I've met this girl online, and we were supposed to meet tomorrow for a movie. I have texted her, twice, but she hasn't called me back.
Foolishly, i didn't saw this coming, and didn't actually plan ahead where i would be to pick her up or anything of the sort. I was counting on talking to her to day and sorting out the details.
Now that she hasn't answered, i fear the date might not happen. I'm very sad about the whole state of affairs. The worst part is, i thought about arranging everything yesterday, but spent so much time chatting random stuff with her that i didn't think any more of it.
Now i feel stupid. It's going to be really bad if the date doesn't go through because of lack of planning/communication.
I don't *really* think she has regretted agreeing to meet me, but because whatsapp actually shows when the person last opened the app, i can see that she has opened it and hasn't replied, which is a very bad sign.
I guess i'll have to wait a bit more to see if she replies before going to bed (she consistently goes to bed at 3am or later), and hope that, if she doesn't, is still up for the date tomorrow. I don't want to appear clingy or insecure, so i won't be messaging her anymore. I already sent two messages that went unanswered (several hours apart).
God, i hate feeling that way. Being single sucks. I really need to practice pick-up lines more, and actually actively try to pick up girls at clubs. My usual less-than-direct approach is not working nearly as well as i hoped it would, and i'm starting to feel pretty lonely. (I actually do try to pick up girls at clubs, but more often than not it's me trying to conjure up small-talk when the situation is favorable).
Well, i suppose it doesn't help me in the least that i've been going out with a gay friend to gay clubs, but still... I went to those with an ex-gf and we (plural), managed to score quite a few girls for her (sometimes for me as well). Understandably, these were bi girls and were probably more interested in her than me, but still.
On a more positive note, i've started going to the gym, so my chances will, probably, improve. One can only hope that if i take it seriously i'll improve my looks.
One thing that has been getting at me, though, is that i'm not a bad looking guy. I easily get above-average tinder matches, get good matches in dating sites... It's just that, in a real-life dating scenario, i don't seem to stick out as much. And the worst part is? I know why. It's because of my height. I'm not short, not tall, slightly below average, at 1,69m. And it's one thing i CAN'T change. I have actually seriously considered buying high-heeled shoes, just to see if that improves the situation somewhat, but am embarassed to actually do it. I thought i had overcome my height problem, but i guess all it takes is for me to become single and lonely for a reasonable amount of time before it comes backs and haunts me.
I feel like shit. And i feel like shit for feeling like shit, because i know i shouldn't. The right thing to do would be not to think anything of it, not care. Think about how i'm just going through a phase, and that it'll pass, and i'll get a good-looking woman near me soon enough. But i know i'm not doing nearly everything i could be doing in order to remedy my situation, and i know there's things i can't change no matter how hard i try or want to. I don't know why, exactly, but i feel like i can't be actually happy unless i have someone by myside that's constantly reaffirming what i'd like to think about myself.
