy from this contraption.  All creatures in the area must make a DC 15 Wisdom Save, or the targets take a -1 penalty to AC, attack rolls, and Dexterity checks and saving throws.  In addition, if the target moves more than half its speed, it must succeed on a DC 15 Dexterity saving throw or fall prone. If the targets roll a natural 1 on an attack roll, they drops the weapon they're holding.  At the end of each of the target’s turns, they can make another saving throw against the effect. On a success, the effect ends.


Chain Mail Bikini (One Piece)
 Price (Item Level): 132,000 GP
 Body Slot: Body and Torso
 Caster Level: 3rd
 Aura: Faint; (DC:16) Transmutation
 Activation: -
 Weight: 15 lbs.

Worn by cheesy warriors for showing off purposes, this comparatively modest one piece bathing suit like design is made of extremely fine and decorative (i.e. useless in combat) chain mesh.  It provides wearers with a +8 Deflection Bonus to AC, and a +2 Enhancement Bonus to Charisma.  Just don't try swimming in it.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Eagle's Splendor, Shield of Faith
Cost to Create: 66,000 GP, 66 days, 5,280 XP


Chainmail Bikini (One Piece)
Wondrous item, rare (requires attunement)


Chain Mail Bikini (Two Piece)
 Price (Item Level): 88,000 GP
 Body Slot: Body and Torso
 Caster Level: 3rd
 Aura: Faint; (DC:16) Transmutation
 Activation: -
 Weight: 5 lbs.

This far more common model of Chainkini provides a +6 Deflection Bonus to AC, and a +4 Enhancement Bonus to Cha.  Why Fred sells it in winter country is anyone's guess.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Eagle's Splendor, Shield of Faith
Cost to Create: 44,000 GP, 44 days, 3,520 XP


Chainmail Bikini (Two Piece)
Wondrous item, rare (requires attunement)


Chain Mail Bikini (Thong)
 Price (Item Level): 68,000 GP
 Body Slot: Body and Torso
 Caster Level: 3rd
 Aura: Faint; (DC:16) Transmutation
 Activation: -
 Weight: 1 lb.

Worn only by the most chafe resistant of narcissists, this version of the Bikini provides a +4 Deflection Bonus to AC, and a +6 Enhancement Bonus to Cha.  Perfect for getting people's attention...and asking "What the hell is up with that guy?"

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Eagle's Splendor, Shield of Faith
Cost to Create: 34,000 GP, 34 days, 2,720 XP


Chainmail Bikini (Thong)
Wondrous item, rare (requires attunement)


Diseased Weapon
 Price (Item Level): +2 Bonus
 Property:
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:16) Necromancy
 Activation: - (Use Activated)

Diseased weapons require any target they hit to make a DC 16 Fortitude Save or contract Filth Fever (see DMG page 292).  The wielder of the weapon is unaffected.  Physically anyway.  Socially, they probably suffer quite a bit.

Prerequisites: Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Contagion
Cost to Create: varies


Diseased Weapon
Weapon (any), rare (requires attunement)
When you successfully strike a creature with this weapon must make a DC 15 Constitution saving throw against disease or become poisoned until the disease is cured. Every 24 hours that elapse, the target must repeat the saving throw, reducing its hit point maximum by 5 (1d10) on a failure. The disease is cured on a success. The target dies if the disease reduces its hit point maximum to 0. This reduction to the target's hit point maximum lasts until the disease is cured.


Elven Battle Bows
 Price (Item Level): 100,000 GP
 Body Slot: Throat and Arms
 Caster Level: 3rd
 Aura: Faint; (DC:16) Divination
 Activation: -
 Weight: n/a

These appear to be bright, shiny ribbons and bows of various colors.  While wearing these ribbons and bows, the wearer gains a +10 Bonus to all attack rolls.  People generally assume anyone wearing ribbons and bows is now looking to start trouble after these things debuted.  Probably because they are...

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, True Strike
Cost to Create: 50,000 GP, 50 days, 4,000 XP


Elven Battle Bows
Wondrous item, very rare (requires attunement)
While wearing these, you have Advantage on all attack rolls.


Grappling Grease
 Price (Item Level): 400 GP (+2), 1600 GP (+4), 3600 GP (+6), or 6400 GP (+8)
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 3rd
 Aura: xFaint; (DC:16) Transmutation
 Activation: Standard (Manipulation)
 Weight: -

This thick Crisco like substance gives bonuses to grappling when applied to the skin (Which means if you wanna use it you pretty much have to be naked, or close to it. Pretty much ensuring you won't need to grapple as no one will be coming that close to you...). Comes in +2, +4, +6, and +8 varieties and applies like any other Oil.  It also gives you the reputation of being a serious weirdo, and some people think the Bonus is less from magic and more from the fact that people are embarrassed to be seen grappling you and simply don't want to touch you in public.

Prerequisites: Brew Potion, Bulls Strength
Cost to Create: 200 GP (+2), 800 GP (+4), 1800 GP (+6), or 3200 GP (+8) GP, 1 day (+2-4), 2 days (+6) or 3 days (+8), 16 XP (+2), 64 XP (+4), 144 XP (+6), 256 XP (+8)


Grappling Grease
Potion, rare
When applied, this grease gives the wearer Advantage on all Strength (Athletics) or Dexterity (Acrobatics (Checks) made for attempts to escape from, or put someone in, a grapple.


Rhino Dart
 Price (Item Level): 2,470 GP per dart
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Enchantment/Transmutation
 Activation: - (Ammunition)
 Weight: -

This appears to be an ordinary blowgun dart.  When it strikes a creature they must make a DC 16 Willpower Save.  If they are 10 HD or less they fall asleep as per the Deep Slumber spell.  If they are 11+ HD they instead become both Confused and Slowed (as per the spells of the same name).  Great for kidnapping sacrificial victims, or just doing mean pranks.  Surprisingly popular, for non-lethal weapons, Fred tries not to think about what people use them for.

Prerequisites: Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Confusion, Deep Slumber, Slow
Cost to Create: 1,235 GP, 2 days, 99 XP


Rhino Dart
Weapon (blowgun ammunition), very rare
You gain a +1 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with this blowgun dart.  If it strikes a creature, roll 5d8.  If the result exceeds the creatures hit point total, it becomes unconscious for 1 Minute.  If it doesn't, the creature must make a DC 1 Constitution Save, or be affected as if it had failed a Save versus both a Confusion and Slow spells (this also lasts one minute)  Immunity to the Poisoned Condition renders the target immune to all three of  these effects.


Rotting Death Club
 Price (Item Level):72,308 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level:13th
 Aura:Strong; (DC:22) Evocation
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: 5 lbs.

This appears to be a wooden club with rusty nails in it, and stained with blood, feces, and less identifiable substances.   It functions as a +1 Diseased, Venomous, Wounding Morningstar.  It’s expensive, it’s nasty, and no one wants to come near you if you have one.  For obvious reasons.  It's even better if you can use makeup to make yourself look obviously diseased (or mebbe a zombie).  (Authors Note: The Venomous Weapon property is in the Magic Item Compendium)

Prerequisites: Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Contagion, Mordenkainen’s Sword, Poison
Cost to Create: 36,154 GP, 36 days, 2,892 XP


Rotting Death Club
Weapon (morningstar), legendary (requires attunement)
You gain a +1 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with this morningstar.  Any creature hit by it must make a DC 18 Constitution Save or suffer the following ill effects: First it does an additional 1d6 Poison damage.  Second, at the start of each of the wounded creature's turns, it takes 1d4 necrotic damage for each time you've wounded it, and it can then make a DC 15 Constitution saving throw, ending the effect of all such wounds on itself on a success. Alternatively, the wounded creature, or a creature within 5 feet of it, can use an action to make a DC 15 Wisdom (Medicine) check, ending the effect of such wounds on it on a success.  Third, it becomes diseased.  It is poisoned until the disease is cured. Every 24 hours that elapse, the target must repeat the saving throw, reducing its hit point maximum by 5 (1d10) on a failure. The disease is cured on a success. The target dies if the disease reduces its hit point maximum to 0. This reduction to the target's hit point maximum lasts until the disease is cured.


Stank Flail
 Price (Item Level): 2,765 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 5th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:18) Conjuration
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: -

This +1 Heavy Flail looks like a durian fruit on a chain.  3 times per day the wielder may cast Stinking Cloud centered on himself (which he is immune to).  Needless to say this weapon doesn't endear you to anyone, especially you're own side.

Prerequisites: Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Stinking Cloud
Cost to Create: 1,382 GP, 2 days, 111 XP


Stank Flail
Weapon (flail), rare (requires attunement)
You gain a +1 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with this flail.  It has 3 charges, and regains 1d3 expended charges at the beginning of every day.  As an Action, the wielder can expend a carge to cast Stinking Cloud without a spell slot or material components.


Swarm Shuriken
 Price (Item Level): 8,301 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 12th
 Aura: Strong; (DC:21) Transmutation
 Activation: - (Thrown)
 Weight: -

When thrown this +1 Shuriken multiplies into hundreds of Shuriken, hitting everything in a 60 foot Cone for 4d6 damage (DC 14 Reflex Save for half).  They're Fred's most popular item, and often come with options available for the wealthier clients.

Prerequisites: Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Arrow Swarm
Cost to Create: 4,150 GP, 4 days, 332 XP


Swarm Shuriken
Weapon (shuriken), rare (requires attunement)
When thrown, this shuriken multiplies into hundreds, doing 4d6 magical piercing or slashing damage in a 60 foot cone (DC 15 Dexterity Save for half damage).


Shuriken. 5 cp, 1d2 piercing or slashing damage, 1/8 lb., Properties: Finesse, Thrown (Range 2060).


Vader Helmet
 Price (Item Level): 10,000 GP
 Body Slot: Head and Face
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:16) Necromancy
 Activation: -
 Weight: 3 lbs.

The origins of this psionic helm's name are lost to antiquity.  While worn it make your voice loud and booming, as well as amplifies the sound of your breathing. While wearing it you have a +10 Competence Bonus on Intimidate checks because for some reason people inherently fear that you have the power to Force Choke them, even though they have no evidence that you truly have the ability.  Hard pressed, most of them won't be able to explain what Force Choking is, let alone why they fear it so.

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Cause Fear
Cost to Create: 5,000 GP, 5 days, 400 XP


Vader Helmet
Wondrous item, rare (requires attunement)
While wearing this helm you have Advantage on Charisma (Intimidate) Checks.  If they succeed on an Intimidate Check, the target is Frightened by them for one round.


Vermin Cannon
 Price (Item Level): 56,500 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:18) Necromancy
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: 8 lbs.

This appears to be a long wooden tube of some sort with a large bladder and a sort of cup in the back end, with a button trigger on the side nearby.  By placing any Diminutive or smaller Vermin in the cup, it is transformed into ammunition.  It can hold up to 6 Vermin (alive or dead, living vermin are killed when placed in the cup), and ‘loading’ it with 6 bugs is a Standard action.  Firing it is easier than firing a crossbow, and users are considered proficient with it automatically.   Damage is 1d10 piercing, it threatens a critical on a 19-20 (and does x2 damage), and it has a 120 foot range increment.  The Vermin Cannon can fire various forms of ammunition depending on what kind of Vermin are loaded into it.  It can fire ammunition with the Weakening (requires bloodsuckers like leeches or mosquitoes), Venomous (requires Vermin with the Poison ability), Corrosive (requires vermin that have some form of chemical attack, like Blister Beetles), or Deadly Precision (requires an ambush predator like the Mantis) properties.  See the Magical Item Compendium for those properties. A great buy if you tend to run out of ammo and are in a bug infested wilderness.  Not so great if you have to explain yourselves to the local Druids or sane people.  Cause let's be honest, this is blatantly a weapon for assassins.

Prerequisites: Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Craft Wondrous Item, Keen Edge, Melf’s Acid Arrow, Poison, Ray of Enfeeblement
Cost to Create: 28,250 GP, 29 days, 2,260 XP


Vermin Cannon
Wondrous item, rare (requires attunement)
This appears to be a long wooden tube of some sort with a large bladder and a sort of cup in the back end, with a button trigger on the side nearby.  By placing any Tiny or smaller invertebrate in the cup, it is transformed into ammunition.  It can hold up to 6 invertebrates (alive or dead, living animals are killed when placed in the cup), and ‘loading’ it with 6 'bugs' is a Standard action.  Firing it is easier than firing a crossbow, and users are considered proficient with it automatically.   Damage is 1d10 magical piercing, it scores a critical on a 19 or 20, and it has a range of 80/320 feet.  The Vermin Cannon can fire various forms of ammunition depending on what kind of Vermin are loaded into it.   Effectively, it is a weapon that uses Dexterity for attack rolls, and the ammunition, loading, and two handed properties.  If loaded with Beasts that have some sort of chemical attack it does +1d6 acid damage.  If they have an attack that is venomous, it does +1d6 poison damage.  If they have a bloodsucking attack, it does +1d6 necrotic damage.

Viper Flail
 Price (Item Level): 32,308 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 12th
 Aura: Strong; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: 5 lbs.

The handle of this +1 Flail is a stylized metal serpent, which gives you a good idea what it can do.  You may change it to a Reach Weapon, or back to normal, once per round as a Free Action.  When it is successfully used in an attack, a venomous weapon injects an injury poison (Fort DC 16, 1d4 Str/1d4 Str), which lasts for 1 minute.

Prerequisites: Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Extend Tentacles, Poison
Cost to Create: 16,154 GP, 16 days, 1,292 XP


Viper Flail
Weapon (flail), very rare (requires attunement)
You gain a +1 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with this flail.  If it hits successfully it does +2d6 Poison damage, and the target must make a DC 15 Constitution Save or be Poisoned for 1 Minute. 
The target can repeat the saving throw at the end of each of its turns, ending the effect on itself on a success.  Additionally, at the beginning of his turn the wielder can decide whether or not to give the flail the Reach property until the beginning of your next turn.


Ye Old Club of Ass Whoopin'
 Price (Item Level): 74,300 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 12th
 Aura: Strong; (DC:21) Divination
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: 3 lbs.

All attacks made by this +1 Club are considered touch attacks.  It looks like an ordinary wooden club someone carved from a tree branch as well.  Which is good on the one hand, as people don't suspect it for what it is.  But it also makes it easy to lose in some ways

Prerequisites: Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Find the Gap (see Spell Compendium)
Cost to Create: 37,150 GP, 37 days, 2,972 XP


Ye Old Club Of Ass Whoopin'
Weapon (club), very rare (requires attunement)
You gain a +1 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with this club.  As long as you attack with this club you have Advantage on attack rolls, and cannot gain Disadvantage.

[bhu]

"Okay, I have our info.  Let's finish up our contract and head out."

"I'm surprised Fred sold Cohle out so easy...wait, do you recognize that tent?"

"Welcome ta Big Bawb's! Home of the biggest, baddest, Bawbiest magic items around!"

"That's a dark omen..."

"We still owe him for the Chicken Golem."

"I doubt he remembers Clucky.  Hell, he may not remember us."

"Greetin's strangers!  Whut can I do ya fer?"

"We're looking for an item of specific interest."

"Yer in luck! All our items are specifically interesting!"


COME ON DAWN TA BIG BAWB'S!

Big Bawb's Big Ass Holy Symbol
 Body Slot: Throat
 Caster Level: 21st
 Aura: Overwhelming; (DC:25) All schools
 Activation: ---
 Weight: 2 lbs.

This appears to be a holy symbol of some sort on a chain, and has restarted the rumors that Big Bawb is some sort of insane deity or ArchFey. The symbols appearance varies depending on the beliefs of whoever is holding it. Should someone pick it up, they must make a DC 20 Willpower Save or be convinced that they have been called to service by some non existent deity. Even worse it grants the poor fool divine powers, making it look as though he is the cleric of a new religion, and reinforcing his delusional belief. The holder gains the spellcasting abilities of a 5th level Cleric (assuming their Wisdom is high enough) with any one random Domain of the DM's choice. The wearer then sets about conquering the known world in the name of their heathen Gawd.  To remove the holy symbol once the victim has put it on, Miracle, Wish, or Remove Curse must be cast.


Big Bawb's Big Ass Holy Symbol
Wondrous item, unique (requires attunement)
This appears to be a holy symbol of some sort on a chain, and has restarted the rumors that Big Bawb is some sort of insane deity or ArchFey. The symbols appearance varies depending on the beliefs of whoever is holding it. Should someone pick it up, they must make a DC 18 Charisma Save or be convinced that they have been called to service by some non existent deity. Even worse it grants the poor fool divine powers, making it look as though he is the cleric of a new religion, and reinforcing his delusional belief. The holder gains the spellcasting abilities of a 5th level Cleric. The wearer then sets about conquering the known world in the name of their heathen Gawd.  To remove the holy symbol once the victim has put it on, Wish, or Remove Curse must be cast.


Big Bawb's Big Ass Monkey Suit
 Body Slot: Body, Face, Feet, Hands, Head and Torso
 Caster Level: 21st
 Aura: Overwhelming; (DC:25) Transmutation
 Activation: ---
 Weight: 20 lbs.

Big Bawb is an incredible (and incredibly incompetent or insane) magician, known the world over for being one of the most prolific (and disturbing) creators of magic items in the known universe.  Exactly how he makes them, or how he churns out so many is unknown. Interrogating Bob hasn't made any headway either. Most of the time he's either drunk, or so incoherent it's impossible to get anything out of him. Yet every so often he disappears for a while,  and then shows up with a wagonload of items for sale.

The Monkey Suit appears to be a gorilla costume. When worn it confers the following abilities on it's wearer:

+10 Enhancement bonus to Strength
+4 Enhancement bonus to Dexterity
+4 Enhancement bonus to Constitution
+8 Enhancement bonus to Climb checks, and a Climb Speed equal to your base land speed. You may always take 10 on Climb checks even if rushed or threatened.
Low Light Vision
Scent
A +5 Armor Bonus
2 Slam attacks at your highest attack bonus doing 1d6 plus Strength bonus. These Slam attacks are considered magical for purposes of overcoming Damage Reduction.

There are however some downsides. First, it takes up almost all the available magic item slots. You cant have many other items while wearing it. Second, the user can only eat fruit, water, and alcohol while the suit is in his possession. Third, whenever the wearer is in the presence of tall buildings (tall being defined as more than one story), and a blond female, he must make a DC 15 Willpower Save or be compelled to grab her and climb to the top of the building. he will stay there till she escapes, he is knocked off or killed, or several (1d4) hours have passed and the compulsion has ended.

There are perhaps 5 or so of Bob's Monkey Suits in the world.


Big Bawb's Big Ass Monkey Suit
Wondrous item, artifact (requires attunement)
Big Bawb is an incredible (and incredibly incompetent or insane) magician, known the world over for being one of the most prolific (and disturbing) creators of magic items in the known universe.  Exactly how he makes them, or how he churns out so many is unknown. Interrogating Bob hasn't made any headway either. Most of the time he's either drunk, or so incoherent it's impossible to get anything out of him. Yet every so often he disappears for a while,  and then shows up with a wagonload of items for sale.

The Monkey Suit appears to be a gorilla costume. When worn it confers the following abilities on it's wearer:

While you are wearing this suit your Strength becomes 23, your Dexterity 16, and your Constitution 18. If your ability scores are already at this level or higher, they are unaffected.
You have Advantage on Strength (Athletics) checks, and a Climb Speed equal to your base land speed.
You have Advantage on any Wisdom (Perception) Checks based on smell.
Armor Class improves by +2
Your unarmed strikes are magical weapons, and do 1d6 plus Strength bonus.

There are however some downsides. First, you cant have any other items that must be worn on the body while wearing it. Second, the user can only eat fruit, water, and alcohol while the suit is in his possession. Third, whenever the wearer is in the presence of tall buildings (tall being defined as more than one story), and a blond female, he must make a DC 15 Wisdom Save or be compelled to grab her and climb to the top of the building. he will stay there till she escapes, he is knocked off or killed, or several (1d4) hours have passed and the compulsion has ended.

There are perhaps 5 or so of Bob's Monkey Suits in the world.


Big Bawb's Big Bad Rod of Bad Times A'Comin'
 Body Slot: Carried
 Caster Level: 21st
 Aura: Overwhelming; (DC:25) Necromancy
 Activation: Standard (Command)
 Weight: 4 lbs.

This appears to be a short, wooden staff carved with angry faces, that the locals keep telling you to stay the hell away from.  And if you’d listened you wouldn’t now be cursed with a rhino’s butt.  Why Bob calls it a Rod instead of a staff is beyond us. It allows the use of the following spells:

Blindness/Deafness (1 charge)
Spirit Worm (1 charge, see Spell Compendium)
Bestow Curse (2 charges)
Contagion (2 charges)
Eyebite (3 charges)
Greater Bestow Curse (3 charges, see Spell Compendium)

Once you run out of charges, the Staff casts Greater Bestow Curse on you.  Once you grab the staff, you can't get rid of it until you use all the charges, or Miracle, Remove Curse or Wish are cast.


Big Bawb's Big Bad Rod of Bad Times A' Comin'
Staff, rare (requires attunement by sorcerer, warlock or wizaed)
This staff can be wielded as a magic quarterstaff that grants a +2 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with it. While holding it, you have a +2 bonus to spell attack rolls.

The staff has 10 charges for the following properties. It regains 1d6 + 4 expended charges daily at dawn. If you expend the last charge, roll a d20. On a 1, the staff loses its properties and becomes a nonmagical quarterstaff.

Spells. You can use an action to expend 1 or more of the staff's charges to cast one of the following spells from it, using your spell save DC: Hex (1 charge), Contagion (5 charges), Blindness/Deafness (2 charges), Crown of Madness (2 charges), Ray of Sickness (1 charge), Bestow Curse (3 charges), or Eyebite (6 charges).

You can also use an action to cast the Tasha's Mind Whip spell from the staff without using any charges.


Big Bawb's Big Dead Frawg
 Body Slot: Carried
 Caster Level: 21st
 Aura: Overwhelming; (DC:25) Enchantment and ecromancy
 Activation: ---
 Weight: 5 lbs.

This, the latest of Big Bob's abominations, appears to be a 3 and a half foot long stuffed Froghemoth toy. It smells incomparably delicious to large monsters (defined as any flesh eating being that has the Scent ability in this case) who must make a DC 15 Willpower Save or wolf it down.  Upon being bitten or swallowed the Dead Frawg farts a large quantity of poisonous gas (Contact, DC:20 Fortitude Save, Initial and Secondary Damage 1d3 Con and 1d6 rounds of being Nauseated). It then teleports from the monsters belly back to it's owner, and begins to repair itself if it has taken any damage (will look like new in 24 hours and gas will be recharged).

Unfortunately it may also be detected by any flesh eating creature that has Scent up to a range of 1 mile, who will immediately know your location as long as you carry the Frawg.


Big Bawb's Big Dead Frawg
Wondrous item, unique
This, the latest of Big Bob's abominations, appears to be a 3 and a half foot long stuffed Froghemoth toy. It smells incomparably delicious to large monsters (defined as any flesh eating being that has the Keen Smell ability in this case) who must make a DC 16 Wisdom Save or wolf it down.  Upon being bitten or swallowed, the Dead Frawg farts a large quantity of poisonous gas (DC 20 Constitution Save, does 8d6 poison damage an target is Poisoned for 1 hour.  If the save is successful, the target is not Poisoned and takes half damage). It then teleports from the monsters belly back to it's owner, and begins to repair itself if it has taken any damage (will look like new in 24 hours and gas will be recharged).

Unfortunately it may also be detected by any flesh eating creature that has Keen Smell up to a range of 1 mile, who will immediately know your location as long as you carry the Frawg.


Big Bawb's Big Fat Suit
 Body Slot: Body, Face, Feet Hands Head and Torso
 Caster Level: 21st
 Aura: Overwhelming; (DC:25) Necromancy and Transmutation
 Activation: ---
 Weight: 50 lbs.

This is a suit of sorts made from a dead ooze! The suit covers the users entire body except his face. It can morph it's appearance to mimic any cloth or skin. Effectively the wearer can look like an incredibly fat member of any humanoid race, except for his face. It's obvious he's wearing a suit (it even jiggles, especially in the wind). Most people find this so incredibly creepy that they go along pretending the wearer is what he appears to be just to get rid of him (i.e. he gets a +4 circumstance on intimidation rolls. Hey he's wearing a dead blob!). Due to its jiggly, rubber nature the wearer gets DR 15/piercing. He is also immune to acid, and is immune to falling damage (the suit bounces).  The wearer also has a 50% chance of negating critical hits and sneak attack damage.

On the downside....

You have a -4 Circumstance penalty to all Charisma based skills EXCEPT Intimidation because most people think you're a deranged lunatic. The suit is bulky and difficult to move about in, so you lose any Dexterity bonus to armor class. It also uses up most all of your magic item spots, and its virtually the only thing you can wear. Anything else must be carried in your hands or on a horse or cart. And if anyone resurrects the suit it turns into a Medium Ooze of some random type...


Big Bawb's Big Fat Suit
Wondrous item, unique
This is a suit of sorts made from a dead ooze! The suit covers the users entire body except his face. It can morph it's appearance to mimic any cloth or skin. Effectively the wearer can look like an incredibly fat member of any humanoid race, except for his face. It's obvious he's wearing a suit (it even jiggles, especially in the wind). Most people find this so incredibly creepy that they go along pretending the wearer is what he appears to be just to get rid of him (i.e. he gets Advantage on intimidation rolls. Hey he's wearing a dead blob!). Due to its jiggly, rubber nature the wearer gets Resistance to Bludgeoning and Slashing damage. He is also immune to acid damage, and is immune to damage from falling (the suit bounces). 

On the downside....

You have Disadvantage to all Charisma based skills EXCEPT Intimidation, because most people think you're a deranged lunatic. The suit is bulky and difficult to move about in, so you lose any Dexterity bonus to armor class. It's also virtually the only thing you can wear. Anything else must be carried in your hands or on a horse or cart. And if anyone resurrects the suit it turns into a Medium Ooze of some random type...


Big Bawb's Big Stinky Bug Suit
 Body Slot: None, can be worn over clothes or armor
 Caster Level: 21st
 Aura: Overwhelming; (DC:25) Illusion
 Activation: ---
 Weight: 10 lbs.
 
Normally we’d advocate staying away from anything Big Bawb has to sell because the drawbacks of some of his “unique” magic items are legendary.  But this suit is (sort of) an exception.  So long as you wear it, Vermin or Magical Beasts that are arthropods treat you as one of their own, and don’t attack you.  Ettercaps also believe you to be one of them, and you can effectively march through their villages unmolested assuming you don’t attack anyone.  All other living creatures think your some lunatic in an Ettercap costume.  This works on Vermin despite their known immunity to most mind-affecting effects.  The illusion is perfect right down to the touch.  Unless a non-Ettercap entity clues them in (i.e. by saying something to the effect of “Hey who’s the freak in the bug costume”?), they get no Save to disbelieve.  If someone pipes up (or you attack) they can make a DC 20 Willpower Save to realize “Oh crap, that is some freak in a me suit. GET HIM!!!”  It’s ridiculously expensive, so personally we advise stealing one. 


Big Bawb's Big Stinky Bug Suit
Wondrous item, unique
Normally we’d advocate staying away from anything Big Bawb has to sell because the drawbacks of some of his “unique” magic items are legendary.  But this suit is (sort of) an exception.  So long as you wear it, creatures that are (or resemble) arthropods treat you as one of their own, and don’t attack you.  Ettercaps also believe you to be one of them, and you can effectively march through their villages unmolested assuming you don’t attack anyone.  All other living creatures think your some lunatic in an Ettercap costume.  The illusion is perfect right down to the touch.  Unless a non-Ettercap entity clues them in (i.e. by saying something to the effect of “Hey who’s the freak in the bug costume?"), they get no Save to disbelieve.  If someone pipes up (or you attack) they can make a DC 15 Wisdom Save to realize “Oh crap, that is some freak in a me suit. GET HIM!!!”  It’s ridiculously expensive, so personally we advise stealing one. 


Big Bawb's Big Stinky Moose Head
 Body Slot: None, it becomes your head
 Caster Level: 21st
 Aura: Overwhelming; (DC:25) Transmutation
 Activation: ---
 Weight: 10 lbs.

This appears to be a Mooses head, but instead of being fixed as a wall mount, it is instead a full head mask. Once someone puts it on it affixes to him, becoming his head, and can't be removed other than by a Miracle/Remove Curse/Wish spell. It does however provide some interesting side effects....as do all of Big Bawb's creations.

First the mask is now effectively the wearers actual head. He now has a mooses vocal cords, which means he can speak and communicate with other Moose. Which is good because they'll be the only ones he can communicate with till the thing gets removed. Except, every great now and then, when his vocal cords revert to human speech at random just long enough to scream "You will be sacrificed for the glory of the Heathen Mus Gawd!!!!".  Clearly, the Gawds do not like you.

Second, he now has an Intelligence of 3, which will be causing him some not so minor complications in life.

Third, he now eats a Moose's diet. The only other thing he can digest is water and alcohol.

There are of course some benefits. Until the mask is removed the wearer gets the following:

+12 Enhancement Bonus to Strength, +6 Enhancement Bonus to Constitution
Low Light Vision
Scent
+4 Natural Armor Class Bonus that stacks with other Natural Armor Bonuses
Gore attack doing 1d8 plus Strength bonus, considered magical for purposes of bypassing Damage Reduction
The following Feats as Bonus Feats (whether or not you meet the prerequisite for them): Improved Bull Rush, Improved Overrun, Shock Trooper (see Complete Warrior).


Big Babwb's Big Stinky Moose Head
Wondrous item, unique
This appears to be a Mooses head, but instead of being fixed as a wall mount, it is instead a full head mask. Once someone puts it on it affixes to him, becoming his head, and can't be removed other than by a Remove Curse/Wish spell. It does however provide some interesting side effects....as do all of Big Bawb's creations.

First the mask is now effectively the wearers actual head. He now has a mooses vocal cords, which means he can speak and communicate with other Moose. Which is good because they'll be the only ones he can communicate with till the thing gets removed. Except, every great now and then, when his vocal cords revert to human speech at random just long enough to scream "You will be sacrificed for the glory of the Heathen Mus Gawd!!!!".  Clearly, the Gawds do not like you.

Second, he now has an Intelligence of 3, which will be causing him some not so minor complications in life.

Third, he now eats a Moose's diet. The only other thing he can digest is water and alcohol.

There are of course some benefits. Until the mask is removed the wearer gets the following:

Your Strength becomes 23 and your Constitution becomes 18 while you have the moose head, unless they are already higher.
You gain Advantage on Wisdom (Perception) Checks based on smell.
Armor Class improves by +2.
Gore attack doing 1d8 plus Strength modifier Bludgeoning damage, considered magical for purposes of bypassing damage resistance.
You also get Charge: If you move at least 20 feet straight toward a target and then hit it with a Gore attack on the same turn, the target takes an extra 4 (1d8) bludgeoning damage. If the target is a creature, it must succeed on a Strength saving throw or be knocked prone.


Bowling Ball of St. Cuthbert
 Body Slot: -(Carried)
 Caster Level: 21st
 Aura: Overwhelming; (DC:25) All schools
 Activation: --- (Use-Activated)
 Weight: 14 lbs.

Unknown to many, St. Cuthbert was an avid bowler in life. His personal bowling ball is now a potential weapon of great power.  It can be rolled along the ground at an opponent, or thrown at him.  This is effectively a ranged attack that uses Strength for attack and damage rolls, with a 30 foot range increment.  It appears as a bowling ball made of solid brass with St. Cuthbert's holy symbol (known as 'some freaky alien Gawd' in the Jesters Realm).  It is effectively a +3 Holy, Lawful, Returning weapon that does 2d6 damage.  If thrown across the ground like a traditional bowling ball, the target must make a DC 20 Reflex Save or fall Prone.  If thrown through the air, the target must make a DC 20 Fortitude Save or be Dazed 1 round.  Additionally, the Ball constantly has Detect Evil running, and informs the wearer when it has Detected Evil, requiring him to make a DC 20 Willpower Save to avoid immediately attacking said Evil.


Bowling Ball of St. Cuthbert
Weapon (bowling ball), legendary
You gain a +2 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with this magic weapon.  This is a one handed, heavy, thrown (range 20/60) weapon that uses Strength for attack and damage rolls.  Successful hits do 2d6 Bludgeoning plus 2d6 Radiant damage (plus an additional 2d6 Radiant damage if the target is a Fiend or Undead), before returning to the wielders hand.  If thrown across the ground like a traditional bowling ball, the target must make a DC 18 Srength Save or fall Prone.  If thrown through the air, the target must make a DC 18 Constitution Save or be Stunned 1 round.  Additionally, the Ball constantly has Detect Evil and Goodrunning, and informs the wearer when it has Detected an Aberration, Fiend or Undead, requiring him to make a DC 18 Wisdom Save to avoid immediately attacking said Evil.


Cursed Rhino Dart
 Price (Item Level): 3,150 GP per dart
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 9th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:20) Transmutation
 Activation: - (Ammunition)
 Weight: -

This appears to be an ordinary +1 blowgun dart.  When it strikes a creature they must make a DC 17 Willpower Save, or turn into an angry rhino.  This basically works like Baleful Polymorph, but it turns the user into a Rhino.  If it takes damage in combat, it flies into a berserk rage on its next turn, goring madly until either it or its opponent is dead. It gains +4 to Strength, +4 to Constitution, and -2 to Armor Class. The creature cannot end its rage voluntarily. In fact, it it loses the Saving throw after 24 hours (and thereby loses it's memory) the Rage becomes permanent.  Once it successfuly polymorphs a target, this becomes a regular blowgun dart.

Prerequisites: Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Baleful Polymorph, Rage
Cost to Create: 1,575 GP, 2 days, 126 XP


Cursed Rhino Dart
Weapon (blowgun ammunition), legendary
You gain a +1 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with this magic ammunition (which loses it's magic after the first time it successfully polymorphs a target).  A creature struck by the dart must make a DC 16 Wisdom Save or be permanently polymorphed (as per the spell) into a Rhinoceros.  Additionally it gains a few abilities if it takes damage:

Advantage on Strength checks and Strength saving throws.
+2 damage with successful gore attacks.
Resistance to bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage.
Whenever the target starts its turn with 35 hit points or fewer, roll a d6. On a 6, the target goes berserk. On each of its turns while berserk, the target attacks the nearest creature it can see. If no creature is near enough to move to and attack, the target attacks an object, with preference for an object smaller than itself. Once the target goes berserk, it continues to do so until it is destroyed or regains all its hit points.

After 24 hours as a rhino, the target must repeat the Wisdom Saving Throw, or lose all it's memories (and it's new abilities become permanent).  A Wish will reverse this.


Dead Chicken
 Price (Item Level): 30,179 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Necromancy
 Activation: Swift (Command)
 Weight: 5 lbs.

This is exactly what it appears to be: A preserved (though somehow still slightly rotting)  dead chicken. By shaking it at people and saying the command words you can cast the spell Fear 3 times per day as a 7th level Caster.  Something about dead chickens staring at them just totally messes with people.

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Fear
Cost to Create: 15,089 GP, 15 days, 1,207 XP


Dead Chicken
Wondrous item, rare (requires attunement)
This is exactly what it appears to be: A preserved (though somehow still slightly rotting)  dead chicken. By shaking it at people and saying the command words you can cast the spell Fear 3 times per long rest without components or a spell slot.  Something about dead chickens staring at them just totally messes with people.


The Little Red Button
 Body Slot: Carried
 Caster Level: 21st
 Aura: Overwhelming; (DC:25) All schools
 Activation: Swift (Manipulation)
 Weight: 2 lbs.

Much like the Wand of Wonder, this is a chaotic item designed to wreak utter havoc. It consists of a small black wooden box with a little red button on top. If opened there is nothing inside. Written on the side in common are the words "Please do not push the button". Of course when the PC's press the button something random will happen (There are persistent rumors the box actually says "Press Button To Increase Drama"). If the effect targets a specific entity, or is an area of effect that needs to be centered, it directly hits 1-25: The button presser, 26-50: A random enemy, 51-75: A random ally, 76-00: A completely innocent bystander who may now have reason to consider you an enemy. If the effect duplicates a spell, the Caster Level is 21st. Range of all effects for purposes of targeting an individual or an area of effect is anything within 500 feet.  If a Save is required the Check DC is 23.  If an effect says 'until this curse is removed', it can be cured by Remove Curse or similar spells.

01-03: Target turns to Nerf until a Wish, Remove Curse or Miracle is cast.
04-06: Target believes he is an all powerful Gawd for 20 rounds.
07-09: Everything within 50 ft. of the target turns  pink, whilst simultaneously gaining a rabid hatred of pink.  They attack the nearest pink creature or object each round for the next 20 rounds, not recognizing friend from foe.
10-12: Everything within 1000 ft. of the target takes 3d6 Bludgeoning damage per round, as the sky rains chicksns (Reflex Save for half damage) for 20 rounds.
13-15: 1d3 Rogue Eidolons (see MMII) burst from the ground and begin laying waste to all in their path.
16-18: One random Medium creature turns 100 feet tall for 20 rounds, and goes on a rampage against someone they don't like.  Size becomes Colossal, and the target gets 100 temporary hit points,+10 ft. movement to all speed types, their Natural Armor Bonus to AC increases by +14, their Str improves by +32, their Dex lowers by -4, their Con improves by +16, and their damage improves by 4 steps (see Monster Manual on increasing monster size).
19-21: One random target gets a Wish, which has a 50% chance of completely screwing him in a manner left up to the DM.
22-24: One random target inspires violent hatred.  For the next hour, any creature seeing it will work tirelessly to end it's life.
25-27: One random target becomes mute, and the Button disappears for 1d4 days, after which the target regains it's voice.
28-30: Pissed off Gnomes suddenly appear in the thousands, violently kneecapping everything within 1000 feet of the target for 2d6 Bludgeoning damage (creatures in the area must also make a Fortitude Save or fall Prone).  The Gnomes then leave as mysteriously as they came.
31-33: One random target becomes allergic to air for 2d6 rounds, and must hold their breath or be poisoned (Inhaled, Fortitude Save, Initial and Secondary damage is 1d4 Con).
34-36: One random target vomits a Spider Swarm, which raises merry hell for the next 20 rounds.
37-39: One random building nearby is replaced with a building from another time and place, along with any occupants.
40-42: A loud, disembodied voice can be heard singing about the unpleasant secrets of all creatures within 50 feet.
43-45: One random target explodes, doing 10d6 damage to everything within 20 feet (Reflex Save for half).  The target then reforms the next round, and is Stunned in horror at his sudden adventure into the afterlife for one round after.
46-48: One random target becomes possessed by a Arch Devil until he receives a Banishment or Dismissal spell.
49-51: 1d6 random targets switch bodies for 1 Minute.
52-54: A Sharknado appears for 20 rounds.
55-57: A random Gawd appears, drunk off their behind.  They suddenly notice the assembled mortals and smile creepily.  Pray your DM isn't too harsh.
58-60: A random target receives the benefits of the Haste spell until Remove Curse is cast on it.  While Haste is in effect, the target ages at twice the normal rate.
61-63: A random target becomes allergic to Clerics, and takes 2d6 damage any round he touches/is touched by one.
64-66: A random target becomes infectious: any condition, disease or magical effect on him is passed on to anyone he touches/is touched by unless they make a Willpower Save.  This effect lasts 1d6 days (the conditions, etc. passed last their normal duration).
67-69: For the next 24 hours, anyone a random target kills rises the next day as a Ghost or Ghost Brute hellbent on destroying him, or at least making his life miserable. In addition to their normal abilities the Ghosts the target creates can always sense if he is within 120 feet as if they had Blindsight and are compelled to Attack him.  They are not tied to a location like many Undead and may wander.
70-72: A random target is cursed with a little voice telling him to do things.  Bad things.  Things involving sheep and a prison break.  Until this curse is removed the victim must make a Willpower Save daily or spend up to one hour each day doing an act he knows is illegal, particularly if the act violates his alignment, or would have significant social repercussions for him.
73-75: A random target gets no sleep for 1d4 days as the Gawds take the opportunity to visit him in the small hours and mock him.
76-78: Somehow, a random target attacks himself (roll damage).
79-81: The Gawds require entertainment, and as the randomly selected target has provided entertainment before they watch his antics and occasionally juice things up a little.  Your target suddenly finds himself swept into a Bollywood dance number as he and every living thing within 30 feet are struck by an Otto's Irresistible Dance spell.
82-84: A Fiend is so struck with pity by a random target that he offers it power in exchange for it's soul because he really thinks it needs the boost.
85-87: A random 50 foot area is haunted by it's own personal solar eclipse or maybe just generates an aura of doom.  For the next 2d6 days, all Morale Bonuses do not function within the area, and Morale penalties are doubled (and apply even to those normally immune to Morale Penalties).
88-90: A random targets personal body odor becomes so bad it could make Satan weep. Until this curse is removed any living creature within 30 feet of it must make a Fortitude Save or be Sickened for as long as it remains within range and for 2d6 rounds after.  Beings with Scent take a -4 Penalty on their Saving Throw against it's personal stench, and unlike Stinking Cloud, immunity to poison does not prevent them from being affected by this spell.
91-93: All birds within 1000 feet become permanently inimical to all other life other than birds.  As do their children, and all their descendants.
94-96: A random target now has his own personal, demonically hungry mosquito.  Until this curse is removed he is Fatigued and takes 1 temporary point of Strength damage per day.  He also has a 50% chance each day of contracting any disease from the DMG whose infection method is injury or contact.
97-99: 1d6 Tarrasques awaken, and stand up from their burrows.  It is mating season at long last, and they must fight one another for the right to reproduce.
100: A random target is subpoenaed by the Afterlife Court, and has a week to hire an attorney before the court comes looking for her.  Optionally, the DM makes up some scary stuff.


The Little Red Button
Wondrous item, unique
Much like the Rod of Wonder, this is a chaotic item designed to wreak utter havoc. It consists of a small black wooden box with a little red button on top. If opened there is nothing inside. Written on the side in common are the words "Please do not push the button". Of course when the PC's press the button something random will happen (There are persistent rumors the box actually says "Press Button To Increase Drama"). If the effect targets a specific entity, or is an area of effect that needs to be centered, it directly hits 1-25: The button presser, 26-50: A random enemy, 51-75: A random ally, 76-00: A completely innocent bystander who may now have reason to consider you an enemy. Range of all effects for purposes of targeting an individual or an area of effect is anything within 500 feet.  If a Save is required the Check DC is 18.  If an effect says 'until this curse is removed', it can be cured by Remove Curse or similar spells.

01-03: Target turns to Nerf until a Wish or Remove Curse is cast.
04-06: Target believes he is an all powerful Gawd for 20 rounds.
07-09: Everything within 50 ft. of the target turns  pink, whilst simultaneously gaining a rabid hatred of pink.  They attack the nearest pink creature or object each round for the next 20 rounds, not recognizing friend from foe.
10-12: Everything within 1000 ft. of the target takes 3d6 Bludgeoning damage per round, as the sky rains chicksns (Dexterity Save for half damage) for 20 rounds.
13-15: 1d3 Rogue Eidolons (see below) burst from the ground and begin laying waste to all in their path.
16-18: One random Medium creature turns 100 feet tall for 20 rounds, and goes on a rampage against someone they don't like.  Size/Reach becomes 30 feet, and the target gets 200 temporary hit points,+10 ft. movement to all speed types, their AC increases by +5 (to a max of 20), their Str and Con rise to 30, and their damage improves by 1 die per Size Category gained (creature is considered to be Gargantuan plus one).
19-21: One random target gets a Wish, which has a 50% chance of completely screwing him in a manner left up to the DM.
22-24: One random target inspires violent hatred.  For the next hour, any creature seeing it will work tirelessly to end it's life.
25-27: One random target becomes mute, and the Button disappears for 1d4 days, after which the target regains it's voice.
28-30: Pissed off Gnomes suddenly appear in the thousands, violently kneecapping everything within 1000 feet of the target for 2d6 Bludgeoning damage (creatures in the area must also make a Strength Save or fall Prone).  The Gnomes then leave as mysteriously as they came.
31-33: One random target becomes allergic to air for 2d6 rounds, and must hold their breath or take 2d6 poison damage each round it inhales.
34-36: One random target vomits a Swarm of Insects (Spiders, see Basic Rules page 291), which raises merry hell for the next 20 rounds.
37-39: One random building nearby is replaced with a building from another time and place, along with any occupants.
40-42: A loud, disembodied voice can be heard singing about the unpleasant secrets of all creatures within 50 feet.
43-45: One random target explodes, doing 10d6 necrotic damage to everything within 20 feet (Reflex Save for half).  The target then reforms the next round, and is Stunned in horror at his sudden adventure into the afterlife for one round after.
46-48: One random target becomes possessed by a Arch Devil until he receives a Banishment or Dispel Evil and Good spell.
49-51: 1d6 random targets switch bodies for 1 Minute.
52-54: A Sharknado appears for 20 rounds.
55-57: A random Gawd appears, drunk off their behind.  They suddenly notice the assembled mortals and smile creepily.  Pray your DM isn't too harsh.
58-60: A random target receives the benefits of the Haste spell until Remove Curse is cast on it.  While Haste is in effect, the target ages at twice the normal rate.
61-63: A random target becomes allergic to Clerics, and takes 2d6 necrotic damage any round he touches/is touched by one.
64-66: A random target becomes infectious: any condition, disease or magical effect on him is passed on to anyone he touches/is touched by unless they make a Wisdom Save.  This effect lasts 1d6 days (the conditions, etc. passed last their normal duration).
67-69: For the next 24 hours, anyone a random target kills rises the next day as a Ghost hellbent on destroying him, or at least making his life miserable. In addition to their normal abilities the Ghosts the target creates can always sense if he is within 120 feet as if they had Blindsight and are compelled to Attack him.  They are not tied to a location like many Undead and may wander.
70-72: A random target is cursed with a little voice telling him to do things.  Bad things.  Things involving sheep and a prison break.  Until this curse is removed the victim must make a Wisdom Save daily or spend up to one hour each day doing an act he knows is illegal, particularly if the act violates his alignment, or would have significant social repercussions for him.
73-75: A random target gets no sleep for 1d4 days as the Gawds take the opportunity to visit him in the small hours and mock him.
76-78: Somehow, a random target attacks himself (roll damage).
79-81: The Gawds require entertainment, and as the randomly selected target has provided entertainment before they watch his antics and occasionally juice things up a little.  Your target suddenly finds himself swept into a Bollywood dance number as he and every living thing within 30 feet are struck by an Otto's Irresistible Dance spell.
82-84: A Fiend is so struck with pity by a random target that he offers it power in exchange for it's soul because he really thinks it needs the boost.
85-87: A random 50 foot area is haunted by it's own personal solar eclipse or maybe just generates an aura of doom.  For the next 2d6 days, nothing can gain Advantage in this area.
88-90: A random targets personal body odor becomes so bad it could make Satan weep. Until this curse is removed any living creature within 30 feet of it must make a Constitution Save or spend it's Action retching for as long as it remains within range and for 2d6 rounds after.  Beings with Keen Smell on their Saving Throw against it's personal stench, and unlike Stinking Cloud, immunity to poison does not prevent them from being affected by this spell.
91-93: All birds within 1000 feet become permanently inimical to all other life other than birds.  As do their children, and all their descendants.
94-96: A random target now has his own personal, demonically hungry mosquito.  Until this curse is removed he has one Level of Exhaustion he cannot get rid of. He also has a 50% chance each day of contracting any disease from the DMG.
97-99: 1d6 Tarrasques awaken, and stand up from their burrows.  It is mating season at long last, and they must fight one another for the right to reproduce.
100: A random target is subpoenaed by the Afterlife Court, and has a week to hire an attorney before the court comes looking for her.  Optionally, the DM makes up some scary stuff.





Monkey (On Your Back)
 Body Slot: Body
 Caster Level: 21st
 Aura: Overwhelming; (DC:25) All schools
 Activation: ---
 Weight: 5 lbs.

This vile artifact was created by someone or something truly evil. At least, so it's assumed. Currently none of the evil deities want to take credit for it, and even most of the demons/devils want little to do with it. It appears as a small stuffed toy monkey. Upon being touched or picked up, the eyes snap open, and it comes to life, skittering over its victims shoulder and latching painfully onto his back. Once attached it cannot be removed and seems to invulnerable to physical destruction. That's when the bad things happen...

Events always seem to go wrong while the monkey is on your back. Anytime you or an ally within 50 feet makes any roll there is a 20% chance it automatically fails (or in the case of damage rolls does the minimum damage possible). This usually leads to some form of catastrophe for the monkeys "owner," who then begins to hear a whispering voice in his head telling him everything can be made right for a price. If he agrees to take a permanent Negative level the Monkey will cast one Wish spell for him. The negative levels are stackable, and like the Monkey itself cannot be removed. at least not until you get rid of the Monkey.

There are only 4 ways to remove the Monkey:

1) You must die.

2) A deity must intervene on your behalf, most of which are strangely loath to do so.

3) You must get a Wish spell cast on your behalf after having submitted to utter public humiliation. Like living naked on the streets with a sign around your neck that says "Please abuse me for your amusement" for weeks on end (without using the Monkeys powers to obviate your struggles). This is up to the DM, but it should be bad enough to make the 'owners' mind potentially snap.

4) You must convince the Monkey someone else is more deserving (the Monkey hates arrogance for example), AND convince that someone to accept the Monkey as a gift.


Monkey (On Your Back)
Wondrous item, unique
This vile artifact was created by someone or something truly evil. At least so it's assumed. Currently none of the evil deities want to take credit for it, and even most of the demons/devils want little to do with it. It appears as a small stuffed toy monkey. Upon being touched or picked up, the eyes snap open, and it comes to life, skittering over its victims shoulder and latching painfully onto his back. Once attached it cannot be removed and seems to invulnerable to physical destruction. That's when the bad things happen...

Events always seem to go wrong while the monkey is on your back. Anytime you or a friendly creature within 50 feet makes any roll there is a 20% chance it automatically fails (or in the case of damage rolls does the minimum damage possible). This usually leads to some form of catastrophe for the monkeys "owner," who then begins to hear a whispering voice in his head telling him everything can be made right for a price. If he agrees to permanently lower his hit point maximum by 1d8 points, the Monkey will cast one Wish spell for him. This damage cannot be removed until you get rid of the Monkey.

There are only 4 ways to remove the Monkey:

1) You must die.

2) A deity must intervene on your behalf, most of which are strangely loath to do so.

3) You must get a Wish spell cast on your behalf after having submitted to utter public humiliation. Like living naked on the streets with a sign around your neck that says "Please abuse me for your amusement" for weeks on end (without using the Monkeys powers to obviate your struggles). This is up to the DM, but it should be bad enough to make the 'owners' mind potentially snap.

4) You must convince the Monkey someone else is more deserving (the Monkey hates arrogance for example), AND convince that someone to accept the Monkey as a gift.



"Of all the things there, can I ask why the button?"

"Because we will not be pressing the button, nor will we be anywhere nearby when it happens."

[bhu]

Martian Instant Minions

Martian Minion I
                      Medium Aberration
Hit Dice:             1d8+1 (5 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class:          13 (+3 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple:  +0/+1
Attack:               Slam +1 melee (1d3+1) or Raypistol +0 ranged (3d6)
Full Attack:          2 Slams +1 melee (1d3+1) or Raypistol +0 ranged (3d6)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      -
Special Qualities:    Darkvision 60 ft., Desiccation Resistance
Saves:                Fort +3, Ref +0, Will +1
Abilities:            Str 12, Dex 10, Con 12, Int 6, Wis 8, Cha 8
Skills:               Listen +1, Spot +1
Feats:                Great Fortitude
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary, Squad (2-6), Oops (20-50)
Challenge Rating:     1/2
Treasure:             None, unless assigned to guard some
Alignment:            Usually Neutral
Advancement:          ---
Level Adjustment:     ---

Desiccation Resistance (Ex):  Martian Minions are stored in a completely dehydrated state, and thus have some resistance to being killed by desiccation damage (see Sandstorm).  They take desiccation damage normally, but the application of water to them heals all desiccation damage immediately.  If brought to 0 hp by desiccation damage, it immediately crumbles into dust, but if water is applied it will be revived (minus any damage done by non-desiccation sources).  This also includes damage done by spells or effects that drain moisture, such as Abi-Dalzim's Horrid Wilting.  Likewise, if reduced to powder by Disintegrate (or similar effects), they can be restored water.  Note this does not need to be a lot of water, a drop or two will do.

Combat: The cheapest Minions usually rely on whatever they're armed with (typically a Maritan Raypistol).  They are not particularly bright.



Martian Minion II
                      Medium Aberration
Hit Dice:             2d8+4 (13 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class:          15 (+5 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple:  +1/+3
Attack:               Slam +3 melee (1d3+2) or Raypistol +1 ranged (3d6)
Full Attack:          2 Slams +3 melee (1d3+2) or Raypistol +1 ranged (3d6)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      -
Special Qualities:    Darkvision 60 ft., Desiccation Resistance
Saves:                Fort +4, Ref +0, Will +3
Abilities:            Str 15, Dex 10, Con 15, Int 6, Wis 10, Cha 10
Skills:               Listen +2, Spot +3
Feats:                Great Fortitude
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary, Squad (2-6), Oops (20-50)
Challenge Rating:     1
Treasure:             None, unless assigned to guard some
Alignment:            Usually Neutral
Advancement:          ---
Level Adjustment:     ---

Desiccation Resistance (Ex):  Martian Minions are stored in a completely dehydrated state, and thus have some resistance to being killed by desiccation damage (see Sandstorm).  They take desiccation damage normally, but the application of water to them heals all desiccation damage immediately.  If brought to 0 hp by desiccation damage, it immediately crumbles into dust, but if water is applied it will be revived (minus any damage done by non-desiccation sources).  This also includes damage done by spells or effects that drain moisture, such as Abi-Dalzim's Horrid Wilting.  Likewise, if reduced to powder by Disintegrate (or similar effects), they can be restored water.  Note this does not need to be a lot of water, a drop or two will do.

Combat: Slightly stronger (and more aware) than the cheapest model, Level II Minions try their best to mix it up or use the Raypistol for intimidation.



Martian Minion III
                      Medium Aberration
Hit Dice:             3d8+6 (19 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class:          15 (+5 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple:  +2/+6
Attack:               Slam +6 melee (1d3+4) or Raypistol +3 ranged (3d6)
Full Attack:          2 Slams +6 melee (1d3+4) or Raypistol +3 ranged (3d6)
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      -
Special Qualities:    Darkvision 60 ft., Desiccation Resistance
Saves:                Fort +5, Ref +1, Will +3
Abilities:            Str 18, Dex 10, Con 15, Int 8, Wis 10, Cha 10
Skills:               Listen +3, Spot +3
Feats:                Great Fortitude, Weapon Focus (Raypistol)
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary, Squad (2-6), Oops (20-50)
Challenge Rating:     2
Treasure:             None, unless assigned to guard some
Alignment:            Usually Neutral
Advancement:          ---
Level Adjustment:     ---

Desiccation Resistance (Ex):  Martian Minions are stored in a completely dehydrated state, and thus have some resistance to being killed by desiccation damage (see Sandstorm).  They take desiccation damage normally, but the application of water to them heals all desiccation damage immediately.  If brought to 0 hp by desiccation damage, it immediately crumbles into dust, but if water is applied it will be revived (minus any damage done by non-desiccation sources).  This also includes damage done by spells or effects that drain moisture, such as Abi-Dalzim's Horrid Wilting.  Likewise, if reduced to powder by Disintegrate (or similar effects), they can be restored water.  Note this does not need to be a lot of water, a drop or two will do.

Combat: Level III Minions are commonly used as hired muscle.  They still aren't horribly accurate with their guns.



Martian Minion IV
                      Large Aberration
Hit Dice:             5d8+10 (32 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          14 (-1 Size, +5 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple:  +3/+13
Attack:               Slam +8 melee (1d4+6) or Rayrifle +3 ranged (6d8)
Full Attack:          2 Slams +8 melee (1d4+6) and 1 Beak +3 melee (1d6+3) or Rayrifle +3 ranged (6d8)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      -
Special Qualities:    Darkvision 60 ft., Desiccation Resistance
Saves:                Fort +5, Ref +1, Will +4
Abilities:            Str 22, Dex 10, Con 15, Int 8, Wis 10, Cha 10
Skills:               Listen +4, Spot +4
Feats:                Great Fortitude, Weapon Focus (Rayrifle)
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary, Squad (2-6), Oops (20-50)
Challenge Rating:     3
Treasure:             None, unless assigned to guard some
Alignment:            Usually Neutral
Advancement:          ---
Level Adjustment:     ---

Desiccation Resistance (Ex):  Martian Minions are stored in a completely dehydrated state, and thus have some resistance to being killed by desiccation damage (see Sandstorm).  They take desiccation damage normally, but the application of water to them heals all desiccation damage immediately.  If brought to 0 hp by desiccation damage, it immediately crumbles into dust, but if water is applied it will be revived (minus any damage done by non-desiccation sources).  This also includes damage done by spells or effects that drain moisture, such as Abi-Dalzim's Horrid Wilting.  Likewise, if reduced to powder by Disintegrate (or similar effects), they can be restored water.  Note this does not need to be a lot of water, a drop or two will do.

Combat: Level IV Minions are as big as an Ogre, and trade their pistol in for a rifle.  They also make more use of their beak in combat.



Martian Minion V
                      Large Aberration
Hit Dice:             8d8+24 (60 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          14 (-1 Size, +5 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple:  +6/+17
Attack:               Slam +12 melee (1d4+7) or Rayrifle +7 ranged (6d8)
Full Attack:          2 Slams +12 melee (1d4+7) and 1 Beak +7 melee (1d6+3) or Rayrifle +7 ranged (6d8)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Improved Grab
Special Qualities:    Darkvision 60 ft., Desiccation Resistance
Saves:                Fort +7, Ref +2, Will +6
Abilities:            Str 24, Dex 10, Con 16, Int 8, Wis 10, Cha 10
Skills:               Listen +5, Spot +6
Feats:                Great Fortitude, Power Attack, Weapon Focus (Rayrifle)
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary, Squad (2-6), Oops (20-50)
Challenge Rating:     5
Treasure:             None, unless assigned to guard some
Alignment:            Usually Neutral
Advancement:          ---
Level Adjustment:     ---

Improved Grab (Ex): To use this ability, a Martian Minion must hit with a Slam attack. It can then attempt to start a grapple as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity.

Desiccation Resistance (Ex):  Martian Minions are stored in a completely dehydrated state, and thus have some resistance to being killed by desiccation damage (see Sandstorm).  They take desiccation damage normally, but the application of water to them heals all desiccation damage immediately.  If brought to 0 hp by desiccation damage, it immediately crumbles into dust, but if water is applied it will be revived (minus any damage done by non-desiccation sources).  This also includes damage done by spells or effects that drain moisture, such as Abi-Dalzim's Horrid Wilting.  Likewise, if reduced to powder by Disintegrate (or similar effects), they can be restored water.  Note this does not need to be a lot of water, a drop or two will do.

Combat: Level V Minions tend to be better grapplers than Level IV, and are a bit stronger.



Martian Minion VI
                      Large Aberration
Hit Dice:             9d8+27 (67 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          17 (-1 Size, +8 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 17
Base Attack/Grapple:  +6/+17
Attack:               Slam +12 melee (1d4+7) or Rayrifle +7 ranged (6d8)
Full Attack:          2 Slams +12 melee (1d4+7) and 1 Beak +7 melee (1d6+3) or Rayrifle +7 ranged (6d8)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Improved Grab, Stunning Blow
Special Qualities:    Darkvision 60 ft., Desiccation Resistance
Saves:                Fort +8, Ref +3, Will +6
Abilities:            Str 24, Dex 10, Con 17, Int 8, Wis 10, Cha 10
Skills:               Listen +6, Spot +6
Feats:                Great Fortitude, Point Blank Shot, Power Attack, Weapon Focus (Rayrifle)
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary, Squad (2-6), Oops (20-50)
Challenge Rating:     6
Treasure:             None, unless assigned to guard some
Alignment:            Usually Neutral
Advancement:          ---
Level Adjustment:     ---

Improved Grab (Ex): To use this ability, a Martian Minion must hit with a Slam attack. It can then attempt to start a grapple as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity.

Stunning Blow (Ex): If the Minion successfully confirms a critical hit with it's Slam attack, it's target must make a DC 21 Fortitude Saving Throw or be Stunned for 1 round (Save DC is Strength based).

Desiccation Resistance (Ex):  Martian Minions are stored in a completely dehydrated state, and thus have some resistance to being killed by desiccation damage (see Sandstorm).  They take desiccation damage normally, but the application of water to them heals all desiccation damage immediately.  If brought to 0 hp by desiccation damage, it immediately crumbles into dust, but if water is applied it will be revived (minus any damage done by non-desiccation sources).  This also includes damage done by spells or effects that drain moisture, such as Abi-Dalzim's Horrid Wilting.  Likewise, if reduced to powder by Disintegrate (or similar effects), they can be restored water.  Note this does not need to be a lot of water, a drop or two will do.

Combat: Level VI Minions have more hand to hand combat training, and can occasionally get a knockout punch.



Martian Minion VII
                      Huge Aberration
Hit Dice:             12d8+60 (114 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          18 (-2 Size, +10 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple:  +9/+27
Attack:               Slam +17 melee (1d6+10) or Raycannon +10 ranged (12d10)
Full Attack:          2 Slams +17 melee (1d6+10) and 1 Beak +12 melee (1d8+5) or Raycannon +10 ranged (12d10)
Space/Reach:          15 ft./15 ft.
Special Attacks:      Improved Grab, Stunning Blow
Special Qualities:    Darkvision 60 ft., Desiccation Resistance
Saves:                Fort +11, Ref +4, Will +8
Abilities:            Str 30, Dex 10, Con 21, Int 8, Wis 10, Cha 10
Skills:               Climb +12, Jump +11, Listen +6, Spot +6
Feats:               Cleave, Great Fortitude, Point Blank Shot, Power Attack, Weapon Focus (Raycannon)
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary, Squad (2-6), Oops (20-50)
Challenge Rating:     7
Treasure:             None, unless assigned to guard some
Alignment:            Usually Neutral
Advancement:          ---
Level Adjustment:     ---

Improved Grab (Ex): To use this ability, a Martian Minion must hit with a Slam attack. It can then attempt to start a grapple as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity.

Stunning Blow (Ex): If the Minion successfully confirms a critical hit with it's Slam attack, it's target must make a DC 26 Fortitude Saving Throw or be Stunned for 1 round (Save DC is Strength based).

Desiccation Resistance (Ex):  Martian Minions are stored in a completely dehydrated state, and thus have some resistance to being killed by desiccation damage (see Sandstorm).  They take desiccation damage normally, but the application of water to them heals all desiccation damage immediately.  If brought to 0 hp by desiccation damage, it immediately crumbles into dust, but if water is applied it will be revived (minus any damage done by non-desiccation sources).  This also includes damage done by spells or effects that drain moisture, such as Abi-Dalzim's Horrid Wilting.  Likewise, if reduced to powder by Disintegrate (or similar effects), they can be restored water.  Note this does not need to be a lot of water, a drop or two will do.

Combat: Level VII receive an upgrade to their ray weapon, and stand as tall as one of the larger Giants.



Martian Minion VIII
                      Huge Aberration
Hit Dice:             16d8+80 (152 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          20 (-2 Size, +12 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 20
Base Attack/Grapple:  +12/+30
Attack:               Slam +20 melee (1d6+10) or Raycannon +13 ranged (12d10)
Full Attack:          2 Slams +20 melee (1d6+10) and 1 Beak +18 melee (1d8+5) or Raycannon +13 ranged (12d10)
Space/Reach:          15 ft./15 ft.
Special Attacks:      Improved Grab, Stunning Blow
Special Qualities:    Darkvision 60 ft., Desiccation Resistance, Energy Resistance 10 (Fire and Cold)
Saves:                Fort +12, Ref +5, Will +10
Abilities:            Str 30, Dex 10, Con 21, Int 8, Wis 10, Cha 10
Skills:               Climb +12, Jump +11, Listen +6, Search +3, Spot +6
Feats:               Cleave, Great Fortitude, Multiattack, Point Blank Shot, Power Attack, Weapon Focus (Raycannon)
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary, Squad (2-6), Oops (20-50)
Challenge Rating:     9
Treasure:             None, unless assigned to guard some
Alignment:            Usually Neutral
Advancement:          ---
Level Adjustment:     ---

Improved Grab (Ex): To use this ability, a Martian Minion must hit with a Slam attack. It can then attempt to start a grapple as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity.

Stunning Blow (Ex): If the Minion successfully confirms a critical hit with it's Slam attack, it's target must make a DC 28 Fortitude Saving Throw or be Stunned for 1 round (Save DC is Strength based).

Desiccation Resistance (Ex):  Martian Minions are stored in a completely dehydrated state, and thus have some resistance to being killed by desiccation damage (see Sandstorm).  They take desiccation damage normally, but the application of water to them heals all desiccation damage immediately.  If brought to 0 hp by desiccation damage, it immediately crumbles into dust, but if water is applied it will be revived (minus any damage done by non-desiccation sources).  This also includes damage done by spells or effects that drain moisture, such as Abi-Dalzim's Horrid Wilting.  Likewise, if reduced to powder by Disintegrate (or similar effects), they can be restored water.  Note this does not need to be a lot of water, a drop or two will do.

Combat: Level VIII Minions have a measure of resistance to extremes of temperature.



Martian Minion IX
                      Gargantuan Aberration
Hit Dice:             24d8+168 (276 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          20 (-4 Size, +14 Natural), touch 6, flat-footed 20
Base Attack/Grapple:  +18/+42
Attack:               Slam +26 melee (1d8+10) or Disintegrator +19 ranged (disintegration)
Full Attack:          2 Slams +26 melee (1d8+10) and 1 Beak +26 melee (2d6+5) or Disintegrator +19 ranged (disintegration)
Space/Reach:          20 ft./20 ft.
Special Attacks:      Improved Grab, Stunning Blow
Special Qualities:    Darkvision 60 ft., Desiccation Resistance, Energy Resistance 10 (Fire, Cold and Sonic)
Saves:                Fort +21, Ref +8, Will +14
Abilities:            Str 34, Dex 10, Con 24, Int 8, Wis 10, Cha 10
Skills:               Climb +12, Intimidate +8, Jump +14, Listen +6, Search +3, Spot +6
Feats:               Cleave, Great Cleave, Great Fortitude, Improved Multiattack, Multiattack, Point Blank Shot, Power Attack, Weapon Focus (Disintegrator)  Epic Feats: Epic Fortitude
Environment:          Any
Organization:         Solitary, Squad (2-6), Oops (20-50)
Challenge Rating:     11
Treasure:             None, unless assigned to guard some
Alignment:            Usually Neutral
Advancement:          ---
Level Adjustment:     ---

Improved Grab (Ex): To use this ability, a Martian Minion must hit with a Slam attack. It can then attempt to start a grapple as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity.

Stunning Blow (Ex): If the Minion successfully confirms a critical hit with it's Slam attack, it's target must make a DC 34 Fortitude Saving Throw or be Stunned for 1 round (Save DC is Strength based).

Desiccation Resistance (Ex):  Martian Minions are stored in a completely dehydrated state, and thus have some resistance to being killed by desiccation damage (see Sandstorm).  They take desiccation damage normally, but the application of water to them heals all desiccation damage immediately.  If brought to 0 hp by desiccation damage, it immediately crumbles into dust, but if water is applied it will be revived (minus any damage done by non-desiccation sources).  This also includes damage done by spells or effects that drain moisture, such as Abi-Dalzim's Horrid Wilting.  Likewise, if reduced to powder by Disintegrate (or similar effects), they can be restored water.  Note this does not need to be a lot of water, a drop or two will do.

Combat: Level IX Minions receive yet another size upgrade, and now carry a Disintegrator.



Martian Minion Pills I
 Price (Item Level): 100 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 1st
 Aura: Faint; (DC:16) Conjuration
 Activation: Standard (Manipulation)
 Weight: -

Drop one of these pills in water and you have an instant evil minion to do your bidding for 1 hour! Other than duration this works like any of the various summon monster spells. However it summons a standard Evil Minion (stats forthcoming).  There are enhanced versions that allow for permanent servitors or ones with different abilities, but they are fairly rare and a well guarded secret.  A bottle has 50 pills.  Appearance varies with the manufacturer, but commonly they are pear-shaped, anthropomorphic avians.  They have two toed feet, thin purple legs, and a ruff of purple feathers at the bottom of a long neck.  They are otherwise light green other than a purple antennae, and a long, yellow, vulture like beak.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Summon Monster I
Cost to Create: 50 GP, 1 day, 2 XP

Martian Minion Pills II
 Price (Item Level): 600 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 3rd
 Aura: Faint; (DC:17) Conjuration
 Activation: Standard (Manipulation)
 Weight: -
Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Summon Monster II
Cost to Create: 300 GP, 1 day, 12 XP

Martian Minion Pills III
 Price (Item Level): 1500 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 5th
 Aura: Faint; (DC:18) Conjuration
 Activation: Standard (Manipulation)
 Weight: -
Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Summon Monster III
Cost to Create: 750 GP, 1 day, 30 XP

Martian Minion Pills IV
 Price (Item Level): 2800 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 7th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:19) Conjuration
 Activation: Standard (Manipulation)
 Weight: -
Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Summon Monster IV
Cost to Create: 1400 GP, 2 days, 56 XP

Martian Minion Pills V
 Price (Item Level): 4500 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 9th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:20) Conjuration
 Activation: Standard (Manipulation)
 Weight: -
Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Summon Monster V
Cost to Create: 2250 GP, 3 days, 90 XP

Martian Minion Pills VI
 Price (Item Level): 6600 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 11th
 Aura: Moderate; (DC:21) Conjuration
 Activation: Standard (Manipulation)
 Weight: -
Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Summon Monster VI
Cost to Create: 3300 GP, 4 days, 132 XP

Martian Minion Pills VII
 Price (Item Level): 9100 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 13th
 Aura: Strong; (DC:22) Conjuration
 Activation: Standard (Manipulation)
 Weight: -
Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Summon Monster VII
Cost to Create: 4450 GP, 5 days, 178 XP

Martian Minion Pills VIII
 Price (Item Level): 12000 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 15th
 Aura: Strong; (DC:23) Conjuration
 Activation: Standard (Manipulation)
 Weight: -
Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Summon Monster VIII
Cost to Create: 6000 GP, 7 days, 240 XP

Martian Minion Pills IX
 Price (Item Level): 15300 GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: 17th
 Aura: Strong; (DC:24) Conjuration
 Activation: Standard (Manipulation)
 Weight: -
Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Summon Monster IX
Cost to Create: 7650 GP, 8 days, 306 XP


Martian Minions
"Crap.  We have no idea where that teleport Circle goes to."

Just add water!
"And we have no backup."

"Er...well we do keep a bottle of Minion Pills in the cabinet if you wanna pursue the boss."

"You'd let us pursue the boss without a fuss?"

"(beep) owes me 47 hours of overtime."

"So what are Minion Pills?"

"Pre-desiccated Minion creatures kept in a jar.  You add water and they return to normal.  That way you only have to feed and take care of them when you need to, and put them on a shelf when you don't."

"That's monstrous!  Whose idea was that?"

"The boss.  He's a cheapskate."

"Mars is a cruel place."


Not Master Strategists

"So you want the Minions?"

"They should be freed yes."

"Okay.  Fair warning, they ain't the brightest."

"We are so doing an expose on this when we're done.."

"I'll just be robbing the accounting department if you need me."

"Well, let's round up the Attorney and some Minions and head blindly into our own damnation then."

[bhu]

Figurine of Power: The Old Witch
 Price (Item Level): xxx GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: x
 Aura: xx; (DC:xx) Transmutation
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: -

This is an onyx 1" miniature of an old witch. When animated it becomes a Black Annis wielding a broomstick!  It can be called to life once per month for a period of up to 12 hours. Instead of it's normal spell like abilities, the Annis can fly as long as she holds the broom (Fly speed 60, Good maneuverability). The broom and Hag cannot be separated, and if they are it reappears when she reverts to miniature form. The Hag speaks common

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Animate Object, Fly



Figurine of Power: Pumpkin
 Price (Item Level): xxx GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: x
 Aura: xx; (DC:xx) Transmutation
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: -

This jack o lantern miniature carved from an odd orange and black stone turns into a pumpkin headed Shambling Mound. It can be animated once per month for a period of up to 12 hours. It understands common but cannot speak.

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Animate Object
Cost to Create: xx GP, x day, xx XP



Figurine of Power: Ghost
 Price (Item Level): xxx GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: x
 Aura: xx; (DC:xx) Transmutation
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: -

This ghost miniature carved from glass turns into a Spectre when animated. it may be animated once per month for a period of up to 12 hours. It understands common but does not speak.

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Animate Object, Create Undead
Cost to Create: xx GP, x day, xx XP



Figurine of Power: Bat
 Price (Item Level): xxx GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: x
 Aura: xx; (DC:xx) Transmutation
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: -

This miniature carved from black volcanic glass turns into a bat when animated. It's owner can cast Clauraudience/Clairvoyance once per day as a Supernatural Ability as a 5th level Caster. The Bat is effectively the sensor created by the spell, and the owner senses things in it's area. It can be animated once per day for a period of up to 8 hours and communicates with its owner telepathically.

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Animate Object, Clairvoyance/Clairaudience
Cost to Create: xx GP, x day, xx XP



Figurine of Power: Scarecrow
 Price (Item Level): xxx GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: x
 Aura: xx; (DC:xx) Transmutation
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: -

This scarecrow miniature is carved in wood, and becomes an animated scarecrow upon command. Effectively it is a Medium Animated Construct that communicates telepathically with its owner. It may be animated once per day for a period up to 8 hours. Once per day it may cast Scare as a Supernatural Ability as a 3rd level caster.

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Animate Object, Scare
Cost to Create: xx GP, x day, xx XP



Figurine of Power: Cthulhu
 Price (Item Level): xxx GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: x
 Aura: xx; (DC:xx) Transmutation
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: -

This miniature is carved in a greasy green stone. When animated it becomes a cthulhoid monster.

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Animate Object, ?
Cost to Create: xx GP, x day, xx XP



Figurine of Power: Turkey
 Price (Item Level): xxx GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: x
 Aura: xx; (DC:xx) Transmutation
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: -

This miniature is carved in wood. When animated it becomes a turkey. A really big mean turkey. Use the stats for an Achaierai. It may be animated once per day for a period up to 8 hours.

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Animate Object



Figurine of Power: Reindeer
 Price (Item Level): xxx GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: x
 Aura: xx; (DC:xx) Transmutation
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: -

This miniature is carved in wood and decorated with holly. When animated it becomes a reindeer. Effectively it is identical to the Obsidian Steed, but instead of Ethereal Jaunt and Plane Shift it can use the Fly spell at will.  You also don't need to worry about it carrying you to the Lower Planes.

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Animate Object, Fly



Figurine of Power: Elf
 Price (Item Level): xxx GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: x
 Aura: xx; (DC:xx) Transmutation
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: -

This miniature is carved in wood and decorated with holly. When animated it becomes a freakish sprite.

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Animate Object, ?



Figurine of Power: Jolly Old Fat Man
 Price (Item Level): xxx GP
 Body Slot: - (Carried)
 Caster Level: x
 Aura: xx; (DC:xx) Transmutation
 Activation: - (Use Activated)
 Weight: -

des

Prerequisites: Create Wondrous Item, Animate Object, ?