So today my mom asked me to help her cut up a squash. It had been in the freezer for a while, so one had to put the knife above each piece and force it down.
Five minutes in I realized there should be a much easier method of doing it, especially because I couldn't get the slices as thin as she wanted them. Sadly, we lack a vegetable guillotine at home. So I had to come up with the next best thing.
I picked the biggest knife we had at home. As it so happens, it was an 11 inch knife. "This will do", I thought to myself.
Of course, cutting things by chopping them without steadying them first is a lot harder than they make it look on the movies. It's easy to slip up, kinda bash it sideways and send whatever you intended to cut flying... and I was out of practice with blades. My mom took a couple steps back in that classic "I don't want to be anywhere near the fan when the shit starts flying" kind of look.
So I take a deep breath, stare at the soon-to-be-murder piece of squash, and SLICE!
Perfect, clean cut, no strength necessary.
I look at her and I say "once again I have cut something useless". (She didn't get the reference.)
