Non-living Mindless Incorporeal Creature?

[zook1shoe]

You're not looking at the tiny details. the hairy spider is one of only 2 vermin with a LA. Which means its much harder that you think to get both of those, then just throwing any old template on any old vermin.

Its even harder for animals. The wolf is the only animal that has a la.

Ooze has none

Both of those creature types (animal and vermin) have NO templates that change another type to them. So there is no way to have those types by means of just race or template.

[Amechra]

What's the other Vermin?

[ksbsnowowl]

The wolf is the only animal that has a la.

Where is that listed?  I see no such LA in the SRD.

And the OP never said he needed something with an LA, so any vermin would work.

[zook1shoe]

True... But I'm taking that step out of it to avoid him having to come back and ask

The hairy and sword spider have an la listed in the 3.5 update, +0 and +3 respectfully.

The wolf has an la listed in the Unapproachable East of +2.

[ksbsnowowl]

The wolf has an la listed in the Unapproachable East of +2.

Roundabout, but, okay.  Don't expect a DM to let it fly, though.

Still, it's silly they never made rules for Awakened animals getting LA.

[zook1shoe]

Which has always kind of irked me... I'd love to play an awakened animal without forcing the DM to come up with an la for each animal

[Ithamar]

Awakened Animal template is +3 LA, comes with DR 10/Silver, and some nifty disease inflicting / curse ability, not to mention an alternate form! 

[zook1shoe]

Lol

[awaken_D_M_golem]

I'm afb, so the exact order required to do so isn't exact.... But

Get one of the many incorporeal templates for a non-score in Strength.
The Living Wall template gives you a non-score in both Dexterity and Constitution.
Get one of the many templates that makes you mindless for a non-score in Intelligence.
The Dream Element template gives you a non-score in Wisdom.
There's no official one for Charisma

The mindless template will probably make you end up with a record-breaking Charisma of 1.

I was driving my cart down the road ... and all the sudden a Wall appeared.
I crashed into it full steam, and then I was being chased by Robot Spiders.
I realized I had dozed off, but there was a Wand Of Fireballs stuck up the horse's "tail".
Did I auto-succeed a dream diplomacy check, or what ??
 

[zook1shoe]