Transcribed from the Something Awful Message Boards:
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3198150How Stan Learned to Shut the gently caress UpOK, basic rule of Ravenloft: LET DM FINISH SPEAKING!Everyone knows this rule. It's a constant rule. Ravenloft is big on describing everything, it's all about description and mood. (This is back in the old 2E days of poo poo like no-save level drain and save or loving die)
So, the Stan has decided he wants to try Ravenloft again. He approaches our table with thunderous footsteps and hurricane wheezing. He slaps down the character he and Fatback have been playing.
Can you guess?
I swear this motherfucker was like a broken record...
CG 1/2E F/M/C with 18/XX Str
poo poo.
Me: Do you have pointy ears?
Him: (Snort) Of course, he's an elf.
Me: Are you SURE? I'd advise having human ears.
Him: gently caress that.
Me: OK.
The party has been running and hiding from this loving bitch and her 3 werewolf friends since the last weekend. The horses are dead, their gear is pretty much loving gone, and they're back against a cliff with the forest in front of them. They know there is a town nearby, but are lost as poo poo. (Less than a 1/2 mile from the town)
They find a cave, and hide, hoping for the best.
Me: Out of the brush steps a young brunette woman about 15 in a tattered and torn dress, she's got a...
Stan: I FIRE MY BOW AT HER!
Group: WHAT?
Me: Stan, don't interrupt me.
Stan: Or what?
Stan rolls a loving crit of all things, and puts a loving arrow right through a 15 year old commoner's throat.
So the girl goes down, spouting blood, and the werewolves burst out of the shrubbery and attack.
After the combat, Stan wants single kill XP on the girl.
Yeah, how's them red eyes doing for you, killer?
The group has managed to beat 1 of the werewolves, but the others took off out into the woods. The party limps off in pursuit.
Me: You come into a clearing, and at the far side of the clearing a girl...
Stan: I FIRE MY BOW AT HER!
Group: GODDAMN IT STAN!
Me: Are you sure? You don't want to hear how she's dressed?
Stan: gently caress your DMNPC's...
Another hit, lots of damage.
Me: The arrow hits the six year old girl in the forehead and she slumps dead against her bonds. The half-form werewolves on either side of her bound forward and attack, cruel laughter coming from their gaping jaws.
Stan: What? Six? You didn't say it was kid!
Me: I didn't get a chance. Basically, your character saw a shape, and shot at it with your bow, quickdraw.
One werewolf goes down, the other bolts. The party limps off. They come to a farmhouse, where the shutters are torn off and the door is open.
Group: We're moving up to the door in a skirmish formation.
Me: As you get about 10 feet to the door, suddenly a dark shape lunges out of the darkness of the house. It stum...
Stan: I SHOOT IT WITH MY BOW!
Group: STAN! SHUT THE gently caress UP!
Stan hits, and gets max damage on a brutally beaten old man.
Me: The arrow hisses into the shadows and hits the stumbling form with a harsh THUNK and the figure falls limply to the ground, rolling into the moonlight to reveal an old man with a gag on his mouth and his wrists tied. The werewolf on the roof bellows out its war cry and leaps from the roof and onto you.
Stan: What werewolf?
Group: IF YOU'D SHUT THE gently caress UP!
The group hurts the last werewolf bad, and chase it into the woods, where they get separated in the wind and rain. The group is out in the woods, getting attacked right and left by this werewolf and someone out there is shooting arrows...
Me: Stan!
Him: What? Huh?
Me: You see a struggling shape by the blackberry bushes as you round a tree. It looks like...
Him: I SHOOT AN ARROW AT IT!
Party: GODDAMN IT STAN! SHUT THE gently caress UP!
So Stan rolls another crit, backed up by Fatback's claims he saw it.
THUNK! Arrow hits the mage right in the back of the loving head. Mage's player leaves to go get soda and presumably to keep from killing Stan.
More combat. Werewolf is hurt bad, but a party member is dead and the rest wounded, except Stan, who runs out of arrows shooting party members.
Me: OK, Stan, you exit the treeline and see a redhead standing in the rain about 100 feet from you. She is on the other....
Stan: I draw my sword and charge!
Me: Are you going to let me loving finish?
Stan: gently caress that, I'm charging! I can get next to her in 3 rounds!
So, Stan's loving character goes running at the woman in the rain and the dark and the moonlight.
Right off the edge of the loving 80 foot canyon.
After that, Stan sometimes let me finish my descriptions.
But he still cried that I was a killer DM, and said I hated his characters because they were all awesome Half-Elves.