Last time on Bleach 493...
Guy-who-will-die-next-page: Peaceful night out eh?
Other guy: Nope, this here gate was blown up during the last invasion.
Guy-who-will-die-next-page: So I guess we're floating in the sky where Ichigo and pals came in eh?
Other guy: Don't be silly, I meant this off panel break in no one has ever heard about.
Guy-who-will-die-next-page: And we're guarding it why?
Other guy: Tite is retarded, so while the new BBEGs can sneak in without using any of these gates they won't. We're the first line of defense.
Guy-who-still-doesn't-give-a-fuck: *sigh*
*boom!*
Bleach 494
*boom!*x5!
Announcer: Enemy alert, everyone with a name please look at the camera!
Announcer: And in this corner, weighing in at 247 pounds is. Oh screw it, bad guys just announce your self 4th wall breaking style.
*half this issue later*
Kira: My shiki is insanely powerful , I'll take the rear guard. And get shot, through the chest. Brilliant!
Others: We'll make it up for you! Quick, lets call each others names and release out magic-swords for instant PC level powers!
It doesn't work.
Bleach 495
Announcer: Death report, with the several explosions and multiple enemies, only 27 of our guys have died. They suck, kick their ass.
Love: I'm starting to think this whole arc is about us getting killed.
Over-the-top-I'M-A-BLACK-GUY: You don't say.
Else where
Mooks: Ahhh, we're dying! Quick run away! Fool, only cowards run away.
Renji: I'll handle this, solo.
Brave/foolish-Mook: Ok, that excuse will work. Quick run away!
Else where
Little-girl: Oooh look, a kitty!
Everyone else gets their one on one camos, but back to what actually has something going on.
Renji: Every time you block a wired arcane symbol appears on you're hand, it's got to be some kind of trick.
Qunicy1: Sure, if you mean the vein in my hand glows instead of symbol and no kidding instead of I bet that's how he blocks.
Qunicy2: Sneak attack!
Renji: You're not supposed to yell during a sneak attack *dodges* Oh look is that my captain?
Captain Condescending: Stop holding back Renji, they are your enemy.
Bleach 496
Nameless mook: Stop, we won't let you get any further.
Qunicy: Blah blah blah fear blah.
Nameless mook: We're not afraid!
Qunicy: *puts down terrorism for dummies by a 911 conspirator* ok I'll just use my sword.
*splash page!*
Renji: Captain!
Captain Condescending: You don't show your enemies mercy.
Renji: But I wasn't!
Qunicy1: Bored now.
Captain Condescending: Don't move *tosses movement lines*
Renji: But they can't be cut by our blades!
Captain Condescending: I don't think saying our blades is correct.
Qunicy1: *bleeds*
Qunicy2: Hey, blubba blubba. I'm just like that big Anncarr guy, I'm going to rush you and punch you in the face!
Captain Condescending: You are just like the last Anncarr that tried to interfere in a fight.
Qunicy2: Huh? *falls through the floor by an already snuck in place trap*
Captain Condescending: I'm going to use my bankai now so it gets sealed away, Renji with your high skill in Kido I believe you're powers of perception are best suited to deduce their sealing method.
Renji: But, what if I suck at Kido and with my weaker bankai I should be the one to release?
Captain Condescending: Well, you are a lieutenant aren't you? You mastered Kido and don't have a bankai.
No less than four other captains have this discussion despite having at least two noobs-with-bankais left to sacrifice.
Qunicies everywhere: You just handed us our victory. Bankai steal!
Captains: Shit...
Bleach 497
Captains: I can't feel anything, it's like my magic-sword's power isn't there.
Qunicy: Stolen; verb, to take something without permission. Take; verb, to remove something.
Captain-Bankai: Noooooooooooo (it's the only way I know how to fight)!
Captain-Bankai: Quick, let everyone else know that they steal instead of seal.
That-girl-with-the-big-boobs-but-I-forgot-her-name: On it.
Rest of the captains whom are not retarded: They are pretty stupid.
Tite: Nu-uh. *as captain grabass* Sooner or later someone had to be sacrificed.
Old-guy-with-glasses: Someone being the operative word, also I hate you. Boom headshot.
Else where Renji wants to use his bankai, because he is a moron.
They also call 911 to dispatch Ichigo.
Bleach 498
Tech1~6 push a lot of giant buttons like it's the 80s.
Tech7: Well?
Tech1: Ichigo's plot devices is in the real world. Give me ten minutes to burn the string thereby releasing the boot to kick the can over dropping the ball onto the rail to run down and into...
Tech7: Just make it so.
Tech1: He is in Mexico, with Urahara.
Tech7: On screen.
Urahara's phone: Drop it! Dun dun dun do did did do did it. Dun dun dun do did did do did it. Oh yeah.
Urahara: Hello you've reached Urahara's totally-does-what-you-think-it-does-,-promise how may I help you today?
Tech7: Yes, we'd like one Ichigo to go, hold the hallow.
Urahara: Yelling over the battle "We're sold out."
Tech7: What? You mean Ichigo already realized what was going on and mobilized to stop the enemy?
*earlier that day* Annoying-kid: Ichigo, come save the hooloows. Ichigo: ok.
Urahara: ummm... Yes that is exactly what he is doing.
Tech7: Who is winning?
Urahara: Ichigo, naturally. After the Qunicy failed to seal his bankai it's been pretty one sided.
Tech7: It doesn't work? Listen up Urahara, there is a t in that 'seal'
Uarahara: Oh, well. How are things over there?
Qunicy: Why, with my superior uber powers combined with the stolen Hulk powers am I losing?
Tite: And little more copy paste from Ichigo vs Aizen, and done.
*Urarhara kills the Qunicy* Uarhara: Hey, stop playing around, you're needed else where.
Note - I've fallen quite a bit behind haven't I?