Trying to become a supervillain

[Baad Speeler]

So, I'm thinking about trying my hand at super villainy, but I keep coming up with the same problem.

Theme to use, finding a nemesis, what city to terrorize, and finding a secret lair. These things are all easy.

The thing that I cannot for the life of me figure out, is how in the hell to get henchmen. Do I post it to Craigslist? Do I put an add in the paper? If I do put an add in the paper, do I put it under "General" or "Trade?" How about a career day at the local high school? I don't think I can even come close to calling myself a self respecting mastermind until I have henchmen.

Any ideas you folks have would be appreciated. As payment for your efforts, when the world is mine, you guys can divide up something I don't want. Like France

[Solo]

Henchmen? Simple.

Start a bank, or investment firm. Hire lawyers and accountants. Play your cards right, and you can bring down the economy of the most powerful country on earth, escape all prosecution, and even get paid by the government you just screwed over.

[bhu]

Get involved in organized crime and figure out how they do their hiring.  Even criminals have an interview process.

[Solo]

Get involved in organized crime and figure out how they do their hiring.  Even criminals have an interview process.

Look, I'm pretty sure I just suggested that.

[bhu]

I meant more traditional organized crime.  You know, beating the shit out of people and taking their money as opposed to assuring them it's safe because the government has given your institution a pass.

[Solo]

I meant more traditional organized crime.  You know, beating the shit out of people and taking their money as opposed to assuring them it's safe because the government has given your institution a pass.

...you want him to join law enforcement?

[bhu]

No one knows how to get around breaking laws better than the people enforcing them.  Cept maybe the people who write them.

[Baad Speeler]

So... Go into politics?

[phaedrusxy]

I meant more traditional organized crime.  You know, beating the shit out of people and taking their money as opposed to assuring them it's safe because the government has given your institution a pass.

...you want him to join law enforcement?

Can I nominate this as the best thread evar?

[Baad Speeler]

Going into Law Enforcement/Politics would make me better at being a super villain, however, that doesn't get me random, faceless, nameless thugs that will gladly have the snot kicked out of them by heroes whenever I ask

[phaedrusxy]

Going into Law Enforcement/Politics would make me better at being a super villain, however, that doesn't get me random, faceless, nameless thugs that will gladly have the snot kicked out of them by heroes whenever I ask

those are called Secret Service Agents. I think you want to be the president.

[Baad Speeler]

Good call, and all I have to do is say that every member of congress may, possibly, have something to do with terrorism. Maybe. Then I can have them all arrested under the patriot act. Then I have access to underlings, and nukes. And I won't even have to pay for the help wanted add in the local paper. Good thinking Phaedrus! I just might rule the world yet!

[Frogman55]

Another possibility is to create a large company staffed mainly by Americans in a third-world country (at least a country perceived as third world by Americans). Your American security staff will believe themselves naturally superior to any local authorities, and will cheerfully break any moral code with just a bit of encouragement.

[Baad Speeler]

But then I run the risk of being labeled some run of the mill third rate warlord. That's not cool

[bhu]

everyone has to start somewhere

[Frogman55]

No, you're not a warlord. Your an international corporation bringing order and progress to benighted portions of the globe. Sure, sometimes that order requires high caliber weaponry, but that's just because you have to deal with those warlords. PR is the key here. A few big donations to doctors without borders, build some wells, some roads (you know, all the infrastructure you need to maintain your base), and you're good to go. Don't forget:

[Baad Speeler]

That is one of the greatest things I have ever read. When I get my little slice of third world shit hole, you will be my Vice President of Propaganda, I mean Public Relations. My own Joseph Goebbels. Just with out all the antisemitism or clown fuck lunacy.

[bhu]

Goebbels fucked clowns 

But then, he was a heroin addict...

[wotmaniac]

Goebbels fucked clowns 

But then, he was a heroin addict...

Wait .... doesn't everybody?