"Take that, moon! Perfect orbit, my ass!"

[DonQuixote]

So.  According to the Dungeon Master's Guide, stone has 15 hit points per inch of thickness and hardness 8.  Per the internet and my calculator, the moon therefore has 2,051,574,795 hit points.  And hardness 8.

Gentlemen, how quickly can we sunder the moon?

Qualifications:

• The character's ECL cannot exceed 20.  No LA buyoff.  32 point-buy, no flaws.
• Any Wizards of the Coast 3.5 material is acceptable, as is Savage Species.  Kingdoms of Kalamar is, however, not on the table.
• Action points are available, and the character receives Action Surge as a bonus feat.
• The moon must be destroyed by means of sundering.  No sneaky magic, the goal is to literally sunder the goddamn moon.
• Charging at the moon is only doable if the character is capable of setting up the charge herself.  Dungeoncrasher and ridiculous Jump checks are allowed, but running along the moon's surface until running into a boulder is not.
• The character is alone on the moon and has no party members, cohorts, or other allies.
• The character cannot currently be possessing the body of another creature or in a form that is not her own.
• Playing the Song of Time does not allow the character to go back to the Dawn of the First Day.

I admit that, yes, no sane DM would ever let someone sunder the moon.  And I wouldn't be surprised if there's a rule somewhere that prevents the sundering of heavenly bodies.

However, I've been attacked by the curious, and am legitimately interested in seeing the numbers for min/maxing moon destruction.  Minimizing time spent sundering, maximizing moon-shattering potential.

[Shadowhunter]

This is just a hunch, but something tells me this is either going to end up with a Hood of some sort or a Hulking Hurler.

[JaronK]

Yeah, Hulking Hurler is the best bet here.  In fact, can we win this by picking up the moon and flinging it at something else?  Because that would auto destroy the moon.

Also, I'm assuming no infinite loops, because otherwise a Cancer Mage can just one punch the moon after getting really angry (but that would require a LONG time of getting angry).

Okay, stupidity time: according to the epic rules for dragons, if you get three HD after being the oldest age category you become Collosal+ in size (note, this is clearly supposed to be referring to racial HD, but it doesn't say that, and we're being silly anyway).  So what if we start with a Half Minotaur Tauric Kobold with the Dragonwrought feat who becomes Collosal+ and takes Hulking Hurler and War Hulk levels?  I feel like that's getting in the ballpark.

JaronK

[Prime32]

d2 Crusader?

What about a ghost with enormous reach who flies to the centre of the moon and uses Whirlwind Attack?
A bloodstorm blade combining its capstone with kobold cheese to pick up Distant Shot could work if it deals enough damage with each hit - ECL 15.

[SneeR]

Now I notice you never said "in one hit."

A Fighter 20 with 30 STR power attacking the moon with a +5 Acidic Sonic Psychokinetic FullBlade and a Necklace of Adaptation could destroy it no sweat.

Damage Dice:
(2d8+5 slashing damage+15 for 2h+40 power attack)+(1d6 acid damage+1d6 sonic damage+1d4 force damage)
Min Damage:
{62-8}=54 slashing damage+3 energy damage=57 damage per hit x4=228 damage per round
Max Damage:
{76-8}=68 slashing damage+16 energy damage=84 damage per hit x4= 336 damage per round
Average Damage:
{69-8}=61 slashing damage+9 energy damage=70 damage per hit x4= 280 damage per round

Meaning that it will take a...
maximum of 8998136 rounds, or 625 days...
minimum of 6105878 rounds, or 425 days...
and an average of 7327053 rounds, or 509 days
for a fully unoptimized fighter to destroy the moon once his wizard buddy gets him there.

[Maat Mons]

I have a suspicion that the moon is a “very large object.” 

Very large objects have separate hit point totals for different sections.

Based on other things in the rules, I think the moon would probably be divided into 10-foot cubes with 1,800 hit points each.  There would be around 7.7544*10^17 such cubes to deal with. 

[JaronK]

I don't remember if Lightning Mace and Roundabout Kick trigger even against sneak attack immunes, but if they do a Dragonwrought Kobold (with Distance Shot, because traveling to the moon is hard) Machine Gun Warblade should be able to kill all those cubes instantly.  We'll need some enchantment to give him endless ammo though, otherwise he'll run out.

JaronK

[DonQuixote]

Yeah, Hulking Hurler is the best bet here.  In fact, can we win this by picking up the moon and flinging it at something else?  Because that would auto destroy the moon.

If you can find a solid place to stand, that could be the greatest way ever to do it.

Also, I'm assuming no infinite loops, because otherwise a Cancer Mage can just one punch the moon after getting really angry (but that would require a LONG time of getting angry).

Doesn't Book of Vile Darkness fall into the "not 3.5" category?

Okay, stupidity time: according to the epic rules for dragons, if you get three HD after being the oldest age category you become Collosal+ in size (note, this is clearly supposed to be referring to racial HD, but it doesn't say that, and we're being silly anyway).  So what if we start with a Half Minotaur Tauric Kobold with the Dragonwrought feat who becomes Collosal+ and takes Hulking Hurler and War Hulk levels?  I feel like that's getting in the ballpark.

I like where this is going.

d2 Crusader?

>.<  Technically, I suppose.

What about a ghost with enormous reach who flies to the centre of the moon and uses Whirlwind Attack?

Well, given that--if we assume that the moon counts as multiple targets--you have to deal 1,800 damage to each cube...well, it's doable, I suppose.  But are ghosts capable of interacting with material objects?

A bloodstorm blade combining its capstone with kobold cheese to pick up Distant Shot could work if it deals enough damage with each hit - ECL 15.

This has to be my favorite mental image.  A man throwing an axe and waiting patiently as it carves away the moon.

I have a suspicion that the moon is a “very large object.” 

Very large objects have separate hit point totals for different sections.

Based on other things in the rules, I think the moon would probably be divided into 10-foot cubes with 1,800 hit points each.  There would be around 7.7544*10^17 such cubes to deal with. 

I somehow missed this rule.  Okay, so, 7.7544x10^17 cubes...1,800 hp each...hardness 8...hrm.

If we could somehow get a Dervish to pull off 1,800 damage in one attack...is there a way to cleave objects?

[Lycanthromancer]

Yeah, Hulking Hurler is the best bet here.  In fact, can we win this by picking up the moon and flinging it at something else?  Because that would auto destroy the moon.

If you can find a solid place to stand, that could be the greatest way ever to do it.

Also, I'm assuming no infinite loops, because otherwise a Cancer Mage can just one punch the moon after getting really angry (but that would require a LONG time of getting angry).

Doesn't Book of Vile Darkness fall into the "not 3.5" category?

Okay, stupidity time: according to the epic rules for dragons, if you get three HD after being the oldest age category you become Collosal+ in size (note, this is clearly supposed to be referring to racial HD, but it doesn't say that, and we're being silly anyway).  So what if we start with a Half Minotaur Tauric Kobold with the Dragonwrought feat who becomes Collosal+ and takes Hulking Hurler and War Hulk levels?  I feel like that's getting in the ballpark.

I like where this is going.

d2 Crusader?

>.<  Technically, I suppose.

What about a ghost with enormous reach who flies to the centre of the moon and uses Whirlwind Attack?

Well, given that--if we assume that the moon counts as multiple targets--you have to deal 1,800 damage to each cube...well, it's doable, I suppose.  But are ghosts capable of interacting with material objects?

A bloodstorm blade combining its capstone with kobold cheese to pick up Distant Shot could work if it deals enough damage with each hit - ECL 15.

This has to be my favorite mental image.  A man throwing an axe and waiting patiently as it carves away the moon.

I have a suspicion that the moon is a “very large object.” 

Very large objects have separate hit point totals for different sections.

Based on other things in the rules, I think the moon would probably be divided into 10-foot cubes with 1,800 hit points each.  There would be around 7.7544*10^17 such cubes to deal with. 

I somehow missed this rule.  Okay, so, 7.7544x10^17 cubes...1,800 hp each...hardness 8...hrm.

If we could somehow get a Dervish to pull off 1,800 damage in one attack...is there a way to cleave objects?

A d2 idiot crusader/bloodstorm blade with infinite shurikens and White Raven Tactics for infinite turns?

[SneeR]

Actually Book of Vile Darkness is 3.5, released as a companion, ironically, to Book of Exalted Deeds, which is 3.0, very shortly afterwards. It was technically one of the first 3.5 books, and thus doesn't have all of the overhauls that the rest of 3.5 has.

[Bastian]

Actually Book of Vile Darkness is 3.5, released as a companion, ironically, to Book of Exalted Deeds, which is 3.0, very shortly afterwards. It was technically one of the first 3.5 books, and thus doesn't have all of the overhauls that the rest of 3.5 has.

You have it backwards. BoED is 3.5 and BoVD is 3.0.

[Cannotthink]

Yeah, Hulking Hurler is the best bet here.  In fact, can we win this by picking up the moon and flinging it at something else?  Because that would auto destroy the moon.

If you can find a solid place to stand, that could be the greatest way ever to do it.

Buy and set some immovable rods; do a handstand; throw the moon

[Bozwevial]

Yeah, Hulking Hurler is the best bet here.  In fact, can we win this by picking up the moon and flinging it at something else?  Because that would auto destroy the moon.

If you can find a solid place to stand, that could be the greatest way ever to do it.

Buy and set some immovable rods; do a handstand; throw the moon

Depends on what frame of reference the immovable rod uses.

[Endarire]

Lowest level: Warforged martial adept3 with Mountain Hammer (ECL3).  May need Necropolitan to survive the vaccuum of space and live long enough.

If you can somehow gain Mountain Hammer sooner, it works then.

[Hics]

If we could somehow get a Dervish to pull off 1,800 damage in one attack...is there a way to cleave objects?

custom animate object item to animate each cube, or the entire moon. does it work?

[skydragonknight]

That's no moon...

[sirpercival]

Can we perform CL shenanigans and cast Shrink Item?  Cloth is a lot easier to sunder than stone.  Alternatively, once it's cloth you can just set it on fire.


... it'll be a colossal ball of yarn!

EDIT: How many enlarged Stone to Flesh spells will we need? 

[DonQuixote]

Can we perform CL shenanigans and cast Shrink Item?  Cloth is a lot easier to sunder than stone.  Alternatively, once it's cloth you can just set it on fire.


... it'll be a colossal ball of yarn!

EDIT: How many enlarged Stone to Flesh spells will we need? 

I'm going to say that changing the nature of the moon's material this much counts as "sneaky magic," rather than sundering.

I have no clue if you can animate the moon.  But it sounds like a good idea!  I'll name him Atropus. 

[Prime32]

I have no clue if you can animate the moon.  But it sounds like a good idea!  I'll name him Atropus. 

Not "Cathedral Terra"?

[DonQuixote]

I have no clue if you can animate the moon.  But it sounds like a good idea!  I'll name him Atropus. 

Not "Cathedral Terra"?

...renaming the moon, now.