Kuro's Improbable Tales

[ariasderros]

Well, to update your character sheet:

Kuroimaken.

Level 30+ Badass (upgraded Saito class variant)
Divine Rank 1+ (Unknown)
Str: 50+; Dex 50+; Con 50+; Int 20+; Wis 30+; Cha 50+
SA: Technopathy; Beastial Roar;
SQ: Resistance 10+ Fire, Cold, Sonic, Electric, Acid; Productive Sleeper; Regeneration 1/60 (as Ring of Regeneration); Zombie Immunity; Soft Strength (ability to stop heavy thing w/o harming anything); Psychometry.
Salient Divine Abilities: Supreme Initiative
Feats: All Luck Feats; All Unarmed Attack Feats

[Kuroimaken]

Y'know, I've always wondered where the "zombie immunity" bit is from. 

[Halinn]

Shouldn't there be some damage reduction on that?

[Kuroimaken]

I gave a cockroach death by papercut yesterday.

Part of my department's job is to organize files that go to the 'dead' archives. Some of them are old enough they haven't been touched in a decade.

So there I was, doing my job, when a cockroach crawls out from underneath the bottom. (Gross shit, let me tell you.)

My supervisor is female, and promptly goes into 'eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwww' mode. My colleagues go into "macho time" mode and try to whack it. Thing is, they miss, and it turns out this cockroach is the flying kind. So THEY start freaking out too, as in "shit got serious".

"Bitch, please."

I grab hold of one of the nearby folders and slice the damn thing in two with the thin side. The folder's cover is cardboard, mind you.

One of the halves landed in a nearby dumpster. 

[solara]

You did the right thing. Smashing cockroaches is a horrible idea - I'm told the females carry their eggs on their body, so smashing them gets the eggs on whatever you smashed it with. If that's your shoe, you are leaving a lovely present of cockroach eggs everywhere you go.

That said, I prefer chemical warfare to slicing when it comes to cockroaches. I go, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" for like 10 minutes, tracking the cockroach as it goes, and then killitkillitkillitkillit with whatever nasty substance I have handy (Raid is obviously useful, but 409 works surprisingly well). Or I let my cats torture it to death. Slowly. They're mean creatures, but so long as I feed them, water them, and clean their litterboxes, they don't try to torture/kill me

[DonQuixote]

Tupperware's a good one.  Slam it down on top of them and weigh it down with something.  Let them die slow, painful deaths.

[Quillwraith]

... sooo.... psychometry added to superpowers.

Psychometry is "the supposed ability to discover facts about an event or person by touching inanimate objects associated with them."
This is some other sort of divination.

[Kuroimaken]

... sooo.... psychometry added to superpowers.

Psychometry is "the supposed ability to discover facts about an event or person by touching inanimate objects associated with them."
This is some other sort of divination.

Does cartomancy count as a power or as a method?

[Quillwraith]

Good question.

Probably, it could be either.

If you can divine similarly, with other things than cards, than it's definitely a method in this case.
Otherwise, I don't see any way to be sure.

[ariasderros]

Yes, the traditional use these days for psychometry amounts to reading the lingering auras left imprinted on objects.
However, reading the cards is different from bones or tea leaves (et alli) because it is a method of psycometry. It is merely a reversal of how people these days think of it.
When you use the tarot, you are supposed to have the other person pull the cards. Then you flip them and read them (interpret is actually a better word).
The idea is that the persons aura is reacting to the auras of the cards, and that is how this use of divination works.

Psychometry is "the supposed ability to discover facts about an event or person by touching inanimate objects associated with them."

To put it another way, them drawing the cards makes them associated with that person for the time being, because the cards are "sensitive" and pick things up more easily and are more easily "read".

[Quillwraith]

Good point.

[Kuroimaken]

So today was a little stressful. I was on my way to work. A little on the late side. And I find there's a big-ass demonstration on the way. Something about better work benefits. Same usual tripe.

So I figure, no biggie, I'll walk around the wastes of skin. Then it turns out they're stretched out... really far. Figures I'd take ten minutes or more to walk around then.

So I turned my "Fuck this" mode on. i wait for them to take a breath in their speech, fill my lungs up and...

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!!"

It was really funny watching them open up a path for me to go through. You'd think I was made of lava, or something.

[Kethrian]

It was really funny watching them open up a path for me to go through. You'd think I was made of lava, or something.

Nah, it's more like you're made of Rage and Not Taking Their Shit.  Since not a one of them is there for any serious convictions, they let their primal fear take over and they moved so they wouldn't get punched in the face.

[Kuroimaken]

To be fair, I USUALLY avoid the face. I tend to go for torso shots if I can help it. Specially because head hits are dangerous when you don't know your strength well enough. Think Ashita no Joe.

[PlzBreakMyCampaign]

Kuro if you do become a superhero, please remember to use this nonsense protestor clearing power to help us little people.

"Occupy" blah blah blah has made a lot of people late for work / assaulted for trying to make a living.

[Kuroimaken]

Kuro if you do become a superhero, please remember to use this nonsense protestor clearing power to help us little people.

"Occupy" blah blah blah has made a lot of people late for work / assaulted for trying to make a living.

Will do. 

[Garryl]

So today was a little stressful. I was on my way to work. A little on the late side. And I find there's a big-ass demonstration on the way. Something about better work benefits. Same usual tripe.

So I figure, no biggie, I'll walk around the wastes of skin. Then it turns out they're stretched out... really far. Figures I'd take ten minutes or more to walk around then.

So I turned my "Fuck this" mode on. i wait for them to take a breath in their speech, fill my lungs up and...

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!!"

It was really funny watching them open up a path for me to go through. You'd think I was made of lava, or something.

You're not distantly related to Andre the Giant by any chance?

[Kuroimaken]

So today was a little stressful. I was on my way to work. A little on the late side. And I find there's a big-ass demonstration on the way. Something about better work benefits. Same usual tripe.

So I figure, no biggie, I'll walk around the wastes of skin. Then it turns out they're stretched out... really far. Figures I'd take ten minutes or more to walk around then.

So I turned my "Fuck this" mode on. i wait for them to take a breath in their speech, fill my lungs up and...

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!!"

It was really funny watching them open up a path for me to go through. You'd think I was made of lava, or something.

You're not distantly related to Andre the Giant by any chance?

I'm neither italian nor giant. So nope!

[Garryl]

Have you ever been unemployed in Greenland? Do you have a strange compulsion to rhyme?

[Kuroimaken]

Never been to Greenland, can't rhyme worth crap.