Worst 5 words a DM can hear

[awaken_D_M_golem]

 

Gamers Seeking Gamers , Tinder Edition

[bhu]

"My PC wears assless chaps."

[SorO_Lost]

Gamers Seeking Gamers, Fetster Edition

Possibly fixed that for you.

[RobbyPants]

"Can my minotaur impregnate cows?"

[awaken_D_M_golem]

 

and googles = oh 

[zook1shoe]

"Can my minotaur impregnate cows?"

(click to show/hide)

Demon Mother's Mask
This primitive hyena-like mask is usually made of leather, but some are made of soft metal like copper or even carved out of the skull of an animal. You gain a +2 competence bonus on Handle Animal and Heal checks. You can smell when nearby creatures are in heat or otherwise especially fertile (creatures such as humans that can breed any time of year always smell fertile unless they are barren).
If Lamashtu is your patron, the mask counts as a holy symbol and a hole for a third eye appears in the mask’s forehead. You may use summon monster II once per day to summon a fiendish hyena, which obeys you as if you shared a common language. You may interbreed with animals that are within one size category of your size, usually creating (if you are a humanoid) animal-humanoid creatures such as gnolls or lizardfolk, or sometimes natural lycanthropes prone to live in hybrid form.
   Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd; Slot mask; Price 3,600 gp; Weight 1 lb.

"moooove that ass here, bitch!"

[faeryn]

"We need a new DM"

[Maelphaxerazz]

"You're gonna be DM forever."

[Balmas]

Do you allow Rainbow Servant?

[Fredgerd]

"Can I play a Dragon"
This was in a low level 3.5 game.

"This dungeon sounds too dangerous."
PCs decide to skip the dungeon you spent hours building and go back to the bar.

"Could you repeat that please?"
Player who was surfing the web on their phone while you were giving a lengthy description

[trappedslider]

Player decided to quote xkcd

 "I gather everyone around a table. I have the elves start whittling dice and get out some parchment"

[Nytemare3701]

"Can I play a Dragon"
This was in a low level 3.5 game.

Yes, but it's a baby who doesn't know any languages yet. Good luck not getting murdered when you meet the other PCs.

"This dungeon sounds too dangerous."
PCs decide to skip the dungeon you spent hours building and go back to the bar.

Sounds like they have a healthy sense of self-preservation. I sure as hell don't want to crawl into a dungeon without a compelling reason.

"Could you repeat that please?"
Player who was surfing the web on their phone while you were giving a lengthy description

Fuck that guy. Fuck him with a rake.