Author Topic: Kuro's Improbable Tales  (Read 106197 times)

Offline Monotremeancer

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 709
    • View Profile
Re: Kuro's Improbable Tales
« Reply #40 on: December 07, 2011, 10:57:05 AM »
I guess I may be running out of awesome.

Sides, you guys don't seem surprised to hear of my kicking the snot out of anyone anymore.  :P

That's the least we expect from you.

Maybe your next tale could involve you and a high number of girls  :plot
Why would you want to hear about Kuro kicking the snot out of a high number of girls?  :???
Make it all the female participants from Big Brother (from every nation) and I'll buy a ticket to Brazil so that I can come and watch.
I'm what's staring back from the abyss.
How come you guys never wave?

Please send me a PM if you give me kudos. I'm interested in what I'm doing right.

Offline Nanshork

  • Homebrew Reviewer
  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Posts: 13401
    • View Profile
Re: Kuro's Improbable Tales
« Reply #41 on: December 07, 2011, 01:31:46 PM »
I guess I may be running out of awesome.

Sides, you guys don't seem surprised to hear of my kicking the snot out of anyone anymore.  :P

That's the least we expect from you.

Maybe your next tale could involve you and a high number of girls  :plot
Why would you want to hear about Kuro kicking the snot out of a high number of girls?  :???

Maybe they're all congested and he cures them with kicks?

Offline Kuroimaken

  • Epic Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 5348
  • No obstacle too great for the FLAMES IN MY HEART!!
    • View Profile
Re: Kuro's Improbable Tales
« Reply #42 on: December 07, 2011, 06:05:38 PM »
I guess I may be running out of awesome.

Sides, you guys don't seem surprised to hear of my kicking the snot out of anyone anymore.  :P

That's the least we expect from you.

Maybe your next tale could involve you and a high number of girls  :plot
Why would you want to hear about Kuro kicking the snot out of a high number of girls?  :???
Make it all the female participants from Big Brother (from every nation) and I'll buy a ticket to Brazil so that I can come and watch.
Man, the female participants of the Brazillian editions of Big Brother would be enough.
They'd be lucky not to need a nuke to clean up the place if that happened.
Kami darou ga akuma darou ga, ore no michi ni tateru mono NASHI!!

Give me internets. Now.

Offline Risada

  • Legendary Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 2069
    • View Profile
Re: Kuro's Improbable Tales
« Reply #43 on: December 07, 2011, 09:40:31 PM »
I guess I may be running out of awesome.

Sides, you guys don't seem surprised to hear of my kicking the snot out of anyone anymore.  :P

That's the least we expect from you.

Maybe your next tale could involve you and a high number of girls  :plot
Why would you want to hear about Kuro kicking the snot out of a hitting on a high number of girls at the same time without getting owned by said girls?  :???

Fixed

Offline Kuroimaken

  • Epic Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 5348
  • No obstacle too great for the FLAMES IN MY HEART!!
    • View Profile
Re: Kuro's Improbable Tales
« Reply #44 on: December 12, 2011, 08:03:24 AM »
Been to this cool event called the Zombie Walk where people dress up like zombies and take a fairly long hike across town. I had no budget for makeup, so I went 'clean'. Two girls looked at me, said "hey, fresh meat!" and proceeded to bite my shoulders. For realz.

One of them broke her tooth.
Kami darou ga akuma darou ga, ore no michi ni tateru mono NASHI!!

Give me internets. Now.

Offline Halinn

  • Legendary Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 2067
  • My personal text is impersonal.
    • View Profile
Re: Kuro's Improbable Tales
« Reply #45 on: December 12, 2011, 08:21:30 AM »
Been to this cool event called the Zombie Walk where people dress up like zombies and take a fairly long hike across town. I had no budget for makeup, so I went 'clean'. Two girls looked at me, said "hey, fresh meat!" and proceeded to bite my shoulders. For realz.

One of them broke her tooth.

I knew it! Your body is, in fact, made of steel.

Offline InnaBinder

  • Legendary Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 1244
  • Onna table
    • View Profile
Re: Kuro's Improbable Tales
« Reply #46 on: December 12, 2011, 08:31:59 AM »
Been to this cool event called the Zombie Walk where people dress up like zombies and take a fairly long hike across town. I had no budget for makeup, so I went 'clean'. Two girls looked at me, said "hey, fresh meat!" and proceeded to bite my shoulders. For realz.

One of them broke her tooth.

I knew it! Your body is, in fact, made of steel adamantine.
Fix'd.
Arguing on the internet is like running in the Special Olympics.  Even if you win, you're still retarded.

shugenja handbook; talk about it here

Offline Halinn

  • Legendary Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 2067
  • My personal text is impersonal.
    • View Profile
Re: Kuro's Improbable Tales
« Reply #47 on: December 12, 2011, 08:39:30 AM »
Been to this cool event called the Zombie Walk where people dress up like zombies and take a fairly long hike across town. I had no budget for makeup, so I went 'clean'. Two girls looked at me, said "hey, fresh meat!" and proceeded to bite my shoulders. For realz.

One of them broke her tooth.

I knew it! Your body is, in fact, made of steel adamantine unobtainium.
Fix'd.

Offline Kuroimaken

  • Epic Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 5348
  • No obstacle too great for the FLAMES IN MY HEART!!
    • View Profile
Re: Kuro's Improbable Tales
« Reply #48 on: December 23, 2011, 11:45:05 AM »
So, new stories! Apologies on telling the first one with significant delay, it happened about a week and a half ago, methinks.

So the basics: me, still upset at needing to fix my computer, move off to withdraw some cash from the bank. I am incredibly pissed off, and there's this bum bothering a woman with an infant on her lap for change. He won't shut up, so I walk to the guy and tell him to leave the lady alone.

At which point we recognize each other. He was the same bum I denied change the other day. He tells me to piss off, and I reach for his throat and slam his back against the wall, full-on rage mode.

"I'm gonna give you three seconds to vanish from my sight and never show up again."

And then the fucking unexpected happens.

(click to show/hide)

------------------------------------------

This one's more recent.

So I'm taking the graveyard bus to the family hometown. It's a five hour ride. Twenty minutes in some asshole pulls out a laptop and starts watching a DVD of atrocious music, loud. Everyone is obviously upset, but the guy looks like he may have well stolen the thing so they don't wanna talk to him.

My turn.

"Listen man, it's a long ride, and I think everyone would love to get some sleep. Would you mind turning it down? I also have a pair of extra headphones I could lend you for the trip."

He tells me to fuck off.

And I think "I don't need this shit."

"Fine. I've got my own music, and I can outlast you. I'll just go back to my seat and quietly await for your laptop to implode."

15 minutes later we hear the loud bang of his laptop battery overheating and blowing up. (Non-tech savvy people, I tell ya.)

20 minutes later, some kid seems to be having a nightmare, and his mother, for some bizarre fucking reason, starts talking on her cell phone. Loud. This is 2:30 AM by now, mind. She keeps complaining about the kid who won't shut up, even though she's clearly making a hell of a lot more racket.

"Ma'am, would you mind turning that thing off? You're disturbing everyone else."

She tells me to fuck off.

"I don't need to shut you up. I'll just go to my seat and quietly await for your cell phone to implode."

Upon remembering what she saw happen to the guy's laptop she apologizes, turns it off and asks me not to do that because she'd just bought the phone and hadn't paid it off yet...
Kami darou ga akuma darou ga, ore no michi ni tateru mono NASHI!!

Give me internets. Now.

Offline Nanshork

  • Homebrew Reviewer
  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Posts: 13401
    • View Profile
Re: Kuro's Improbable Tales
« Reply #49 on: December 23, 2011, 02:46:45 PM »
Kuro, if I ever become a rich famous person can I hire you as a bodyguard?

Offline awaken_D_M_golem

  • Epic Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 7639
  • classique style , invisible tail
    • View Profile
Re: Kuro's Improbable Tales
« Reply #50 on: December 23, 2011, 03:33:33 PM »
Been to this cool event called the Zombie Walk where people dress up like zombies and take a fairly long hike across town. I had no budget for makeup, so I went 'clean'. Two girls looked at me, said "hey, fresh meat!" and proceeded to bite my shoulders. For realz.

One of them broke her tooth.

I knew it! Your body is, in fact, made of steel adamantine unobtainium.
Fix'd.

Ha. Maybe her tooth wasn't dressed-up as a Zombie ...  :ttth


Bum with a Gun = real life scary anywhere !


Your codpiece is a mimic.

Offline Kuroimaken

  • Epic Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 5348
  • No obstacle too great for the FLAMES IN MY HEART!!
    • View Profile
Re: Kuro's Improbable Tales
« Reply #51 on: December 23, 2011, 03:59:48 PM »
Kuro, if I ever become a rich famous person can I hire you as a bodyguard?

I'd be willing to discuss the contract terms, sure.  :cool
Kami darou ga akuma darou ga, ore no michi ni tateru mono NASHI!!

Give me internets. Now.

Offline Halinn

  • Legendary Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 2067
  • My personal text is impersonal.
    • View Profile
Re: Kuro's Improbable Tales
« Reply #52 on: December 23, 2011, 05:31:18 PM »
The more I hear, the more I'm convinced that you are some kind of superhuman. How is your reaction towards green meteorites?

Offline DonQuixote

  • Epic Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 2946
  • What is sickness to the body of a knight errant?
    • View Profile
    • The Spellshaping Codices (Homebrew Board)
Re: Kuro's Improbable Tales
« Reply #53 on: December 24, 2011, 01:22:09 AM »
That's it.  I'm converting to Kuroinity.

Kuroimakmas is on December 25, for the convenience of former Christians.
“Hast thou not felt in forest gloom, as gloaming falls on dark-some dells, when comes a whisper, hum and hiss; savage growling sounds a-near, dazzling flashes around thee flicker, whirring waxes and fills thine ears: has thou not felt then grisly horrors that grip thee and hold thee?”

Offline Bozwevial

  • Epic Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 3052
  • Developing a relaxed attitude toward danger
    • View Profile
Re: Kuro's Improbable Tales
« Reply #54 on: December 24, 2011, 01:31:12 AM »
It's obvious enough to anyone who's read the Dresden Files that Kuroi is a wizard with this latest development of hexing technology.
Homebrew Compendiums: D&D 3.5 4e/PF
IRC: #mmxgeneral on Rizon

Offline Kuroimaken

  • Epic Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 5348
  • No obstacle too great for the FLAMES IN MY HEART!!
    • View Profile
Re: Kuro's Improbable Tales
« Reply #55 on: December 24, 2011, 07:38:45 AM »
The more I hear, the more I'm convinced that you are some kind of superhuman. How is your reaction towards green meteorites?

Never ran into one.

That's it.  I'm converting to Kuroinity.

Kuroimakmas is on December 25, for the convenience of former Christians.

I need to come up with a better name for that religion.  :P

It's obvious enough to anyone who's read the Dresden Files that Kuroi is a wizard with this latest development of hexing technology.

Or I figured the guy didn't know better than to clog up the heat sinks on his laptop. I don't know if he was at the time though, which makes it all the more hilarious.
Kami darou ga akuma darou ga, ore no michi ni tateru mono NASHI!!

Give me internets. Now.

Offline Bauglir

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 629
  • Constrained
    • View Profile
Re: Kuro's Improbable Tales
« Reply #56 on: December 24, 2011, 03:04:25 PM »
Kuroimaken is either the Last Son of Krypton, or an amazing teller of stories. Either way, I am impressed.

Offline Kuroimaken

  • Epic Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 5348
  • No obstacle too great for the FLAMES IN MY HEART!!
    • View Profile
Re: Kuro's Improbable Tales
« Reply #57 on: December 24, 2011, 04:34:36 PM »
Kuroimaken is either the Last Son of Krypton, or an amazing teller of stories. Either way, I am impressed.

Could be both, in a sense. Though I'm not particularly eager to find out whether or not I'm bulletproof. One thing that pisses me off about these kinds of situations I get mixed up in is that I don't always make sense of what happens at the time things happen - like the memories are there only after the fact. It creeps me the fuck out.
Kami darou ga akuma darou ga, ore no michi ni tateru mono NASHI!!

Give me internets. Now.

Offline ariasderros

  • Epic Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 2507
  • PM me what you're giving Kudos for please.
    • View Profile
Re: Kuro's Improbable Tales
« Reply #58 on: December 24, 2011, 04:44:30 PM »
The more I hear, the more I'm convinced that you are some kind of superhuman. How is your reaction towards green meteorites?

Never ran into one.

Notice the way he said that people. HE never ran into one. As opposed to the rest of us mortals, meteors don't run into him, he runs into them.

And lets face it Kuroi, you just didn't notice it when you did because the meteor imploded too quickly. Most likely due to your field of awesomeness.
My new Sig
Hi, Welcome

Offline Prime32

  • Over-Underling
  • Retired Admin
  • *****
  • Posts: 2914
    • View Profile
Re: Kuro's Improbable Tales
« Reply #59 on: December 24, 2011, 04:48:18 PM »
One thing that pisses me off about these kinds of situations I get mixed up in is that I don't always make sense of what happens at the time things happen - like the memories are there only after the fact.
In all seriousness, that's generally not a good sign for accuracy.