I installed a Linux distro, with the main feature I was looking for, getting it working with UEFI, and getting the MS core fonts installed, and nothing broke!
(Basically, I wanted a rolling release because I HATE version updates, my Windows partition is UEFI and I hate messing with Wine to try and get games running, and those fonts can be awkard to install. I found something that fit the first, it actually had working instructions for the second--and where the instructions failed, the manual for rEFInd was able to explain how to stop firmware booting Windows, and for once nothing went wrong. Like the thing I installed earlier today for some reason couldn't do any sort of hardware rendering, even though it found the integrated graphics (it totally lost the graphics card somehow))