Tips for the First Date?

[SneeR]

So, I have had two girlfriends, one of which lasted for nearly two years. However, I have never actually gone on a first date with the purpose of getting to know my date! The dates were always set up after we were a couple...  I don't know what to do!

I've read some books on the subject, and I am pretty confident in myself. I plan to take her to coffee until the movie Warm Bodies (which she adores) starts, then we'll grab dinner after the movie at a pizza place. Then we'll take the trolley to a nearby port and walk along the shoreline if all goes well.

Here are some pointers I know about:
-pay for everything
-bring a coat and offer it to her if she gets cold
-no kissing on the first date
-be confident
-don't contact her ahead of time except to remind her of the plans and confirm she is coming
-go to have fun: thinking too much ahead assures i will be only one date

Here are some caveats:
-I am nearly 21 and she is 19, so no drinking
-We have never met in person, so I don't know wht kind of chemistry we have (met over dating website)
-I don't even know if she finds me attractive, but the fact that she acquiesced to my invitation bodes well (?)
(She's seen pictures of me on the website)
-She has never had a romantic relationship before
-neither of us have private transportation
-I am on a college student budget

I know the main rule is to be myself, be confident, and just do my best, but do any of you have any advice that might spare me some ruinous hidden faux pas?

[SneeR]

No one has any advice at all? The date is this Saturday!

[zugschef]

-I am nearly 21 and she is 19, so no drinking

i guess this rules out any european advice.

[ariasderros]

No one has any advice at all? The date is this Saturday!

A) You already covered all the obvious points. All there is is obvious points. Do you want us to repeat what you just said?
B) [sarcasm] Not to drag out a stereotype here, but you do realize you are asking for dating advice on an RPG forum, right? Most of those who have amazing women still don't know how they did it. [/sarcasm]
C) On the above point, go read through the BLYHT and Awesome Stuff areas. We are mostly either not in a relationship, or its been a series of fortunate events. Any advice to be offered, you've already covered.

The most important parts, IMO:

-be confident
-go to have fun: thinking too much ahead assures i will be only one date

As far as hidden Faux Pas, the reason they're hidden is because it is different for each person, and some of them are guilty. Talking about your good friend who's black doesn't seem bad, but if she's secretly racist, bam, hidden faux pas. Talking about how much you hate musical artist X, when she has a poster of X in her place, hidden faux pas. Can't do anything about that.

Don't worry about it.
In every life, there will be trouble, but when you worry, you make it double.
Don't Worry. Be Happy.

[SneeR]

  Yeah, the thought crossed my mind. I figured 2 things though:
1) Some of us RPG nerds are married here, so they had to have dated some time!
2) Nerds are the one's most likely to have stumbled upon dating faux pas, like a well-meaning warblade in a room full of DC 21 traps.

@zugschef
European advice is welcome! Not living there doesn't mean it holds no relevance to me.

[ariasderros]

2) Nerds are the one's most likely to have stumbled upon dating faux pas, like a well-meaning warblade in a room full of DC 21 traps.

I up-voted for this.

Like I said with point "C" (the serious one), most either aren't, or 'got lucky' per se. Right place / time / attitude. That's the impression I got anyway.

Hell, though, what do I know? I've had two girlfriends, one I met at a shrinks office. The other I met in an extra-curricular, but was easily the crazier of the two (and I mean that in the clinical sense).
So, I could tell you what not to do. Bang a crazy chick. Scratch that, just don't try to be in a relationship with someone severely imbalanced. The sex is great, the relationship not-so-much.

[SneeR]

My first girlfriend was clinically depressed. She was a rabid nymphomaniac--or an ice queen, depending on the day. I'm looking for someone more tame this time, hahahaha. 

[Elevevated Beat]

You know how nature (and science) reminds us to not think in absolutes? Yeah, every first date you have will be different. So I'm going to say my piece, and it'll come across as trying to teach English (Do this when this happens, but there are exceptions, like this because of this rule. There's also this sole exception amongst exceptions just because.)

Be yourself. You are who you are. You may not tell every single female you meet that you play D&D and keep a small child locked in your basement, but the thing is, you do. Don't shy away from that if it arises and end up projecting a different image of yourself. Those who mind don't matter, while those that matter don't mind.
Watch not just what you say, but how you speak. You know, the sarcastic/exaggerated language you use around mates. While they may get you and understand what you're actually saying, she's going to have no idea. You've got to get to know one another first before you revert to "SneeR speak".
Don't assume too much. This is mostly in relation to "the male pays for everything". Don't get me wrong, chivalry and male pride are there in abundance in my personality; however, not everyone feels the same. I have received dirty looks and barbed comments from females who believe that I'm offering help because I think they cannot pay for dinner, or lift the speaker or open the door for themselves. I'm all for you doing it, hell, I do it myself. So offer, but be open to the (slim) idea that she would rather pay for herself. I mean, who doesn't like a free dinner?
A good way to converse is to actively listen. Not just sit there, stare, and blank out. Ask a question, then further that discussion by picking something from her answer and ask a question about that or relate it to a story of your own. Watch for using the latter too much. You don't want to be talking about yourself the whole night. On the same token, you do want to talk about yourself a bit so she gets to know who you are.

Honestly though, things like don't touch, no kiss, be humble, be confident, be aloof, be attentive... well it all depends on you. If you feel too uncomfortable because you're acting unlike yourself, it'll show.

If I seem a little verbose, it's because I want to illustrate my points. I've found that it can help (at least it has for me).

Good luck!

[Unbeliever]

I have been off the market for a long time, but at the expense of stating the obvious, just take it easy.  Coffee, movie, and pizza sounds good:  gives you something obvious to talk about, doesn't strain your budget too much, and is age appropriate (e.g., wine bar would be a bad idea).  Did I misunderstand the OP, though?  Are you seeing a flick she's seen already?  I imagine she acquiesced or suggested it, if that's the case, just struck me as odd. 

It does sound like you're overthinking things -- like I've never premeditatedly brought a coat with me for a gal.  Bring one if you would do it anyway.  Otherwise, don't.  She's a grown-up (more or less). 

Besides that, as others have said, don't worry about the preconceptions.  Let things go where they will.  And, recognize that the odds are very very high that it will not work out.  In the immortal words of Dan Savage, every relationship doesn't work out until one does.  That goes kind of double or triple for online dating.  Give yourselves time to "click" and don't expect anything overly dramatic if you do or don't. 

[SorO_Lost]

Ask her if she has heard this one before, then stretch out a section of duct tape...

Just kidding. You should probably save that joke until after the first date.
Like later that night. 

But really, seeking to impress a girl is what you do when you want to get laid. A girlfriend should like who you are rather than what you pretend to be. I'd have to go with Unbeliever too. I mean, if she skips bringing a coat into the arctic cold that is the outside in February then you can overthink her problems later.

[Sinfire Titan]

I will say this: Don't go to a movie on the first date. A first date should be spent talking with your date and getting to know her. Taking her to a movie says "I'm not interested in speaking with you and telling you what I'm like, so I'm just going to show you something that I find interesting and hope for the best".

[Bloody Initiate]

Yeah I have a helluva time getting my GF to go see movies, she tends to see it as a lot of time spent sitting quietly not paying attention to each other. She is a bit extreme in her inability to sit still, but it's not a bad point to make.

As for actually going on dates to feel someone out I've done very little of that, which I think can work out to your advantage some times. So long as you're honest and attentive I'm not sure it matters where you go, just so long as she can trust that you'll reward her attention by being youself (honest) and that you'll return the favor (attentive).

I also saw a quote once saying something like "You can make more friends in one week by getting interested in people than you can make in one year by trying to get them interested in you."

I wouldn't worry about specific rules like "No kissing on the first date" or "pay for everything" because people love to play with those types of rules (I thought a kiss on the first date was the way you knew it was a good date) and adjust their boundaries just to throw you off guard, you don't want to play that sort of game. Some aren't bad assumptions though (Like people never mind when you plan to pay for things).

[littha]

Some aren't bad assumptions though (Like people never mind when you plan to pay for things).

I had a super feminist girlfriend a couple of years back who insisted on splitting the bill evenly, it was awesome.

[SneeR]

Well, she had to reschedule for this Tuesday. 
And last night, instead of going on a date, I went to the gym and somehow messed myself up catastrophically, both my wrist and my spine.

On the bright side, I have a date on Tuesday! It's pretty difficult to mess this mood up for me, haha.

I've read people's concerns about a movie on the ffirst date, but she absolutely loves this movie, and she is sort of a movie afficianado, so I figure it might get her in the romantic mood (and would give me a chance to actually see the movie she likes so much!). I do plan for us to spend about an hour chatting before the movie, too, so it's not like we won't talk at all beforehand!

I also plan to take a walk along a nearby shoreline later, so I figure that pretty makes up for any ignoring she might consider it to be. It feels right.

Of course, if my wrist doesn't heal up by then, I can't hold her hand... 
I AM IN A GOOD MOOD, DAMN YOU! 

[SorO_Lost]

Of course, if my wrist doesn't heal up by then, I can't hold her hand... 

Or when she reschedules a second time, take care of other business...

[Arturick]

Let her set the pace while walking.

Ask her lots of questions.  Women feel they've bonded with you when they've told you a lot of things.  They typically don't get curious about you or your life until around 1 year into the relationship. 

Don't say anything about your past relationships, especially where you buried them.

[bhu]

Relax and do your best to find out what you can about her, which will make it easier to avoid putting your foot in your mouth later.

No risque humor or emotional displays.

[ariasderros]

Of course, if my wrist doesn't heal up by then, I can't hold her hand... 

Do you only have one hand? 
Stand on the other side, use the other hand. 

[SneeR]

Of course, if my wrist doesn't heal up by then, I can't hold her hand... 

Do you only have one hand? 
Stand on the other side, use the other hand. 

I am deaf in my right ear, so if she stands on my right side, I cannot hear her. 

[SneeR]

So, she rescheduled again, this time to this Friday, so she can fill out college applications due tomorrow. I'm getting a little sick of this.

I'm just trying to meet a nice lady and have some fun here. Why is the universe mounting against me?

I'm trying not to get frustrated at her, since she has had a legitimate reason both times, but I legitimately cleared my evening for both dates to no avail.

Thanks for the advice, guys! You really helped me relax and stop being so serious about this thing.

Of course, if my wrist doesn't heal up by then, I can't hold her hand... 

Or when she reschedules a second time, take care of other business...

Except you. You totally jinxed me, man.