Well... I don't think I really see problem #1 you mention, Unbeliever, as a real problem. In a way, all (or at least most) combat mechanics are meant to mimic real world stuff. Obviously, you can get way to far in that, as you describe, and indeed nobody gets better with endless arguments about a certain kind of weapon... but too weird / illogical stuff can be distracting from the game as well, at least in certain games and in certain groups. Especially when a certain unrealistic feature is broken (and especially when only chosen because of that) I do think the 'realism' argument can be valid.
#2 is problematic though... because when these kind of arguments are used, they'll only be used regarding real world stuff, sword, sticks, combat... not to magic or psionics. If realism is used as an argument to ban stuff, martial classes only get weaker while the already overpowered casters won't be bothered by it. In that sense, I agree it might not be totally 'fair' balance wise.
But for me, charge-lance-pouncing always fell in the catagory "the rules don't say I can't"-kinda arguments. Indeed, the rules don't say you can't, but they nowhere say you can either, no example build or creature in any book that I know of used it. That, combined with the lack of logic / realism makes it quite a reasonable ruling for me.