Author Topic: Kuro's Improbable Tales (Read 106090 times)

Kuroimaken · « **Reply #260 on:** October 05, 2012, 10:42:18 PM »

I don't have the plate, so it's kind of an exercise in futility.

Kuroimaken · « **Reply #261 on:** October 07, 2012, 12:46:27 PM »

Elections day.

Whenever this day rolls around I get mixed feelings. I see good people trying to teach their kids the importance of democracy, some people who don't give a fuck, and a mass of brainwashed zombies. There is a law that prohibits last-minute campaigning (i.e. people gathering next to booths distributing campaign material, etc.) that gets consistently broken every time. The streets become literally carpeted with small pictures of candidates and their numbers.

Today was no exception.

Honestly, if I could give up my voting "rights" altogether, I would.

Anyway, as it turns out today two different groups gathered near where I vote. The current mayoral elections are pitting Manuela (an up-and-coming female politician whom strives to gather the youth's political favor) and Fortunatti (our current mayor, whom has been privatizing public spaces left and right). I couldn't give two shits about the former, but the latter was responsible for something ludicrous recently. As some of you may know, the World Cup of Soccer is going to be hosted in Brazil. There's already a mascot, and a floating balloon of it was installed in one of the recently-privatized spaces. The balloon was attacked by protesters. The police responded with force, treating the people as rioters. (It's worth noting only the balloon was attacked.) Fortunatti was behind the order.

Anyway, I get to the place and there's a tense atmosphere as one group tries to outshout the other. Things start to get ugly as they begin to threaten each other.

I put myself between the two groups, because they're blocking access to the booth. I try to ignore it, just get on with it. Too many people, though.

"URUSEE!!!"

Deafening silence follows.

"All of you fuckers are in violation of the law. I don't care who you are or what you believe in. YOU'RE BOTH WRONG. You will move out of the way now, and go back home. Or I will plow through the lot of you like rotten grass!"

The two "leaders" on each side decide to take a swing at me.

They're met with a straight punch to the face each.

"Well, well, glad to see you idiots agree on something for once.

Anyone who's got a good health care package is welcome to his share!!"

I only managed to finish my fucking vote half an hour later. No ladies, elderly or children were hurt though.

Kethrian · « **Reply #262 on:** October 07, 2012, 08:14:43 PM »

Something like that would never happen here in Canada, we have far too much voter apathy. But kudos to you for laying waste to those wastes!

awaken_D_M_golem · « **Reply #263 on:** October 08, 2012, 06:36:14 PM »

Where I vote, has a very high turnout.
So on election day, there's a gauntlet
of party hacks handing out fliers.
Sometimes even the local candidates
show up to preen a little. I hate it ...
grrrrr -- I made up my mind a while ago.
So did almost everyone else.

I would get arrested if I even tried a smidge of the Kuro power.

Kuroimaken · « **Reply #264 on:** October 08, 2012, 06:46:44 PM »

Well, I probably wasn't arrested because there were no police at the scene.

Which there SHOULD have been.

awaken_D_M_golem · « **Reply #265 on:** October 09, 2012, 06:23:16 PM »

I'm hoping my kitty avatar has the chance
to punch a candidate ... someday.

"Did that thing say Me-Ow or was it Ku-Ro ?! "

Kuroimaken · « **Reply #266 on:** October 09, 2012, 08:45:44 PM »

His nemesis would probably be this mouse...

Kuroimaken · « **Reply #267 on:** November 01, 2012, 04:58:20 PM »

Did I mention my babysitting superpowers yet?

I've always been fairly good with handling kids. Every so often I'll see a crying baby or child out on the street and I'd calm them down.

Just now my little cousin Caio had just eaten and he was crying a bit. He couldn't burp, for some reason. I calmed the little one down and asked his mother if I could give it a try. The second he touches my shoulder he lets out a pretty loud one.

My mom was spooked. Seems the kid apparently had an easier time with me than with his OWN MOTHER. And she's the loving and gentle kind, too.

Kuroimaken · « **Reply #268 on:** November 05, 2012, 04:31:51 PM »

So lately we've been getting a very persistent telemarketer. Eventually, when mom seemed at her wits' end, I took the phone from her.

"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you're looking to sell us something, I can tell you I don't have any interest. But what I do have is a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you stop calling and erase our phone from your registry now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you."

"[long pause] ...we won't be calling again, sir. *hangs up*"

Kuroimaken · « **Reply #269 on:** January 29, 2013, 03:19:16 PM »

Been saving these two from back when I was on the beach...

So I'm taking a walk with my mom and there are these guys playing soccer. No big deal, right? Except my stepdad starts to move about so he's between my mom and the game no matter what. I ask him why he's so cautious and he mentions, "Oh, it's just that whenever there's a soccer game nearby the ball always seems to be kicked in our direction."

Lo and behold, so it is. Before the ball hits him, I step in and roundhouse kick it out of the way.

I think it went flying by about a mile. I know it became a little dot in the distance.

"You're right, we should be careful."

---------------------

Similar setting, different beach.

There is this one thing that sometimes happens in beaches, it's called an "arrastão" (literally translates as "big drag"). It typically means there's a bunch of guys rushing the people and stealing stuff along the way, like a wave.

However, there was this one guy who was apparently trying to conduct a one-man arrastão. He rushed by people and grabbed whatever he could. I noticed him coming my way, and I had my bluetooth headset on. As he reached outwards to try and grab it off my head, I took a sidestep and shot a short upper to the junction where arm meets armpit. He lost his balance as his arm flew upwards and he spun in place, but he tried to get back on his feet and keep running.

Except after he ran a few more feet, he suddenly stopped and clutched his arm and started to scream. It swelled visibly and shot outward in a thick, gruesome burst of blood. The cops then finally caught up to him. Had to call an ambulance and stuff.

I wish I knew how I did that... or if it was even my doing.

nijineko · « **Reply #270 on:** January 31, 2013, 11:40:03 PM »

ara. if you had hit him in a slightly different location, it might have been a full blown quivering palm. =D

you know, frankly, i waver back and forth on my belief index with these stories. the sheer number of them stretches credibility, yet are totally awesome, all at the same time. i think most of the time i lean towards belief, because i would rather trust first and be wrong, than not give a chance to trust a given individual. after all, the latter is a bad way to start off a potential friendship and tends to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. there are exceptions. also, truth is so often stranger than fiction, something which i am personally very familiar with. this also nudges me towards belief over unbelief.

but regardless of my occasional conflict, kuro's tales are very entertaining and would make an incredible anime. thumbs up. a manga series at the very least.

Kuroimaken · « **Reply #271 on:** February 01, 2013, 06:34:36 AM »

Hey, if only I could find someone to draw for me, I would have gotten started on a manga already.

awaken_D_M_golem · « **Reply #272 on:** February 11, 2013, 07:23:09 PM »

Just remember Neo, there is no spoon, only Kuroimaken.

Kuroimaken · « **Reply #273 on:** February 23, 2013, 12:05:57 AM »

Today... I hit a small bus.

Let me clarify.

Where I live there are these minibus-like vans that also serve as public transportation. They don't have specific stops - they follow a set route and, wherever a passenger wants to disembark, there they stop. They're allowed to go faster than buses normally go, and because they have shorter routes, their drivers tend to be short-tempered.

On the way back from my tri-weekly run, I was about to cross the street - walk light was on - and this dumbass motherfucker thinks he can outrun the already closed sign.

As a result, he accelerates towards me.

I brace myself because I figure I'm going to be hit by a freaking minibus.

I hear the cracking of stone but notice I haven't fallen or flown over. As it turns out, the driver had the brains to hit the brakes when he realized he wasn't going to make it, right on top of top of me. As I braced myself I shifted my weight TOWARDS the minibus instead of AWAY from it and rammed the damn thing sideways, making a sizable dent on the hood.

My shoes still have a couple of scuff marks from where they cracked some of the concrete open.

brujon · « **Reply #274 on:** February 23, 2013, 01:24:39 AM »

Wha...

I don't even...

...

nijineko · « **Reply #275 on:** February 26, 2013, 12:46:53 AM »

where's some people with cell phone cams when you need them?!?

Amechra · « **Reply #276 on:** February 26, 2013, 12:57:33 AM »

Quote from: Kuroimaken on February 01, 2013, 06:34:36 AM

Hey, if only I could find someone to draw for me, I would have gotten started on a manga already.

Have you thought of getting Hollywood to license your life story?

Kuroimaken · « **Reply #277 on:** February 26, 2013, 07:45:31 AM »

Not sure if it's worth it, really. They'd probably demand proof.

Kuroimaken · « **Reply #278 on:** February 26, 2013, 08:59:37 AM »

Anyway, about what I mentioned on the other thread...

I had been walking home after exercising as usual. Don't walk sign is up, but the cars are pretty far so I figure I can make it. When all of a sudden this guy moves up to the middle of the street, spreads his arms open and falls backwards. He doesn't get up - just closes his eyes and waits.

I promptly grab him by his ankles and drag his sorry ass out of the street. He reeked a bit of booze.

When he realizes his suicide attempt went awry from my intervention, he asks me to leave him be. I explain to him I can't do that. He goes on to tell me he lost his job, his wife died on a car crash and his little girl is in a coma at the hospital, and his life ensurance is the only thing he's got that could pay the bills.

"You're just running away from your responsibility. What if the money runs out before she wakes up? She'll have a huge debt in her hands and she'll know from others both her parents are dead. She'll have nobody to rely on, nobody she can trust; she's going to fall through the cracks like any other abandoned kid and she's going to be miserable for the rest of her life, while you die with a 'clean conscience' because you did 'the only thing you could do'.

As long as you're alive there's something you can do. You have to shoulder a huge burden, that's true, but nothing will feel better than when that burden is off your shoulders for good. What you need to do is get up, sober up, and keep going forward, always forward, always trying.

Only when exhaustion claims every last ounce of strength from your body, even the strength to breathe, do you have my permission to die."

SorO_Lost · « **Reply #279 on:** February 26, 2013, 11:33:07 AM »

That was you?

Hey listen thanks. You were right, it's not worth it. It's time to move on.

We pulled her feeding tube, I'm going to start over and find a new wife. Thanks man.

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Author Topic: Kuro's Improbable Tales (Read 106090 times)