So today was shaping up to be a normal day. It was raining knives, which meant I was out in my classic hat+trenchcoat combo, plus an umbrella. But on the way back home it wasn't raining, so I had my umbrella tucked in, and I wore it on the belt of my coat like a sword so I wouldn't have to carry it in hand.
I guess scumbags don't take rainchecks though. Some fucker with a knife came up with the classic line. "Gimme your stuff."
"I'm not in the mood for this, dude. Go on home. Settle down, get a job, wife and kids, you'll live longer."
"Don't fuck with me man, I've been in prison for stabbing six guys."
I take a deep breath and sigh. Little bitch was skinny, a little on the tall side, probably cooked up on something. I slowly close my eyes and focus. I fondly remember my kenjutsu days.
"DIDN"T YOU LIST--"
My body reacts before my mind does. I draw the umbrella from my belt in a motion I'd previously practiced in iaijutsu. The tip strikes dead-on at his ankle; with a quick motion it follows up with a vertical smack that strikes his hand on the wrist right where the forearm bone and the wrist bones meet. The nerve shock sends his knife flying up. and with a flick of my wrist I point the tip of the umbrella to his throat.
I open my eyes, and with my left hand I snatch the blade out of the air as it falls.
"If I ever see you in this neighborhood again, you're going to have to practice mugging at canepoint. Now get the hell out of my sight."
I flick the knife so its blade is pointing down, punch him once in the face with my left and put it on his belt right over his crotch. And then I walk away.
